Episode tag: Shalom

Pairing: McGee/Abby/Tony

Rating: M for smut. Mom, if you decided to read this one, I don't think I want to know about it. :)

AN: No, I didn't forget about Life is Made. This was my perfect storm of a week and I decided I'd keep what was left of my sanity and skip a week of posting. But these plot bunnies started hopping yesterday and it turned out better than I thought, so I'm posting this instead today.

Distraction

Tony waited until Ziva had convinced Agent Lee to give her a ride home and the two women had left before walking over to McGee, who was still sitting at his desk with his feet propped up.

"You can't avoid her forever, you know," he said. Tony hiked a hip on the desktop and looked down at his friend. "Somebody has to tell Abby that Gibbs left."

"And you think it should be me?" Tim raised an eyebrow. "Last time I checked, you were team leader."

Tony snorted. "Team leader, sure. But you're the one who's been sharing the coffin since Gibbs took off. She's going to want you once she finds out. Why bring me into this?" He leered at McGee. "Besides, you heard her earlier — your deviousness makes her hot. She's been ready to jump you since then." That reminded him, he'd never done the one thing he'd always sworn he'd do differently than Gibbs. "Good job on that, McGee."

"Good job on making Abby hot?" McGee smirked. "I do that all the time, Tony."

Tony reached out and smacked the back of his head. "No, good job on the BOLO." He made a dramatic face. "Being hot in the process was just a side benefit."

He didn't think McGee could smirk more, but somehow he was. "You thought it was hot, too? Maybe Abby was right, we should have invited you to join us."

Before Tony could process McGee's words, he heard the forensic scientist clomp up behind them. "Wait, Tony's finally joining us?" She settled in McGee's lap, then slugged him on the shoulder. "I told you we should have asked before now. The coffin's a lot more fun with three."

Tony's brain had stopped working. That was the only explanation. He couldn't possibly be hearing the computer twins right.

"Think we fried his brain, Abs," McGee said, wrapping his arms around her.

"Come on, Tony. Come out with us," Abby said. "We need to celebrate." She wrapped an arm around McGee's neck and looked at him. "You said he wouldn't because he's your boss, but now that Gibbs is back, he's not your boss." She looked back at Tony.

Tony struggled not to wince at the mental whiplash, as telling Abby he wasn't planning on joining them in a threesome was no longer his biggest problem. Telling her Gibbs was gone again? Much harder to wrap his brain around. To judge by Tim's expression, he was struggling with the same dilemma.

Tony realized he'd better get them out of the office before she found out about Gibbs and Hurricane Abby let loose. "Come on. We'd better head out before Director Shepard comes back and sees you two making out in the bullpen." He grabbed his gear and turned to see Abby headed in the direction of her lab. "I'll meet you guys in the lot," she said.

McGee was still sitting in his chair.

"Come on, McStiff," he said. Then he stepped closer so nobody could hear him. "Let's get her out of here before she finds out and we have to stop her from hunting Gibbs down." He thought about it. "We'll go to my place. Leave your car here; I'll offer to drive all three of us. That way she can't run off when we tell her."

McGee got up and stood close to Tony, too close. "You don't want Gibbs back?"

Tony cursed. "This is Gibbs, the original immovable object. If he's already on his way to the airport and she tracks him down, it's going to be ugly. We distract her for tonight. And by the time she goes to find him tomorrow, he's gone and there's nothing she can do. Rule 18."

McGee rolled his eyes. "If she finds out we knew he left, there's no way she'll forgive us."

"Do you know he's left?" Tony said. "Did he tell you he was going back to Mexico?"

McGee slowly shook his head as he followed Tony to the elevator. "He just handed me the envelope. He didn't say anything."

"Then we don't actually know anything to tell her." Tony twisted his neck and felt the tension of the past two days ripple away when it cracked.

As the elevator doors shut behind them, McGee was silent. Once the car started moving, he reached over and hit the emergency switch. "Tony, you realize she's expecting us to go back to your place for wild fuckbuddy sex, right? All of us?"

Tony swallowed and nodded. "Were you two planning on telling me you wanted to fuck me?"

McGee shrugged. "She said you were bent enough to enjoy it." He smirked. "She said nobody as obsessed with whether or not I was gay as you are could possibly be straight."

