Sunshine

by Coldcasefan2009

Lilly & Scotty have 5 children, it's their second daughter Abbi that's the problem. Sorry it's so long. please read and review :)

Sunshine

I did this a while ago a few years ago actually, it took me 3 months to compete. I hope you enjoy it :)

Mother – Lilly Rush

Father – Scotty Valens

First child – Joshua Daniel Rush-Valens

Second child – Gracie Olivia Rush-Valens

Third Child – Abigail Kathryn Rush-Valens

Forth child – Cassie Rose Rush-Valens

Fifth child – Esther Louise Rush-Valens

The year is June 23rd 2006

Why are you not in school? Lilly asked

Because it's only American History Gracie replied

Grace you have to go to school and you want your diploma if you want you to get into college

What if I don't wanna go to college?

Come on Gracie…

Lil, Grace has gone. Lindsay said

Gone where?

She's not in school

Crap!

You stay where you are. You're in big trouble

Don't you realize how worried I was? God, Grace I thought you'd been hurt.

That night Lilly arrived home with Kite (a cop she had a thing for)

The DA is really getting hot up about this Kendall case.

That's his problem. She yawned as it was 1 in the morning.

If he wants to send me off I don't mind.

For what? She asked as she thought 'He's gonna leave me like every man I've loved.'

For associating with the trouble maker. He said smiling as he went to kiss her.

They were about to kiss when there was a knock at the door.

Your dealer? Kite joked as he looked at his watch as it showed 1.15 in the morning. Lilly smiled.

Who is it? Lilly sighed

It's me. Esther said

What do you want? Lilly asked as she looked at Kite

Abbi's gone.

She went to the door.

Gone where?

I don't know. But I'm really worried mom! What if she's hurt?

She turned to Kite.

I'll be 5 minutes.

At 3 in the morning. Kite came out.

Kite…

You're busy. You're busy so I'll see you tomorrow.

At 6 in the morning Abbi sneaked in unbeknown to her that Lilly was already up.

Where have you been?

Oh crap!

I met up with Phoebe alright? She said turning to face her mom.

You're 13! What have I said about Phoebe? She laughed as her face dropped.

Mom! She moaned.

Later that day Lilly met Kite in a café

I'm really sorry.

Yeah. yeah me too. What happened with your kid?

Oh, she came home this morning.

You got a funny definition of 5 minutes.

It was my kid Kite. You know how she is.

Yeah your kid. Your kid. That's always gonna be the thing.

What does that mean?!

Lilly. You wanna save your kid at three in the morning. That's great. God bless.

You don't know what it's like to have a child so screwed up she doesn't know what the following morning is gonna bring! She said as her eyes filled up.

It's just who you are. And I admire it. I do.

But uh, I don't wanna live like that. I'm sorry.

Aww! :( Poor Lilly! How dare Kite say that! She doesn't need him!

A year later (September 10th 2007)

What do you mean Abbi's suspended again?

Let's pause for a minute. Abbi is 14 and their second daughter and third child, she is a double of Lilly even her teeth are the same! The only thing she has of Scotty is his temper and she has long blonde hair but no fringe and plays in a band as lead guitarist and singer and inspires to be a musician. And she is a fantastic dancer as Lilly enrolled her in dance and singing class when she was 3. And she has been suspended once before. Oh dear! :(

You didn't know? His face dropped

Does it look like I know?

Scotty, what the hell are you on about?

The next morning Lilly and Scotty went to see Abbi's teacher, Mrs Morgan - Cassie and Esther are also in the same class as their big sister.

So this is where our girls work then? Scotty asked

If one of our girls actually did work we wouldn't be here Scotty. She said as she looked at Abbi's desk which had doodles on it.

The teacher gives Lilly a paper that Abbi had to write for English. Lilly reads out aloud. My Mom and Dad. By Abigail Kathryn Rush-Valens. She is shocked by what her daughter has written that she stops halfway though then she looks at Scotty.

Look what she's put.

She passes it to Scotty. She waits for his reaction. His face drops and his eyebrows form a frown as he reads it out aloud. My moms name is Lillian Rush but goes by Lilly. She's the best; there is always food on the table, a roof over our heads and clothes on our back. She's been there since my so called father Scotty Valens left us when I was six. She does everything for us. I couldn't wish for a better mom. Although we see my father every weekend, he's not been there when we needed him to comfort mom when we would find her crying because she found it really hard bringing up five children on her own- my 3 sisters and brother. All mom wanted was support from the father of her children, and he couldn't even do that. He's a coward. And for that reason I have no 'father' as a father would not do that. He pauses as his pride is hurt as he knows how his little girl feels about him.

Abbi is a good girl mrs morgan said

you don't know the half of it Lilly thought

Abbi does tend to lose concentration and starts doodling and writing notes. This is very distracting to the rest of the class.

Don't you worry she'll work hard. I'll make sure of it.

This is not the first time I've had to have words with her.

I'll make sure she understands what she's done (thinks) Abbi won't know what's hit her when she gets home.

Back Home in Abbi's room

You wanna tell me why you're suspended? For a second time? Again? And why I had to find out from your father?

Because I said the lesson was crap. And it was. Abbi said as she raised her eyebrows And I knew you'd react like this. She frowned.

Do you think I'm stupid Abigail?

Do you really want me to answer that?

Don't push it. Why are you suspended?

Because I put gum on Mrs Morgan's chair. She smiled. And she is out to get me. She frowned.

Abbi if you get suspended for a third time, you get expelled! Expelled means no graduation and a permanent record! Am I getting through to you? Want me to carry on?!

Whatever. Abbi rolled her eyes as she frowned

I am so sick and tired of your crap! You're grounded for 3 months.

Mom!

Don't 'mom!' me! You misbehaved in school, against your teacher. You have to deal with the consequences. And that paper you wrote? That really hurt your dad.

Yeah well he deserved it.

Excuse me?

If you hadn't sent him packing I wouldn't be like this!

He was the one that chose to leave! I stayed and don't you dare blame me for the way you've turned out!

It wasn't my fault what happened in school.

If it wasn't your fault Abbi, why did your teacher clearly state your name?

Weren't you listening? She has it out for me! What are you? Deaf?

I beg your pardon?! How dare you talk to me like that!

(Abbi rolled her eyes)

We are going to have a long talk about your behaviour.

Whatever.

If you don't change your attitude, me and you are going to seriously fall out big time.

Abbi looked at her, her eyebrows formed a frown as she looked away.

One of these days your attitude will get you in a lot of trouble.

Like I care.

Lilly bit her tongue as she wanted to really smack her daughter. You're just like your father!

I am nothing like him! Abbi spat as she turned to look at Lilly.

I'll call you down for dinner. Until then you stay here.

(Lilly went out she heard something being thrown at the door, she opened the door, Abbi threw a book at her but it missed)

Get out! Abbi snarled as she screwed her face up

Pick up this mess.

GET OUT!

(Lilly gave her the 'look' and went out, Abbi continued to chuck things at the door)

The next day at work Scotty and Lilly talk about their daughter.

I can't believe she wrote that.

She's been dealt with.

So what's up? He asked even though he was still hurting

I'm sick of her lying to me. Where the hell did I go wrong?

Maybe I shouldn't of left. I just needed to get out, I mean with a screaming 8 year

Old (Gracie), a wild 6 year old (Abbi), a crazy 4 year old (Cassie) and a hyperactive 2 year old (Esther)…..the only sane child was Josh.

She blames me for you leaving and the way she's turned out.

What?

Abbi was right in what she wrote. With four girls, it was hard. I remember once Cassie came crying because Gracie had took her doll away from her, I had Abbi tugging at me because she wanted some potato chips, and I was trying to sort Esther out. Is it any wonder why Josh is my favourite? For a 10 year old he helped me a lot. He would help to feed Esther coz she always missed her mouth….I needed you there Scotty.

Want me to have a word with Abbi?

Scotty she'll talk you out of whatever punishment you give her. You know what she's like.

She's my kid as well Lil.

I've told her what's what. She knows what'll happen if she steps out of line. Lilly bit her tongue. She was really annoyed that he of all people had the nerve think he had no responsibility towards his children.

Back home Lilly slammed the front door because she was furious with Scotty and the way he was acting. She went in Abbi and Esther's room (beware as it's mostly Abbi's)

to get her dirty clothes, she opened one of her drawers because there was a dirty sock hanging out, she picked it up and out fell a little bag of white powder. She went downstairs, made herself a coffee, put the little bag on the table, she put her hands together on the table and sat in the chair facing the front door, Abbi came in. (I would not want to be Abbi right now)

Hey mom! Abbi smiled, she stopped smiling as she saw a bag of what looked like sugar. She looked at her mom.

What's that?

You tell me. Are you dealing?

Of course I'm not! I'm not stupid! She said as she leant up to get a bag of cookies from the top cupboard and poured herself a glass of milk.

mmm. That's funny. Looking at her daughter as she sat opposite her. Because I found them in your drawer.

(Pointing to the bag of coke)

They ain't mine. (Looking at the bag then looked at Lilly.)

And you went in my room? She asked with her mouth full of cookie.

I hope not. And don't talk with your mouth full, it's rude.

The next day Lilly goes to her daughters' school

I found these. Abbi swears they're not hers. Do you know of any student who is dealing here?

I saw her with a couple of lads on Wednesday and when I went to inspect they were very jumpy. Especially Abbi.

When Lilly returns home…..

Who were those boys you were with on Wednesday?

I don't what you're talking about!

You do know what I'm talking about! So sit down.

Tell me.

They asked me to keep them.

