Hmpf.. Steve stretched on his bed while thinking about.. everything? What was he even thinking about? This weren't things you should think about! Tony was his friend! He couldn't.. Possibly.. NO! "Get it out of your head, Rogers." He mumbled quietly as he stood up again, pulling a shirt over his head. He was going to the gym. That was what he would do. No thinking, just punching bags. Yeah. With a final sigh he left his room in at Stark Tower. When he pressed the button on the elevator, the first thing he saw when the doors opened was a grinning Tony. The one man he didn't want to see now. His hair was wet, there was water dripping from his hair, disappearing behind the neck of his shirt. For a moment Steve was lost of words. "Uh- Hi Tony." He mumbled, fidgeting with the rim of his tight white t-shirt. Tony's dark eyes were piercing his, almost forcing him to look down. But he didn't, he couldn't. Those eyes held him in place like some sort of anchor.
"Hey, Cap!" Tony said, and it startled Steve a bit. His voice always had this nonchalance about it. "Where are you off to at this time?" Tony's hand moved, just as nonchalantly as his voice sounded, through his hair. "Uh.." Steve's eyes follow the other man's hand, and he wondered if his hair felt as soft as it looked. And then he reminded himself that that wasn't what he should be doing. "I was going for the gym. Clearing my mind." Oh great! Yeah, sure! That last part really wasn't supposed to follow.. Steve was sure there was at least a small hint of a blush on his face right now. Great. No, wait, even better. Tony noticed. The way he quirked his eyebrow told him enough. "Clearing your mind?" Comfortably, Tony leaned to the wall of the elevator like it was the most common place for someone to hangout. Of course, if you're Tony Stark, everywhere you go is suddenly the place to be. "Why? What's going on in that head of yours?" How was he supposed to answer that? Is this a test? That question seemed a bit old. "Nothing, really." Steve's eyes glanced at the stairs, wondering if he could make a quick excuse but failed to think about anything. "Just, the fight an' all.. It reminded me of.. my past." It wasn't a total lie. He had been thinking about the past, about the war, the things that had happened, Bucky. And Tony. The thought that he might lose him wasn't one he could bare. Not after he lost Bucky. It hurt too much.
He didn't notice the sympathetic smile Tony gave him until he felt the hand on his arm. His breath seemed to stop for a moment. "Sorry, Cap. That's tough." Tony's hand was still resting on his arm. It wasn't moving all the while while he spoke. "Losing yourself in the guy isn't really going to help, though." It wasn't really uncommon, Tony was a touchy person, he knew that. But right now.. it.. god. It confused the hell out of him. "Yeah, well.." he mumbled back in response. He had no idea what he should say. He was still standing outside of the elevator, Tony inside. "Where were you going anyways?" He asked, hoping he could change the topic. It worked like giving candy to a little child that didn't get something he wanted. "Going to get some coffee." A happy smile crossed Tony's face for a second and it lighted a warm fire in a place in Steve's heart that hadn't been warm for a long time. "I have a few things I need to get finished up before I head to bed." "Maybe coffee's a good idea." He blurted out before he noticed the response had even been in his head. He really had no idea why that slipped from his mouth. The next thing confused him even more. "Care if I join you?" What part of the plan clearing your mind and get away from Tony didn't his brain understand. "Of course not," Tony replied quickly, almost too quickly, his smile growing even bigger. It made a clenching feeling taking his grasp around Steve's stomach. The smile was painful in some sort of way. "C'mon, I bet I can guess just how you'd like it." Tony started ahead for the kitchen, tossing looks behind him, his eyes crossing Steve's every now and then. The 'thanks' that Steve muttered was probably lost.
