Notes: I've seen these things in just about every fandom I've ever looked into, and vaguely recall a Vash and Wolfwood version is floating around the internet somewhere. Thought I'd take a shot at it
Five Things That Never Happened to Livio the Doublefang
(one)
He was fourteen but looked older. She was pretty in a way that wasn't (too much eye shadow and so skinny that he could feel her ribs through their clothing when she pressed herself to his side). She gave him a name he didn't quite catch, and Livio never told her his in the hope she'd leave him alone.
But an hour and a few drinks later she was still there, and he was minding less and less. She smelt clean and bare, not of sweat and gunpowder like everyone else in the bar, and she had a small, crooked smile that reached her eyes every time. At some point she slipped a foot out of her sandal and ran it up the back of his calf, laughing when he blushed.
The bed in her room upstairs was too small for both of them, so she pushed him down and climbed on top, running her hands beneath his shirt and up his chest, leaning forward so all Livio could see was her face and the dark curtain of her hair.
She kissed him, softly. And when Livio sighed she took his hands and guided them to her hips, his fingers meeting warm skin where her shirt had ridden up.
(two)
The puppy followed him for over half an hour. He'd been able to ignore it until flopping down on someone's doorstep, which it took as a sign to approach, tail wagging, lying down on with its front paw resting on his shoe.
Livio took a bite of his sandwich; chewing thoughtfully and watching as the puppy's ears twitched forward in interest. He closed his eyes, waited, and when he felt nothing of Razlo opened them again. He leaned forward to poke the puppy's nose, smiling when its pink tongue flickered out to lick his fingers.
He picked at the sandwich, giving the dog little rolled of balls of bread and peanut butter between bites. The thought of keeping it crossed his mind, and suddenly he was horrified.
He waved the remaining food in front of the puppy's eyes, making sure he had its attention before chucking the scraps across the road. When the puppy scampered after it, Livio stood, rubbing his hands together, trembling.
(three)
The blackouts became more frequent after he arrived at the Eye of Michael. There didn't even need to be a fight or threat anymore to provoke them, Livio would simply be aware and in control, and then he was not.
Waking up was getting harder. He was tired all the time.
Master C kept looking at him like he was disappointed, like he expected someone else to be there instead.
He tried talking to Razlo one night, first in his head and then whispering the words softly (he hated doing that, speaking to yourself aloud struck him as a greater sign of insanity then doing it silently). There was no response until he started to drift off, when something in him, apart and not, stirred and settled, then stirred again, twisted and pushed…
Livio's mouth stretched wide in a scream, eyes watering, everything tense and aching and his damn it, his his his and—
Razlo shivered, licking sweat from his upper lip, rolling his shoulders like he had just slipped into a jacket.
(four)
Elendira had him pinned with a nail through the chest, and it held just long enough for her to shoot another, which went straight through his thigh and took half his leg off. Three more shots and his other leg and arms were gone too, and he was left to hang there against the wall, torso, neck, head, wounds healing but nothing regenerating.
She smiled, blood climbing the cracks between her teeth, everything in her posture settling. She brushed back the hair sticking to her forehead, stepping close and pressing her weapon to Livio's throat. Somewhere in the back of his head Razlo was screaming, screaming, and Elendira was saying something, small words Livio couldn't quite reach over the silent voice in his ears.
She pulled the trigger, and he died looking at her lips.
(five)
"Hey. Get up."
Livio grunted at the kick to his side, wrinkling his nose and grabbing at the foot when it came down for another stomp. He opened his eyes, blinking away sand and grit, tilting his head back and squinting.
Wolfwood glared at him, blood smeared across the bridge of his nose, down his neck and splattered across his cheek. His mouth twisted in annoyance, and Livio released his ankle immediately, shifting slightly where he sat and looking away.
"…Sorry."
He heard the crunch of sand in the distance and looked up, surprised and not to see Vash standing alone towards the east, coat tails snapping around his legs in the wind. His chin was tucked down behind the collar of his coat; glasses perched on his nose, expression unreadable but not blank.
Wolfwood sighed, running a hand through his hair, brushing away bits settled confetti that twirled and spiralled as they fell. His palm came away wet and bloody, and he rubbed his fingers together before wiping them on his pants.
"C'mon," he said, offering the same hand. Livio blinked, vision blurring from the setting suns and exhaustion, and almost saw a boy standing in front of him (ripping a small chunk of bread in two with his teeth, holding out a little more then half, I'm Nicholas. Eat.).
"Wolfwood—"
"Let's go. I feel like shit."