Who's 'They'?

Brent and Jake Carlson.

Abigail, if you get into drugs all sorts can happen!

I am not into drugs! How many times do I gotta tell ya?!

Why were you with them then?!

I told you!

'They asked me to keep them.' is not an answer Abbi!

You are annoying me now! You don't trust me! You never have!

Who do you think you are talking to?

You but….

You had better go before I do something I might regret!

Mom….

Lilly looked at her

Abbi sighed and left

I wish dad had taken me with him when he left! You're a cow and I hate you! She shouted as she ran upstairs.

And another thing! You are not going to your prom, so you can take that dress back to the shop! Lilly called up the stairs. Her arms folded as she waited. Abbi appeared at the top of the stairs her right hand on her hip.

That ain't fair.

Life isn't fair Sunshine.

Mom! I spent ages choosing the perfect dress! She said as she threw her arms in the air.

Tough! That dress had better be gone by the time I get back from work tomorrow or I will take it myself.

I hate you! I wish you weren't my mom! She shouted as Lilly walked away

That can be arranged! Lilly called back as she heard Abbi's door being slammed shut and music blasting through the ceiling.

5 hours later

I'm sorry for what I said mom. I shouldn't have said it. Abbi looked at Lilly though crocodile tears, thinking and hoping Lilly would fall for it.

You must think I'm stupid. I did my best for you girls without the help of your father and this is how you repay me? Giving me a load of crap?

What about Josh?

This is not about Josh. If I find that you are lying to me ….. Lilly said sternly.

I'm not lying alright? Abbi said as she knew her mom had been a cop for over 15 years and she knew if someone was lying.

The next day there is a knock at the door

Are you Lilly Rush?

Who's asking?

Mark Phillips NYPD

Can I come in?

I don't think so.

Do you really want to do this on the door?

What's this about?

I'm looking for one of your daughters…uh…he said opening his little black book Abigail Rush? He said looking up as he closed his book.

What about her?

I have reason to believe she is dealing in drugs. Can I come in?

(sighs) come in.

So where's your kid?

She's in school. Like all 14 year olds should be.

Shouldn't you be in work?

It's my day off. What's it to you?

(He looked at a family photo of her and her kids) you don't look like someone who has had five kids.

Your point?

Just saying.

I think you should go.

Okay.

When she comes back give me a call.

I know what I gotta do. Lilly said as she could feel her blood boiling inside.

When Abbi returned home (uh-oh)

You lied to me.

Not this again.

Yes this again!

I didn't….lie I just…extended the truth…

How long?

(Sighs) 3 weeks.

How many times have we been through this? I've told you a million times Abbi. Drugs won't only kill you they do all sorts!

When will you get it through your head?! Drugs are dangerous!

The next night Lilly called Scotty. Even though she was still furious with him he was still the father of her children and he deserved to know what was going on with their third child.

You alright?

It's Abbi…Lilly sighed as she tried to keep her voice from wobbling.

Where is she?

New York PD

What?

What the hell is going on with her?!

She's dealing drugs.

Now I know it looks like 'Daddy ain't bothered, he has his own life why should he be concerned about his child? Daddy did his bit.' But deep down Scotty aches for his child but doesn't realize how much Abbi has been affected when he walked out 10 years ago.

What?! He said as he tried not to let his emotions show. For how long?

3 weeks. I've got to go and get her.

I'm coming. He said forcing back his tears.

No Scotty. Josh is. Would you have Esther and Cassie?

Sure. He swallowed. What about Gracie?

She's at Dan's.

So what do we do? He said worriedly.

I don't know…..

I'll talk to her tomorrow...

You'll 'talk' to her? Where have you been when she needed you most? Huh? She looked at him. He just stood there not knowing how to comfort the mother of his child because he felt guilty for not being there for them, but at the same time, the thought of responsibility and being a daddy still frightened him. Scotty our baby is a drug addict….

Right I better go. He said as he tried to come to terms of what Lilly had just told him.

What is going on with our girl?

She shrugged

Don't worry we'll help her ok?

Okay.

And you tell her that I want a word with her.

I will. But go easy on her.

How's that feeling? She asked looking at his hand because it was cut because he'd punched a wall because he was upset by what Abbi had wrote.

It's killing me.

They exchanged smiles.

Night.

Night.

Lilly and Scotty go to Abbi's school to see the principal Mrs Olsen.

Hi Mrs Olsen.

Hello Miss Rush.

This is Scotty Valens Abigail's Father.

Abigail has been dealing drugs. As you know drugs are illegal and against school policy. Now I've expelled the other two involved.

Brent and Jake Carlson?

She nodded. I will give Abigail one more chance. Because she is a good student here at Philadelphia high school.

Thank you.

But if she does one more thing that's against school policy then I will have no choice but to expel her.

So we'll have to find another school?

Shut up Scotty. She thought. She's going to Rehab for six weeks. She told the principal.

Then she will still have a place here.

Ok thank you Mrs. Olsen.

They went.

Abbi is in Rehab just as Lilly said. Lilly comes the next day, she sees Abbi in a chair by the window drawing – another thing she does when she's scared, Lilly sees seven year old Abbi.

So are they looking after you?

Suppose so.

You know that we love you don't ya?

Whatever…..I have to be here on my own….it's lonely mom

It's only for 6 weeks sweetie.

One good thing you don't have Esther coming into your bed because she had a nightmare.

(Abbi smiled Lilly smiled back)

You keep your chin up right?

I'll try

Ok baby

The next day at work, Lilly is annoyed about the way Scotty treats their second daughter, third child (uh-oh watch out. She is not happy! □)

I'm tellin' ya Lil It's for her own good.

How would you like it?! She snapped

Alright Lil! You took an extra shot of hormonal pills today? He joked

It's bad enough she's in there all alone without you bringing her down! She shouted

I was only saying.

Yeah well don't just say!

Lil…

You know it's no wonder she doesn't like you very much. She said without thinking

What? She doesn't like me? Why? He said hurt

Maybe it was because her daddy left when she was six! Leaving her mommy to pick up the pieces! You know my dad did exactly the same to me when I was her age! When we first met I asked you what you wanted. I was 20 and you were 15 when I fell pregnant with Joshua, you were over the moon. Same with Gracie when you were 18. Then I told you that I was pregnant for a third time when you were 20 you were happier then ever. I remember when Abbi was born you said you were never going to leave. And then when I fell pregnant 2 more times after that you couldn't believe your luck that you were a father of five at 24. I was 29 and bringing up five kids tired me out. But when Abbi was 3 years old, you got bored of her; you spent more time with the others. Remember when she came up to you in her ballerina outfit because she wanted to show you her new dance she had learnt in dance class that day? I could have sent you packing right there and then. Do you remember what you said? 'I'm busy watching my programme right now. Show me later.' You moved her out of the way because she was stood in front of the TV. And when she started to whine, remember what you did? You held her arm smacked her so hard on her backside that her screams were piercing and then you shouted at her, what was it? Oh yeah, 'I told you I am watching my programme show me later!' She ran up to her room and she cried her little eyes out! She didn't know what she had done to make you so angry at her! She was a three year old little girl Scotty! I felt like asking you what the hell you thought you were doing, but I didn't because our children were in the room. When you left I was a 30 year old single mother of five. Good job I had Josh. When we had the kids you promised me you wouldn't put us through what I went through! Your mom ever forget to feed you because she was smashed out of her head most of the time because she'd be in the bar? No? Mine did. She didn't give a damn about me and my sister being in that mess we called home all night, all she cared about was when she would be able get the next beer down her neck! She shouted as her eyes filled up. You know, I had to read The Velveteen Rabbit to Abbi every single damn night for two years because she would wake up crying. Now The Velveteen Rabbit was Lilly's favourite book as a child. She would get her own mother to read it a million times to her when she would wake up crying. She loved you so much. She looked up to you. Then all of a sudden her daddy, the man she had so much love for had just walked out of her life. She said as she put her bottom lip out a tiny bit and did a little wave of her hand. She said to me the night after you went 'Does daddy hate me?' She thought you left because of her. She thought because she played up the night before you left it was her fault. Remember January 28th when it was her 10th birthday you phoned and told her you were taking her to the park and told her to be ready because you were coming at 10 and you were going to spend the whole day together? Yeah? She got up at 7am, got washed and dressed had her breakfast got her coat and shoes on and stood by that window and waited for her daddy to come and get her. She said as she pointed away from her. By 11.00am she turned to me and said 'I think dad has forgotten me'

Lilly said remembering her daughter's face that day as her voice started to break and her eyes filled up even more. You broke that little girl's heart! She came home crying from school the next day after you'd gone because she'd been bullied. When I asked her what was wrong she said 'Misty said I'm poor and ugly now my dad left!' I have never stopped you seeing our kids when you left. She sniffed as she shook her head. You had every opportunity to see them! And you wonder why Abbi is hurting? Every day for 10 years she still thinks it's her fault! It's scarred her for life! How could you do that to a little girl? You knew how sensitive she was! When she was 8 she learnt how to ride a bike for the first time. She was so proud that she could ride. She smiled as she remembered Abbi's face when she finally could ride. 'Look mommy! I'm doing it! I'm doing it!' Abbi's words echoed in Lilly's head.

You missed the best years of her life. Every morning she would ask 'Is dad coming today? I want to show him my new bike' or 'I want to show him this.' When she was seven? She smiled I would take her to the park and we would play chess. Huh! She was always the white. And she beat me every damn time! She laughed. How could you put me through that again Scotty? But most of all how could you put our baby though that? Her voice nearly breaking as she came back to reality.