When the two reached the kitchen door, Tony pushed it open with one hand, not walking through, but letting Steve pass first. It seemed like a small gesture for everyone else probably, it seemed like an act of kindness, not a big deal. But coming from Tony Stark, this was a big deal. His heart fluttered a little but Steve pushed the thought away for the sake of his sanity. He sat down on one of the chairs next to the bar, watching Tony intently as he gathered stuff to make coffee. It was one of those things in the kitchen that he actually did make by himself. When he got everything, coffee pot ticking in the background, Tony turned around and started at Steve like he was some sort of scientific formula. "One sugar," he seemed to decide. "And milk, but not too much. Am I right?" A tiny smile formed around Steve's lips. "Have you really been paying attention to that?" He laughed a little, the heavy feeling already lifting from his shoulders. Tony had that effect on him. "Or are you just guessing?" There was a little pause in which time just passed. They looked at each other, a little doubtful, a little happy, content even maybe. "Well, you're not hard to figure out," Tony said with as he flashed a smile in his direction. Steve leaned with his arms on the bar, mumbling a absent-minded response. "I guess.." Steve's mouth curved into a smile. "But sadly I'm the only one who can't figure myself out." Tony poured their coffee, and went to sit across from Steve, sliding his cup over to him. "Want to talk about it?" He offered kindly, but not pushing. "I don't know.." Steve looked into his mug seriously considering just telling Tony. Everything. But even though he tried, he just couldn't. "I.." He swallowed. "I don't know who I am." For a moment he looked up at Tony, but those deep brown eyes were too sincere to look into for too long. "Everything around me changed and I feel like I'm a shadow."
"It's got to be tough," Tony murmured, a little sadly. Steve could hear that he really felt sorry for him. Steve was still looking into his cup, not noticing Tony shifting closer until he felt two fingers brush along his arm. It made him flinch for a second but Tony didn't seem to care to much, or notice and kept talking. "But you're going to be able to adjust, and you have me, and the rest of the team, and we're not gonna let you flounder through this." Steve sighed softly. He wasn't so sure if he still had Tony though if he screwed this up. "Thank you, Tony." He said anyway, looking into his cup to think. The fact that Tony at least cared, made him slightly warm inside. There was the other fact though, that everything he loved was doomed to get away from him. "I just.. There are these things that remind me of the past that hurt the most, you know." This time he did look at Tony. He knew that the other man would notice what he meant. It was painful to see Tony, because he reminded him of both Howard and Bucky. And Steve had lost them both, he didn't want to lose Tony too.
Tony's eyebrows pulled together and he let out a tiny 'oh'. It hurt a little to see him like thing. Tony looked like he had the feeling that he did something wrong. It was the same expression he had had when he had asked Steve if he could make an Iron suit for him and Steve had reclined. "I'm sorry," Tony murmured. "You don't have to be sorry! It's not your fault." Steve scrambled as fast as he could. He didn't want Tony to feel uncomfortable. He wasn't sure what he was meaning to say but what came out of his mouth was definitely not that. "I love spending time with you." Tony smiled slightly. Apparently it had worked, at least a little. A content humming sound left Tony's lips in agreement. "Good, because I like spending time with you, too." He replied easily. Steve smiled, trying to ignore the feeling in his stomach. He had no idea what he should say. He grabbed his mug and took a gulp. A little too careless because it was still hot and he almost burned the insides of his mouth. He swallowed it anyways, trying to cover up the way his need to spit it back out. If he just swallowed it, it would just heal within two seconds anyway. Tony chuckled, a sound that was a little unexpected. "You have-" He gestured to the top of his own lip, and then to Steve, "Coffee just there," he finished. "I have.." Steve repeated dumbstruck. He was staring at Tony's lips for possibly way too long. "Oh!" He wiped his hand across his mouth clumsily. God, he needed to stop this. He liked Tony! As a friend! And he was ruining everything! "I am probably keeping you from work or something." He said while he got up, hesitantly. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to sit here with Tony, but he couldn't think of another way to get the tension out. "Calm down, Cap," Tony said, laughing a little which only intensified Steve's nerves. "It's okay- It can wait." Tony looked at him in a way that Steve had never seen before. "Sit back down, finish your coffee. Y'know, unless you're in a rush," "I.." Steve kept half-standing, half-sitting, mid-air. "No." He wasn't. He wasn't in a rush. No, no not at all. Just an adrenaline rush or something. God, why did his heart keep beating like this? He sat back down, his hands folding around the coffee cup. "I.. sorry.." His eyebrows knitted together again and there was this weird feeling in his brain and body and everywhere. The frown on Tony's face went unnoticed by Steve. "Are you okay?" The black haired man asked softly, standing up to made his way around the table to Steve, and pushed him back down onto his chair gently. "Steve?"
