if i broke your heart last night
summary: it's because i love you most of all.
disclaimer: victorious isn't mine.
warnings: character death, homosexual situations, sex, psychotic reasoning, attempted suicide, and depression. seriously, read at your own risk.
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"you're so pretty."
pretty is not usually a word used to describe a boy, but it's what robbie's mind offers him. pretty. beautiful. extraordinary.
beck's face remains expressionless. when robbie touches his hands, they're cold.
"you're just so pretty."
;;
it's kind of annoying how beck always knows what to say. robbie tells him so.
"why?"
he's smiling – he's always smiling. he's so bright. he shines. robbie tells him so.
"you didn't answer my question." he winks.
"see?" robbie says, leaning up to kiss him on the lips, "you always know what to say."
beck says he was born this way, baby.
;;
"robbierobbierobbie –" beck's frantic gasps of his name are cut short by robbie coming inside of him, making him feel pretty, so fucking pretty –
(is that normal? should he feel like this? is he – is there something wrong with him?)
robbie removes his hands from beck's hips, but his handprints stay there, etched into beck's skin. beck is pulsating with nerves, with ambiguity and liveliness and he grabs robbie's jaw and kisses him and tells him to stay right there, don't move again.
"let's just stay here," robbie proposes, and beck is more than happy to agree.
(is he normal?)
;;
STOP.
robbie blinks tears out of his eyes and beck knocks the container out of his hands. the bottle clatters on the hardwood and the pills spread across the floor, DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN TWO PER DAY.
"what are you doing?" beck cries; he's crying with robbie, and it's pathetic – why are they so pathetic? – "you can't do this – i don't – i can't live without you. i love you, robbie. don't – don't leave me."
"fuck you," robbie says, collapsing into beck's arms with a sob, "this is all your fault."
"robbie – robbie, i'll fix it. it'll be okay."
"i can't look at you anymore," robbie cries into beck's chest, "you're so – you're so perfect."
"you are, too," beck promises, kissing the top of robbie's head, "you're perfect. you're so, so perfect, robbie."
robbie pulls back, staring at beck. he tears his glasses off of his face and throws them to the ground; they shatter at beck's feet.
"i only want you," he says, "no one else can have you."
"no one else will," beck says, and robbie takes this as a promise.
;;
it's on a saturday when robbie gets rid of rex.
he watches the pieces of plastic burn in the fireplace, and beck holds his hand the entire time, whispering comforting things into robbie's ear just like a good boyfriend should.
;;
beck is quiet.
robbie is standing in the doorway, head against the doorframe, watching beck carefully. he's sitting on the bed, staring at his hands. the newspaper is propped on his thigh so carefully that a gust of wind could knock it onto the floor.
robbie waits a moment, then coughs to get his attention.
"she's dead."
two words, eight letters, one statement. the room gets cold, almost unbearably so. robbie's strides are quick, and in no time at all he's sitting next to beck on the bed, his arm around his shoulder, his hand at the base of his neck, playing with his hair.
"she's in a better place."
beck quakes, the strings that were keeping him attached coming loose. robbie is left with a broken doll in his lap, a shell of a person who will exist but forget how to live.
"you don't have to be afraid to put your dreams in action," robbie hums to him, "you're never gonna fade, you'll be the main attraction."
(one down, four to go.)
;;
"isn't it sad?"
they're holding hands, watching as the coffin lowers into the ground.
"it's really sad," beck agrees.
;;
"i did this for us."
beck blinks, looking around the new apartment. he sucks in a breath.
"it's perfect," he says, and something falls into place as something falls out.
;;
they're fucking on the kitchen counter when the phone rings.
they ignore it; at least, until it asks the caller to leave a message and the caller does so.
"b-beck, r-r-robbie. it's cat."
there is a pregnant pause on the line where beck can only here the sound of robbie's deep breathing and the television in the other room. robbie hesitates, poised under beck like a dog, chest rising and falling and his fingers playing with the ring on beck's pinky.
"it's horrible…" cat finally says, choking on something inside of her throat, "jade is – jade is..." cat bursts into loud sobs, unable to finish. robbie imagines her shaking, desperately hoping for someone to pick up the phone. beck bolts from the counter and grabs the phone, putting the receiver to his ear.
"cat!" he says, always trying to make things better, "cat, please – what happened to jade?"
"beck!" robbie hears her gasp out as he makes his way towards the phone, wrapping his arms possessively around beck's waist, "jade's – she's s-sick. she's in the hospital, oh god, beck, they said she might be dying…!"
"it's going to be okay, cat, alright? robbie and i will meet you there. what – what hospital?"
robbie nudges beck's shoulder, "we can't leave," he whispers, looking at beck with the biggest eyes he can muster, "it's dark. we could wreck."
beck pauses to give robbie a look, "i'm sorry, cat – i didn't catch that…cat, are you there? cat?"
"h-hold on, i-i'm getting another call…"
beck waits, holding his breath. robbie blinks, his eyes switching from beck to the phone and back again, a cycle.