Lil…you taught her how to play chess?

I was taught by the man who left me.

Your dad?

She nodded as tears came to her eyes.

It was your birthday as well. Lilly was born January 28th 1969 , Scotty was born 15th April 1974. Joshua was born 12 June 1989, Gracie was born 5th May 1990, Abbi was born January 28th 1992, Cassie was born 6th August 1994 and Esther was born 8th October 1996.

Great birthday that was! All I wanted was our girl to have a great 10th birthday with her dad. You know what? I don't know what I ever saw in you. You get anywhere with the case buzz me. I got to be someplace.

Where?

To see our daughter! Or have you forgotten who she is? She said as she walked away from him

Which one? He joked

She stopped to look at him. That is not funny Valens. I don't know why I chose you to be the father of my children. It's time you grew up and started living up to your responsibility and be a father! She said as she walked off, her heels echoed with every step she made.

Lilly arrived at the Rehab centre. It's been 5 weeks since Lil put Abbi in Rehab. She caught her breath as she saw her sat in a chair in the rehab lounge drawing. This time she wasn't scared. She went over to her.

Hey Sunshine. She smiled

Mom! She said excitedly as she stood up and gave her mom a big hug.

How's it going?

Ok I guess. She said as they sat down.

What you drawing? She asked

Oh nothin' really. She showed her the drawing of her in her band and her mom cheering her on. Lilly smiled

Hey I get out of here in a week! Her eyes sparkled as she excitedly told her mom.

Lilly smiled as she felt hurt about what Scotty did to Abbi all those years ago but most because her sunshine had been reduced to be like a child.

The next day at work, Lilly got a letter from the Rehab centre, as she started to read though it her eyebrows formed a frown.

Hey Rush! There's something for you. I don't believe this….

It's about your kid Nick said Tell the boss I'm going to see

Scotty.

Lilly goes to Scotty's house

I can't believe it.

Does she want to die?

I'm surprised you remember who she is! She said I got in touch with the manager and she's in a room where there is a nurse 24/7.

We can't lose our baby Lil! We can't lose our baby at 14!

We won't Scotty. Ok? We have to be strong. For her. Lilly looked at him shocked because the last time she saw him this upset was when the kids were born.

(She looked at him still hurt by what he said but forced herself to forget about it)

I'm going over there later. Do you want to come?

Yeah.

Pick you up at 6?

Sure.

Lilly arrived at the Rehab centre. Abbi is stood by the window.

Where's dad? She asked with her arms folded.

Outside.

Why?

Oh I don't know, maybe it was the fact his baby girl tried to kill herself.

I wasn't….I-

Don't play that crap with me Abigail! You knew fine well what you were doing! Do you want to die? Well? Do you?!

No.

You were saying to me yesterday about how you get out in a week. I'm going see your dad I'll be back in a minute. She went.

Lilly came back in with Scotty

What? You come back to tear another strip off me? Abbi sneered as she was sitting down.

No. we've come to tell you that we had a word with the manager and she agreed to let you come home.

Really?

One condition.

Anything.

You do not ever touch drugs again. Or you're straight back.

I won't. Thank you.

They went out.

The next morning at work, Lilly's neck feels sore, she's taken some pills that the doctor gave her.

Lil?

Huh?

You alright?

Yeah.

Abbi's playing up again

She's not?

No, Scotty. She's not. Why do you always think the worst of our child?

I just thought that….

She's just being a….little madam. That's all.

Lil?

What's up?

You need to go home.

Are you bored of me already? She smiled

Esther phoned. She can't wake Abbi up.

What? She said as she could feel her eyes fill up.

At the hospital Lilly arrived with Esther her face is like thunder. They went in

You said you were gonna clean up this time. Nice job ending up in the ER.

Mom-

You could be dead! You scared the hell outta your sister! Lilly said pointing to Esther who was sat in a chair playing with her nails.

What do you care? You've never cared about me. Abbi said as she put her head back on her pillow and looked away.

Mom I bet you tried drugs when you were Abbi's age. Esther piped up.

Lilly glared at Esther warning her to be quiet. Esther retreated back to her nails.

If I didn't care you wouldn't be here. I have done a hell of a lot for you. I've lost count of the times I have nearly lost my job because of your crap. So don't you dare say I don't care! You have gone too far this time! I can't do it anymore! You're going back. It's that simple. She said turning back to Abbi.

No mom please! You can't send me back! She pleaded as her head snapped upright.

Clearly I do need to send you back. Lilly said as she put her finger to her mouth.

At the Rehab (August 4th 2007) centre in Abbi's room

You promised me. You promised me you would not touch them again.

Yeah-

Do you know what? You're moving.

What?

When you get out of rehab you are moving out.

Why?

Why? You wanna know Why?! Because I can't take anymore of your crap! That's why!

So you're kicking me out of the house you brought me up in?!

Abbi, me and your father love you too much to lose you to drugs! When we finally had you, you were so tiny. We promised no harm would come to you.

If dad loves me so much where the hell has he been for the last ten years?! And I was only trying them out… (through tears) I'm so s
orry mom. Please don't leave me here, please! I'll be better! Please mommy….

You know what? I don't care what you do! You don't listen to me. So you do whatever the hell you want! Just don't come to me when you need bailing out.

She walked out

Lilly gets a phone call at work the next day.

Are you serious? Ok I'll be right there.

Lilly arrived at the hospital. She arrived outside Abbi's room. Lilly was feeling very apprehensive but also furious about entering the room because she had a feeling in the pit of her stomach, that was telling her that this was going to be a hard conversation to have with the apple of her eye, her little ray of sunshine, the girl who she had so much hope for, the girl she at one time, had felt would make her the proudest mother alive. She wrung her hands and straightened her top as she prepared herself to go into the room of having to face her daughter again over the same problem. She pushed the door open and she caught her breath as she saw her blonde baby who looked so tiny as she lay in the bed with a drip in her hand and an oxygen drip in her nose.

When will you learn? Lilly said trying not to show the tears that welled up in her eyes as she never cried in front anyone and she wasn't as hell going to start now.

I need help. Abbi said as she turned her head and looked at her mom with a pleading look on her face in an attempt to get some sympathy from the woman she knew was right.

(Scoffs) so you finally cottoned on?

Abbi rolled her eyes as she'd heard it all before.

You were offered help. But you thought you'd be the bigger person and refuse it.

Please-

Lilly moved closer to Abbi and as she moved she could feel the tears in her eyes become stronger.

Abbi, you mean too damn much to me. You think I want you hooked up to a drip and have to wear an oxygen mask for the rest of your life? She stroked her hair and held her stare as she looked into her daughter's eyes If you care about how this makes me feel to see you like this please for your safety please get off the drugs.

I don't know what I would do without you in my life. The first time the doctors put you on my chest after you had just been born I promised myself I would do my damn hardest to do anything to protect and that I would let no harm come to you. You weighed 4lb 5oz. You're my little sunshine. You always have been and always will be. I don't want to get the phone call that says you're lying dead in a gutter. She said as the tears took over.

Was dad there? Abbi asked not looking at her mom as she was ashamed.

What a stupid question! He was there for all our kids births'. When he picked you up, he was the proudest father alive. You looked lovingly at him.

Abbi looked at her mom as she was shocked as she had never seen her cry.

I'm sorry mom trying not to cry please don't cry. I will be better. Abbi said as her eyes welled up to match her mom's.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that….Lilly half-smiled

Mom I really promise this time. I will get clean! I will go to rehab. I'll do it all.

How can I trust you? She asked as she looked at her daughter who in her eyes was the best thing she had ever made-even if she had chosen Scotty to be her father.

You can. Abbi looked straight at her mom with her big dark blue eyes.

Lilly pulled a chair to her and sat on it as she held Abbi's hand. Abbi looked into her matching eyes to see the pain in her mother's eyes.

Please Sunshine. Please get off them. Lil pleaded with her baby. I'm here and I will always be here every step of the way.

I will do it. For you I will.

Abbi sobbed her heart out.

I'm sorry mommy! I'm really sorry! I don't want to die!

Listen. Listen to me. Lilly said in a firm but kind voice. We will get the help you need. Alright? But you have to stick it out.

Ok. She sniffed as she looked at Lil.

Come on, you don't want all the nice guys seeing you cry, huh? Lilly smiled as she gently wiped her daughter's tears with her thumb. Abbi smiled as she hugged her mom so tight.

I promise. I will get clean. Abbi whispered as Lil kissed her face.

I hope you do because I'm getting too old for this. I have to go Sunshine. Lil said standing up.

No mom, don't leave me here, please! Abbi cried as the thought of being in a hospital terrified her let alone spending the night in one. She grabbed Lilly's right hand.

It's only for tonight. The doctors will look after you. Lilly reassured her daughter as she put her hand on top of hers. Abbi put Lilly's hand to her face just as she used to do when she was scared as the feel of her mom's hand against her face brought her comfort. Lilly put her free hand on the back of Abbi's head and kissed it.

Just then a nurse came in.

Hey Petal, time for your medicine.

Abbi winced as the needle hurt her. She squeezed Lilly's hand.

There we are. That wasn't so bad was it?

How about I stick it in you and then you can tell me? Abbi sneered though tears

Abbi! Lil scolded

The nurse left, Lilly looked over at her little sunshine with sympathy as she hated the fact she was in pain as she was now crying, she followed the nurse.

Excuse me. Lilly said as she shut the door behind her.

Yes? The nurse smiled

Abbi doesn't do well in hospitals. Would you go in every hour just to make sure she's alright?

