"Hey, Tuvok," called Tom Paris. "Have I told you the one about the chicken and the Klingon?"
Tuvok looked at the pilot icily. "I fail to see the logic in these 'jokes', as you call them."
Ensign Harry Kim laughed. "Come on, Tom. Give the guy a break. He can't help being a Vulcan."
"I'm conducting a scientific experiment. You of all people should be able to understand that, Harry. I'm seeing how much prodding it takes to expose the sense of humour which surely lies behind this Vulcan composure," answered Paris.
Kim glanced at his console, then his head shot up to look at Captain Kathryn Janeway. "Captain," he said, "We're approaching a nebula."
Voyager's Captain strode towards the Ensign. "How far are we from it?"
"Umm…Well, actually, we should reach it about…now." The ship jolted violently.
"Lieutenant Paris, take us through the nebula," ordered Janeway. "Tuvok, are there any signs of danger?"
"Negative, Captain," answered the Vulcan. "The materials making up the nebula seem to be completely harmless."
"Very well, then. Ensign Kim, how large is the nebula?"
"We can be through it in two weeks if we travel at full impulse."
Another jerk shook the ship, followed by two more. The third threw Janeway to the floor.
"Tuvok, what's happening? Are we being attacked?" she asked as she got to her feet.
"Negative, Captain. The sensors show no other ships nearby. We seem to be colliding with almost every large piece of debris in the nebula."
Lieutenant Paris looked up at Janeway. "Sorry, Captain. I don't seem to be navigating very well today. I feel as if I know what I should be doing, but my hands want to do something different." As he spoke, more jolts shook the ship.
Janeway sighed. "You're probably just tired. Let the computer navigate while you take a break. Maybe we won't hit as much that way."
"No, Captain. I'm fine. Honestly –" Another jolt threw him from his seat. "On second thoughts, I might take your advice after all." He set the auto-pilot, and then made his way to the Mess Hall, rubbing his arm, which he had landed on.
Once he had gone, Janeway turned to Kim. "Ensign, scan for damages."
Harry punched in the commands and waited for a response.
"Error in command sequence. Please repeat request," announced the computer.
Kim re-entered the sequence and was told the same thing again. He sighed and keyed in the commands a third time, watching what he did carefully. This time he was rewarded with a chirp of success as the computer complied.
"There is no major damage, but Voyager's hull is dented in a couple of places." He paused. "Captain, would I be able to join Lieutenant Paris on his break? I seem to be getting a little tired as well."
Janeway snorted derisively. "You must be more than a little tired if you had to enter such a simple command three times before you finally got it right! Get off my Bridge now and don't return until you can control your fingers! I won't have my ship jeopardised by your blunders!"
She was almost shouting by the end, but Harry barely heard because he was staring at his hands in disbelief as he left. As Janeway watched him go, she realised what she had said, and her eyes widened.
"Did I just order him off the Bridge?" said the Captain in a near-whisper. "It wasn't his fault that he's tired."
An odd sound came from Tuvok's area. Janeway spun around to face him, and the sound increased.
"Why, Tuvok," she said, her voice filled with wonder. "I do believe you're laughing!"
In between bursts of laughter, the Vulcan managed to gasp, "You looked…like an…aquatic…creature known by…Terrans…as a fish!"
The Captain's eyes widened further, but this only made the normally cool Vulcan laugh even more. "I think it might be wise if we all go for a short break before damage is done," she said.
EngineeringChakotay strode into Engineering, where B'Elanna was bent over a Comm badge and swearing loudly. She looked up gratefully as he approached.
"Hello again, Commander. Have you got another replicator for me to fix? Anything would be a welcome change from this damned Comm badge. I just can't seem to get it working!"
"Actually, B'Elanna, that replicator you fixed earlier is the very reason I came to see you. You see, it worked for about an hour, and then became even worse than it was before I had you fix it. Would you be able to have another look at it when you have time?"