"beck!" it's sudden, and it causes both boys to jolt. "she's dead! they just called and she-she's dead, beck! oh my god, what do i – jade's dead! tori's dead, beck everyone – everyone is leaving." cat is hysterical, and robbie imagines her crying as she speaks, shaking, wavering as the world crashes down on her shoulders.
"cat – cat, oh my god, cat…" beck says, his lower lip quivering, "just…we'll be over there, soon, okay? okay?"
"she's dead, beck…"
robbie hands beck his jacket.
(two down)
;;
"don't fucking talk like that!"
robbie's mouth falls open, slightly.
"i'm just being realistic," he says, somehow defensive, "i'm just saying that you should expect the worst. that was her best friend – "
"not everyone is like you, robbie," beck spits, visibly shaken by the night's events. he's clutching the wheel so tightly in his hands that his knuckles are white. his face is pale. "not everyone wants to kill themselves after a bad experience."
robbie immediately clams up.
"robbie – robbie, i didn't mean that." beck pries one of his hands from the wheel and reaches for robbie, who jerks away from his touch, "robbie, i'm sorry. i'm just – i'm worried about cat."
"you shouldn't be."
;;
the service is prettier than tori's simply because black fits jade better.
"she was beautiful," andre finishes.
"i'll miss her so, so much," cat concludes.
"she was my first love; i'll never forget her," is beck's conclusion.
robbie does not speak; he has nothing nice to say.
(someday, i'll let you in, he sings under his breath)
;;
cat moves in with them after beck invites her to, worried that she might get too lonely in her and jade's old apartment.
robbie's and beck's sex life suffers, but socially they prosper.
;;
"robbie," beck whispers, sliding under the covers with him after a night of watching romantic comedies with cat in the living room, "i love you."
robbie nestles into beck's chest, breathing in his scent, "i love you, too."
beck's hands run up and down his arms, and for a night, they forget. they're happy again.
;;
beck is the one who finds cat.
she's in the tub, her wrists opened and dried blood cracking on her arms.
on the mirror, she writes, "i did this for us," and it sends a shiver down beck's spine.
robbie calls the police. robbie tells them what happened.
and robbie cleans the mirror before they show up.
(just two more)
;;
"andre and i are going out for coffee," beck says on sunday morning, "you want to come?"
robbie declines, says he doesn't feel like going out.
when beck leaves, he calls trina, asking where she is. how she is.
"i'm great! we just finished filming my first movie! i'm doing so much more than i thought, and everything is coming together, and i'm just really, really happy…"
"sounds killer," robbie says with a laugh. his tone turns dark, "you know cat and jade died, as well, don't you?"
"oh my god…not…not just tori? that's…that's awful. how?" her voice is shaking over the receiver.
"jade became ill with something. no one knows what. cat committed suicide. and you know about tori's car accident."
"this is so freaky…" trina says, "three people within a month? all from – from freak accidents."
"be careful, you might be next," robbie says. trina silences and robbie chuckles, "i'm kidding. i'm just – i'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation."
"yeah, i…understand."
;;
"…what do you mean you're scared?"
beck is talking in a hushed voice, hunched over on the edge of the bed. he spots robbie as he rounds the corner.
"well, don't worry about it. it's nothing. it's definitely nothing. i'll talk to you later…okay. okay, bye." beck hangs up.
"who was that?" robbie asks, sitting down next to beck, who tenses.
"trina. she was checking in."
"how's andre?" robbie asks, changing the subject, resting a hand on beck's knee. beck appears to relax.
"he's great."
;;
"what the fuck happened?"
;;
"robbie," beck says, throwing his arms around him, "fuck, robbie." robbie feels a warmth spread across his shoulders, and he realizes beck is crying, "andre – andre is gone."
robbie's heart stops. "what do you mean?"
"he – he's missing, robbie." beck bites his knuckle, "i just – i just want to know what's happening…"
"it'll be okay, beck," robbie says, hushing him, clutching the back of beck's shirt in some sort of desperate attempt of staying grounded, "they'll find him."
;;
"there was a letter," beck says, holding a piece of paper in his hands, "he sent us a letter…"
robbie blinks. "what does it say?" he sits down beside beck, so close that their knees touch every time one of them shifts.
"beck, robbie, and trina," beck starts, his voice cracking. robbie pulls the note away, reading it silently.
i can't believe that i did something this rash, but i just couldn't take this anymore. for me, tori was everything, and i don't know how i'll get through this. i used to see a light at the end of the tunnel with jade and cat, but they're gone, too, and i believe these deaths have torn all of us apart. that's why i left. i'm okay – you don't have to worry about me. i just want a fresh start.
from, andre.
robbie smiles.
"robbie?" beck asks, leaning away from him.
"beck," robbie says, setting the note down, "he's fine. he said so."
beck just nods, though he doesn't allow robbie to take his hand when he reaches for it.
(one more to go)
;;
"beck?"
robbie is standing behind the couch where beck is sitting, his eyes glued to the television.