Of course dear. She's in very good hands. The nurse who was about 5'4 and about 66 years old reassured Lilly who is 5'7 and 40 years old.

Thank you. Lilly smiled.

At home Lilly looks at her kids as they eat dinner – her mind is on Abbi who is now back in Rehab.

Hey did you see what Sarah did to Kate? Cassie smiled

What happened? Esther asked

Well Kate was picking on Sarah as usual and Sarah just burst and started screaming at her calling her a cow and punched her. She laughed

Joshua looked at his mom and put his hand on hers-his hand was massive as he was 18 and not the cute little boy he once was.

Mom you ok?

Huh? Yeah I'm fine. You lot finish your dinner, I'm gonna call your dad.

They felt her pain as they watched her go

She's missing Abbi. Did she eat?

Don't look like it looking at Lilly's plate

Poor mom.

Abbi's to blame. She promised mom she wouldn't get into drugs again.

It's the day before Abbi comes home, Scotty comes over

You ok Lil?

I'm just thinking about Abbi.

She's coming home tomorrow huh?

I'm thinking after all I've done for her will she be able to keep her promise?

She knows how much this means to you.

Does she though?

Course she does. She's your little sunshine.

I will be here. For all of you, especially you and Abbi.

Do you mean that?

Yes. Anytime you need a break from Abbi call me. I want to bond with her again as we've lost that closeness we had.

You're going to have to work really hard Scotty. She is hurting so much. It won't happen overnight. She has to know she can trust you. Lilly warned as she was hurting herself. Scotty hadn't really given her an answer to why he walked out.

Later that night, Lilly looks at an old photo of herself and Abbi when she was 8 months old

Mom?

mm?

What you doing?

Nothing.

Who's that?

Abbi at 8 months. She was such a happy baby…Lil trailed off

Mom? She will get better…Esther smiled

You should be in bed, you got school in the morning.

Can I sleep with you? It's lonely without Abbi snoring like a monster truck.

Come on then.

Lilly goes to the Rehab Centre she is holding a photo of 4 year old Abbi. As she looks at it she hopes in her heart of hearts she never has to come to this place again. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before gathering herself as she is worried about whether her Sunshine will be able to keep her promise.

It's been a year (it's now January 29th 2008) since Abbi has been out of rehab, she's kept her promise. Until…

Lawyer says I could get two years.

I heard. Lilly said looking at her girl as she went into the cell. She had really done it this time.

So I'm supposed to sit in this joint for two years?

You stole a car and you were drunk!

Three beers!

Drunk driving can lead to homicide and homicide leads to jail for the rest of your life.

So I get it. You're as full of it as everyone else!

Abbi. What is it that you want?

Right now? To get up outta here.

Say you're out. Then what?

Go someplace.

Make a fresh start?

Yeah. Gonna get a guy. And make a lot of love. She smiled

Be careful.

Nah. I want kids. I'm gonna have 13 of them.

What you gonna do for work?

Whatever. I don't know.

Mmm. 13 mouths to feed and you don't know?

So not 13. maybe just one. Make it a girl.

So what happens when your little girl comes home with a purple foot?

Why would she get a purple foot?

Cause its winter time, your husband's got a new girl and your daughter's got holes in her shoes.

Yeah yeah yeah.

No! Answer me! What are you gonna do?

Abbi looked at her mom as she had never seen her like this and she had never told her about her own childhood.

What are you gonna do?!

So you saying I can't have anything in this life?

No, no no! You can have it all! But you're gonna need help.

How do you know what I need?

Because I wanted everything too! She slammed her hands on the table But I was too damn proud to ask for help for way too long.

Abbi looked at her.

Good luck. Ok? Lilly said as the officer let her out.

I didn't want to hurt you! Abbi shouted. Lilly stopped and looked at her child

I gave you my trust. I gave you one last chance. I can't believe you. I can not believe you! You promised me so many times! Did Rehab and the hospital mean and do nothing for you?

Please mom-

NO! You had your chance. You're out of chances. You've blown it. I can't trust you, because every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie. Lilly said pointing at Abbi.

Not this time-

Don't you dare give me that! I want you gone by time I get home.

Where am I gonna go?

You're 16. She said shrugging her shoulders. You're old enough to make your own decisions. Until you get yourself sorted, you're on your own. I don't want you in my house. Lilly looked at her. You're not the Little Sunshine I raised. I don't know who the hell you are anymore. She walked out.

The next week Cassie (On the left) saw Abbi as she walked through the woods

Hey!

Hi.

Mom misses you.

Really?

Yeah she said the other day it feels empty without her little sunshine to brighten up her day.

What should I do?

Come home and show her you really are sorry.

Abbi was nervous as the girls approached the outside of their house, as she didn't know what atmosphere there would be between herself and her mom.

Wait Cass! She said before going in.

What?

What if mom still hates me?

She doesn't hate you. She doesn't like what you've done after you promised her. She doesn't hate you though.

She followed Cassie in.

Hey mom! Cassie smiled as she saw their mom making a cup of tea.

Hi Flower! Kettle's just boiled. Did you-

What are you doing here? She said as she turned around and saw Abbi.

I've come to say I miss you so much and I would like just one more chance to prove to you I mean what I say.

It's not what you say, it's what you do that you have to prove.

Please. If you give me one more chance, I don't want to hurt you anymore mom.

I can't. You've hurt me too much. I've given you so many last chances. Not this time. I'm not giving you any more chances. You have to gain my trust. Lilly thought if I let you move back in-

Yeah? Abbi's eyes lit up.

If I let you move back in, Lilly said not smiling you show me you are truly are sorry or you are straight back out. Understand?

Yes I do. Thank you so much mom. Abbi nodded because she knew her mom didn't forgive people so easily. She knew she would really have to buck her ideas up as her mom was a woman who held a grudge – as her aunt Christina knew too well as she had slept with Lil's fiancé – long before her mom had met her dad. Abbi went to leave.

Abbi?

Yeah? She turned to look at Lilly.

Don't let me down.

At work it's about 10pm Lilly and her boss are joking about something.

Maybe you can look at this case?

Any reason you're looking back now? Today?

What am I one of your kids?

You're avoiding my questions like one. Alright I can take a hint.

How is Abbi by the way?

She's behaving. For now.

Back home Lilly is cooking pancakes but they burnt, she's in the kitchen, Joseph comes

Does your kid always play her guitar this early? He shouted as an electric guitar and 'Girlfriend' was being played loud

Yep. And she loves 'Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne. As you can tell.

But it's 6.45!

The music stopped.

Oh I think I can hear!

My Girl by The Temptations played loud along with other 60's music including Bonnie Tyler (even though she was in the 80's).

Oh! He said as Lilly grinned at him.

SHUT UP!

They argued. They heard a thud.

GET OFF ME ABBI! MOOOOOOOM!

They heard a noise. Lilly sighed as she waited for her girls to come down. As she knew what was going to come next.

Esther ran into the kitchen

Mom! Abbi punched me! Esther said as she held her arm.

It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't unplugged my guitar! Abbi said with her arms folded

You shouldn't be playing it at 6.45! Esther shouted turning to Abbi.

Don't touch my guitar! Abbi said towering over her baby sister as she was 5'6 ½ nearly as tall as her mom and Esther was 5'5 ½

If you didn't play it so damn early I wouldn't have to touch it!

Do you want another one? Abbi threatened as she clenched her fist.

Both of you sit by the table.

Mom! They both said

Lilly looked at them, they sat down and kept quiet.

After a few minutes Abbi and Esther continued to argue

Will you two shut up! She snapped

They both looked at Lilly who was stressed as her plan to make breakfast for her and Joseph had resulted it to be burnt to a crisp.

Right. She sighed. Esther why don't you start talking first?

I was-

Lilly shot Abbi a look. Esther? She said turning back

I was on the phone to Sarah and I was trying to talk to her about something important and I couldn't because she was making a noise! Esther said looking at her older sister.

About ice no doubt Abbi muttered. Lilly looked at Abbi. Esther has this weird obsession with ice. Hence her nickname.

If you say one more word…. Lil warned.

And I went in and-

You shouldn't-

Right! That is it! Get in there! Lilly shouted making Abbi jump.

Mom I ain't six! She said as Lilly pulled her up by her arm.

Really? I thought you were because a sixteen year old know better than to interrupt wouldn't they? You stay in there until it's your turn! Lilly said as she pushed Abbi in the living room. Carry on Esther.

Asked her to shut up and that's when she hit me.

Right Abbi if there is something that you would like to share... Lilly said as Abbi came back in and sat at the table.

I have to practise. Simple as that. Abbi said looking at Lilly

Don't play it so early!

Do you want another smack? She threatened as she looked at her sister.

Why must you play it so early?

Would you let me talk? Abbi said as she flicked Esther

Did you just flick me? Esther said stunned

You wouldn't let me finish! I was ju.. OW! That hurt! She said as she flicked Esther back.

Quit flicking! Esther said as she flicked her back

You quit flicking!

You flicked me first!

They flicked each other and hurt themselves. Esther hit Abbi, Abbi hit her back, Esther went to get a cushion and Abbi jumped on her, Esther managed to get off the couch and dragged Abbi with her by her legs and took her sock off and started hitting her with it Esther went on top off her and tried hitting her but Abbi had her hand on Esther's face.

Right I have had enough of this! Lilly said as she bent down and held both their ears and squeezed them as she was starting to get annoyed

OW! Ow Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! They both said as they both got to their knees

Alright. Now I will let go if you both stop!

Fine!

You are both grounded for a month!

Mom! I have band practise at Phoebe's house! I have to practise my solo!

