For Dostmother-knowyou on Tumblr.

'Saying goodbye to someone that you may never see again is something I don't think anyone could describe with words, there's nothing that will match the emotions you have when you're with them that last night, when you're holding them one last time or that last time you may ever see them smile. If I could try to identify the feeling, there's only one word that can do it justice, and that's emptiness.

Even though you may be with them right now, nothing really helps, when you know that these moments won't last. That feeling in your chest does not recede. So you're stuck feeling hollow, but you attempt to keep that smile on your face.

That's what I was trying to do, for Pewds. Though I can sense that he see's through my bullshit. He's always been able to do that, despite my efforts to make myself cheery. Kinda hard to do when you know you're going to be flown across the world to Iraq once daylight breaks.

"Don't go."

My hand running along his back pauses for the shortest moment when I hear the way his voice cracks. I've lost count as to how many times he's asked me, no, begged me not to leave. But the way he just said it…

He's not making this any fucking easier for me.

And the only response I can give him now, is to just pull him closer to me, to wrap my arms more tightly around him.

We both knew that this day would come. Pewdie knows that I need the money and that this was my only option, I wasn't thrilled on the idea of it either and Pewds made damn sure to let me know he wasn't too.

He tried, in many ways to convince me that there were other ways to help me financially and that signing up for the military was not one of them. I tried though, I've tried everything that he's suggested. But the money I needed wasn't enough to support my mother in hospital and he knew it too.

I feel his lips trailing gentle kisses along my collarbone and I let out a shaky sigh at the feeling, knowing that this may be the last time we'll ever be able to touch, and all I can do his lift his chin up with my hand, capture his mouth against my own and breath him in, savour the taste of him. I just don't want the sun to come up today.

Pewdie's hands are quivering against my neck, I also notice the tightness of his lips and I soon realize that he's trying to compose himself, keeping himself from breaking down.

When I begin to pull away, Pewds only moves in closer and he pushes me on my back andkisses me more desperately and urgently. That painful feeling in my chest comes rushing to me full force, but I ignore it, I only keep moving my lips against Pewds and hold him closer to me.

That is, until he lets go and moves away from me with a grunt. "Fuck."

"Pewds…" I watch him sit up, hunched over with his palms covering his eyes.

"I knew this was going to be hard, every goddamm day has been hard for the past six months." His voice cracked, "But now that we're here, now that this day has actually come, this… this is just… fuck, man."

I reached my hand out and grabbed his hip, pulling him down beside me. He complied willingly, lying back down and facing me with a broken expression.

My brows pinched together. "I'll write to you. When ever I can, I'll write to you." I tried to assure him, I knew it wouldn't do much, he's heard me say this to him countless times before.

"I know." He whispered.

I stared at him for a moment, frowning at his downcast eyes. I didn't like seeing him look so distressed, it's just not the way pewdie is.

I brought my hand to his face, my fingers tracing his lips. "Smile for me, Pewds."

He scoffed and brought his eyes up to meet mine, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Hard to do at the moment."

I rubbed my thumb back and forth against his cheek, "I don't want these moments to be remembered as sad ones," I mumbled, feeling tired but I was resisting the urge to sleep. "I want to remember you smiling and laughing, y'know?"

He punched me lightly on the stomach. "If you tell me to 'suck it up' I'll kick you in the balls." He threatened weakly.

I grinned, "I won't mind so much if you do it softly."

Pewdie snorted. "That doesn't even make sense, you can't softly kick someone in the balls."

Letting my hand fall from his cheek, I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him to my chest. "You can with me. I'm trying to be sexual here."

I felt him huff against my neck, "You suck at being sexual."

"I was born sexual."

Pewds chuckled, his body shaking against me as he mumbled, "Whatever, bro."

I smiled, and lifted my eyes over to the bedside table, looking at the illuminating red colours of the alarm clock. Five Forty-Seven AM. My heart constricted and I instinctively tightened my hold on Pewdie's waist.

It didn't go unnoticed by Pewds. "How much longer?" He asked softly.

I tore my eyes away from the time when it hit Five Forty-Eight. "An hour and Twelve minutes." I whispered, feeling my throat tighten.

Pewds moved away from my hold and rolled onto his back, his hand tugged at my arm, pulling me towards him. I followed suit and arranged myself against him, lying my head against his bare chest while his fingers traced random patterns along my back.

"It's okay," He soothed, "when you get back, we'll have all the time we want."