She put down her tools and the badge. "This seems to be happening to everything I've touched since we entered this nebula. I seem to be cursed, so that everything I touch breaks! That's not a good thing for an engineer to have happen to her!"
Chakotay looked at B'Elanna thoughtfully. "Come to the Mess Hall for a break. I think the Captain will be interested to hear about this."
Mess HallB'Elanna and Chakotay proceeded to the Mess Hall, and even Chakotay, who had known what was happening, was surprised to see that it was almost full.
"What's going on?" asked B'Elanna.
"Well, unless I'm mistaken, every person here is experiencing the same difficulty as you are, but everybody is affected in a different way, according to his or her skills and personality. The Captain for instance, has lost almost all traces of diplomacy, while Tuvok seems to be laughing at anything and everything." B'Elanna's eyebrows shot up when she heard this as she tried to visualise the sombre Vulcan in hysterics. After a few moments, she shook her head. It was too hard to imagine. Seeing her confusion, Chakotay added, "The Captain will explain further soon. For now, try to find somewhere to sit."
B'Elanna made her way through the crowded Mess Hall to where Tom and Harry were sitting. Seeing an empty seat, one of the few left in the Hall, she grabbed it and sat with them.
"Oh, hi, B'Elanna," said Kim. "Have something to eat. You probably won't believe this, but it's actually edible!"
Tom paused in his chewing as if tasting his food for the first time. "You're right. It's delicious!" He stood up and stepped back from the table. "Alright. Now I know that something's wrong!"
B'Elanna reached over to take his abandoned plate. "Well, if you don't want it…" She put a spoonful in her mouth. "You're not joking! It is nice! Is Neelix on holiday?"
"Ah, I see you like my newest creation," said Neelix, coming up behind her. "It's a mixture of a Terran dish called Tuna Mornay and Klingon Qlak'tlta'."
B'Elanna winced at the word, which sounded mispronounced even to her, then said, "An interesting combination."
"Ah, well, I have meals to make. Enjoy your dinner!" said a pleased Neelix before scampering off again.
"Well, I'd say the Curse affected Neelix by making his cooking edible," commented B'Elanna. "What did it do to you two?"
" 'The Curse'? Interesting," said Harry. "Well, I can't seem to get my fingers to do what I tell them to do. I tried playing my clarinet earlier and it sounded worse than a Larthian piper!"
"You may think that's bad," said Tom, "but mine's much more serious. I can't navigate anything without colliding with everything in the area. Even when I'm walking, I can't stay in a straight line! I think I've received more bruises today than in the last year. What about you, B'Elanna?"
"Everything I touches breaks. I couldn't even fix a Comm badge, and that's about the simplest piece of technology on the ship! Is it true that the Captain…"
She was cut of by Janeway's yell. "Everybody, sit down and shut up!" The crew obeyed more out of shock than respect. "That's better. Now, in case you haven't realised by now, although you'd have to be blind, deaf and stupid not to, although that's entirely possible with what I've seen, everybody has been acting strangely since we entered this nebula." She muttered, "Strange is putting it nicely, too," before continuing. "I've become a bit short-tempered recently, so I'll make this quick. The Doctor will be examining each of you to see if he can find the source of this problem. Until we know what exactly is wrong, nobody is to do more than is strictly necessary. There is no need to worry. Everything is under control. Life will return to normal shortly." She turned to leave the Mess Hall, but heard a bark of laughter behind her.
"Normal? On Voyager? Since when has life been normal here? We're constantly in danger of being killed by mad aliens, or chasing some vague hope of a chance to return home, or helping some pathetic life-form to extend its life by one more year."
Janeway stiffened. "Remove the Vulcan from my presence. He is being utterly illogical." When nobody moved to obey her order, she said, "Well, if you want to let this madman poison your thoughts, it is of no importance to me. I shall be elsewhere." She left the Mess Hall with a hundred wide-eyed faces staring after her.
Astrometrics
As Janeway neared Astrometrics, she heard the sound of quiet sobbing. The sound stopped when she reached the door, but when it opened, Seven of Nine's eyes were red and her cheeks were still wet with tears.
