It was still and dark within the Jedi Temple Archives on Coruscant. At first glance, no one would have been able to tell that there was someone sitting there in frozen silence before one of the library's holoprojectors. It was only the thin glint of the distant auxiliary lights reflecting off the surface of the tiny holodisk that he twisted between his fingers which might have even indicated his presence.
The figure let out a soft sigh and looked at the holodisk. It was engraved with the writing: TR4-121, and it contained the holorecording that had determined the course of his family's fate. His blue eyes were sombre and perhaps touched with a hint of fear. It had taken him a lot to finally screw up his courage and bring himself to confront the awful truth. But now that he was here, so close, he didn't feel like going through with it. He sighed and tossed the disk onto the table, clasping his hands in front of him and resting his forehead against them as though weary.
I can't do it. I can't bring myself to see it. I don't want to know.
But he knew he had to. If not this day, then some other day, but in the end, he would have to face the events of his past, his family's legacy. Because that was what it meant, belonging to this family.
He closed his eyes and, almost unbidden, recalled the painful conversation he had had to have with his father, earlier that day.
"You need to see it, Ben. You need to know. Or else you will never understand."
"What if I don't want to understand?"
His father had regarded him with that infinitely patient cast of his faded blue eyes.
"It's about family, Ben. You will want to understand."
"No, I don't!"
His father realized all too well that his stubbornness was only a defence mechanism, yet he remained gently persistent. It was time the boy knew. There should be no more secrets kept from him, especially not about his own family.
As he'd reached for his son's shoulder, he'd felt them tense beneath his touch, and then slump ever so slightly. He could not blame him for his trepidation. This would be the final irrefutable step from which there would be no going back. His legacy would lie heavy on him after tonight. Not that he was an innocent, not any more. But once he passed this rite of passage, he would be left completely bereft of even a vestige of hope or assurance in his past. Luke felt terrible forcing him to do this, but it was a bridge he would have to cross at some point in his life, and better sooner than later.
He had offered to come with him, to face it again beside his son if only to offer him support. But that was when pride had kicked in and Ben had refused. He would face this trial alone.
He knew exactly what the disk contained, of course, hence his battle between reluctance and curiosity to view it. It was the Jedi Temple security-cam recording of that fateful night of Operation: Knightfall, the first movement of the Great Jedi Purge, commandeered by his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. It was that irredeemable moment when the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker had finally fallen to the Dark Side and the Sith Lord Darth Vader had risen in his stead. Ben had seen one Sith Lord arise in his lifetime already, he mulled over whether he wanted to revisit the past simply to witness the rise of his predecessor.
The backwards-and-forwards should I-shouldn't I battle raged for a long time in Ben Skywalker's head, but finally, releasing a breath of frustration, he slipped the disk into the projector and punched in the activation code, all in one fluid movement before he would have time to think or stop himself. The plate of the projector glowed translucent and then began to play.
Initially, though, Ben could not see anything apart from the empty gloom of the old Temple's foyer, but gradually he began to comprehend the sound he was hearing through the speaker. It was a rhythmic, dull, monotonous thump, a sound he was, in fact, so accustomed to, that it had failed to register on his hearing. It was the thudding of a legion of boots, marching up the steps of the Temple, preparing to lay siege to those caught within. Ben leaned forward in gruesome anticipation, his heartbeat increasing to match the soldiers' onward progress. A dark shadow began to spread as the marching contingent approached. Heading them was a single tall figure clad completely in black. Without having to see his face, Ben knew he was looking at the fallen Anakin Skywalker. A figure rushed across his field of view, a Jedi who ran up to Anakin and began speaking and gesticulating frantically.
And then it happened. So fast it barely took the length of an eyeblink. His grandfather said something to the Jedi and then he was tumbling at his feet, the glowing end of a blue lightsaber sticking out of one side of his head.
Ben didn't realize he'd leapt to his feet with a yell. But it was only the beginning.
His heart seemed to stop for the rest of the duration of the vid, which appeared to span all eternity.
The thudding of boots continued unabated and now began to approach an arena more familiar to him. The view was now that of the very Archives in which he was sitting. He could almost believe that if he lifted his head he would be able to see the tall figure of his grandfather walking towards him, lightsaber lit, ready to do battle. And it only got worse. He killed with abandon. First an elderly lady with her grey hair in a bun and then a Zabrak Jedi. As the Temples defences began to kick into gear, he went into a frenzy, duelling and slashing at the Jedi defenders, laying waste to the entrance hall and sowing death and destruction everywhere. Ben watched the proceedings, horrified, his hand hovering over his open mouth, his face contorted with grief and sorrow. It was almost as though he could feel the pain and betrayal of the Jedi being mowed down by one of their own.
