When all else fails, be cute. That's something her mother had always taught her. At least that's the one thing she remembers her mother teaching her. It's not that her mother didn't teach her anything else, it's just that's the one that stuck with Ashlee through out the years.
Now, at 17, the last thing Ashlee Davis wanted to be was cute. She couldn't be cute. Especially not today; she had to be strong today. For her brothers, her dad, her aunts and uncles, and even the man who tried to be her "father". They all stood huddled around a closed coffin listening but hearing nothing the revered was saying. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Ashlee wasn't supposed to have to bury her mother before she graduated high school. It wasn't right. Ashlee knew it wasn't right. She had always known that it wouldn't be right.
She kept standing there as her dark hair fell across her face. Ashlee didn't budge, she just left her hair where it had fallen, thankful to have a shield for the tears that were cascading down her pale cheeks. Silently she thanked Brooke for introducing her to waterproof mascara. If she hadn't, Ashlee was sure she would have looked like a complete wreck and that was the last thing needed right now. Not when she was supposed to be holding it together and being strong for Ezra, Jordan, Nick, Leo, Chase and him. Why she felt the need to be strong for him, Ashlee couldn't explain. Chase had been more of a father to her then that creep ever would. So it didn't make sense to her that she would feel obligated to be strong for him.
Ashlee felt Ezra tighten his hold on her and she leaned into his shoulder. Maybe she wouldn't have to be strong for Ezra. He knew that she was gonna need someone to be there for her and if anyone would be allowed to, it would be Ezra. Since, after all, he is her twin brother. Not to mention the only person, with the exception of Brooke, that Ashlee ever went to for a shoulder to cry on, ear to listen or advice.
"Ash it's okay to let it go. Nobody's gonna judge you for how you feel. Especially not today," Ezra whispered in her ear.
Ashlee shook her head furiously. She wasn't gonna let everybody see her fall apart. Not Ezra, or Nick or Leo or Jordan or Chase or him. Definitely not him. He had never once been around when she needed her father so she wasn't about to let him be there for her now. She had Chase and her brothers, along with Nathan, Jake and Skills when they were home. Granted it wasn't all that often but they were still there for Ashlee and the boys as much as they could be. Now today, they all stood lost in their own world of grief and desperate for answers. Why had this happened? Why Brooke? Why now? Unfortunately, not one of them could answer a single one of those questions.
Finally the reverend had stopped speaking. Ashlee had gone completely numb. That was until the guy flipped the switch and the coffin was being lowered into the cold unwelcoming unforgiving earth. Frantically she untangled herself from Ezra's grip on her and lunged toward the casket. She desperately wanted it to stop retreating away from her but didn't know where the switch was to make it stop.
"Mommy! No. Come back. Please! I need you. Don't leave me here! Please Mommy," Ashlee screamed as the tears poured down her cheeks.
She carried on in the same way for about ten minutes before she exhausted herself. When she had finally calmed down a bit Ashlee looked at the coffin that now lie motionless and stared back at her uninviting in its cold metallic luster and before getting to her feet she whispered, "I love you Mommy. When all else fails, be cute." Ashlee rose to her feet and turned to see that nobody had moved. Everyone she had told herself she had to be strong for witnessed her melt down.
"Ashlee," Lucas began hesitantly, the emotion clear in his voice.
"No. Don't you dare talk to me," Ashlee snapped at him.
"Ashlee please!"
Ashlee whipped around to face him again and Lucas recognized the look on her face. It was the same look Brooke would give him when she was upset with him for something.
"What? What do you want from me?" Ashlee demanded harshly.
"I just I want"
"That's what I thought. You wanted to snake your way into my life now that Mom's dead and won't try to stop you. Well guess what Lucas, I don't need you and neither does Ezra. Buzz off!"
Before he could even respond Ashlee had turned around again and was walking with her head buried in Ezra's shoulder back to the limo so they could go back to the house and be tortured with hours of people offering sympathetic glances and pathetic attempts at small talk. That was the last thing Ashlee wanted right now. All she wanted was to go home, put on her pj's and lock herself in her room. Unfortunately she knew that couldn't happen. Not for a few hours anyway. She had promised Chase and Ezra that she would stay downstairs and be polite for a little while at least. But they had all agreed that as soon as she couldn't handle it anymore and wanted to go be alone that she could. No questions, no arguments…from anyone.
