So by amazing circumstances, I was about to become the owner of the best weapon on the face of the earth. He had just saved us all from 1,000 Nazi vampires, and now he was a fraction of the man he used to be. The werewolf had forced him to shed nearly all the brave souls he had reaped over his lifetime, all those people who thought they could survive against an unstoppable force of pure chaos. Now he was glad to still be existing with his own wretched life.

Or was he glad? I'm not sure. I think he would fight to exist whether he wanted to hit the continue button or not. He's a fighter, not a lover, but now he's mine and I can do whatever I want.

He came to my door that night, to the apartment duplex that I live in. I'm sure his red eyes passed over my yard, with the broken car sitting on dead grass, and the plastic Playschool toys scattered around by lazy children. He probably noticed that I lived in a crowed part of town, where houses are run-down havens for crack heads and prostitutes. The welfare cases collect their food stamps and shop at the Save N Steal, which is across the busy, loud street that I live on.

I'm sure that when he came to my door he was surprised to find that this whole dilapidated house was not mine, but in fact I shared it with a couple other families. I live on my own here, I moved from my parent's poor-ass house to this place: the butt hole of the world I am pretty sure. I work at the Save N Steal that is across the street.

Alucard knocked on my paint-chipped door, and I went to let him in.

"Oh hey, you finally got here, I couldn't wait!" I said.

"Yeah, I was in Aruba with Integra and Seras, what the hell do you want?"

"Oh, I think you know what I want. Come on in," I say.

He follows me into my house, which smells like dog piss from the previous owner. I bring him to my living room, and I sit down on my lopsided, stained couch, while Alucard stands in front of me.

"So how's Integra?" I asked.

"She's enjoying the warm nights on her vacation, which is where I should be. You've got no use for a thing like me, why don't you just give me back to her," he said.

"Oh no, that is not true. I've got a use for you," I said. I picked up the drink that I had made, it was coke mixed with cheap vodka. "I've got orders for you. First one: strip."

"My god, you cannot be serious. Is this why I'm here?"

"Yeah you heard me mister raggedy man, take it off slowly," I said. I jingled the ice in my glass and waited.

I also hit the button on my boom box, which started to play sexy stripper music.

Alucard's face was feral and careless, he was amused. He took off the wide-brimmed red hat and put it on the table next to me. I grabbed it and put it on my head.

"Whooo!" I said.

He took off the red ribbon tie and tossed it at me. Then he took off his big, long jacket and put that on my head, too. I tore it off so I could watch the rest.

"Dance a little!" I said, so he did. Alucard danced around in front of me, half naked.

When he got down to his pants, I grabbed the waist of them and pulled him towards myself. I took them off myself, and then I had him, naked, in my dirty ass living room

"So, what do we have here?" I grabbed him, but to my disappointment he was not excited.

"What, did you really think it would be that easy? You do nothing for me, you are not even a virgin," he said. His face is a crazy grin: I love his expression, it is the reason why I'm so infatuated with him.

My own face twisted upon itself. I pulled from my pocket my butterfly knife, and I stuck it right between his ribs. I cut him open, and I reached inside. I grabbed his heart and took it from him.

"You will learn, or I am going to command you to walk into a fire and stay there until you burn to death, understand?" I said, holding his bloody heart in my hand. I took the squishy thing and I threw it at the wall, where it slid down leaving a trail like sweet red tears down the peeling wallpaper.

He looked at me over the top of his round sunglasses, and I was not sure how to read his expression. He was much more mysterious that night when I met him in person, much more than I ever hoped he would be.

I left him that night, and I went to work the next morning. After work I came home, and he was gone. He probably thought that if he was away from me, I wouldn't be able to give him orders. Fortunately, I had thought of this. I had put a cell phone in his pocket, and I called him on it. He answered it, unable to ignore the ringing phone. Vampires are kind of OCD, you know.

"Yeah?" he said.

"You thought you could get away? Well I order you to hang around with me tonight. And I also order that from now on, if you go somewhere, you have to return at least once per night, all right?"