"will you…come to bed?" robbie asks, his voice quaking with something equivalent to fear.
"i'm fine. i'll be there later," beck says. the rejection stings, probably more than it should. "you can go back to sleep. i'm going to finish watching the news, okay?" he turns, just slightly, but it's enough to catch the emotion in beck's eyes. he's tired. depressed, even. most of all, he looks lost, like he's lost the will to go on.
"you have me," robbie says, stepping forward and laying his hand on beck's shoulder, "they're gone, but you have me. and we have each other."
"i-i know," beck murmurs, and after a great hesitation, he reaches up and covers robbie's hand with his own.
;;
"don't you think it's kind of weird?"
beck and robbie are sitting across from each other at the table, eating breakfast in a comfortable silence. beck has barely picked at his food; there's a bite missing from his toast and maybe a quarter of his eggs have been eaten, and he's so fucking hungry, he hasn't eaten properly in weeks, but he can't get himself to finish a meal.
"what's weird?" robbie finishes off his plate with a final bite and stands up to throw his dishes in the sink.
"what happened to all of our friends…don't you think it's weird?"
"it's probably for the best," robbie says, irrationally defensive, before settling his lips into a frown, "i miss them, too, beck."
"trina hasn't answered her phone in the last few days," beck muses, pushing his eggs around on the plate, "do you think…something happened to her, too?"
robbie shrugs his shoulders; cleans the dishes in the sink until they're spotless and then cleans them again.
;;
"you're sick."
"what?" robbie looks up from the magazine he's reading, staring at beck with huge eyes.
"you keep coughing," beck says slowly, softly, carefully, "i think you're getting sick."
"oh." robbie sniffles, "okay."
"do you need to go to the doctor?" beck is behind him all of the sudden, rubbing his shoulders with his thumbs. robbie lets out a breath, feeling the tension in his chest unwind. he leans into beck's touch.
"nah," he says, closing his eyes, "i just need you."
beck kisses the top of his head.
the normalcy is almost tender, but not quite.
;;
"actress trina vega has been found dead in her apartment after a severe fire this morning. police don't yet know the cause, but are working hard to contact friends and family to tell them the horrible news…"
robbie turns off the television.
"sad," he muses.
"yeah," beck says, curled up in the armchair across from robbie, "sad."
(alone at last)
;;
"i know what you're doing," beck says to robbie when he's sure that he's asleep.
robbie lets him think so.
;;
"you killed andre, too, didn't you?" beck asks. it's strange how it comes up, but it's also sudden, and it catches robbie off guard, but he doesn't show it, "you killed all of them."
they're sitting side by side on the couch, their knees and shoulders grazing against each other.
"i did it for us," robbie whispers, reaching for beck's knee. beck jolts away and stands up, facing robbie with a fire in his eyes that robbie was sure had been extinguished, "beck…"
"you killed them. for what, robbie? for what?" beck is yelling, tears leaking from his eyes and robbie stands with him, reaching out to cup his cheek in his hand. beck allows it, even leans into the touch a little.
"for us, beck. i couldn't let them take you anymore. i want you here, never away from me –"
"you've been like this ever since you lost rex," beck says, his breathing heavy, his cheeks hot. a sudden realization seems to hit him – an epiphany, of sorts, "rex was the good side of you, wasn't he?" beck asks, tearing robbie's hand off of him and stepping backwards, "and when you destroyed rex, you destroyed every sane part of you, is that right?"
"beck, please –"
"you're completely insane. i knew – i knew it was you from the moment cat died. because – because – !"
"then why didn't you tell anyone, beck? that makes you just as sick as me."
"i – i loved you, rob. i loved you, and i didn't want to believe it." beck is breathing heavily, his chest and shoulders heaving even though he hasn't done anything that involves much energy. robbie reaches for him again. "what the fuck, robbie? do you really expect me to let you do this?" beck steps back once more as he speaks, trying to see right through him.
"i did this for us, beck! it was for you and me – no one else can come in. i won't let it happen – i can't let you get away from me," robbie yells, his voice reaching a higher octave.
"i'm going to the police – i – i can't be with you. you're crazy."
"you can't leave." robbie reaches for beck again, "i won't let you."
"robbie – robbie, stop! robbie!"
they fall together, a tangle of limbs on the living room floor. glass breaks. clothes rip. everything goes black and reappears in vivid color, so bright it hurts robbie's eyes. then he only sees red.
;;
"you're so pretty."
robbie strokes the side of beck's face, staring into his eyes. they're open. they're open and seeing nothing.
beck is sitting on the couch, blood leaking from the fatal gash on the side of his head, tainting part of his face crimson. robbie kisses beck's lips, and aches for warmth as he pulls away from him. he blinks, stares at beck, who is still just as beautiful and handsome and perfect as before.
beck's face remains expressionless. when robbie touches his hands, they're cold.
"you're just so pretty."
;;
fin.
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a/n: i actually kind of scared myself with this one... please review with more than "so weird" or "scary!" or "i liked it."