The holo proceeded. Anakin Skywalker, now Darth Vader, didn't even seem to have qualms cutting down the young Knights and apprentices, barely graduated padawans. He fought a Jedi Master and his young apprentices in a ferocious battle before cutting them down. He even made sure no Jedi aircraft were able to escape. But by far, the worst were the younglings. Watching his grandfather slaughter groups of children, Ben felt his heart stop. He caught a glimpse of one of the terrified little faces looking up helplessly into his grandfather's eyes before he was killed without mercy and thought it looked no different from the faces he himself saw running around the Temple everyday. He didn't realize that his face was awash with tears and his mouth open as though in a perpetual cry of shock, his eyes were rivetted to the scenes of gory massacre being played out in front of him.
At long last, the holo began to draw to a close and as a finale, he watched his Sith predecessor bend the knee to an even greater malevolence, and address him as "Master". The disk played itself out and the projector plate grew dark once more as silence returned to the halls of learning, but in Ben's Skywalker's ears, the screams of terror, the shots of blasterfire and the zinging of one lethal blue bladed lightsaber- the very lightsaber, in fact, that dangled from his belt- felt like they would never abate for as long as he would live. He stood frozen to his spot in the same contorted posture he had adopted while watching the vid, for in his mind's eye it kept replaying itself over and over again. Ben knew this was the stuff of nightmares, the kind you woke up screaming from in the middle of the night, the kind that might haunt you for the rest of your life.
Silent tears continued to stream down his face, but he paid them no heed, his eyes still fixated upon the spot where the holo had disappeared.
"I suppose I must have had such a look on my face when I saw that holo for the first time."
Ben nearly jumped, startled out of his reverie by the soft, rich voice.
An aged figure, outlined in glowing blue now stood next to him, staring at the holoprojector with a sad look in its eyes.
Ben looked at him in anguish, the Force-ghost of his namesake. He hadn't expected him to show up at such a moment. His mouth opened and closed for a few moments until he was finally able to get a few words out.
"H-How am I to-to live with this?"
His voice was husky and dry and when he tried to run a hand through his hair, he found himself trembling violently.
The late Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't reply. He just continued staring at the spot with the same melancholy expression.
Ben looked to him for an answer but realized one was not forthcoming.
"That-that boy..." he tried to begin again, but choked up.
"He-he... He was a father ! How could he?! They-they were children!"
Obi-Wan shook his head slowly.
"Your father hadn't been born yet..."
He noticed Ben's expression quickly change to one of incredulity and hastily amended his statement.
"Not that that's an excuse, of course..."
Ben turned back, anguish filling his soul once more.
"I wish Dad hadn't forced me to see this. I-I...don't know how I'm supposed to handle this now. Knowing and seeing... they're different... ya know?"
Obi-Wan nodded mutely at the young man's silent appeal, then let out a sigh.
"Jacen saw this too, you know. He flow-walked."
As if things couldn't get any worse, this revelation hit Ben like a bolt to the chest.
"What?"
"He wanted justification from his grandfather, I suppose, for the path he himself had chosen."
Ben gawped wordlessly for a few seconds, still trying to assimilate the information.
"And?"
Obi-Wan shrugged.
"He concluded that Anakin had been too selfish, in doing what he'd done. That he was doing better because he had chosen galactic peace over personal attachment."
Ben's head was spinning. He groped blindly for a chair and sank down. For a moment he just sat there, then in a sudden explosion, he slammed his fist onto the table.
"Stupid! So so so... stupid!"
He bunched his hands in his hair.
The blue figure of Obi-Wan simply hovered, waiting.
"How- how could Jacen- How could Grandfather.. be so... so stupid?"
He looked up.
"That," he continued, pointing a still shaky finger at where the holovid had been playing, "was wrong."
He waved his hand at Obi-Wan dismissively.
"And don't come up with any of your 'certain point of view' stuff. Some things are just wrong. That," he pointed again," was wrong. Jacen attacking the Academy was wrong. You don't need to be Master Yoda to see that!"
Obi-Wan gave an ironic smile.
"Unfortunately, Ben, not everyone's moral compass is as finely tuned as yours."
Ben shook his head, then bent down and fumbled with something.
""He did it with this," he commented, bringing up his lightsaber and looking at it sadly.
"And I carry it. I treasure it!"
He twisted it over and over in his hands, as though unable to believe such a handsome weapon could have perpetrated such cruel treachery. He laid it down and watched it roll to the farthest end of the table then leaned his forehead against his hand.
"What a legacy. First my grandfather, then my brother..."
"And your father."
Ben looked at the old Jedi Master in surprise.
"What?"
"Your father's legacy is yours to bear as well. And in my opinion, it need be the only one you should be worried about."
Ben's brows creased in confusion.
"I-I'm sorry, I don't understand, Master. They- they were my blood..."
