Hope. The word had stuck itself in Rey's head. She laid alone wrapped in a blanket in the quarters of the Falcon. Finn had been so kind to offer her the bed, but she couldn't sleep. She hadn't slept since Crait… or since before that as well. She felt wrong taking up the sleeper pod by just lying there. It was unearned. Stolen. She was squandering it. By the Force she wanted to want to sleep, but she didn't seem to do much of that anymore.
Hope, that was all this Resistance had left, what little Resistance there was. Rey didn't even know where they were going, where could they go? The General was a legend, beloved and respected with many friends, but even legends had to die and Rey had known two legends who had died now. How easily could two become three?
Let the past die, kill it if you have to, she remembered Kylo Ren's baritone voice. Would he try to kill General Leia too? Rey's connection with him had died with Snoke, but still there were echoes in the Force where that link had once been. If she began to conceive it in her mind, the link was more obvious. She could almost will herself to see the dark surroundings of his First Order base if she tried…
Abruptly, Rey cleared her mind of the Dark Jedi and pushed herself up from her mattress. She did not need to dwell longer on Ben Solo and if she couldn't rest in the sleeper pod, then her presence there was a waste. Her boots tapped gently against the floor of the Falcon as she carried herself through the port-side corridor. Of course she'd slept in her clothes, how else was she supposed to feel safe?
She ran her hand along the wall of the ship, admiring the worn metal and feeling that low hum that emanated through this junk heap. It was like the Force, but warm, not cold. It made her smile. Maybe she was paranoid to feel so unsafe here.
She arrived in the main hold and saw Finn asleep over the hologram table, snoring softly. She wondered if it had been the Force that carried her to him, if they had a connection because of their previous entanglements. Still, it dawned on her that seeing him now wasn't like before. When she'd been on the island something more had risen in her, a greater conception of the Force. She had felt the Force when it had been awoken in her, but ever since Ahch-To she could see it in everything now, in all living things. It made her feel so much more in the presence of those she had emotional bonds with. Finn was her strongest bond.
Dexterously, she slipped beside him and placed her arms around his body. She tried close her eyes again to sleep.
"Mmh… Rey?" Finn said, suddenly snapping to attention and shooting up in the seat. Rey would've been thrown back, if not for her swift reflexes.
They silently stared at each other for a beat before concern filled Finn's tired eyes. "Are you okay? Why're you up?"
"I couldn't sleep. I'm sorry."
"You've been having trouble sleeping too," Finn noted.
Rey wasn't certain who else he was talking about. "You seemed at peace…"
"I guess I managed it in the end. Managed something for once," Finn said bitterly.
"Don't be so hard on yourself." She found herself putting her arms around him, the sadness bled out of him like a wound. She felt it and it broke her heart. Now that Rey was drowning in the Force, every emotion was so tangible.
"We screwed up everything. Poe told me what happening, it was because of us we nearly lost. Because we were reckless. Couldn't even sacrifice myself right in the end, Rose stopped me."
Rey shook her head and stroked his cheek. "I'm glad you didn't sacrifice yourself, Finn. We lost Han, we lost Luke, we lost the Resistance, we lost everything, we… I couldn't lose you too." And suddenly there were tears in her eyes, she hadn't expected this; she just wished to sleep, not cry unnecessarily.
Finn gently wiped the tears from her face. "We haven't lost everything, Rey. There's always hope."
"You're right." Rey blushed with embarrassment. "I don't know what came over me."
Finn smiled. "You keep everything locked up in your head haven't you? It's okay to let it out sometimes. You don't have to be so strong all the time. You're not alone."
"Perhaps you're right." Rey leaning into his warmth, this was the safest she'd ever felt. "I've always been so alone. My parents aren't coming back for me."
"You still think about them?" Finn looked to her, but Rey didn't meet his gaze, only staring onwards forlornly.
Rey nodded. "All the time. But I know that they're not coming back now."
"How?"
"The Force showed me a vision on Ahch-To… but maybe I really always knew. They left me on Jakku, alone, for years. I held onto the hope that one day they were coming back, that they were kind people who had been forced to abandon me due to some tragedy, that it wasn't their fault. I thought maybe they were fantastical adventurers or heroes from the Resistance, that I came from somewhere great all along. But why would I think that? Of course they weren't. Of course they were nobody…"
"You were a kid with nothing," Finn supposed. "That hope was all you had."
Silence passed between them. Rey thought back to that vision the lightsaber of Anakin Skywalker had showed her of the little girl screaming at a departing ship. Had that even happened or was that just something she'd dreamed? She remembered barely anything from when she'd lived on Jakku, every day had been the same. She had sleepwalked through life until the day she met Finn.
"I thought living on Jakku had forced me to grow up faster," Rey began finally, "And in some ways, it did, but in other ways I'm still that scared little girl fighting for her life. My parents never wanted me, they threw me away. I'm no-one. I'm nothing."
Rey regretted saying that the moment it came out of her mouth and concern crossed Finn's face. It wasn't true, Kylo Ren wasn't right. She wasn'tnothing. Yet somehow saying it had been remarkably easy.
"Come on, Rey-"
"I shouldn't have said that," she interrupted. "I know it's not true in my head…"
"…But just because you know something, doesn't mean you don't feel it," Finn guessed.
Rey smiled at him. "Since when were you so wise?"
Finn shrugged. "You don't have to be a Jedi Master to know things. And there's nothing wrong with coming from nowhere, Rey. I don't know who my parents were and, hey, I'm pretty alright."
Rey smirked.