Tony thunked his head back against the wall of the elevator. "We are not having this conversation."

"You're the one who would rather have a threesome than tell Abby that Gibbs is leaving," Tim said, flicking the switch back on. "Come on, if she starts her car, she's going to insist on driving to your place, and then she'll be able to take off."

Tony hated when McGee was right. "OK, OK. Just... All I'm promising is Abby in the middle."

"Not even asking for that if you're not comfortable." He grimaced. "I mean, you are my boss. You can always tell Abby you just want to watch, or we can take turns with her."

"McGee. Enough. We'll figure it out later." He stalked off to his car, McGee on his six.

Fortunately, they beat Abby to the car by a few minutes, and Tony used the time to put the windows and roof of his baby down. When she walked out, studded purse over one arm, Tony motioned her over. "Come on, Abs." When she got closer, he lowered his voice. "You can get McGee warmed up in the backseat, while you tell me what you've got in store for me when we get to my place." He waggled his eyebrows, determined to hide how unsure he was from her.

McGee chimed right in. "Come on, Abs, let's show him what he's been missing." He dropped his gear in the front seat and just slid into the back seat without bothering to open the door. Abby followed suit, and Tony couldn't resist the glimpse he caught when her skirt hiked up.

He got in the driver's seat and checked before backing out. "Don't get too comfortable until we're off the Yard," he cautioned.

They were almost out the front gate when the director's car pulled up alongside them. "Tony, don't forget the team leader meeting first thing Monday," she said, before pulling away.

Tony gritted his teeth to keep from cursing aloud, hoping Abby had been too busy distracted by McGee to register what Jenny had said. He glanced in the rear view mirror and saw from the look in McGee's eyes that he'd caught her comment.

"We're off the Navy Yard," he heard McGee say, before the man's head disappeared from the mirror's view. As he waited to turn onto the main road, he glanced back to see McGee had pinned Abby and was molesting her mouth with his own as she writhed beneath him. He pulled out into traffic and tried to ignore the growing tightness in his pants. He needed to think about how he was going to deal with Abby's anger at Gibbs and them and not about how she and McGee were pushing the boundaries of public nudity laws in the backseat of his car.

He still didn't have an answer by the time he pulled into his lot, but when he turned around, Abby was still plastered to McGee. She either hadn't heard, or it hadn't registered.

Tony got out and tugged one of Abby's pigtails. "Hey, come on. Upstairs, before somebody writes us a ticket."

She looked over at him - her eyes level with Little Anthony, who had decided that — whatever Tony's brain thought of joining McGee and Abby in bed — he was fine with it. Abby smiled. "We wouldn't want that." She held out a hand, and Tony helped her out of the car. McGee climbed after her.

"You still have that spare key to my place?" Tony asked Abby. When she nodded, he gave into temptation and pulled her in for a kiss. "You two go upstairs, get comfortable. I'll be up as soon as I put my baby away."

When he walked into his apartment 10 minutes later, he could hear moans from his bedroom and walked in to find Abby wearing just a black satin bra and G-string lying on his bed, the covers turned down. McGee had shed his jacket, shoes, and socks, but still wore his jeans and a T-shirt.

"You're overdressed, Tony," Abby said. She sat up and reached across the bed, hooking a finger in his waistband and pulling him toward her. He stopped when his knees hit the bed. "Strip for us." She smirked. "Unless you'd rather Timmy strip you."

Tony's brain was screaming no, but he felt himself harden more and realized that some part of him thought geek was hot. With more confidence than he felt, he turned toward McGee. "How about I strip him?" He pulled Tim in close and whispered in his ear "Did she hear what the director said?" Then he nibbled a line down Tim's neck so Abby wouldn't suspect.

McGee slid his hands around Tony's waist, and Tony quickly realized Little McGee wasn't quite so little. He was so distracted by that thought he almost missed McGee's reply.

"Don't know," he breathed into Tony's ear. "Think I distracted her in time."

Tony could believe that, as the touch of McGee's hands had him more focused on getting them both down to bare skin than anything else. He undid McGee's belt and jeans, sliding his hands down to find a damp spot on McGee's boxers and a bigger handful than he'd ever expected inside them. He pulled back in surprise and just stared.

