"Oh God – Bert, Cec, thank you so much – where is he – thank you – the parlour? Thank you. Sorry. Yes. Thank you. Goodbye."
"…"
"Jack?"
"…"
"Jack, what happened?"
"…"
"Jack? Talk to me?"
"Nnnng."
"Oh God. Jack, darling. What did they do to you?"
"Nnnn."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Here, let me take off your coat."
"AAAGH"
"SorrySorrySorry I didn't mean to hurt you! I'll be gentle, I promise. Here. This arm out … and this one … there. I'll just pop it on the back of the chair. Is that better?"
"Nnnn."
"Oh, you poor thing. Where on earth have you been? I thought you were at work? I wouldn't have gone to the Green Mill if I'd known."
"Ng"
"Shall I telephone Mac? I'll get Mac. I don't want to touch you in case I damage something."
"Nn"
"What?"
"Nn"
"Is that Nn as in No, or Nn as in Yes?"
"Nn ….ohh"
"That sounded like No."
"Nn"
"Jack?"
"Nn"
"Are you, by any chance … drunk?"
"…"
"Jack"
"Nn"
"I see. So, a swift pint to celebrate your promotion with the lads from City South was perhaps … more than just the one?"
"Nn"
"And in fact, there is nothing wrong with you apart from a surfeit of hard liquor, Detective Chief Inspector Robinson."
"… Nn"
"Right, let's get you to bed. No, not that way, darling, you're in the spare room tonight. I'll bring you a basin in case of emergencies."
*hiccup*
"Shoes off. Well done. Lovely. Trousers … no, NO, hang on, let me lift the covers before you sit down. There. Other foot. Consider yourself undressed, Chief Inspector."
"Nn"
"Jack? Goodnight."
"mmm"
"I love you too. Mr Butler will bring you coffee at seven."
"…"
"I'm there but for the grace of God, Jack, darling. Try not to wake yourself up by snoring."