Obi-Wan nodded sagely.
"Yes. Blood. Something you could not help. But blood only counts for so much, Ben. In the end, it is our choices that make us who we are. We are who we choose to be."
Ben's frown deepened.
"But-but... I cannot deny them, Master..."
"But you need not carry the burden for their mistakes."
Ben looked away, fidgeting on the table uncomfortably.
"I am a Skywalker. They are also part of who I am."
"Your father is a Skywalker too. You were the one telling me just now that there are some things that are just wrong. That are unjustifiable. Well, that's your father in you talking. Ben, the path you follow must be of your own choosing. The Force will help you, but it cannot dictate to you. Your father didn't fall to the Dark Side even though his father had. There's no guarantee that you will either just because your cousin did. They both made terrible mistakes, choices that ended in damnation, but the way you've reacted to this tells me that you're willing to learn from those mistakes and never repeat them. Your legacy need not be a crutch. Let it be a guide. Yes, what your predecessors have done have been wrong, but as long as you do not follow their example, you have nothing to be ashamed of."
Ben sat quietly, listening until Obi-Wan finished, then he nodded.
"I suppose you're right," he said softly, "but it hurts. I mean, I would never, never do something like that and... to see someone else cause so much pain, someone you loved..."
Obi-Wan smiled benevolently at him.
"I'm glad to hear you say that, Ben. It shows that you know your heart. Compassion is the form of love all Jedi must encourage and to see such compassion in you...Well, I'm proud to see that you won't be making the decisions they did."
Conversation having petered out, the two Jedi shared the silence for a little while longer until Obi-Wan felt it was time he took his leave. Laying an ethereal hand on the young man's shoulder, he said,
"Go home, Ben. I think you've had enough lessons for one night."
For the first time that night, Ben attempted a tremulous smile.
"I will, Master. I just need a little time to think."
Obi-Wan nodded and slowly faded out as Ben raised a hand in farewell.
He let himself in quietly, and seeing no one waiting up for him, figured his father had retired to bed.
He walked over to the large window in his bedroom and stood, unseeing, before it, letting all the events of the night churn through his head.
There was a soft knock on his door. Ben closed his eyes and sighed. He should have known.
"Come in," he called.
Luke Skywalker walked in, his feet making no sound on the floor and looked expectantly at the tall, rigid figure of his son.
"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said at last.
Ben didn't say anything, pausing to collect his thoughts before he turned around.
"I understand now why you made me."
Luke raised an eyebrow but went and sat on the bed.
Ben continued staring sightlessly out the window, not turning to face his father waiting for his response.
"Do you think he could have been stopped? From falling? From- from doing all- all that?"
Luke's eyes dimmed and he looked away.
"Perhaps. I don't suppose we will ever know."
Ben clenched his eyes shut, stopping the few tears that had brimmed in them from falling.
"It- it makes me feel so helpless, you know?"
He finally turned to face his dad.
"And I want to be angry with him, but... I can't!"
His father said simply,
"Oh?"
Ben clenched and unclenched his fists.
"Yes! I mean, I want to run to him and I want to shake him really hard, but... I-I don't want to fight him. I want to tell him 'Don't do this! If you do, all that you fear will truly come to pass! You will make it happen! Palpatine is your enemy! He's feeding you lies! Please! Don't give in to madness!'"
His chest was heaving after his outburst. Luke kept looking at him, encouraging him to let it out.
"What do you think the future, our time, would be like then, Dad? Do you think we'd still have so much war?"
His father gave a small smile and reached for him.
"Oh Ben. Even I cannot see that!"
Ben came over to sit beside him.
"What does your heart tell you?"
Ben looked sad.
"That Grandfather had it in him to be a better man."
"A wiser man. But maybe that's come after him."
He looked up to his father curiously. He was smiling at him with a familiar proud twinkle in his eye.
"Your legacy doesn't come from your bloodline alone, you know. I gave you another one when you were born."
The younger man looked puzzled.
"Your name, Ben. For Obi-Wan 'Ben' Kenobi. I see them both in you, my son. Your grandfather's courage and Obi-Wan's wisdom and an even larger heart than the young boy Jacen Solo used to be once had."
Luke Skywalker nodded his greying head, almost as though he was seeing through his son.
"A great Jedi you will be. Yes, a very great Jedi."
Ben blinked twice, slightly startled by his father's reverie.
"No greater than the man who made me, Father."
Luke rose to his feet and looked at his son meaningfully.
"Your time will come."
Ben pondered his words after he'd left and unconsciously, squared his shoulders. Yes, his time would come. He too would stare darkness in the face. But this he solemnly swore, to himself and the generations to come after him, he would not fall.
[A/N: Got this idea from a review on one of my other stories and then I was watching RoTS so the angst came pouring out! Let me know what you think!]