"You OK?" McGee looked worried.

Tony nodded, but McGee didn't look convinced. So Tony undid his own belt and jeans and stripped down so McGee could see how OK he was. Then he settled back on the bed and pulled Abby onto his lap. She straddled him, her chest pressing against his, and he reached behind her to unhook her bra. "Come on, McGee, you're missing all the fun."

He slid the bra straps down Abby's arms, then pushed the fabric out of the way so she was almost completely naked, wet heat pressing against him. Yet he couldn't take his eyes off McGee as the man pulled off his T-shirt and pushed down his pants and boxers, then climbed into bed with them, kneeling between Tony's legs. Tony focused on Abby's face in front of him and leaned in to kiss her, tasting fruity Caf-Pow as he claimed her mouth, his hands moving all over her body. She ground against him, and he couldn't stop his hips from thrusting back, his heels pressing into the mattress. One hand slid down her back, stopping when he realized McGee had pressed himself up against Abby. He paused for only a second though, then let his hand stroke down McGee, then back up, getting slick as McGee leaked steadily. He realized he was leaking himself as he rubbed himself against Abby.

"Abs, pull away for a second," McGee said, slipping his hands under the thin elastic that held the last scrap of black satin on her body. She eased herself up, and Tony moved his legs so she could lay back on the bed between them. McGee worked his way down her body, and she reached for Tony, stroking him until he had to pull back.

"Too close, Abs," he said. He hadn't felt this close to coming with this little contact since he was a teenager, and he wasn't sure what that said about him... about this.

"Want to just watch for a bit?" McGee asked as he moved to lay next to Abby, one hand draped over her hip. Tony sat up so he could see McGee clearly and nodded. Watching was good. Maybe if he watched, he could figure out when his body had decided naked McGee was as much of a turn on as naked Abby.

As Tim moved down to Abby's feet and started working his way up, fingers and tongue caressing her body inch by inch, she turned to look at Tony. "Aren't you glad you're not the boss any-" She broke off. "Wait a minute. The director said she would see you at the team leaders meeting Monday. Why are you going? Why isn't Gibbs?"

Tony grimaced. "He left, Abby."

"He what?" She sat up, her knee knocking McGee in the jaw. "He just went home, right? To dust off the boat?"

Tony looked at McGee, who looked back. "We don't know, Abs," McGee said. "He just... left."

"He can't just leave," Abby said. "We have to stop him."

"Abby." Tony knew he wasn't Gibbs, but he had enough Gibbs in him then to stop her. He reached out and touched a finger to her lips, stopping her from saying anything else. "He's either long gone, already back in Mexico, or he's at home with the boat and he'll be there in the morning. Either way, we can't do anything."

Abby glared at both of them, then burst into tears. Tony pulled her back into his lap, but this time for comfort. He motioned for McGee to join them, and soon the younger man's long arms were wrapped around both of them. Abby shook from the force of her sobs, and Tony rubbed a hand up and down her back, glad McGee was holding on, helping him keep it together. He lost track of time, but at some point she cried herself to sleep in his lap. McGee helped him ease her down until they were lying in bed, Tony's head on the pillows and Abby's on Tony's shoulder.

"I'll go crash on the couch," McGee said and started to get up.

Tony grabbed his shoulder and stopped him. "Sleep here," he said. When McGee hesitated, Tony forced himself to keep talking. "McGee... Tim, if Abby hadn't figured out what Jenny meant, we were about to get as personal as it gets. If you're offering to sleep on the sofa because you'd rather not sleep here, that's your call. But if you think it's because I'm not comfortable with this, well..." His voice trailed off as he searched for the words. "Little Anthony would have been just as excited if Abby wasn't anywhere near this room tonight."

Tim looked at him, surprised. "Really?"

Tony nodded. "Yes, and that's probably going to give me a headache if I try to think about it, so just lay down and sleep with us. We'll sort it all out after we chase Gibbs down tomorrow."

Tim just nodded and pulled the comforter up over the three of them. He wrapped his arm around Abby, and Tony lay his hand on top of it, thumb stroking over Tim's knuckles. "We'll figure it out tomorrow," he promised.