There wasn't any sleep, I knew there wouldn't be, once I was turned. Once I was no longer human. But I still longed for consciousness to leave me, even as I became increasingly alert, increasingly aware of everything around me. It was like everything had blurred and was now finally coming back into focus, except the focusing didn't stop and things became more and more overpowering. Sounds, sights, smells all continued to increase in intensity until I was almost overwhelmed.
I lay utterly still, for the first time in three days. I tried to tune it all out, it was too much to process at that moment. I just wanted, needed to relax. Eyes closed to cut off my oversensitive vision, I realised suddenly that there was no air passing through my lungs. I'd unconsciously cut that off too, trying to escape the bouquet of scents that assaulted my nose. Hearing was a little harder. I frowned as I concentrated on tuning out the incessant scratching, scuffling, murmured conversations that were surrounding me, making me feel claustrophobic. Finally, not silence, but quiet encapsulated me and I breathed a sigh of relief, cringing suddenly as my nose was assaulted again. This time there was one scent that I knew and recognised, more prominent amongst the others.
"Edward?" My voice sounded different to my own ears, but felt croaky in my throat. I knew he was there. I could feel his presence in the room where I'd spent the last three, hell filled days in way that was weird and alien to me, but somehow instinctive and natural. I heard him move around the bed, which was strange. He had always moved so silently. His scent surrounded me, familiar, but stronger than it had ever been to me as a human.
"Bella." My name was not questioned back, but the sharp, clear ring of his silky voice in my head granted me instant gratification. I opened my eyes then, it didn't startle me that his face was inches from mine, not the way it would have three days ago. I examined his hard expression, glorious lips pressed into a hard line on his angelic face.
About to speak again, I stopped. I was slowly becoming aware of a dry ache in my throat and an empty, hollow feeling in my stomach. I had a good idea what it was, and tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the face in front of me. The angel face, that at the moment, looked strained. His golden topaz eyes were fixed on my face, as if expecting me to jump forward and make a run for it.
"What is it?" I asked, a tingle of fear slivering down my spine. Fluidly, strangely fluidly, I sat up straight. I waited for the rush of blood, the dizziness, but it never came. It took only a few seconds for me to realise that it wasn't going to come. And not only now. I would never have to deal with that weakness again. There was a small thrill of excitement that accompanied that realisation, but also a small quiver of uncertainty. I had an eternity of life laid out before me now, only now did I feel intimidated by it. My gaze flicked over Edward's rigid form on the bed next to me. He still hadn't answered my question.
"Edward? What is it?" I asked again, the tingle of fear becoming stronger, spreading to constrict my lungs and tighten my muscles. Muscles that felt strangely coordinated.
His eyes never left my face and mine fixed finally on his. He must have read the panic in my expression because the tension in his carved feline body eased slightly. A small smile curved his perfect lips. "Your eyes." He said in explanation, he slowly reached out, as if approaching a wild doe and brushed his fingertips against my cheek. Confusion sparked. They didn't feel cold, not like I remembered, and they didn't feel warm. I reached up a hand to take his, twining our fingers slowly without taking my eyes from his. There was no coldness; his skin didn't even feel particularly hard.
There was an uneasy feeling in my gut that was warring with the increasing feeling of emptiness. "What's wrong with my eyes?" Panic rose in the back of my throat. Had something gone wrong?
Maybe my voice wasn't as composed as I'd liked. He chuckled and shook his head, his hand tightened on mine. It felt strange now, in its neutral temperature. He didn't answer, instead pulled me to my feet. We crossed the room and he stepped ahead of me to open a wardrobe door, revealing a floor to ceiling mirror which he pushed me in front of.
An involuntary gasp escaped my lips as I clapped eyes on what simultaneously happened to be one of the most beautiful and the most terrifying creatures I'd ever seen. Her skin was moonlight pale, flawless and almost translucent, like ivory except for beneath the eyes, were a dark purple shadow made her look haunted. Thick, deep brown hair shimmered to her waist, impossibly luxurious and soft. The creature's body was streamlined, efficient and lithe. She looked deceptively slight and soft, not particularly athletic, but enticingly slim. It was like looking at a portrait of a night angel, but the most disturbing feature by far was the crimson red eyes that shone with incredible intensity from the perfectly formed face. I saw something in them that scared me and it was that one feature that had me stepping back involuntarily.
The reflection stepped back also. That person was me. The crimson eyes widened in astonishment, but I didn't get a chance to voice my surprise. My throat ached and my stomach suddenly clenched painfully. The feeling made me cringe. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flicked a glance over my shoulder at Edward. He was watching me, he looked concerned. "How are you feeling?" There was a guarded edge to his words that had me blinking with confusion. It seemed like he was asking more than what his words initially indicated. I stared blankly for a few moments, but my stomach gave a particularly painful protest. I couldn't help the hiss that escaped my teeth and almost startled myself with the feral noise.
I caught the understanding on Edward's face and didn't have time to respond before he was gripping my shoulder again and guiding me quickly from the room. I followed passively, all my attention centred on the horrible hunger that was churning in my gut, rapidly becoming the centre of my existence. I had to ease it, I had to eat. The sudden cool breath against my ear made me jump. It seemed my nerves were scraped raw tonight.
