Disclaimer: As Usual™. I only own Frederic the Toilet.
Pure Randomness, Insanity and all that stuff : )
Beginning poem is by Kinaua in her review. I thought it was just the perfect beginning to sum everything up! xD
Revenge of the Toilets.
Died on the crapper,
Here he lay,
Took a dump,
And flew away.
x . x . x . x . x
"Tyson! Are you done yet! I have to go, now!"
"In a minute, Rei! Geez, keep your pants on!"
"I'm trying, Tyson, for the love of Bit-Beasts, I'm trying … I really can't hold it in, Tyson! Hurry up!"
"Coming, coming!"
"What's going on, Rei?"
"I have to go really badly and Tyson won't get out of the damn bathroom!"
Click. The sound of the door unlocking was all that Rei needed as he shoved past Tyson, shoved him out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.
Tyson and Kai heard continuous farting sounds and pinched their noses in disgust.
"Holy Dragoon, Rei, what the hell did you have for breakfast?"
"Go away and leave me in peace."
Tyson and Kai shared a look, shrugging, they walked away, leaving Rei to his wicked ways.
"I never knew Rei needed his quiet time. Unlike you. I swear you could shit through a nuclear explosion."
The was a muffled curse heard from behind them, before the entire bathroom exploded into the sky.
"…"
Tyson and Kai stared at the now vacant part of the house with similar looks of bewilderment.
x . x . x . x . x
And then, they mourned … well, most of them. The rest could barely hold back the snicker because of the manner in which the flame of Rei's life was brusquely snuffed out, that that included the minister conducting the eulogy.
" - giggle - today, we all join together in mourning the loss of such a young life – snicker - Rei Kon – snort - may you rest in peace. Amen – laugh -"
x . x . x . x . x
"M-My Rei – sob – gone –wail, sob – I never even told him I loved him – sob, sniffle, sob – I'll miss you, Rei, wherever you are up there – sob – wait for me, my love –"
"There, there, Lee. Rei is in a better place now. We'll see him again, someday."
x . x . x . x . x
"Oh, Rei. If I knew you'd had the bad clams yesterday, I would have never left that firecracker in the bathroom."
"It isn't your fault, Tyson."
"I know, Max. This is actually all Kai's fault. He shouldn't have been such a cheapskate and gotten the stock for half price. Everyone knows you don't buy shellfish from a blanket on a street corner."
"It isn't Kai's fault, Tyson."
"I know. Kenny shouldn't have eaten all of the Chinese take-out in the first place, then Kai wouldn't have been forced to cook for us."
"This isn't Kenny's fault, Tyson."
"I know. You should have known better than to get Chinese take-out, Max, you know how much the chief's addicted to the wonton noodles."
"On second thought, Tyson, this is your fault. Now go and mope somewhere."
x . x . x . x . x
"Poor, Rei. Although, I never did care for the guy much, especially after he ditched us for these losers –"
"It's not good to talk about the dead like that, Kevin, it's not polite–Oooh! They're serving lamb with a side of mashed potatoes!"
"I bet Rei looks like mashed potatoes now … such an undignified way to go out. Really; I heard the last thing anyone said to him was 'What the hell did you have for breakfast?'"
"Err … I had Fried egg on toast with a side of bacon and sausages and –"
"I didn't ask you, Gary. I just said that the last memory any one'll have of Rei is of him on the crapper … getting blown to smithereenees. Erk, I just had the worst image of Rei as a burger."
"Yumm, burger."
"Did someone say burger?"
"Who the hell are you? Some B-rated horror movie reject?"
"I am Sanquinex and I was just wondering whether you boys know of a person named Kenny?"
"No, now bug off and let us mourn in peace … honestly, Gary, I can totally see Rei as a burger right now!"
x . x . x . x . x
"Rei … I hope you're happy now, wherever you are …"
"A-Are you alright, Mariah?"
"Sniffle – I'm alright, Kenny, don't worry. Thanks for asking. It's just this whole thing; it's shocking, you know? One minute I was cheating-Err, I mean … one minute I was playing around with Michael. That didn't come out right. What I meant to say is that Michael was doing something to me-I mean; with me!"
"…"
"We were just talking in bed. Not saying that he was in the same bed as me. He was in the bed next to mine … in the other room … of the other building, really …"
"Y-You don't have to explain, Mariah. I understand."
"You do? That's really sweet of you, Ken-"
"Michael is a friggin' stud! Macho, manly and that hair; wow! I could easily be found doing something to him if it was possible."
"…"
"M-Maybe we could do something together, sometime, just the three of us. I did this thing with Andrew and Tyson once, that involved -"
"I don't even want to know, Kenny!"
x . x . x . x . x
"…"
"Are you okay, Kai?"
"…"
"Kai?
"…"
"We're all sad, Kai, but that's no reason shut everyone out."
"…"
"Hey, Max. What's going on?"
"It's Kai. I think the loss of Rei's affected him more than we thought."
"Is it true, Kai?"
"…"
"Kai? … At least we're still here."
"…"
"- Sniffle – Kai – sob – It's going to be alright. We're going to be alright – sob – You don't have to feel sad."
"Tyson's right – sniffle – Kai. We're always be there – sob, sob – Kai. Please … say something. Tell us you're alright."
"Zzzzz …"
"… Eh?"
"Zzzzz … zzzz … zzzz …"
"Kai … you're …"
Twitch.
"Kai! Wake up!"
"Zz –huh? Where am I?"
"At Rei's funeral. Kai!"
Twitch.
"Rei who - Ah … Oh … is it over?"
"Kai!"
"Not my fault the minister's so boring. Good thing Rei's already dead, otherwise he'd be now for sure. I wish I was …"
x . x . x . x . x
Meanwhile, somewhere in the depths of the Borneo rainforest, a lifeless body hung in the trees suspended by his only piece of clothing still attached to his body; his charred underwear. After a moment, he stirred slightly. Looking to his left, he spotted another figure hanging in a similar situation as he was. The disorientated boy only managed one sentence before he was consumed by the darkness.
"Hey … aren't you Jimmy Hoffa?"
The End.
Can you believe that this Plot Bunny just came to me :D Peace, Yo.
FYI; I don't really remember which of the Dark Bladers was apart of the Kenny Burger thing (they're so insignificant) So if it's wrong, just tell me. Thanks.