I wondered why he was the one trying to make me feel better. It wasn't until I felt moisture against Pewdie's chest that I realized I was crying.

Well, fuck.

"Sorry." I mumbled, lifting my head up to wipe the tears from my cheeks and his chest.

I heard him whisper something, and It was said so quietly that I almost missed it.

When I looked up, I was grateful that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, or I may have missed his taught lips and watery eyes. "Fuck, Pewds, no." I choked, feeling angry at myself for letting my emotions get the best of me. I'd told myself that I'd keep a strong front for him. Goddammit it all.

I shuffled further up until my forehead rested against his.

He reached up and gripped on my shoulders tightly. "Shit." His voice shook.

I quickly kissed his lips. "We gotta man up." I told him, trying to lighten the mood in some way.

"You started it, asshole." His voiced cracked. "Look what you've done." He scolded.

I gave him a teary smile when I heard him chuckling. "Your womanly traits have turned me into a sap." I kissed his lips once more before I laid my head against the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent.

Pewdie's arms wrap around my shoulders, "What?" He sniffled.

I smiled. "You cook, you clean the kitchen and sometimes I catch you listening to Taylor Swi-"

"Hey, hey! Who got fucked up the ass not even an hour ago?"

"Who did I pound this morning? And the day before that and the day be-"

Pewds spluttered. "Shut the fuck up, Cry."

I chuckled softly and kissed his neck.

Neither of us said much after that. We just stayed in each others arms and relished the small amount of time we had left by talking, touching, kissing and all the things we both needed to hear to make each other feel comforted.

I'm relieved to say that during those last moments, we were happy and we made sure to keep it so, until the break of dawn came.

Which of course, came much sooner then I wished. And that indescribable feeling came towering down on me once my alarm went off, indicating that it was time to say our goodbyes.

My heart constricted and Pewdie's hands were clinging to my arms for dear life.

But I had to let him go.

It was a heartbreaking process, having to get out of bed, get changed and then place my gear all ready by the door.

My taxi was waiting outside.

We both stood at the entrance, staring at one another in silence, and right then, all I could think was, how lucky I am to know that he's the one I'll be coming back to once this is over. I knew that no matter what happened, we'd be okay. I really believed that.

Pewds reached out to grab my face and gave me a small kiss, "Jag kommer att sakna dig som faen." He mumbled.

"English, Pewds." I smiled against his lips, kissing him once more.

He let out a shaky breath when we separated. "Jag älskar dig."

That one, I knew well.

"I love you too." I murmured back.

I grabbed for the door handle and walked out. But before I closed the door, the last thing I got to see was Pewdie's smile and for a moment, that emptiness went away and all I knew that everything would be okay.

Because I have him.'

"Fuck."

I stared at the note in my hand, trying to blink back the tears so that I could try and read the rest.

Only one last section. I could do this.

I wiped at my eyes, cursing when a tear fell onto the paper.

I took a deep breath and read on.

"Pewds,

Ah, you're definitely right, I am a sap.

But these last moments we had together has kept me going, has helped me through everything discouraging that I've experienced here. And so I wrote down our last night together for myself when I was in need of hope. You're my hope, Pewds. You know this and I want you to remember this too.

I dunno, I just figured you might like to read it from my end, y'know?

I'll be home in three more weeks.

I love you.

Always.

Cry."

With a shaky hand, I carefully placed the letter on the coffee table.

Right next to the one I received from the President, giving me his condolences for my loss.

Cry had died the day he wrote my letter.

—-

Swedish Translation:

"I'm gonna fucking miss you."= Jag kommer att sakna dig som faen.

"I love you."= Jag älskar dig

(Thank you sivmerete for doing the translation for me :])

I'm sorry it's so short.

I just couldn't get this idea out of my head.

I hope you like it? jfhsdjakfhskhf

It was sorta inspired by Maroon5 Daylight. I kjdalsdjl had to write it.

I did it really quickly so it's probably rushed and EH. I'm sorry if it sucks D: I'm actually not happy with how it turned out. I haven't written anything since early January so I feel rusty and yeah. I need to write more. Don't worry, i'm working on some fics for a friend on tumblr. So hopefully there'll be more.

Also, quick question. I've been writing 'Snund' SnakexScott fics... should I post those? Do any of you ship them? I just wanted to know whether or not it would be a waste of time posting them on here |D

Ah, I'll stop talking now. Bye! *Brofist*