-1A/N: I was actually inspired to write this while I was in the shower about 2 weeks ago. I don't know how, but a plot bunny jumped out of the shampoo bottle or something. It's just a cute little one-shot that I'm just now getting a chance to write. Yay for breaks from school!!
This is completely AU. Rory and Jess are married, and Lorelai and Luke are engaged.
Summary: Lorelai comes to a realization the night before her wedding.
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The loud, annoying ringing of the phone dragged Rory from a deep sleep. She knew exactly who it was when it rang, too.
"What do you want?" Rory whined as she flipped open her phone. "It's three in the morning, shouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep before the big day?"
"Well I was doing exactly that when I had a dream,"
"Oh god." Rory sat up and rested her back against the headboard of the bed, knowing this would not be a short conversation.
"Excuse me young lady, but I was speaking. Didn't I teach you any manners?" Lorelai tried to sound offended.
"I'm sorry, please continue. You had a dream?"
"Thank you, yes I did. It was my wedding, and the hoodlum,"
"Jess." Rory subtly reminded her mother that his name was Jess, not hoodlum.
"Whatever, he was congratulating us, which already I thought was weird,"
"Mom, what's the point of this?"
"I'm getting there if you would stop interrupting me. Jeez."
"Sorry!" Rory said, exasperated. She was really tired.
"Like I was saying, he was congratulating me, and I didn't know what to call him."
"Jess." Rory yawned, and Jess made a small movement next to her at the sound of his name.
"No, I mean, is he my son-in law, or my nephew?"
"Hmm… I guess both." Rory yawned again.
"That's weird, though, isn't it?"
"Mom, everything is weird at three in the morning."
"Well what does Jess think about this?"
"I don't know." Rory closed her eyes again because it wasn't like she could see anything in the dark room anyway. She also thought that maybe if she closed her eyes, she could trick her body into thinking it was still asleep.
"Isn't he there?"
"Yes, mother, but he's sleeping like every other sane person in the world."
"Ha! Jess? Sane? Honey, are you sure you're not still dreaming?" Lorelai asked in a mockingly sweet tone.
"Mom!" Rory scolded.
"Sorry hon. But he's still sleeping? Even with you talking?"
"Yes, he sleeps like a rock. A bomb could go off next to him, and he wouldn't even flinch."
"Luke is the same way. Ah! See? They're the same! Because they're related. Doesn't this feel dirty to you? Like it should be illegal or something? You two are going to be cousins after tomorrow!" Lorelai almost sounded frantic.
"Step-cousins. We won't be related by blood."
"I want to know Jess' feelings on this. Wake him up."
"No. He's lucky enough to still be sleeping. I'm not waking him up for my crazy mother."
Lorelai gasped in mock hurt. "Crazy? You're calling the woman who gave birth to you, crazy? You may just be un-invited to my wedding."
"I can't be un-invited to your wedding. I'm the maid of honor."
"And I'm the bride. I can do anything."
Rory sighed. "Fine." Rory turned the lamp on next to the bed and started lightly shaking Jess by the shoulder. "Jess, babe, wake up."
"Mmmm?" Jess replied, trying to crack one eye open.
"My mom wants to ask you something."
"Hmmm!!!" Jess whined, burying his face back in his pillow.
"Stop being such a baby. Here in a few months you'll be having to get up in the middle of the night on a regular basis. Think of this as practice."
"Mo. Wai iowaa praks."
"What?"
It took a few moments, but Jess finally pulled his face out of his pillow and flipped onto his back.
"I said, no. I don't wanna practice."
"Jess, come on."
"No, I'll only get up because I'll love our baby. I don't love your mother."
Rory laughed out loud at Lorelai's gasp.
"Wait. Are you guys naked? Because I'm not talking to you while you're naked." Lorelai scrunched up her nose at the thought.
"Mom! It's not like you can see us."
"You are naked!! Oh god, you're sending naked rays through the phone. Put on some clothes!" Even though it was over the phone, Lorelai covered her eyes with one hand.
"We're not naked!"
"You better not be. Talking to your mom on the phone when you're naked is just weird."
"Mom! I can't talk to you anymore. Jess."
Lorelai only heard rustling and mumbling for a few moments before Jess' deep, scratchy voice that reminded her way too much of Luke in the morning, came over the phone.
"Yes Lorelai?"
"What are you?" She immediately asked him.
"A man. Can I go back to sleep now?"
"No! Are you my son-in law or my nephew?" Lorelai asked like he just should have known that's what she was asking.
"Both."
"Isn't that weird?"
"What answer will get me out of this conversation faster?"
Lorelai sighed. "Both of you are impossible. You and Rory were made for each other, you know that?"
Jess smiled, rubbing small circles on the small bump in Rory's tummy. "Yeah, I do."
"And by the way, if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny it until my dying day."
"Noted."
"Why did I ever think talking to monosyllabic man would get me anywhere?"
"No idea."
"Put my daughter that you've corrupted back on the phone."
"Always a pleasure speaking to you too, maunt."
"…Maunt?" Lorelai sounded like she was on the brink of laughing.
"It's a mix between mom and aunt. It's three in the morning, give me a break."
"Sure thing, sephew." A slight chuckle escaped, and she heard Jess sigh.
There was another rustle and Lorelai heard Rory giggling as she asked what 'Maunt' was. Only a muffled grunt came in reply, and then Rory's voice was back on the line.
"Can we go back to bed now?"
"Not sleep, huh? Gonna do something dirty?"
"Mom, would you please go back to sleep and dream dirty things about Luke and leave me and Jess alone?"
Lorelai then heard a disgusted manly groan. "Never ever mention Luke and dirty in the same sentence while I'm in the room ever again."
Both Rory and Lorelai laughed at Jess' reaction.
"If he wasn't awake before, he certainly is now." Rory got through her giggling.
"Then I've achieved my goal. I'll go back to sleep now. Good night sweets. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Oh, so I'm not un-invited to the wedding?"
"Never." Lorelai answered, outraged that Rory would even think such a thing.
Rory shook her head. "Good night, mom." She closed the phone and looked to her tummy, where Jess' hand was resting. She rested her hand atop his and sighed happily. After a few long moments, Rory turned out the lamp and laid back down, keeping Jess' hand on her bump. "So, you're going to be my husband, my child's father, and my step-cousin?"
"Guess so."
"You're very involved in my life."
Jess leaned over to her, laying a sweet kiss on her lips. "And I always will be."
Rory kissed Jess one more time before snuggling further into the covers. After several moments she began giggling.
"Hmm??"
"…Maunt." Rory teased before bursting into a fit of giggles again and Jess knew he would never live it down.
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A/N: 3:03 in the morning! Just for all of you. I'm writing this at 3:03 in the morning. Again, I don't know where this came from. Just a cute little one-shot that had to be written. I don't think I've ever written a cute, funny fic before. They've all been angst-y and dramatic. Yay for cuteness. Blame my ridiculously good mood today. Yes, it's from a boy. Shut up. Review, please? It'll make me even happier.