This started out as a small piece about the effects of Sam's death on the members of her old team. It kind of spiralled out of control as these tings tend to; and turned into this really morbid Dan/Sam fiction. It is a bit over the top and wallowing. but I've been writing this while being stuck at home ill will glandular fever for what seems forever, when I should be at university getting well and truly plastered. So please do not judge it too harshly. J
He's in his lab when he finds out. He's not usually there anymore. Choosing to spend a lot more time off-world. Mostly helping Teal'c with the new Jaffa-Tau'ri alliance. He can't bare to go home anymore; it's so empty now. It's early days, there is still a lot of ground to cover. With the loss of Dakar, the Jaffa have become fractured; developing fragile societies on a number of different worlds; It's difficult but he thinks they are making some headway. Daniel's preparing a briefing for General Landry about the recent progress, when Major Evan Lorne walks in. Daniel doesn't even look up from his laptop at first. It's the dress blues that catch his attention. They are not something worn everyday. Reserved for celebrations and bad news. It makes him stop and take a sharp intake of breath. Lorne enters the lab, taking off his hat and bowing his head slightly. Definitely bad news. He places a small envelope on the desk in front of him; and steps back. Daniel looks at him; waiting. Lorne has been crying, his eyes; red and swollen. He tries to say something, but the words don't come. He looks at the doctor, then at his shoes.
"What is it Major?" Daniel doesn't want to ask. Doesn't want to know. But the silence is deafening.
"It's Sam."
It hits him like a bullet, his hands start to shake. the pencil between his fingers; falling to the floor. the sound it creates; the only thing in the room that dulls the silence. He wants to vomit, to scream, to do anything. But he can't. He can't manage anything but to listen. "At 1200 hrs yesterday. We received intelligence that Michael was preparing an assault on a heavily populated human world. Colonel Carter thought that she could intercept any ships and stop a space bombardment." The major stops, fiercely rubbing his eyes with a hand. Daniel wants to stop him, to stop the words. But his voice won't work. "It was a trap. the phoenix was boxed in; taking fire from all sides. There was no chance of retreat even if they wanted to. Sam managed to beam the remainder of her crew to the surface, with express instructions to take any survivors to the designated refugee planet. Sam's last act was to crash the ship into the hive, taking out three other enemy vessels with them." Daniel doesn't know what to do. It's the fear that shocks him the most. It's all encompassing; and threatening to take him whole. Evan obviously cannot see the darkness because he continues. "All surviving members of the earth vessel Phoenix arrived back on Atlantis at 900 hrs this morning, all because of Colonel Samantha Carter." Daniel's eyes are trained on the floor. Major Lorne puts the hat back on, saluting the room, he is about to leave when Daniel stops him.
"What's the envelope for?" He won't even look at it.
"I don't know Doctor. All I know is what is stated in her file."
"Her File?" His voice is monotone. The usual curiosity is remarkably absent. His inset nature for information; a thirst for knowledge is gone. He doesn't want to know anything else. But he wants the major to keep talking. Anything to stave off the silence. The darkness. The nothingness that only she can fill.
"Every air force offer has one. A secure file on the base computer, only to be opened in the event of their death in active service. It lays out their final requests and such like. One of Sam's was to give you that envelope when you are informed of her death. I have similar ones to give a few other of the people closest to the Colonel." Daniel nods in acknowledgment, A courtesy, nothing more.
"Have Teal'c and General O'Neill been told yet?"
"No, you're the first. Teal'c is off-world" The major's voice is quick, and attentive. Answering the questions the only thing he feels he can do for the doctor right now. "They're sending word to him, asking him to return, it's not the kind of thing you can say over the radio. Anyway I am sure he'll want to be here for the memorial service." Daniel hadn't even thought of that yet. "General O'Neill is still in Washington at present, I'll be notifying him in due course."
"What about Cassandra?" His voice is calm; impassive. At complete odds as to what is going on inside his head.
"I'm boarding a plane soon. Apparently she's at college in Boston." Daniels nods ascent. With an a conserved effort Daniel speaks. More to stop Lorne's worried eyes than any positive reaction.
"Yeah she's studying classics. In her second year." Ever since she came to earth Cassie has been really interested in the history of her new home. He had only spoken to her yesterday. intending to check up on her before he went off-world again. Sam demands that he keep an eye on Cassandra, she thinks of her as a daughter.
"I'll come with you." He says it without thinking. Daniel couldn't bare to think of Cassandra all alone listening to the dying moments of Sam; staring into the eyes of a virtual stranger. "I mean if you want me to."
"thank you Doctor. I think that this would be for the best. She'll need someone right now. And I think you do as well." Major Lorne straightens ready to go. "If you want to put a bag together, we need to the leave the base in twenty minutes. I don't know how long this will take, best to take a change of clothes." Daniel stands to go to his quarters, and throw the nearest pile of clothes into a holdall, when the Evan calls him back.
"Don't you want to take the letter?" He holds it out to Daniel, who turns away from it.
"I just can't face that right now Evan. I need to focus on Cassie. I think that this can wait. I don't need to see her last words to me right now; Ok?" Lorne doesn't push it. He can't imagine what's going through Daniel's head right now. He knows how close all of the former frontline team are to each other.