Not anymore you don't. And you know how I feel about Phoebe Willows.

Mom!

Do you wanna make it two?

She stood up face to face with her mom with a frown and looked in her eyes, she was about to say something but by the look on her mom's face she was in no mood to argue. I don't have to listen to this! My life was great until you decided to squeeze her out! She shouted as she took her coat off the coat holder as she stormed out slamming the front door behind her. And we're done with the yoghurt! Joseph said as he came into the kitchen, as the thought of Lilly giving birth completely made him feel sick. Lilly sighed as she looked at Esther who was sat looking at her.

Do you want to be late?

The girls returned from school.

Where's Abbi?

They started fiddling with their cell phones

Where is she?

The girls' heads snapped up when they heard the door.

HEY! Abbi came in laughing. (uh-oh)

I think your question has been answered Lil. Joseph said looking behind him at the double of Lilly who was dancing with the coat holder.

Hey pretty lady! You look a lot like me. Who are you? Abbi said as she saw Lil

The girls giggled

Don't encourage her. Go and do your homework. The girls went Abbi followed

Ok. She stumbled, Lilly caught her arm

Not you. You are in deep trouble missus. Sit down.

Abbi sat down Lilly sat opposite.

Where did you get it? She asked her hands cupped on the table.

My friend Phoebe got-got it for me. She slurred

Phoebe Willows who is 14 and who I warned you time and time again to stay away from?

Yep that's the one! She smiled as she gave her mom a little push with her finger

Crap! Lilly muttered as she got up and went into the living room and went to the phone. She waited for the person on the other line to pick up.

Hello? Catherine? It's Lilly Rush. Abbi's mom? Hiya! I'm fine thank you.

No mom, don't! Abbi said as she tried to run and fell trying to get the phone off her, Lilly moved her hand.

Yeah, can you excuse me for a second? Lilly put her hand over the receiver and looked down as Abbi had hold of her leg if you don't get your butt outta here you're gonna have a sore one! Lilly watched as Abbi attempted to get up and walk. I don't feel well. Abbi said looking at Joseph. Lilly went back to Catherine.

Sorry about that. The reason I'm phoning is because Abigail has come home drunk and when I asked her how she said that your Phoebe got it for her. Lilly listened to what Catherine had to say. Sure you can come now. Uh, 5 minutes? Okay see you then. She slammed the phone down. She went to the bottom of the stairs with her arms folded. Joseph sat on the couch.

ABIGAIL KATHRYN RUSH! Get down here now!

TOBECONTINUED…

Abbi was grounded for a month and Phoebe Willows was grounded for two months. The following year Lilly's father has turned up after 34 years. She is getting ready to go and meet him…. She arrives at the restaurant, she's nervous…

Nice place.

So do you have kids?

She turned to him

Five.

Five children? So what are they like? How old are they? Are you married?

She paused why is he taking an interest now? She thought

No I'm not. My son Joshua is 19 he's a builder. Gracie is 17 she's expecting her first child…

And are you happy? Who's their father?

I would have liked her to wait… my partner Scotty Valens. He's a cop too. We work together. Abbi is 15. She wasn't going to tell him about what she'd been through with Abbi. And why should she? Cassie is 14, she's still in school

And then there's my youngest Esther who's 12.

Don't you find that awkward? Working with the father of your children? When can I meet them?

Why is he asking all these questions? She thought No. what? You think I'm gonna let you meet my children?

Well I am their grandfather.

So? You think you can just walk into their life?

Lilly….

No dad I'm sorry. How can you expect my children to accept you when you haven't even bothered to look for their mother? She said as she pushed her chair and walked out.

Lilly! He called

She arrived home the girls were in bed. She went in Abbi and Esther's room..

Mom?

Hey Sunshine. Lilly whispered as not to wake Esther

You're just getting back? She looked at the clock which said 1 o'clock

Yeah.

How did it go with Granddad?

He wants to meet all of you.

Really?

Lilly smiled

You go back to sleep.

Night mom.

Night Sunshine.

Lilly goes downstairs and get her old chess set out

Let's put this on pause for a second and just go back to when Abbi was 5. Before Scotty left, it's bedtime, Joshua, Gracie and Cassie are brushing their teeth, Esther is getting her pyjamas on…Abbi does not want to go to bed. She wants to stay up and play. (she has her pyjama bottoms on. Which Lilly managed to get on by holding her) Scotty has gone out.

NO! I don't wanna go to bed! She screamed

You have school in the morning! Lilly said as she managed to get Abbi's pyjama top on by putting her left leg over Abbi's back.

I want dad!

Daddy will be back later.

Abbi hit Lilly as she did not want to go to bed.

Do not hit me!

DADDY! Abbi shouted as she looked at her mother and hit her again

Abbi you screaming won't make dad come home any faster.

I WANT DAD! She hit Lilly again

Right! That's it! Lilly grabbed her hand and took her out of the room.

NO! She grabbed hold of the door handle, Lilly picked her up and took her hand off the handle. And took her downstairs into the kitchen and sat her down on the day bed. A spare bed she had.

Don't move. Right?

NO! I WANT TO GO! She frowned as she reached out and bit Lilly's hand.

Lilly smacked her so hard on her leg that I'm pretty sure the neighbours heard it. Abbi burst into tears.

YOU STAY HERE UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME! She said pointing her finger at Abbi. She went to the kitchen sink as Abbi had made her hand draw blood. She looked at her 5 year old who had gone underneath the duvet, (all you could see was two big dark blue eyes, a head of blonde hair and a frown) Abbi frowned at her from the duvet with big puffy red eyes as she sat rubbing her leg as it was stinging from Lilly's hand.

You'll get frown lines if you carry on frowning like that.

Scotty came in.

Daddy! Abbi said as she was about to get up

What did I tell you? Lilly looked at Abbi

What's happened? Scotty sighed

Abbi looked at Lil

Go on tell your father. Abbi looked at Scotty

I didn't want to go to bed, so mommy brought me down here and I bit her and she smacked me.

That wasn't very nice was it, biting mommy? Scotty said as he bent down and looked in Abbi's dark blue eyes.

No…

Have you said sorry?

She shook her head

I think you should, because I think mommy's hurt.

She went to Lilly and looked up at her, Lilly looked down with one hand on her hip and raised her eyebrow.

I'm sorry for biting you mommy.

Ok. She smiled.

Let's go back a year earlier Abbi is 4 and still bad as ever. The Rush family are having breakfast. Scotty is sat by Josh (8) eating toast, Grace (6) is sat by Cassie (3) and Abbi is sat by Esther (2) who is in a highchair (as she does not sit still) they're eating Lucky Charms. And Lilly is by the coffee machine making a triple Americano.

Mommy? Abbi asked sweetly

Yes? She asked turning around wandering what her sunshine wanted.

Esther wants to come out.

No, she doesn't mom! Abbi wants Esther to come out so they can chase me! Josh said eyes wide.

Esther, do you want to come out? Lil asked as she raised her eyebrows, her left hand on her hip while holding her mug of coffee.

Nah-uh. Esther shook her head.

Didn't think so. You four go and get ready for school.

Josh and his two sisters went. Abbi stayed.

Didn't you hear what I said? Go and get ready for school.

School's crap.

Lilly and Scotty were shocked (even though not a swear word a 4 year old shouldn't be saying things like that.)

I don't want to hear you say that word again. Do you hear me young lady? Scotty said

It is crap.

If you say that one more time, you'll get a spanking missy. Lil warned

Abbi kept quiet.

So what are y- Lil asked Scotty

You're crap. Abbi told Lil after a minute.

Scotty got up, went over to Abbi who jamp off her chair and started to run. Scotty caught up with her because Lilly caught her arm, he picked her up and took her out of the kitchen.

No! I'm sorry daddy, I don't want a spanking! Please daddy, I won't say it again! She begged as he sat on the couch, pulled her pyjama bottoms down and put her across his knee and spanked her so hard, her cries were chilling (because he was strong he blimmin' hurt) after spanking her three times, he pulled her bottoms up and put her down.

DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT WORD AGAIN! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?! He shouted as he pointed his finger close to her face.

Yes d-da-daddy. She cried as tears stained her face.

Go and get ready like your mother told you to!

She ran upstairs, the other kids came down.

You lot ready? Lil asked

Yeah. They said looking at their father wondering why he was angry

Go and wait in the car.

They went.

Abbi! you're gonna be late for school! Lil called

5 minutes went by, Lil went to see where she was.

Why are you not ready?

I'm hurting. Abbi frowned.

That's your own fault for being cheeky to your daddy. Now get ready.

I'm not GOING!

Oh you are going! Now get ready and get your butt in that car or I will really give you something to mope about!

The next evening Josh's friend Cody came around for dinner. Abbi was teasing Cassie

No! Abbi! Stop! Cassie cried

Stop it Abbi please. Scotty warned

Abbi didn't stop. Scotty slammed his fists on the table, making everyone jump.

ABIGAIL!

She stopped. Lil said for everyone to go and play. She started to clear the table. She went to the sink she sighed

I lost it. Scotty said

You seem to be losing it a lot lately Scotty. She carried on washing the dishes.

That night, Scotty slept in their bed while Lil slept on the day bed. At 5.24am

Lil woke up, she put her head in her hands.

Mommy?

She looked up and saw her 4 year old holding her doll Penny and rubbing her left eye.

Hey what are you doing up?

I had a nightymare! She sobbed loudly

Oh sunshine! Come here! She laughed as she picked up Abbi

You wanna tell me what it was about? She asked as she stroked her hair

No! She sobbed

Okay. You wanna sleep with me?