Janeway rushed to the ex-Borg's side. "Seven, what's wrong?"
Seven sniffed and looked up at the Captain, her face a picture of woe. "I can't remember," she said simply.
"You can't remember what's wrong?"
"No, what's wrong is that I can't remember. I know what is happening here, but I can't remember what it is."
"Be calm. Stop crying and try!" The Captain was almost shouting.
"I am trying! That's what I've been doing for the last hour!"
"Just think harder! What species is the information from?"
"Species…Species 7…I can't do it! It's too hard!"
"Difficulty is irrelevant. The lives of everyone on board Voyager may be at stake here. Will you let them die simply because you're weak?"
"I am not weak. I am Borg. I will adapt…I mean, I am stronger than you seem to think me."
"If you insist, keep your useless delusions. This species – it was a victim to this 'Curse'?"
"No – I remember now. The species wasn't a victim of the 'Curse', as you so quaintly put it, it was the 'Curse'! Species 79486 was accidentally assimilated by the Borg with some Bajorans. This species is somewhat like a virus in that it lives inside a host body. In fact, it's almost like a Trill in that sense. They feed off the skills and characteristics of their hosts, eventually leaving behind an empty husk."
"But how would they have gotten on board Voyager?"
"Physical barriers mean little to them. They seem to almost live on a different level of existence, where they are drawn like moths to life, which is all that exists for them. They are such a complex life form that not even the Borg fully understood them. Assimilating them was a challenge. I was part of the Cube which found them." She spoke with pride, despite the fact that she was no longer part of the Collective.
Janeway was growing impatient. "How did you defeat them?"
Seven's eyes grew distant, as if she was reliving the moment. "We first noticed them when we saw that we had brought two species on board, one of them which had never been seen by a Borg before. When we investigated this second species further, we found that it was a parasite species without physical form. We couldn't work out how to assimilate them, so we decided to travel as we worked on this puzzle. However, the problem was solved as soon as we hit Warp speed because they solidified immediately and fell into a dormant state. We did not keep them as drones, eliminating them as soon as we had assimilated their knowledge, which was great, for they were like the Borg in many ways. They were a most worthy opponent."
" 'They were a most worthy opponent'" mimicked the Captain. "You sound like a Hirogen! Next you'll be babbling about all your other 'prey' and the 'trophies' you won from them on the 'hunt'." She tapped her Comm badge. "Janeway to Chakotay. Meet me on the Bridge and tell the crew that the break's over. Everybody on board must come to the Bridge immediately. I believe that I've found a solution to our problem. Janeway out." She turned to Seven. "You've helped greatly. Come and we'll end this once and for all."
BridgeThe Bridge was so full of people that it was hard to move around.
"Paris, prepare to take us into Warp drive," said Janeway.
"Captain, it would be too dangerous to remain in Warp for more than a minute with all this debris around, especially in my current state."
The Captain looked questioningly at Seven, who said, "The parasites will remain dormant for two hours after leaving Warp."
Janeway nodded. "Tuvok, raise the shields. We don't want more visitors as soon as we've rid ourselves of these ones."
The Vulcan barely suppressed a laugh, but complied. "Shields up," he said after a few moments.
"Paris, take us into Warp for however long is safe when you're ready."
It was a rough transition into Warp, but as soon as they reached it, the tension caused by the parasites subsided. Leech-like creatures appeared on the wrists of every person on board. The parasites visibly shrunk as they gave back what they had taken from the crew. When they had finished emptying themselves, they were easily detached from their hosts. A pair of junior Ensigns took the dormant creatures to be burned so that they would be unable to bother anyone again.
"Return to your stations now," said Janeway to the crew once the parasites had been collected. "Everything is back to normal, or at least as normal as it will ever be on Voyager," she added wryly. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw the corner of Tuvok's lips twitch, but when she turned her head to look at him, his face was perfectly composed.