So. This is like the biggest AU I've ever written. I'll give you the basic details. The year is 2011. Harry is 16 years old. The world is overtaken by a Zombie Apocalypse ala Zombieland in the sense that they're those kinds of Zombies. Combined with magical shotguns (Awesome) Some serious ass-kicking is about to go down. I hope. If this makes no sense to you. I apologize. I do not own Harry Potter (sadly) or Zombieland.

It started in the Muggle World first really. A contaminated beef patty consumed at a McDonald's in Hertfordshire. Patient Zero was a 30 year old accountant. Within two weeks the disease had spread to London. The city boosted the illness count up to 3 million muggles.

By chance, Tom the Landlord had stepped out the door of the bar to let the cat out and he was attacked. He managed to hex off the zombie but he stumbled into his bar bringing with him a new day in the apocalypse. The day the wizards fell. Tom was a zombie within an hour. He had entered the alley when Florean Fortescue was stepping out to visit Tom for a drink. Fortescue caused an alarm and Tom was restrained. Fortescue and the other wizards unaware of what would happen to the bite Tom had given him, went to bed untroubled. The next morning. Half the goblins were bitten. The assistant in the book shop, the owner of Quality Quidditch Supplies. The others had locked themselves in their stores and attacked the zombies from above. The disease spread so efficiently hitting the Ministry, Confederation and Hogwarts.

Oh yes, even the school was affected. Slughorn had been paying his regular visit to the Three Broomsticks, when on his way home he was attacked by a zombiefied Nymphadora Tonks. Her face was bruised and bloody and her general appearance was haggard, she bit a large chunk of his arm before he fired a Bombarda curse that took her head off. he stumbled backwards in horror and did his best to flee to the castle. For the next hour he fought the symptoms as best he could whilst trying to find a cure. Just on the verge, he fell to his illness.

He walked slowly out of his office the next day and found Filch. Filch found Madam Hooch. Slughorn found Dumbledore. Oh you may exclaim. But the wars of Wizard Kind between Dark and Light Magic was forgotten. Many of the Death Eaters fell to the illness, as did Voldemort. Whose horcruxes could not prepare him for zombiefication. His soul, all seven pieces were gone the moment his consciousness died.

All forms of leadership fell. The common rooms became a safe haven. Once a zombie you couldn't speak so they couldn't get through the portrait. You also lost your magic. So you were just a vegetable really. There were small resistance groups all across the school. Set up in safe points. Common rooms, the Great Hall, the Dungeon rooms. The Room of Requirement was rumoured to be held by Seventh Year Gryffindors. The surviving ones. Harry, Hermione, Dean, Seamus, Parvati, Connie and Dylan, the other two girls in Hermione's Dorm. The others had fallen. Ron and Lavender had been among the first to go. Harry found his redheaded best friend try to eat Lavender. He had destroyed them both with a Bombarda Maxima spell. He had found a weeping Hermione who had seen Dennis Creevy rip his older brother's abdomen apart. They had barricaded themselves in the tower. The house-elves had locked the kitchen and Dobby was among them. The only thing the Tower had to worry about was security.

It had been three weeks since the castle was infected. The country was completely in tatters. Harry found Hermione on the couch by the fire. She was hugging a pillow to herself, her legs folded under her, she was wearing jeans and an extra large sweater. she stared watery-eyed into the fire. He sat beside her and gripped her hand.

"He…" she sniffed as tears fell down her face, she pulled her sleeve up and wiped the tears away. Harry moved closer and took her shoulder, she fell into his hug and sobbed. She sobbed for their lost friends, families, lives. Harry looked silently into the fire, seeing in his mind again the time he had to kill his best friend. Dean came in from the Portrait Corridor. He looked edgy.

"Harry. The Fat Lady says there's someone at the door."

"What..what the fuck." Harry stood up and followed Dean back to the portrait. They had a reverse portrait for the fat lady to back up into.

"Who is it?"

"I remember him. He was a Seventh Year. He and some other Seventh Year boys. One from the tower, others I've seen walking past. They're holding weapons and killing those dreadful things.."

"What do they want?"

"To speak to the survivors." Harry nodded.

"Get everyone down here. Wands out. Tell him to be ready." She nodded and vanished. A few minutes later four boys sprinted into the room. Three of them ushered the others further back, their leader it seemed, dropped his shotgun and aimed his wand at the door. They all heard a large bang.

"Are you shielded?" he called.

"I am! Its gone off. they're all dead." The Fat Lady said coming back into her safe frame. Harry looked at the Seventh Year boys. All of them wore battle-edits of their uniforms. They all carried shotguns and weapons of some kind as well as their wands. He knew Lucas Vaughn, the Seventh Year Gryffindor who was Senior Champion of the Duelling Club. He stood in between James Roderick from Seventh year Hufflepuff and Ben Simmonds from Ravenclaw. The boy walked in from the corridor to face everyone.

"Lucas?"

"All rounded up Sam. We haven't cleared the upper rooms yet."