Yeah.

Lilly put Abbi under the duvet, she lay next to her she kissed the back of her head, Abbi turned to face her and hugged her until she fell asleep. She woke up as it was 8.00am

Hey sleeping beauty! Lil smiled

Abbi rubbed her eyes.

You want pop tarts or lucky charms?

Pop tarts please.

Abbi sat at the table with her brother and sisters.

Two years later Abbi (6) was yelling as Cassie (4) and Esther (2) were throwing and hitting her with pillows. Lilly came in.

Abbi stop screaming!

They stopped. Until Abbi threw a pillow at Esther making her fall over and hurt herself.

No, no mommy! I'm sorry, don't spank me please mommy! She begged as she shook her head as Lilly smacked her leg. I'm sorry mommy! She screamed the house down. When will she learn?

It's breakfast the next morning. Cody had stayed over. Oh dear! □

I don't like mushrooms.

We've been over this, you do like them Abbi. Eat them. Lil said

She pushed them to one side of her plate. Esther who copies everything her sister does did the same.

I don't neither.

Well, you're not going anywhere until you eat them. Lil said

I DON'T LIKE MUSHROOMS! THEY'RE CRAP!

Lil got up.

Sorry!

Get off that chair. Lil said clicking her fingers

I'm sorry mommy. She said with huge blue eyes

Get here now! Lil said looking at the mini version of her

Abbi went to Lil; Lil held her arm and gave her two smacks. Abbi sat back down crying.

That's enough. Scotty warned

You shouldn't answer back. Now eat your mushrooms or you'll be late for school.

Abbi who was still crying slowly ate her mushrooms. Esther did the same.

Stop crying Esther and finish your food. Scotty said

Screw you mom! Abbi shouted as she looked up from her plate

Abbi went under the table as Scotty got up.

He got hold of her and took her in the living room.

Screw you mom. Esther giggled

Do you want a spanking too?

Nah-uh. She shook her head with big chocolate coloured eyes

Behave and finish your breakfast then.

I'm sorry I said screw you m-mommy. Abbi sobbed as her chest went up and down

Has dad taught you a lesson?

She nodded as her butt was stinging. Lilly hugged her.

I'm sorry too mommy! Esther who starting sobbing as she wanted a hug too

Come on then! She rolled her eyes as she hugged Esther.

Go and get ready for school. She watched as Abbi took Esther's hand.

Scotty and Lilly are arguing about their home life. He has his bag packed by the door.

Where are you going? Lilly asked

Getting out of here! He said picking up his bag

Oh that's right! Walk out on me! Give up when the going gets tough! What am I meant to tell the kids? 'I'm sorry kids but your daddy left because he couldn't cope.' Is that about right?

I can't deal with this crap and I can't put up with you anymore! He said pointing at Lilly. He slammed the door behind him. Lilly sighed as she sat down and she heard a little voice

Mommy?

She closed her eyes as she knew her little six year old girl had not only heard but seen it as well.

Mommy? She came closer and hugged her mother as she was crying

Mommy? Lilly looked at her and picked her up.

Where's daddy gone?

He's gone for a walk. Lilly lied knowing that she would have to not only tell her but also her other kids the truth about why their daddy wasn't coming home. But she didn't want to believe it right now.

When is he coming back? She tilted her head to catch her mom's eyes

I don't know Sunshine. She said as she looked at her girl.

Abbi put both her hands around her mom's neck and hugged her and cried with her as Lilly put her hands on Abbi's back.

The next evening Abbi (her hair was in bunches) is shouting as Gracie (her hair was in a ponytail) took her doll.

MY DOLL! GIVE IT!

Abbi jumped up to try and get her doll from her big sister. She started to cry.

Aww! The little baby is crying. Does the baby want her dolly? Gracie teased

Abbi ran and knocked her sister to the floor and started biting her. Gracie pushed her off and slapped her twice.

MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY! Abbi shouted as she ran downstairs, she tripped and came rolling down. She burst into tears. Lilly turned and saw her 6 year old on the floor.

Abbi! Are you alright? Lilly said bending down.

Gracie slapped me! She cried. Lilly looked up the stairs at Gracie.

Come down here. I want to talk to you. Lilly told Gracie as she carried Abbi into the kitchen. Gracie saw Abbi sat on the counter by the sink as Lilly was cleaning her right scraped knee as she entered the kitchen.

Sit. Lilly told Gracie. She sat by the table. There! All better! Lilly smiled as she kissed Abbi on the forehead. Abbi giggled. She sat by the table. Lilly came and sat down with Abbi on her knee. Abbi was sucking her thumb, she had her leg on Lilly's and was playing with the Band-Aid Lilly had put on her knee which had The Little Mermaid on it and she was giving Gracie looks.

Why did you slap your sister?

Because she pushed me and started biting me!

She took Penny away from me! Abbi said looking at her mom with her big dark blue eyes and her thumb in her mouth. Now Penny is a doll that Scotty gave her for her 4th birthday and she never is seen without it.

Give Penny back to your sister. You and I are going to talk. Lilly warned.

Gracie went and brought her doll. Abbi snatched it off her.

Uh, excuse me missus we don't snatch. Now what do you say?

Thank you. Abbi said her mouth full of thumb.

You go upstairs and I'll come in a minute.

Will you read The Velveteen Rabbit? Abbi said as she got off her mother's lap and looked at her.

Yes. Lilly smiled. She sure loves that book. She thought

Come on Penny we have to go to bed and then Mommy will read The Velveteen Rabbit to us. Abbi said as she held Penny's arm in one hand and held the banister with her right hand as she walked up the stairs.

Lilly watched as she went. Then she turned to Gracie.

Tell me what happened.

I was teasing Abbi and then she started to cry and then she pushed me on the floor and started biting me. So I pushed her off and hit her.

Gracie you are older than Abbi. You should know better! Lilly sighed. She looked at her. Where did she bite you?

My arm.

Let me see.

She pulled her right sleeve up to reveal a red bite mark. Lilly got some frozen peas.

Keep that on for 10 minutes. She instructed her 8 year old. I'm going to read to your sister. I won't be a minute. She went upstairs.

Lilly went in Abbi's room. 4 year old Esther was fast asleep.

Hi mommy! Abbi smiled

Hi Sunshine. She whispered

You must stop biting people. Okay?

Abbi nodded.

Where is it then?

Here. Abbi said as she showed her the book.

Lie down. Lilly said before she opened the book. Abbi laid down with Penny and sucked her thumb. Lilly finished and looked up to see Abbi fast asleep with Penny in her arm. Her thumb had fallen out of her mouth. Lilly smiled as she tucked her sunshine in and kissed her on her forehead and quietly went out. Lilly went downstairs.

Why don't you go to bed, bee? She said to Gracie

Okay.

Let me check your arm. It's ok. She said looking at it.

Night mom.

Night baby. Lilly said as she kissed Gracie on her head.

Now that we know a bit about why Abbi is so angry…Let's go back to Lilly as she plays chess by the table in the kitchen.

Mom? Abbi said as she reached up to get a glass from the top cupboard

Mmm?

Are you still coming to the concert at school today? She asked as she put the tap on and poured herself some water. (It was 3 o'clock in the morning)

Wouldn't miss it. You got your guitar sorted? Lilly said still setting out the pieces.

Yep. Wow I haven't seen that chess set since I was 7. Hey remember we used to play at the park and I'd always beat ya? She smiled as she stood by the sink.

It was the only other way apart from reading you The Velveteen Rabbit that I would get you to stop crying coz you were still pretty upset about your dad leaving. You wanna see if you still got it? She said looking up

Nah…She shook her head as she drank from her glass

You scared? Lilly smiled

No! She smiled

Yeah you are. You're scared you ain't got it and you'll be beat by your mommy. She teased.

You're on! She put the glass down by the side and sat opposite her mom.

Lilly remembered to when she and Abbi were in the park. Abbi was always the white and Lilly was the black.

A few hours went by. 1 to be exact, it was 4 in the morning! :-o

Checkmate! She smiled

Crap! She smiled Alright.

Your dad and John are coming. You'll be great.

Why is he coming? She frowned. He hasn't been to any since I did the one when I was 3.

He's making an effort.

I always asked him if he would come to my dance recitals and he always gave me the same answer 'I'm busy' or 'I'm tired' or his favourite 'I'll come to the next one another time' she spat. Lilly looked at her. It must hurt your pride losing to your daughter huh? She smiled as she walked past her. She felt her arm being pulled back. The next thing she was sat on her mom's lap.

No! Mom! Get off me! She giggled as Lilly kissed her

Ooh! I love you so much Sunshine! Lilly gave her one big last kiss before letting her go. Go to bed you got a big day. She smiled tapping her on her butt.

I'm sorry for all the crap I put you through the last few months.

I think you've learned your lesson.

Night mom. Abbi said as she hugged her and gave her a kiss on the lips.

Night Sunshine.

The next day Lilly went to Scotty's.

Remember these? Lilly said as she showed some photos of newborn, 1 year old, 4 year old and 5 year old Abbi. He smiled and tears came to his eyes.

Where is she? He sniffed.

In the car. Scotty you can't just walk into her life and think she'll welcome you with open arms. You can't rush it. You have to work slowly. You can't just pick up where you left off. If you want to bond with her, you must do it as she sees fit. You have to understand that she is hurting much more than you or me. Okay?

He nodded

I've told her that you're taking her out.

Where?

Anywhere Scotty! She sighed

Scotty took Abbi to the mall they'd been there for two hours

Do you still like Pop Tarts?

