The major part of this takes place right after HBP, the beginning, however, is before the funeral. For once, I use a first person narrative, which I usually don't do. Shows how old this is. There's a hint of Moody/McGonagall in there, don't be confused, that's just me.

Since I wrote this (as all my HP stuff, really) before HD, it's completely different, a spelled out theory, if you will. I'm actually quite proud of this one.

By the way, before you get started on this you may want to read When Sorry is Not Enough, although it is not required. If you intend to read it, you should do so before this or you'll have a short version (one or two sentences referring to it …) here.

The title is a quote taken from the impostor-Moody's. I know it's inadequate, but it fits so nicely.

The front door banged shut downstairs. The next thing I realised consciously was myself limping down in my pyjamas with my wand at the ready. The last time someone had sought me out at the dead of night had been long before my retirement. Apart from that, there were only a few people who knew where I lived, and they would have had the sense to knock, knowing that I might be dangerous when caught unawares. Halfway down the flight I searched the rooms for the trespasser and saw, to my shock, Minerva in a chair in the kitchen with her face buried in her hands. My heart was racing. I got into the kitchen as fast as I could, took her by the shoulder and pulled her up. 'Minerva, are you all right?' I asked. She shook me off.

'Never mind me.' Her eyes were red and swollen and she looked worn out. I had seen enough people surviving a lost battle to tell that something of this kind must just have happened. What was more, I had never seen her cry before, and maybe it was that which shocked me most.

'What's the matter?' I asked, dreading the answer.

'Albus,' she said simply, and there was no need to tell me more. I felt the blood leaving my face and for a moment I was so dizzy that I thought I would lose my balance. I managed to get myself onto a chair while Minerva paced the room, trying to master herself.

'Who?' I asked, and she started crying again.

'Snape,' she spat then. I was glad that I was sitting already for otherwise I would have lost my balance now.

'No,' I said. 'No, that is impossible.' It couldn't be! I remembered that night when he had applied for a job at Hogwarts only too vividly. Albus would have accepted him just like that, but I wouldn't let him. If Severus Snape had killed him, it was at least partly my fault because it meant I had not chosen my words carefully enough that night, and I was not ready to accept that. 'Minerva, have you been a witness?' I asked, but she shook her head. I wanted to ask her if she knew who had seen it, but I decided that there was plenty of time.

'I am so sorry, Alastor,' Minerva whispered. I wanted to reply, but I couldn't. My voice would have broken if I'd tried, all I managed to do was to stare at the ground. I felt Minerva's hand on my shoulder and I rose. I took her into my arms and buried my face in the crook of her neck. It wasn't only a selfless attempt to comfort her. I didn't want her to see my own tears.

'D'you wish to stay here tonight?' I asked hopefully but felt her shaking her head.

'I've got to be there, there are a hundred things that need to be organised,' she said. I wasn't even disappointed, I knew her and her correctness. I took a few deep breaths before I let go of her.

Minerva left only a short time later, and when she was gone I started to feel a strong desire for vengeance. Albus had been my oldest friend. In fact, he was one of the few people I had trusted. The knowledge that he was gone was more painful than anything I had experienced before. The face of Severus Snape appeared in my mind's eye, and if he had been there, I would have killed him, slowly and painfully. The thought shocked me. I never killed when I could help it and I wasn't going to let my feelings reign over my hands. If only I had a Pensieve … I went back upstairs. Sleep was out of the question, but I lay down and closed my eyes to concentrate on that day years ago when Snape had sought Albus out after Lily and James Potter had been killed. I went through the whole conversation over and over again. It didn't help. When the sun rose I wasn't any the wiser: I couldn't find what I might have done wrong. I decided to go to the Ministry. Kingsley Shacklebolt would tell me whatever he knew.

It wasn't much. He, at least, wasn't dissolving. Sometimes I wish I had his temper. A bunch of Aurors had been searching Spinner's End. They hadn't found Snape, which didn't surprise me. I was sure he would return after some time. That's what I would have done: Let them search in vain so I can come back. I decided to wait for a few days before I looked.

ϡ

Reaching that place was a different story. It was in the middle of a Muggle area, so I couldn't Apparate safely. I had to walk for a short while. Luckily no one saw me, I think my appearance is not wanted in a place like that, and the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to me. There was nothing remarkable about the place, until I found myself before a small house that looked different. I hadn't been here before, but I knew that this had to be the one. I looked inside and found Snape sitting in a chair behind a desk. He had his back in my direction so I couldn't see his face. Pity, people's features could speak volumes when they felt they were completely alone. I knocked. Snape jumped in his chair but didn't react. I knocked again, and he rose. He was even thinner than normally and looked like a hunted animal. 'Open the door or I break it!' I thundered. I had to master myself although it was hard. Innocent until proven guilty. He was wise enough not to try and take flight, and a few moments later the door opened.