"Right. James, Ben. Go round them up. Lucas do what McgGonagall asked." Harry knew Sam Stark the boy who had just joined the Gryffindor Quidditch Team before the disease struck. Sam looked around the Common Room. He had a new scar above his eyebrow. It looked like he assuring himself they were alone. He sniffed, his makeshift gloves ran past his nose, he slid his shotgun into his holster and turned to shake Harry's hand.

"Good to see you, Harry. Good job on making it alive." Sam said with a weary chuckle as he clapped his shoulder.

"You too Sam. Is McGonagall alive?"

"Mm. we found her in her office during one of our searches. That was a couple weeks ago. We were going to come search the tower but she told us to wait."

"What's with the guns?"

"Dumbledore's design. In the Room of Requirement. All these magical weapons. Bombarda shotguns. Great for Zombie killing. We've been rounding up survivors. But the Room may be needed to be kept for purely battle purposes. McGonagall theorized the Tower would be great for survivors to stay till the battle's over. We're here to check it out. We're First Recon." He indicated his men.

"Dumbledore?" Harry asked.

"Confirmed Zombie.." Sam said sadly.

"This is all of them Sam." Ben and James said leading the others in.

"Calm down everyone. We're with McGonagall. We're part of the Human Resistance. Who's injured. Madam Pomfrey's trained me to deal with some medical magic. Lucas. Get Harry a gun and teach him to shoot it. We're taking him back to McGonagall. Uh. Granger isn't it? let's start with you."

Sam Stark was healing Hermione's broken hand with gentle care. She looked at him in wonder.

"You were always…quiet." She said softly.

"Zombie Apocalypse changes things." He said as her bones realigned.

"How's that? Still got that famous Granger punch?" he grinned.

"Hermione." She smiled shaking his hand.

The First Recon Team were now showered, fed and reclothed from their Gryffindor Tower stocks. The four of them plus Harry now stood in the portrait corridor. Lucas and Ben were giving Harry last minute tips on how to kill zombies.

"Guys. Enough. He's Harry Fucking Potter. He's got his shit sussed. Right Harry?" Sam asked him as he cocked his shotgun.

"Sure do."

"Open it up." Sam said to the Fat Lady. The portrait opened and the five of them hurried out. The portrait swung shut and the empty canvas blended into the wall.

"We want to get to the Seventh Floor Corridor." Sam whispered as they edged upstairs.

"I have my map." Harry unfurled the Marauder's Map.

"Sam, your five." Ben called. Sam turned and fired. A dead zombie fell down the enchanted staircase to join the other rotting corpses.

"They'll have heard that. Map away Potter. Wont do us any good now. Cock 'em and rock 'em boys. I'll see you back at the Room. Harry, you stick with me." The boys began to run upstairs. Sam and Ben led with Harry behind them and Lucas and James covering their backs.

"God save the queen! Or some shit…" James said firing his shotgun into the air and pulling off into a side room on the Seventh Floor. He entered and started killing zombies to attract attention. Ben pulled back to help him. Lucas and Sam dragged Harry as they sprinted down the corridor.

"Lucas. Opposite direction. Guns up." Harry stood in the middle as the boys walked past each other three times and fired rounds at oncoming zombies. Harry looked up and to his horror saw the approaching zombie form of Luna Lovegood. He groaned and began to fire. She blew into pieces as a door opened behind him.

"Good shot Potter." Sam said in an impressed tone before ushering him in through the door.

Harry stared at the room. There were about thirty other people there. A majority of whom were survivors. Others were fighters like Sam, Ben, Lucas and James. McGonagall came forward.

"Potter…it's good to see you made it."

"You too ma'am." Harry said respectfully.

"Ma'am. Lucas and I request permission to go out and search for James and Ben."

"That's highly unadvisable Stark."

"They're part of our team ma'am."

"Very well. Take Team 2 with you."

"Team 2 on me and Lucas. Let's roll. We're hunting for Ben and James." Sam said moving towards the door, Lucas followed him and Team 2 consisting of five of the other fighters hurried after him. Harry watched them go as did the other survivors.

"I remember a time where you would have told Stark not to be a hero." Harry said to McGonagall.

"Times have changed Potter. If what was left of Hogwarts was contained in this room, You could call Stark the Head Boy. Those four boys, saved my life. Come with me." She walked down the extended room. Cots were set up for the survivors. Madam Pomfrey was kneeling before someone with a broken leg. McGonagall led him to a door where they crossed into what looked like a command centre. McGonagall sighed and sat down, indicating Harry do the same. He did so and then jerked him thumb behind him and opened his mouth to ask her a question.

"First Recon consistently hunts the school for uncontaminated survivors. Team 2 focuses on confirming the identities of those who have fallen ill." She indicated the wall behind her where on a giant board were pictures and names of everyone at Hogwarts, some had red X's over their photos, others had a Green Z stamp. Harry rose to examine the photos. Dumbledore had a large Z over his face. Ron and Lavender had X's

"Professor…what is going on? I knew you would have the answers. I had to kill Ron and Lavender…he was my best friend."

"That was you was it? Stark brought me back photos of what was left of them." McGonagall spoke as though commenting on a nice holiday location.