They're alright. She shrugged.

You used to love them when you were 4, you always used to ask mom if your pop tarts were ready. And you always asked for seconds.

Great. She said completely bored out of her head. Can we go now? I'm tired.

Sure. He smiled.

Abbi arrived home.

Hey how was it? Lilly smiled upon seeing her daughter.

He took me to the mall! She frowned as she went upstairs.

What happened?

I asked if she still liked pop tarts.

Pop tarts? That's all you talked about?

I didn't know what to say!

Ask her what her interests are! What she does after school, what she wants to do when she leaves! Ask about her Scotty.

Abbi came down

You still here?

I would like to take you out again, anywhere you want. My treat.

Abbi thought. Alright. Take me to my dance class tomorrow then take me to Starbucks get a Triple-Americano.

Ooh! Can you get two?

Abbi smiled as she turned around to look at her mom as that was her favourite coffee.

And one for mom. She smiled as she rolled her eyes.

Ok. We can do that. So I'll pick you up at 10?

Whatever. She said still feeling resentment towards her father.

She shut the door then sat down next to Lilly. Lilly put her arm around her.

Well done.

For what?

For making an effort with your dad. He loves you, you know.

No he doesn't.

Of course he does Abbi.

If he did he wouldn't have left! And he would have come and taken me to the park on my birthday. She looked at her with tears in her eyes.

Sunshine you have to understand that it is not your fault your dad left!

Why did he then? She said as the tears fell but she turned away from her mom as she didn't want her to see.

Hey, come here! Lilly said as she pulled Abbi to her. A mom knows when her child is upset.

Why doesn't he like me mom? Abbi sobbed as she put her head on Lilly's chest she felt safe as she heard her mom's heart beating, Lilly put her head on Abbi's.

Hey! He does like you! He has a lot to answer for. Lilly said looking into Abbi's eyes, Abbi looked away, Lilly lifted Abbi's chin with her hand. I know it's gonna be hard, and I know it's gonna take a long time for you to trust him again but he really wants to make this work.

Abbi looked at her mom.

The disappointed 10 year old Abbi kept coming back to Lilly.

She hugged her close as she smiled.

The next morning it's 8.30 Lilly comes in Abbi and Esther's room

Rise and shine sunshine!

Abbi groaned as Lilly opened the curtains.

What time did you go to sleep?

12.00.

Well. You got school. I want you downstairs in 5 minutes. She went out.

Abbi sighed as she got up and went downstairs.

What is this? Abbi said poking at the white lumpy goo that was in the bowl.

My breakfast! Esther said

Something you're not familiar with. It's a shame.

At least I ain't cross-eyed!

Mom!

Abbi rolled her eyes as Esther ran off to tell their mother. She made herself some breakfast and went up to her room. Cassie came in

Abbi why aren't you dressed?

She's chatting to Jake. Duh! Esther said as she sorted her shoes.

Carlson?

Uh, Yah!

What time is it?

9.10.

Oh crap!

Mom isn't happy with you either.

Why?

Because of the mess you left in that kitchen. She says to get your butt in there and clean up before school.

They left.

Abbi arrived at school 20 minutes late. Its recess and Gracie sees Abbi. It's uniform day at school. A new thing the principal Mrs Olsen is trying out.

Where's your uniform?

It's in the wash. Abbi whispered.

Mrs Morgan ain't gonna be happy.

Like I'm scared. She frowned.

Whatever.

I'm surprised you can fit into yours. You're so fat! She frowned as she was embarrassed her big sister was pregnant.

After school Abbi and some friends went to the lake.

You don't have the guts to jump in the lake. Misty sneered.

Wanna bet? Abbi said

Ooooooo! Everyone said

Jump! Jump! Jump! They chanted as she jamp into the lake

ABBI! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW AND GET UP HERE! Lilly shouted as she had come to see where her daughter had got to.

Mom? How did you know I was here? She said as she came up.

I got a call.

Abbi looked at Misty who was smiling and waving with her phone in her hand. Abbi narrowed her eyes at her.

Get your shoes on and get in the car! You are grounded for 3 weeks! We are going to have a long talk! She walked off. Abbi sighed as she followed her mom to the car.

The next morning it's 9.30. Abbi didn't get to bed until 11.30 as Lilly was laying down the law.

Abbi, get up. Lilly said as she was still mad at her for jumping in the lake when she was meant to be doing homework.

Why? Thought I was grounded. She said her eyes still closed.

Oh you are. But your father is taking you to your dance class and I want you to get my Triple-Americano coffee.

Abbi moaned as she rolled out of bed.

Abbi's dance class is over, they go to Starbucks. Scotty takes the chance to get to know his daughter.

You did really well.

Okay. She said as she didn't want to get too close in case he might leave her again.

So what do you like?

Like what?

Well, what do you like doing?

I dunno. She shrugged

Come on Abbi, work with me here! He said almost losing his temper. Scotty that's not going to get her to open up with that attitude.

Mom's drink's getting cold! She frowned as she stood up. I'll see you in the car. She went out.

In the car

Listen…Abbi I'm….he sighed I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped.

S'lright. She mumbled as she sat with her head down holding her and her mother's drink.

He sighed as he put the car into gear and drove off. They arrived at Lilly's house.

I'll pick you up tomorrow yeah?

Whatever. She said slamming the door.

The next morning at work Lilly asks how it went with Abbi.

How did it go? She asked her mouth full of sandwich.

She didn't tell you?

She went straight to her room. She said still holding the sandwich.

Oh….

What? She asked as she stopped eating.

She's never going to trust me again.

What did you do? She sighed still eating the sandwich.

I didn't do anything! He shouted

Lilly took him in a room as people were looking them.

Scotty if you want this to work. You have to be patient with her. You have to remember she is the one that is hurting! She will trust you again when she knows you will do what you say you will do.

What do you mean?

Her 10th birthday. Scotty.

So it's my fault?

Yes! You are the one that left! And didn't turn up that day. You could have phoned to let her know.

Scotty….

You know what? Forget the whole thing! He shouted as he slammed the door behind him.

Abbi is out of Rehab for good. She is totally clean and it has been a whole year (it's January 30th 2009, she was 16 two days ago and she came out when she was 15) since she was in Rehab and she has not touched drugs since. That evening about 6.00 Abbi is in her room, playing her guitar and singing a song she wrote when she was 9 about how she felt when her dad left.

He looked so happy and so did mom. Maybe if I had been a good girl…She thought as she looked at a picture of her dad before he left. Someone had taken a picture while they were at work. She wiped away her tears.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. She hummed

I miss you. She sang as she started to play her guitar.

Miss you so bad

I don't forget you

Oh it's so sad.

I hope you can hear me

I remember it clearly.

The day you walked away...

Was the day I found

It won't be the same

I didn't get around to kiss you

Goodbye on the hand

I wish that I could see you again

I hope you can hear me

Cause I remember it clearly

The day you walked away...

Was the day I found

It, won't be the same

Oh I keep asking why.

Why you're not coming back.

And I can't take it

It happened you passed by

Now you're gone

There you go

somewhere I can't bring you back

Now you're gone

There you go

somewhere you're not coming back!

The day you walked away...

Was the day I found

It won't be the same.

I miss you.

There was a knock at the door. Lilly had come from work. (She had also been listening to her baby singing from behind the door)

Hey sunshine. She smiled

Hi…

You ok?

Yeah…Abbi said.

What's up?

I hate my life.

Why?

Everything is wrong. Nothing's right.

What do you mean?

I wish dad had never left. Maybe if I'd behaved he wouldn't have.

Abbi stop beating yourself up. Right? You're dad's coming tomorrow you can ask him. Okay?

Abbi nodded.

Right. We're having take-out. I'm too tired to cook. Keep your chin up. Lilly said as she gently rubbed Abbi's cheek. She went out.

The next day at work Scotty apologized for storming out.

I'm sorry about…

It's ok.

I've made a mess of this and of your situation…

I said it's ok. Lilly said sternly

I don't know what I'm going to do…coz of this Abbi thing.

Scotty…she is as sweet as you remember but she is mixed up too. Like any 16 year old.

You're talking about when I left.

I'm just saying even if you'd stayed she might have turned out the same. Coz you're her daddy and she does love you. Even though she isn't showing it right now.

Maybe. Or maybe it's impossible for her to love anymore.

Let's say that's true. But you're here in her life.

Yeah.

Give her time Scotty. She'll come round. She smiled. He smiled back.

The next night Lilly was out jogging. Wait. Jogging? Lilly Rush? Ok well whatever floats your boat. Anyway Lilly got a phone call from Esther.

Rush. She said out of breath.

Mom?

Yes?

Abbi's in a nightclub.

What?! Which one?

Uh, Roxy.

She hung up. She arrived at the club. She saw Abbi laughing and dancing with a guy much older than her.

Mom?! Abbi said as she turned around and saw her mother standing there.

What are you doing here?

Dancing?

She's underage. Touch her again and you'll be seeing metal bars. She said to the guy.

Mom! Abbi said as she put her hand up

Lilly took Abbi to one side.

Show me your I.D.

She sighed as she gave her the I.D. Lilly looked at it

Jasmine Parker? In the car. Lilly held her arm as she marched her out of the club.

Abbi had sneaked out the next night. Lilly had a feeling where she had gone. She parked up outside someone's house and waited. 2 hours later a figure emerged from the shadows.

Yeah. That was brill. I'd better get home before that woman who I call mom finds out. See you later. The figure smiled as some of her friends followed her.

Crap. Abbi stopped smiling as she saw her mom glaring at her.