He growled at me over the phone.

"Yes, that is at least how often I need sex, understand?"

He hung up, and in a few moments he was back at my shit hole house.

His head was twisted to the side and he was looking crookedly at me, half his mouth was grinning to reveal pointy white teeth. I was happy to see him again, I had been thinking about him the whole time I was at work.

I had a couple friends come over, and we watched TV and got drunk like I normally do. Except this time I had Alucard sitting right under my butt.

"Want some liquor?" I asked him.

"No, I can't," he said. "I'm a vampire, I can't drink anything except blood."

I was getting drunk, and I put my arms around him. I smooched him wetly on his face, and stuck my tongue right between his pointy canines. I grabbed his long, dark hair and rubbed my face in it, to feel it's softness. It was great, I haven't had a boyfriend in years, it felt so nice to hold somebody. I looked up at his face, and he looked toothily back at me.

"Here, I'll make you a mixed drink," I said. I took out my butterfly knife, and sliced my arm open painfully. I dripped some blood into a glass with some vodka, and gave it to him.

He actually laughed at this, and he drank it. It made me feel good to give him something from myself.

My dumb friends left eventually, and we were alone again. I browsed the internet for cat pictures and other things, but this time I did not look at porn, because I didn't need to. I have a guy right here.

"So babe, you going to be ready for me tonight?" I asked.

"You haven't gotten any more attractive, so no, I don't think so," he said.

"What's it going to take?" I asked him. "Am I going to have to pull your insides out or are you going to do what I say?"

"You know I think that might help," he said. Clearly, he has some weird turn ons.

I dragged him to my room, and took my own clothes off. All I have is a mattress on the floor, in my bedroom which is the size of a closet.

"Come here," I said. He got on the mattress with me. "Curl around me," I said. So, nakedly, I pulled his arms around me. I was so happy to feel his naked skin against mine and, actually, this was enough to make me happy. For the moment, at least.

Alucard sat in the hallway outside the movie theater. He was waiting for me outside the ladies room, because after the long movie I had to pee. I saw him sitting, so dejected, looking at his movie ticket blankly, and I started to feel kind of bad. I walked over to him, and over the top of his round glasses I saw his red irises looking at me.

"How many more idiotic movies are we going to see? Cuddling, video games, playing cards, all this boring crap...I am dying inside. I can't do this anymore," he said.

I knelt down in front of him, and wrapped my arms around his legs. I put my cheek on his knee and looked up at him. It has been three months since I first came to possess him.

"Sorry, I know how much you need action. I just don't want you to go, I just want you with me all the time. I guess you can take some time off, go and kill some ghouls if you really have to. Just come back once per week," I said. In an instant he was gone, just mist out the door.

Alucard came back after a week, as part of our agreement. He was all covered in zombie blood, I knew he had been out having fun. He looked great like that. I grabbed him immediately, because I'd missed him a lot.

"Hey baby, how's it going?" I asked, rubbing his head and messing up his long, dark hair.

"It sucks to be back here," he growled. His expression was of sexy misery. "Can't you at least clean this place?"

"Nah, I like it like this," I said, stepping over piles of junk to stand next to my guy. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him, getting the zombie blood on my clothes. I moved his arms to put them around myself, and man it felt great. I took his crazy face in my hands, and rocked his head back and forth.

"Man, you are so cute," I said, and he sneered at me.

We hung out for a while, and I asked him to tell me about where he'd been. He told me he went back to see Integra, and he'd had to save her from some vampire jerks that were trying to kill her. He told me about the fights he'd been in, and the blood he got to drink. He was very animated when he told me this, and I loved watching his face move. His face is so expressive and unique, I just listened for a long time.

"So did you see Seras?"

"Yes, she is still a cop. She's gotten mature, she's slaughtered a lot of evil men since the last time I saw her," he said, and though his voice is maniacal I know he feels sentimental towards Seras, his former servant. It makes me happy, because it is proof that he is not completely a monster, he can still love people. He showed me a picture of her, and I agreed that she looked mature. Her face had not aged, but I could see the innocence that was once in her eyes melting away.