The only "good" thing about going back to the house and having all kinds of people there, was having Haley there. Ashlee absolutely adored Haley and whenever Brooke wasn't around, she would go to Haley with her troubles. Ashlee sat in the limo, eyes closed and head on Ezra's shoulder, not making a sound. She almost didn't realize they had gotten to the house had it not been for Ezra gently shaking her to get her attention.
"We're home Ash. Come on," he said.
"No. I don't want to Ez. It's not home without her," Ashlee replied softly.
Ezra sighed wearily as he took his sister's hand and pulled her gently off the seat. He hated to make her but knew that he no choice. Chase had already gone in with Jordan, Nick and Leo. But he had tried to get Ashlee to come in with them. Of course, she had refused to comply with Chase as well. Ezra told him to go ahead in and he'd take care of getting Ashlee out of the limo.
"I know this is hard Ashy. But we have a deal remember?"
Sighing reluctantly Ashlee nodded her head and then moved to get out of the limo. As she stepped out and looked around, a small smile flickered in her eyes when she saw that Haley was waiting for her. Before she could be blinded by tears Ashlee made her way over to Haley who stood there with tears in her own eyes and arms stretched waiting for her niece to fall into them.
"Baby Tigger, come here," Haley said gently.
Without a single word, Ashlee collapsed into Haley's embrace and let go of the sobs she had been holding in. Ezra watched through tears of his own as his twin lost her composure. He hated that he couldn't do anything for her. It was the first time in a long time he had felt this way. Shaken by his helpless estate, Ezra didn't realize he wasn't alone until he heard his voice.
"You know, she's lucky to have you," Lucas said to his son seriously.
"How would you know? You were never around. And you're only here now because you think you can make up for lost time or something. Ash was right. She doesn't need you and neither do I. Why don't you just get out of here?" Ezra yelled. His voice was a mixture of anger, sadness and helplessness.
"Wow your mother really did a good job turning you both against me."
"Screw you. Mom didn't do that. You did that."
"How? Tell me Ezra. How did I turn my own kids against me?"
Chase had been watching from the doorway until Lucas opened his mouth again. At which point he walked over in a huff toward the two guys.
"You wanna know how you turned your own kids against you? Do you Lucas?" Chase barked.
"Yes, actually I do," Lucas shot back.
"When you walked out on their mother. That's how. You didn't even bother sticking around to be there for her or them. That's how. It's always been about you. You never gave a damn about Brooke or about Ashlee or Ezra. Hell you didn't even care enough about any of them to stick around long enough to find out Brooke was carrying twins. You know what? Ezra's right…get out of here. I can't stand having the so-called man who walked away anywhere near me or my kids."
"I'm their father! Not you."
"Oh really?"
Ashlee was about ten feet away from where Chase and Lucas were arguing and she had had enough. Anger stirred in her as she stalked over to them. Chase looked up to see her storming over and knew it was going to get ugly in a minute.
"Ash I'm sorry for yelling," Chase said quickly.
"Shut up. I don't wanna hear it right now," Ashlee retorted before turning her attention to Lucas, "You are not my father. And you never will be."
"Ashlee," Lucas replied, all anger gone from his voice and in its place was the despair of being denied by his own flesh and blood…again.
"No. I told you, Ezra told you, Chase told you. You're not my father. And I don't want you anywhere near me or them or this house. Ever. Got it? Good. Now leave."
"Ashlee."
Haley walked over now and Lucas knew he was in trouble if she was getting involved.
"Lucas did you not hear what Ashlee just said? Leave. You're not helping anyone by being here. You're only stirring up more grief for everyone. You may not respect Chase and God only knows you don't really care about Ashlee or Ezra. But you and I both know you still respect me. So I'm gonna tell you. Get out of here," Haley said, a quiet anger ringing in her words.
Without a single word, Lucas dropped his head down and walked away. Ashlee, Ezra and Chase all stood in silence watching in amazement at how quickly Lucas had listened to Haley's words. They had all tried the same thing with him but their words seemed to roll off his back but the minute Haley spoke he listened.