"Yeah.. No.." He wasn't okay. He was definitely not okay. "I don't know." Tony's arms were warm and every wall he had set up around him just broke down. "I.." His throat was clenched, his hands started to fidget around the mug. "I just.. Tony. I can't.." How could he possibly tell his best friend that he was in love with him? "Can't what?" Tony asked, as if he heard what Steve was thinking. His thumbs that were rubbing circles into Steve's shoulders were soothing, more than distracting. "Tell me what's going on- you're kind of scaring me here." Without really deciding it, Steve's mouth opened an a gulf of words just came rushing out. "I can't, Tony. It will break me, and break you and I will just lose you like all the others." He refused to pay attention to Tony's hands on his shoulders anymore. He took a gulp of air, trying to calm down, but failing immensely. His mouth opened a few times to say something but nothing came out. He couldn't do it, couldn't ruin everything they had. As if from a distance, Tony's voice reached his ears. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere." It was just a soft mumbling. His hands hadn't moved, still holding him in place. Tony managed to catch Steve's eyes for just a second, smiling reassuringly at him. "You're not going to lose me, alright? I promise."
"Tony, you don't understand." Steve managed to say more forcefully than he intended. It hurt. His heart and brain fought with each other so viciously. He pierced his eyes shut trying to gain some courage and to keep the tears inside. He had made his decision. He would tell him. Even if that meant losing him. It was worse than fighting Loki ten times, worse than fighting Hulk ten times, almost as painful as seeing Bucky die. "Just promise me you won't shout?" It felt like he was falling. Forever. That he would never touch the ground again. But when Tony spoke again, it seemed like he had hit a rock. "I won't shout." A little pause. "Or get angry or anything. Steve, what the hell is going on with you?" It sounded a little demanding, and frustrated, but also worried. Steve had no right to keep him waiting anymore. One last gulp of air. "I.. I think I'm falling in love with you." There it was. He held his breath, refusing to look at him. It was everything or nothing right now. His whole life would be a hell if he lost Tony too. The shaky breath went totally unnoticed. All Steve heard was a rushing sound in his ears. Only when two hands cupped his cheeks and tilted his head up, Steve seemed to be among the living again. "Look at me, Steve." Tony's eyes were a bit shiny, the look in them unreadable. "Is that all?"
It hurt. Tony's voice was too calm, it was too calm for a situation like this! But Steve could feel his warmth radiating between them. He swallowed before looking into Tony's eyes and nodded. A brilliant smile lighted up Tony's face. "Well, now I don't see why I'd have anything to shout about" He was close enough now to nuzzle their noses together, and so he did. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, too." Shock. Steve's head was in denying-phase. His heart fell. It fell the length of three Stark Towers and kept falling. He could not have said that. Tony could never fall in love with him. He could get everyone he wanted. But his face so close to his own, the little hairs on his chin tickling against his face, everything seemed so real. So if this was a really good dream he better just go for it. Without thinking he closed the tiny distance between their faces, locking their lips together, feeling finally complete. Tony pressed back. Yeah, this has to be a dream. One hand carding into the blonde hair, the other pulling Steve closer. It was too perfect to be true. This wasn't right. He couldn't do this if it wasn't true! Steve pushed away, not sure what he had done. "I'm sorry." Steve brushed a hand through his hair, still a little bit dazed, and 100% sure that Tony did NOT just declare his love for him. He was dreaming that part. Tony had said nothing, it couldn't be. "I shouldn't have done that." Before Steve could ramble on, though, Tony silenced him. "Cap," Tony said, breathing ragged, "Do me a favor, and shut up." He leaned back in, capturing Steve's lips in another kiss, soft and chaste, and rested their foreheads together. "I love you." Okay.. Maybe it was true. The look in Tony's eyes was kinda.. true? He had never heard Tony speak in such a sincere way either. And then there were his lips. His arms, his body, totally wrapped up in his own. Steve figured he'd better shut up. His hands slid into Tony's hair and he came to the conclusion that it truly did feel as soft as it looked.