"Aw, Seras...her boobies are as big as ever," I said.

"Yeah, they sure are," he said, and then he laughed. Man, his laugh creeps me out.

I really wanted to see him transform, so I asked him.

"Can you turn into a dog for me?" I asked. He smirked.

He transformed not into a cute, pet dog, but into a many-eyed monstrosity. The black wall of eyes began to loom over me, it's gigantic stature curling over on itself in my tiny apartment. My whole apartment was covered in eyes and darkness, and right in front of me was the toothy mouth of a large dog. He snapped his jaw inches from my face; just one of his teeth was as large as me. I was completely surrounded by an abyssal darkness, something never ending and deep. All I could see were thousands of eyeballs, gleaming wetly in the darkness and staring at me with squishy evilness.

"Wow, that's amazing," I said, feeling terrified. "Wow...what a rush!" I said. I enjoyed the creeping terror that I felt, being surrounded by such a horror. "Turn into something else!" I said.

He turned into a bat and started tearing up my hair.

"Damn it," I said, waving my arms at him while he eek eeked in my ear. "Get off, you jerk."

He did as I asked, and turned back into his smirking self.

Later that night, I saw him on the internet looking at porn. I knew he was trying to get a boner for me, so I laughed. I stood behind him to see what it was, and I saw the most disturbing images of depravity and ravished innocence I have ever seen, despite my vast experience with internet porn.

"Jesus, are you serious?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Well, it's available," he said.

"Aright, come on," I said. "Actually, you don't have to worry, because I have a trick up my sleeve."

I went into my closet and took out the relic that my mother had given me. She was white trash, we lived in a trailer for most of my childhood, eating TV dinners and watching sitcoms while sitting on a dirty, smelly carpet. She was old and fat, but I suppose there may have been a time when she was beautiful. The only things she ever gave me were a color TV and this weird thing.

The relic looks like a needle with barbed wire wrapped around it. It is incredibly sharp, and it gleams silver in with a lurid, ominous light. The wires are intricate, and looking into them makes one feel that one will follow the spirals forever to one's death.

I took the barbed needle, and I went to my closet-sized bedroom.

"Come here, my sweetness," I said, and he came into my room. I took his clothes off myself, enjoying the way his white skin slowly revealed itself to me.

I pulled him on the bed with me, and I made him treat me sweetly. I told him to kiss me, but I wasn't satisfied. I asked him to kiss me all over, and he did so with his squishy wet mouth. Then, I wrapped my arms around him, one holding the needle.

"My mom told me that this would work, I'm sorry if it hurts. I'll be more sorry if it has no effect," I said. Then I jammed the needle through his back, right through his bloody heart.

"Ah!" he said, surprised. "What the fuck was that?" he asked me. I didn't say anything, I just waited.

Then, I saw it happen! I was overjoyed!

His pupils dilated in those gleaming, red eyes of his. They dilated like he'd been shot with a tranquilizer, but that was not the cause. His pupils were opening up to see me better, because that was the effect of the needle.

"I...need sex," he said. Then he grabbed me, and showed me the night of my life. He banged me incredibly hard; he moved me on his dick like a rag doll.

We did it about five times, until I commanded him to stop. Then he just laid next to me, panting, his eyes wide and crazy.

"I can't get enough, I can't stop. What the hell did you do to me?" he asked. I smiled coyly.

"Now, my dear, you are addicted to me. You are going to crave sex with me for the rest of your life. Well, actually, the rest of my life, the curse will die when I do," I said.

I saw a worry pass over his face, just briefly. I know he was afraid to feel this way for the rest of my long life, but I kissed him sweetly and held his face in my hands.

"Don't worry, dear, you will not go without. I promise that I will always be open for you," I said. I curled myself into his arms, and this time he squeezed me without being asked.

The End