"Thanks Haley," Chase said with a weak smile.
"You're welcome," Haley replied.
Ashlee turned to walk in the house. She was still okay enough to stay downstairs but she wanted to check on her younger brothers. It wasn't really until that moment that she realized that she hadn't really talked to the three of them much since Brooke had died. Ashlee felt lousy for it too as she opened the front door and found her brothers hovered around the food that was spread out on the island and the table.
As soon as she opened her mouth to speak the three boys were gone. Defeated, Ashlee turned and walked toward the back door and didn't stop until she reached the swing. Much to her surprise, Nathan was already there. He had a bottle clutched in his hand tears were rolling down his cheeks. She quietly sat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Uncle Nate, why did Mom have to die?" she asked meekly.
"I don't know sport. I really don't," he said as he drew in a shaky breath.
"It's not fair! She was the best mother in the world. Or at least she tried so hard to be. I know it wasn't always easy. Hell I know I wasn't always easy on her. But she tried Uncle Nate. She really tried because she loved us. All five of us. Mom loved us more on her own then your stupid brother ever bothered to. Why did she have to go? Why is he still here!"
Nathan hated to see his niece so broken but there wasn't anything he could do or say in that moment to help. He knew that it hurt him to hear her speak that way about his brother but also felt it was completely justified that she feel that way. Brooke really did love all her children, more than anyone ever could have imagined and Ashlee was right that it wasn't fair she had died. But at the same time he wasn't sure he could wish his brother were the one dead and not Brooke. Not that he was ever gonna tell Ashlee that. At least not for a very long time if he could help it.
"Jordan, Nick and Leo won't even talk to me. Ezra won't stop patronizing me and Dad well…he's just Dad. He's trying so hard but I can see he's dying inside without her. I can't stay here Uncle Nate. It's too much. I can't stay in a house where there's no adult female presence. I need that. And I don't want Dad and Ezra to feel like they're failing me because they can't help me through certain things. What am I gonna do?" Ashlee exploded suddenly startling both of them.
Nathan was completely lost for words. He could tell Ashlee really needed that female presence even in this moment but was "stuck" with him instead. He wanted to help her, he really did but being male, he didn't have a clue where to start. Or if she would even let him help her.
"Ash, stay tonight. I'll talk to your dad in the morning and maybe we can figure something out. But don't get your hopes okay pal?" Nathan replied.
Ashlee nodded. She guessed that was better than nothing. He could have told her to suck it up and stay here because that was part of being a family. But she knew he wouldn't say that. He wasn't that kind of guy. If there was a way he could help, Ashlee knew her uncle would do everything he could to make that happen for her.
"All right I'm gonna go inside for a little while. Are you okay out here alone or do you want me to send Haley to talk to you?" Nathan asked as he stood up from the swing.
"I'm fine but she can come out here if she wants to," Ashlee answered.
Nathan nodded. He leaned down to kiss her forehead before heading into the house to find Haley. He wasn't the least bit shocked when he spotted his wife standing in front of the mantle holding a picture of Brooke just after she had Ashlee and Ezra. The tear tracks on her cheeks were visible even from where Nathan was standing right then. Slowly he made his way over to her and took the picture out of Haley's hand and placed back on the mantle.
"Your niece is outside on the swing. She said she was okay but if you wanted to join her you could," Nathan said as he reached up and wiped her tears away like he just done for his niece a minute ago outside on the swing.
Haley nodded as she made her way toward the back door. She wasn't really sure if talking to Ashlee right now would do either of them any good but at the very least she wanted to spend time with the girl. Sighing Haley let the back door close behind her as she made her way over to the swing. A small sad smile played on her lips when she saw that Ashlee was asleep on the swing with salty tear tracks on her cheeks and her lips were pouted. Careful not to wake her, Haley lifted Ashlee's head before sitting on the swing then resting the girl's head gently in her lap. Ashlee stirred a bit when she felt someone moving her and the swing shift.
"Shh, it's okay baby. Close your eyes and go back to sleep," Haley whispered gently to her.
"I love you Mommy," Ashlee responded unconsciously.