Cas was guiding the three girls from last night out. It was a good night and he had been polite enough to let them stay over for breakfast – or what would pass for breakfast nowadays – and discuss their terms for any further interaction. Like most times it happened, the girls had decided to let it remain a one-time thing, but saw no need to avoid each other around camp. He snickered about this, as the men usually tended to make it known pretty clearly that they had a preference for any future contact to be avoided.
He gave the last one a goodbye kiss as he saw the camp's fearless leader come up to his cabin, and his mood sank. Dean's face was set in the usual no-time-for-your-bullshit way. It had been ages since he had last seen the man smile. He would never stop trying, though, no matter how bitter it made him.
He reached into his pocket and took two amphetamines. He would need them.
"We need to talk, Cas," Dean said when he was close enough to be heard, but not overheard, and he brushed past Castiel without a second glance. Cas sighed and went in after him.
Cas sat down on the pillows scattered all over his rug while Dean paced back and forth through the living room. Neither said a word – Dean because he didn't know where to begin, and Cas because he knew that the moment he would try, Dean would overrule him anyway.
"I got a lead on the Colt," Dean said and turned to look Cas in the eye. Cas felt an enormous rush of relief, because this meant that it all might soon be over, but the look in Dean's eyes was unsettling.
"Talk," he said, and nudged his head to the pillows in front of him. Dean took the hint and sat down. After a couple of seconds, he turned around and put his head in Cas' lap, staring up at the ceiling. It was awkward and stiff and Cas knew he only did it for two reasons. One, Cas was the only one he trusted enough to do this with and, no matter how hard it got, he needed the physical contact every now and then. Two, it would be easier to say what he had to say if he didn't have to look at Cas. The ex-angel took it for granted and gently patted Dean's short hair.
"Getting the Colt won't be much of a problem. I've got that all sorted out and I've got a team of our best men at the ready to retrieve it," the man started. "Now, I know where Lucifer is hiding and I also know that he's luring us into a trap." Cas nodded his head and hummed to let him know that he was still following. Dean remained silent for a while.
"We have to walk into that trap, Cas," he said, and Cas was about to nod again when it dawned on him what Dean was hinting at.
"You want a decoy team, but you don't want them to be aware that that's what they are. You want to let them believe they lead the attack while you find a way to get to Lucifer. You want them to trust you." He looked down and stared in Dean's hard green eyes. "You want me to go with them."
They remained silent. The entire camp was well aware that the angel shared a remarkable bond with their leader, and that he was as good as second in command. They had seen the two go through everything to save the other. Putting Cas in charge of the decoy would mean no one would suspect they were a decoy at all. It would also inevitably mean that Cas would die there.
Cas jerked up from his train of thoughts when he felt Deans hand on his cheek. He relaxed into the touch without realizing it, but he saw Dean's face contort something strange. He almost smiled. After five years of war, it was awkward to say the least to see compassion on the other man's face.
"Are you okay?" the hunter asked, voice as soft at it had once been before Sam was lost in Detroit. It wasn't asking whether Cas was okay with the plan though. It would go without saying that Cas would do it, as he had always followed Dean in everything. It was asking whether he was okay with everything else. With how it would end for him, with how his life had been so far and how it had turned out to be less than impressive at the end.
"Do you have any chance of surviving this?" Cas asked, looking down at the man that changed everything.
"I think so. Odds are you'll be a dead man soon though," Dean answered. Even though the softness was still in his face, his eyes had turned hard for a second again. Cas knew it was merely a wall he pulled up that allowed him to be light about everything.
"Yes," Cas merely said, accepting it as fact.
"Well, last days on earth then. Any plans?" Dean asked teasingly, glad that Castiel appeared to be fine with his proposed course of action.
"I just thought I'd sit here quietly," Cas teased back with a crooked grin and to his surprise, he saw the corner of Dean's mouth twitch. They had had this conversation before. The last time, it had led to Cas being dragged to what he had then referred to as a 'den of inequity'. And he had scared the living daylights out of a hooker.
"Well," Dean muttered, his lips still in that half-smile, "at least I know for sure you won't die a virgin this time 'round."
Cas smiled, bent forward and gently placed a kiss on Deans forehead. Dean closed his eyes, and they both knew. They both knew that their life had been great, that they had made a difference. The world may have gone to hell for it, but it wasn't for their lack of trying. They had done all they could, and soon, it would be over.
They both knew that they wouldn't do anything different if presented with the same choices again. Dean wouldn't hesitate to accept Cas into his life again, nor would Cas think twice about the consequences if it meant being with Dean, his righteous man.
They reminisced in the life they had shared, a life that for both of them only seemed to matter from the moment the other entered it. They had been friends, enemies, lovers, fuck-buddies, but in the end, they always chose each other, because they knew that's where they would be safest.
They had seen each other at their worst. Cas had pulled Dean out of hell and remade his being from point zero, had seen all the flaws and virtues and goodness that was Dean and had loved him from that point on. Dean had seen Cas the angel, Cas the god, Cas the leviathan and madman and had seen him recover from all of it only to turn out so incredibly human and Dean had known there would be no way he could live on without him.
Cas's love and Dean's acceptance, it was all in that one small kiss.
Then Dean opened his eyes, hard once more, got up and left the cabin without saying anything, to shout orders at the people walking outside.
Cas popped open his bottle of pills and swallowed another one. It was most likely that his imminent death was for the better. Dean wouldn't be the same after icing Lucifer; after all, Sam was still in there somewhere as well. And Cas would never say it out loud, but he was scared of Dean coming back changed, and never feeling whole again for the rest of his life.
Yes. His death was definitely for the better.