Flying monkeys, one-winged bats, a cyclops with two eyes, and a ferret with no teeth, what do these have in common? Absolutely nothing. Thank you....and good-night.

So anyways, where did I leave off? Ah yes, Cpt. Kirk found Spock playing his banjo and singing "We Are The Champions". Here we go:

Cpt. Kirk: Spock, I never knew you were a Queen fan.

Spock: How did you know I was a fan of the Queen?

Cpt. Kirk: Which Queen are we talking about?

Spock: The Queen of England.

Cpt. Kirk: Oh. Well I was talking about the rock-band Queen. Anyway, I'm feeling very odd, Spock.

Spock: How so?

Cpt. Kirk: I'm very light-headed, my sight is slightly deceiving, and I find you unusually attractive.

Spock: Well I don't find that surprising.

Cpt. Kirk: No?

Spock: I mean, look at me. I'm gorgeous.

Cpt. Kirk: Yes, and your breathe smells like taffy. (hiccup)

Spock: I'm sorry?

Cpt. Kirk: It's ok.

Spock: No, what did you say?

Cpt. Kirk: I said it's ok.

Spock: No, after that.

Cpt. Kirk: It's ok.

Spock: No, damnit!! Before that, you made a funny noise.

Cpt. Kirk: ( hiccup )

Spock: Yes, that. What does that mean?

Cpt. Kirk: It means 'at ( hiccup ) 'sat ( hiccup ) 'sat....you are so perty.

Spock: Oh, is that some foreign language?

Cpt. Kirk: Yes. It's from the country Getinmybedandcallmeshirley. ( Kirk giggles )

Spock: Captain, you are acting ever so odd. I have never seen you in this sort of condition. Not even in Cancun during the spring of '56. Man, you were totally wasted!!

Cpt. Kirk: ( giggles ) Spock...Spooockkk....Spook....Speee-ockk. You 'ave funny nem.

Spock: Do I, sir?

Cpt. Kirk: Yah, and 'er ears 'er pointy, like a gnome. Hey, hooww come youn 'ever call me by my firss name? Or even sweet cheeks? Huh?

Spock: Because I don't know your first name and your cheeks aren't sweet. They're dry and chaffed, and taste like hamburger.

Cpt. Kirk: How d'you new my cheks taste lliike ham-ber-gerrr? Did ya lick my face wheenn I's sleeeping? ( giggles )

Spock: Well I---no--I mean---well, once. I-I-was going through a confusing time in my life and...I was curious.

Cpt. Kirk: ( Pauses, looks puzzled ) Ya know, I always knewed tha ya werr gaayy.

Spock: Sir, everyone knew. In fact, everyone except your fine-self is gay. Thirty years on this ship has made everyone a bit desperate...and bored.

Cpt. Kirk: I's didn't wan ta know that. But, that exsplains why the janitor is always leaving me pomes on my pilllows. He even pinched my cheeks.

Spock: That explains the chaffing, Captain. The janitor can be quite rough at times.

Cpt. Kirk: Spock, I tinks I'm goin to puke.

Spock: Very well, sir. I will call th---( Kirk pukes on Spock's shoes ). Captain, you puked on my new shoes. ( pauses ) When did you eat cabbage?

Cpt. Kirk: I din' eat cabbage.

Spock: Oh. Sir, there is a miniature umbrella in your vomit.

Cpt. Kirk: Is frum my peenah co-la-ta. ( burps )

Spock: ( grimaces at the caustic stench of the burp ) Ah ha!! That's why you are so ill!! You are intoxicated.

Cpt. Kirk: Wha shoosh I do?

Spock: First, bend over and touch your toes.

Cpt. Kirk: ( touches his toes ) I still feek sick.

Spock: That wasn't supposed to make you feel better. I just wanted to see your bum. The ladies from the second level said you have been working out with the "Buns Of Steel" video you got for Christmas. Let me tell you, it works. ( stares )

Cpt. Kirk: Will you help me feel better?!! My head is starting to throb.

Spock: Of course. Drink this, it's black coffee.

Cpt. Kirk: ( drinks ) Ugh! Well, I'm certainly feeling better than I was before. Now what?