"Professor.."

"It started with the muggles. It always starts with the bloody muggles…" she murmured taking her hat off.

"What do you mean?"

"A few months ago. A muggle man by the name of Gerald consumed a contaminated beef patty at…McDonalds, is it?"

"Yes. McDonalds. Terrible food at great prices. Go on." Harry makes eye contact with you for a second with a small grin.

"The illness causes swelling of the brain to a point where the person inside has literally died. Boost in physical strength but loss of magic for wizards. They are cannibals and they want one thing. Live human flesh. One bite. Is all it takes for us to become like them. There is no cure. Except for a rumour that Stark heard, Slughorn tried to create a cure."

"Have you looked into it?" McGonagall looked up at him and crossed the room haughtily. She waved her hand at the wall, it parted reveal hundreds of screens making up one big screen.

"Electronic equipment doesn't work on Hogwarts…"

"This is Wizard Electronic Equipment Potter…don't be daft. Do you really think wizards can exist in 2011 without the use of technology?" she looked at him incredulously like when he got a question wrong in Transfiguration.

"Sorry…Professor."

"Look." She indicated screens down the bottom row. They showed a multitude of zombies.

"This is why we haven't looked into it. this castle is infested with those things. These..." she trailed off, a disdainful look on her face.

"Zombies?" Harry offered.

"There are 12 sixteen and seventeen year old boys armed with shotguns. These are boys who as recently as last month I gave detention for catching them in the broom cupboards on the fourth floor in various awkward situations."

"I knew it was the Fourth Floor." Harry exclaimed. She turned to look at him.

"There are too many of them to just be from the castle and the town." She said softly.

"Professor…what about Voldemort?"

"Oh…god. That's old news Potter. The war between wizards is abysmally unimportant compared to the war between those who are alive and those who are the living dead. Remus confirmed that Voldemort was zombiefied four weeks ago."

"Remus is alive?"

"Grimmauld Place is another human resistance."

"But he'll come back. He can come back. Dumbledore-."

"Horcruxes? Yes? They cease to work once the consciousness of the individual ceases to exist but the body remains. Zombies…are a very interesting loophole." Stark entered the room, his hair was sticking to his head with sweat, he had blood and gore over him.

"Did you find them?"

"They took out the horde in the Sixth Floor Corridor. It got messy." He walked in, his team followed. They all settled into chairs, Sam approached the wall of photos and waved his wand. Stamps appeared across several photos.

"Professor with both the sixth and seventh floors now clear. The boys and I agree that attempting to get into the History of Magic annexe would be best staged now." Sam said turning to face her.

"What do you mean?" McGonagall asked slowly.

"The Annexe is rumoured to be where most of the Fifth Years are hiding. We figure this will be the best chance we have to see. We'll arm up extensively." Lucas said.

"No. this development gives us the best opportunity to transfer the survivors we have now to the Tower. We need to be able to look after the ones we have before we consider taking on more pressure. The fifth years will be fine."

"Which Fifth Years?" Harry asked. They all turned to look at him.

"Fifth Year Gryffindor Girls, majority of Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw boys and Slytherin girls." Sam said.

"I said-."

"Professor. Let me and Sam go to the Annexe and check it out. You can use the rest of the team to escort the survivors to the tower."

"This is a waste of time. Even if you did find the survivors. The two of you can't protect them back to the Tower!" McGonagall snapped.

"Calm down there Potter. You killed one zombie. You're not Rambo." Lucas said.

"Ginny Weasley may or may not be in that room. I'm going to find out." Sam looked up at him.

"I'll go. Professor. You know you can trust me. Boys. Let's work on this logistically. All eleven of you remaining behind will escort of them ten at once. Harry. Follow me." Sam walked away from an open-mouthed McGonagall. Harry ran to catch up. Sam stopped by a cot and pulled out a duffel bag.

"Your Ginny. She a feisty little minx?" Sam said as he opened the bag.

"She casts a hell of a bat bogey curse." Harry said slowly.

"Good." Sam grinned and zipped the bag up again. He slung it around his shoulder and made for the door. The contents clinked together.

"What's in the bag?" Harry asked.

"A picnic basket." Sam called back

"Cool…you're really tough and shit Stark." Harry said as he caught up with him.

"Shut up, Potter. Boy who lived my ass. I'll kick the shit out of you." Sam joked in a serious tone waving his shotgun around.

"I'm so scared."

"Stop. Look. It will get rough out there. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"I duelled Voldemort for my life Sam."

"Did Voldemort try to take a chunk out of your leg?"

"No…but he did use my bloo-."

"Harry. This is different from anything anyone has ever witnessed. Death Eaters. Nazi's. sure. Zombies? This is a whole new quidditch game bro." Sam said gazing at him.

"What the fuck does Quidditch have to do with anything?" Harry asked incredulously. Sam shut his eyes and exhaled.

"How the fuck are you so stupid? Let's go." Sam moved out the door and instantly fired his shotgun at a waiting zombie. Harry was sure he heard him mutter "Fucking sixth years…"