"Hold on," Edward murmured soothingly to me, his grip tightening on my shoulder. Snapped out of my brooding, I noticed he'd brought me outside. I didn't consciously realise I'd been sniffing the air until I caught the scent of another vampire. It was becoming rapidly harder to calm myself, but I tried to anyway, stilling my unconscious restless prancing and focusing on the small figure of Alice that walked toward us now. I wondered briefly why she didn't just appear next to us as she always did. She was taking too long to make her way over. I glanced up at Edward again, surprised at the hard set of his jaw as he also watched Alice approach. The aching dryness in my throat seemed to expand and shot downward to my stomach, making me shudder. He had to let me go. Suddenly, it was all I could think about. I had to get free of his grip so I could go and… ease the pain I was in.
My muscles bunched, but I found my way blocked by Alice, no doubt she saw what I intended to do. In that moment I realised that Alice had been moving as fast as she always did. It was me that had changed. I was a vampire. I could move faster, was stronger than I ever thought possible. My dream had come true, I could be with Edward. But I couldn't focus my thoughts on anything but my hunger. What was it I'd been told, about newborn vampires? I was faster, stronger than they were. They couldn't stop me.
The feral growl that escaped my throat didn't surprise me this time and I leapt to the right, trying to avoid Alice's interception. She shifted to accommodate, her concentration apparent on her face as she kept track of my choices. I tried to feign to the left, but she caught that too.
"Bella," Edward sounded pained. I'd forgotten about him. It seemed he still didn't have access to my mind, but he could read my choices in Alice's. He wasn't important, the only thing I could think about was filling my stomach. So hungry, I was so hungry.
Another part of me stood back, strangely detached. I could feel astonishment, disgust and disbelief at the way I was acting, but the vampire instinct was quickly drowning out even that small amount of conscience. But it was Edward, and because his pain made a kind of tenderness bloom in my chest, I stopped, and I looked at him, taking in his familiar, movie star face. In the gloom of night he looked at home, and more like a mysterious vampire than ever. I swallowed, to try and rid myself of the dryness.
"I'm hungry," I voiced, sounding more than a little annoyed. "Let me go."
"I know. We're going to take you hunting. You only need to wait a little longer." His tone was cool now, his amber eyes smouldering. I glanced between him and Alice, shifting restlessly. I knew they followed every small nuance I made. In an effort to curb my red stained thoughts, I tried to take in where we were.
Carlisle and Esme had moved the family to Alaska, following Edward and I after the wedding that was held in Forks. We settled in a small town called Juneau, close to the sea and surrounded on all sides by lush, prey-filled forests. There was miles and miles of it, giving a new vampire plenty of room to manoeuvre and learn the ropes. They'd given us a week, at Edward's request, to take care of certain parts of our agreement. Then all too soon they had moved in, for the three almost delirious days of pure torture that would make me a part of their family. The house was on the very outskirts of the town itself and I stood in the clearing out the back of the house, looking into the beginnings of the dark forest. It had been forbidding and intimidating before, but now was only inviting. I didn't even feel the cold.
"Why?" I asked, my eyes now fixing on Alice, waiting for an opening. "I don't want to wait." My voice took on a desperate edge which wasn't lost on him, or on Alice. I knew why. They were waiting for Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett to join us. Strength pumped through my body, I was aware of it, almost acutely aware of it, it was invigorating.
"Catch her!" I was only aware of Carlisle's voice behind me in passing, already breaking free from Alice's iron grip on my arm. I sprinted forward, giving myself over to the stronger, seductive instinct that wanted to relieve my pain. "Bella stop!" Edward's own voice registered, but I wasn't listening, driven by mechanistic hunger. I was dimly aware that he leapt after me, following. It didn't matter. I would get what I wanted before he could catch me
The speed, experienced before on Edward's back was no longer terrifying, but exhilarating. Trees flitted past on either side of me, my reflexes too fast to risk hitting anything. Why had I ever doubted Edward's ability? Now it just seemed silly.
I was breathing in the air, great gulps of it. Scents, multitudes of them met my heightened senses. I tasted them all on the air, sifting through them and pinpointing the one I wanted. I grinned, pleased with myself before changing directions and heading back toward the small human town.
My vision was stained red. My hunger was the only thing I could think about, it gnawed at my mind, filling my mouth with a strange tasting liquid and making my stomach yearn emptily. I lurked outside a tidy, red brick house. There were four in there, sleeping. I breathed deeply, taking in their scent, letting it take over…
"Isabelle stop." Why did he want me to suffer? Why wouldn't he let me eat? I turned around to face Edward behind me, and as it happened, the rest of the Cullen family. My eyes flicked between the glorious faces, suddenly angry.
"I'm hungry."
"I know, I know you're hungry. We'll go hunting, but you have to come with us." His tone was beseeching, and filed with pain. It wrenched at… well, whatever it was I had in place of a heart. My face must have shown my reluctance, because he took a step forward. "Come on Bella. You don't want to go in there."
But I did. I did want to go in there. And I new with a piercing clarity that no matter what any of them did, they weren't going to stop me.