"Besides," Finn continued, "You're the strongest person I know, surviving on Jakku for all those years. You beat down Kylo Ren after he cut right through me back on Starkiller Base and I'd say lifting all those rocks back on Crait was pretty impressive."
Rey's smile widened and she leaned into him, closing her eyes. He was so warm and safe. "If it weren't for you I truly would be alone, Finn."
Finn kissed her forehead, but just as he did, she felt a twinge of anxiety in him and she moved away, looking right into his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Ah, nothing," Finn said, but Rey knew better.
"Finn, please."
"It's just… Rose kissed me," Finn explained, he looked away from her in shame.
"She kissed you?" Rey repeated, feeling a bit of jealousy. Rose laid unconscious on the sleeper pod in that very room. Rey knew almost nothing of her, but didn't like the sound of her kissing Finn.
"I'm sorry, Rey, I was going to sacrifice myself to save us all, but she saved me and then… I'm sorry, I didn't expect it at all…" Finn explained.
Rey held up her hand. "Don't worry about it Finn, it's just…"
"What?"
"It's just – you better wipe that kiss off your pretty lips, trooper."
Finn let out a short breath at Rey's sudden change in tone. "Yes ma'am," he said desperately wiping his lips on his sleeve. Rey smiled and felt a rush of excitement.
But in the distance, she could suddenly hear footsteps. Unsubtle, loud footsteps. It didn't take a genius for her to figure out who it was, she could feel her connection with him through the Force and the excitement inside her evaporated.
Poe Dameron walked into the hold from the main corridor, interrupting their quiet. They took in his tired visage. He lacked his famous jacket and his hair was more of a curled mess than usual and noticed them together a minute later. "Finn, Rey," he said, "You're up."
"Hey Poe," Finn replied as Rey silently observed the pilot. If the fact that Finn and Rey were so physically close meant something to him, Poe didn't show it, instead opting to casually take the seat in their opposite. Rey suspected that he could find sleep easily either.
Poe sighed and rubbed his hands across his face, he really looked like he hadn't slept in years. Rey could feel it in the Force, his defeat. The Resistance had been running from the First Order for days and Commander Dameron had been such a part of that. He had sacrificed everything and still they had lost. Rey ultimately didn't know much of the Resistance, but she imagined Poe as its soul and though hope was not lost, the Resistance was.
"You're so tired," Rey said, finally.
Poe looked at her through his fingers. "You noticed."
"I'm sorry," Rey said. She didn't know what for exactly. She just was.
"Thanks."
They held each other's gaze for a while. They had barely interacted, but Rey felt something for him already. There was something about him, an imperishable flame. It was akin the Force, but she liked it.
"You're a Jedi," Poe stated abruptly, taking his hands off his face.
"Maybe," Rey replied.
"How can you maybe be a Jedi? Don't you have the Force?"
Rey shook her head. "That's not what makes someone a Jedi. Kylo Ren is not a Jedi, for example. I'm just someone who the Force chose."
"The Force chose you?" Finn asked. "The Force chooses things?"
"I don't know exactly," Rey said. "But from what I've learned, the Force chose me in response to Kylo Ren's strength with the dark side. I'm his equivalent in the light."
"I don't get it; the Force is alive? It has consciousness?" Poe asked.
"Maybe so," Rey replied. "But what does it matter? If my place in all this is to defeat Kylo Ren then that's what I must do. Either by his redemption or through his…"
"If you're going to stop Kylo Ren, then I'm going to help you however I can," Finn said.
"We're going to help you," Poe corrected, leaning towards them from his seat, "The Resistance will help too."
Rey felt a little overwhelmed at their support. "I don't know if this is a path I can walk with you at my side."
"Rey I'm not going to leave you to face Kylo Ren alone. I already did that once…" Finn said.
"Because he almost killed you, Finn," Rey pointed out. "He is so powerful with the dark side… if the Force chose me as his opposite then only I can stop him."
Finn frowned, but didn't say anything.
"The Resistance can help you," Poe interrupted. "Ren has the First Order at his side, if you're going to stop him you'll need to stop them too."
"The Resistance is dead, Poe," Finn replied before Rey could, though Finn did not face him. "We can't rely on them anymore."
Poe shook his head. "It's not dead. We've taken some losses, sure-"
"Some losses?" Finn repeated. "The fleet was destroyed, the main based, no-one came to help us in the most desperate hour. Look around, all that's left is the dozen people on this ship."
"We still have the General," Poe claimed, though his voice was like a young boy's.
"And their allies knew that and still… why would they care now? The Resistance is dead."
Rey watched Poe look away from Finn's gaze and process this for real. He rubbed his face and his broken expression shifted, until there was just nothing.
"I'm tired," Poe said finally, not looking at either of his friends, a dead conversation dropped.
He was more than right. Rey could feel it in the Force. The galaxy was tired.
"Perhaps we should think of other things," Rey suggested. "For now we'll be stuck on the Falcon. There's no use worrying about the future at the moment."
"Where are we even going?" Finn asked as if he hadn't heard a thing she'd said.
"There's no use worrying about that," Rey insisted.
Finn sighed, "You're right, but what else can we do?"
Rey thought for a moment. Everyone else on the Falcon was asleep. The lights had been dimmed. The three of them seemed in a different world from everyone. A secretive, secluded world. Rey found herself staring into Commander Dameron's bedroom eyes. He wasn't paying attention to her, rather, her Finn had caught his gaze. Through the Force, she could tell that his intentions were less than pure and it lit a spark of jealousy in her heart. But... perhaps she could let the Commander explore these impure thoughts, under her watchful gaze of course.
"I have an idea…" Rey began.