See you later Abbi. Bye Miss Rush. They said as they went to leave

In the car. Lilly said calmly

Okay. Before you go all metal on me- Abbi said putting her hands up as she turned back to Lilly.

GET IN THE CAR! She shouted.

Abbi sighed as she put her arms down. She rolled her eyes as she went to the passenger side and got in.

Mom- Abbi said after a few minutes.

What are you doing out at 3.00 in the morning at Phoebe's house when you know you are grounded and should be in bed?! She raised her voice as she turned to her 16 year old.

I don't know-

Don't play dumb! Does Catherine know?

No…

She will be getting a call later. Put your seatbelt on. You are gonna wish you were still in bed when we get home. Lilly said as she put the car into gear and drove off.

Abbi's heart was beating so hard as she knew she had gone too far this time. She had a feeling that her mom would not back down and forgive her so easy this time. She was in deep trouble, all she could think about was what her mom was gonna do.

Mom-

Don't speak! Lilly said pointing her finger while still watching the road.

But mom-

Lilly put her foot on the brake and brought the car to a hard halt. She got out of the car, slamming the door, Abbi jumped as she watched her come to her side. Lilly opened the car door took Abbi's belt off pulled her out and stood her next to the car. Lilly was so mad she didn't know what she wanted to do.

W-what are you gonna do? Abbi asked nervously as she had never seen her mom so angry.

Don't you talk! Lilly said glaring at her. After a few minutes Lilly just snapped and she whacked Abbi so hard across her face that she hurt her hand. (Lilly has never done anything like that before) Lilly grabbed her arm and put her in the car, slamming the door; she went to the driver's side and slammed her door as she got in. She sat with her hands on the wheel. After a few minutes she turned to Abbi who had her head down and holding her right arm as Lilly had a really tight grip on it and was sobbing quietly.

You make me so mad Abigail! If it's not your father it's your school! I'm sick of it! Lilly said looking at her. Stop crying.

I'm sorry-

Don't you dare say you're sorry! I should leave you here. Let you walk home.

Abbi looked at her, scared. Lilly leaned over and looked straight in Abbi's eyes and spoke calmly.

If you ever do this again, you won't have a home to come to. Understand?

Abbi nodded. Lilly sat up straight.

Put your seatbelt on. Lilly said as she put her own on and put the car into gear and sighed as she drove off.

Abbi went into the house and headed to her room

Abbi? Can I talk to you please?

Abbi turned around expect to see her mom fuming but she turned to see a kind face staring back at her.

Sit. Lilly said leading her to the sofa. She sat down next to her. She held her hand and looked in her eyes.

First I want to apologize for hitting you. I am so sorry and I will never do that again.

Okay.

Second what is going on with you Sunshine? Huh?

Abbi's heart skipped a beat when she heard her mom call her by her nickname because only Lilly called her it and it made her feel special. I don't know…

Tell me baby.

Abbi burst into tears.

I feel crap all of the time. No-one likes me. You hate me, dad hates me, and Gracie hates me. She sniffed

We do not hate you your father and I love you. And Gracie is awkward anyway. Is this all because your dad left?

All I wanna know is why?

Abbi. Look at me. Your father did not leave because of you. He did not leave because of your brother and sisters. He left because of me.

You?

Yes.

Why?

For one thing, I was working until midnight. And you lot were in bed. So he had nothing to do. And the bills were piling up and we kept arguing all the time. When he walked out my first thought was you kids. I was so mad that he could just walk away and I couldn't. But I knew I could never leave my babies.

But he still left. He was my Daddy. He was everything to me. He would pick me up and play aeroplane with me when I was upset and tickle me. And he would read the velveteen rabbit to me.

So that's why you like that story so much. She smiled.

The next night I cried in my room until I fell asleep. I thought if I cried all my tears there would be none left and it was all a bad dream. So I woke up the next morning got out of bed and ran into your room I saw a lump so I excitedly jumped on it and found it wasn't my daddy. It was you.

When it was your 8th birthday, I came in quietly, bent down and stoked your head, and said 'Happy Birthday Sunshine!' then I whispered in your ear 'I think you should look outside.' You got outta bed went to your window and you ran to me and jumped into my arms and hugged me so tight I thought you were squeeze the life out of me! I put you down and you ran outside with your brother and sisters in your pyjamas in the freezing cold and you wanted to ride it but it was too cold! Later that day you rode in the street. Lilly smiled as the flashback came back.

I wrote a song well just my feelings the night he'd gone. You wanna hear?

Sure.

I wrote this when I was 13.

Okay.

Back when I was a child she sang as she played her guitar.

Before life removed all the innocence

My father would lift me high

And dance with my mother and me and then

Spend me around till I fell asleep

Then up the stairs he would carry me

And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance

Another walk, another dance with him

I'd play a song that would never ever end

How I'd love love love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree

To get my way I would run from her to him

He'd make me laugh just to comfort me (yeah, yeah)

Then finally make me do just what my momma said

Later that night, when I was asleep

He left a dollar under my sheet

Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal

One final glance

One final step

One final dance with him

I'd play a song that would never ever end

Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door

I'd hear how my mother cried for him

I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much

But could you send back the only man she loved

I know you don't do it usually

But dear Lord she' s dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep

And this is all I ever dream.

The next evening, Abbi is sat on the couch

Mom! Tell Esther to stop slurping her tea!

Esther stop it please.

I ain't slurping!

Abbi sighed. Esther came and sat by her really close.

SLLLURRPPP!

Abbi knocked the cup out of her hand.

Opps!

My tea! Mom!

Abigail, clean that up.

If she didn't annoy the crap outta me it wouldn't of happened.

That is no excuse! Now clean it up!

You clean it up! She shouted as she walked to the door

Where do you think you're going? Lil asked getting up

OUT!

You're not going anywhere. And don't you shout at me! Lil said putting her hand on the door

You can't keep me here!

I'll think you'll find I can.

Whatever! She turned to leave; Lil grabbed her arm and turned her to face her.

You listen to me. I'm the parent and you're the child. I'm sick of your attitude! Now march your butt to your room or you won't be going out for a year. You got me?

Abbi looked in Lilly's eyes.

Yeah! I got ya!

The next day at work Lilly is stressed out

What's with you this morning?

Nothing. She said flat

What is it?

You wanna know?

Yes.

Alright. That child of ours.

What's she done?

You're gonna talk to her.

What? When?

Right now.

Now? Lil we're at work.

She's in the car. She handed him her car keys.

Scotty went to Lil's car.

Hey.

Oh. What do you want?

I want to talk to you. He said getting in the car.

What about?

Us.

She turned to him.

Okay…

So what do you-

Why did you hate me so much?

I didn't hate you. And I don't hate you.

You must have done. If you didn't why did you leave?

I was 26. Five children just got on top of me…

Well maybe you should have kept your ding-a-ling in your trousers! She spat. That's what Lilly called it when 2 year old Abbi asked what's that thing that daddy has. LOL!

Abbi…

I didn't ask to be brought into this world. I didn't ask to have the crap beaten outta me when I wanted to show you my dance. And I didn't ask for my daddy to walk away! She said as her eyes became like glass.

Abbi…I can only apologize for what I did. I was young when you were born. Ya know I was 20 years old…

Yeah! And six years later you walked out! You know mom is the best thing in my life. I love her so much, words can't describe how I feel about her. Why did you leave us daddy? Her voice broke

At the time I couldn't cope. I regretted it ever since.

You could have come back! Mom tried not to show how hurt she was, but we could tell. She would play Bonnie Tyler's total eclipse of the heart over and over again.

She paused as she remembered Scotty had walked out, she sneaked out of bed and sat on the stairs (it was 8.00pm way past her bedtime as her bedtime was 7.00pm) and saw her mother the next evening sitting on the couch with her legs up and tears running down her face as she held three photos one of her and Scotty, the other of Abbi when she was 7 months and Scotty holding her and also when Abbi was 5 months. Abbi sang the song in her head.

Every now and then

I get a little bit lonely

and you're never coming around

Every now and then

I get a little bit tired

of listening to the sound of my tears

Every now and then

I get a little bit nervous

that the best of all the years have gone by

Every now and then

I get a little bit terrified

and then I see the look in your eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

Every now and then I get a little

bit restless and I dream of something wild

Every now and then I get a little bit

helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms

Every now and then I get a little bit angry

and I know I have to get out and cry

Every now and then I get a little bit terrified

but then I see the look in your eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

Once upon a time there was light in my life

But now there's only love in the dark

Nothing I can say

every now and then I know

you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be

every now and then I know

you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am

every now and then I know

there's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you

every now and then I know

there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do

Every now and

then I fall apart

Every now and

then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you'll only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong together

We can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart

Nothing I can say

She looked at him. All I wanted was my daddy….to…she began to cry. Scotty went to hug her.

Get off me! She frowned at him

Every day and night for 4 years I waited by the window in the hope you'd changed your mind and come home. Every time I heard heavy footsteps I thought it was my hero coming to love me again. All I wanted was my daddy to come home and we could be a family again.

I do love you Abbi! I want to make it up to you!

Okay. Let me stay at yours tonight.

Okay.

Shake on it?

They smiled. Lilly came.

Nice to see you smiling Abbi.

Dad's agreed to let me stay at his.

When? She smiled

Tonight.

Okay.

Abbi went to Scotty's and they ended up having so much fun. Abbi went on the couch and sat by Scotty and snugged up to him, he kissed her head and hugged her. They talked and she felt like she was a 5 kid again in the loving arms of her daddy and nothing could spoil this moment.