'Go away or I'll kill you like I killed your dear friend.' I would have jumped to his throat if I could. I pointed my wand at his chest instead.

'Let me in,' I said, and he backed away from the door. 'Why are you alive?'

'Because I did what I had to do,' he replied coldly. I couldn't believe my ears.

'You made the Unbreakable Vow to Albus, you cannot have killed him.' He grinned evilly.

'Seems I managed,' he said.

ϡ

When I brought him to my house I felt slightly guilty. I hadn't intended to attack him. He would survive it, I would make sure of that. I was not going to let him off so easily. He had admitted that he had killed Albus, he was even proud of it. I would see him Kissed personally. The Dementors were no longer on our side, but I would manage to get him Kissed. Killing him wasn't enough, I wanted him utterly destroyed. I kept Snape alive but unconscious for the next time. I didn't want to deal with vermin before Albus was buried.

Minerva visited me the next day, and I told her that I had got hold of Snape. When she asked me what I was going to do with him, I couldn't answer her. Finally, she advised me to deliver him to the Ministry as soon as I could. After all, I was retired. I did her bidding. Why should I feed that man? I approached the head of the Auror office a week after the funeral, and he was delighted. They took Snape willingly and I received a note that would inform me when his trial was.

It took me a long time to decide whether or not I wanted to be at the trial. There was no doubt that he would be sentenced, but the question was if I was enough of a masochist to witness that. 'There's no use locking him into Azkaban, he'll break out,' said Minerva, forcing me out of my thoughts. I nodded. It was no use.

'They'll have him Kissed,' I said. 'Reckon they have a Dementor kept safely at the Ministry of Mysteries or so. Asked Kingsley to tell me who was to speak in his defence, but he couldn't tell me. Didn't know it, either. They sent someone a note telling them to do it. They haven't done that in years.'

'It's foolish,' said Minerva fiercely. 'They have people to do pleas who have totally different jobs.'

'It's because these people often don't know enough to defend their client properly,' I said. 'If they want to have someone sentenced by all means, they get a half-layman to defend. Officially it's because they're uninvolved. That's when there's no witness, like in this case.'

'There is a witness,' said Minerva quietly and I jumped.

'Who?' I asked.

'Potter,' said Minerva. 'I don't have the slightest idea how he happened to be up at the Astronomy tower, but he was undoubtedly there.'

'Can't you ask him …' I began, but she shook her head so fiercely that I stopped.

'I cannot ask him anything, Alastor!' she said loudly, and I frowned. An owl dropped a letter on my lap and I began to open it. 'I may not speak with him.'

'Rubbish,' I said, looking up from my letter. 'Only the defender may not …' I dropped the letter. 'Great,' I said then, picking up the piece of parchment. 'So it's you.' Minerva nodded. I finished reading. It was a notification from the Ministry. The decision whether I wanted to be at Snape's trial or not was no longer within my hands. 'I'm Determiner,' I informed Minerva darkly. 'Wonder when they'll start torturing people in trials, there hasn't been a trial with a Determiner in the last three centuries.'

'And what exactly is a Determiner?' asked Minerva.

'Has the authority of a judge, well, actually, a jury, more or less,' I said. 'In some matters a bit more, in others less. If there's a Determiner, the judge can only define the degree of punishment. The Determiner decides if evidence is admissible. The Determiner's word is law: If they say someone says the truth, no one can object. If I sign a form that says the defendant has committed the crime, he has. If I sign the form saying he is innocent, he can go. Very fishy. That's why they stopped using Determiners.'

'What do they need a judge for, then? To decide whether he'll be Kissed or sent to Azkaban?'

'Or put into a cell until he's starved, yeah. Wouldn't astonish me any more.' I wondered who had decided that I should be Determiner. I had never even been questioner, I wasn't a man of many words, I had never understood people who loved to hear themselves talking. Minerva smiled sadly.

'The trial takes place 2 August doesn't it?' I nodded.

'Where are they keeping Snape now?' I asked. As the Determiner I had to hear him and the witnesses before the trial. I had to memorize what they said so I could see if they said contradictory things before the court.

'In the Ministry, I think,' she said.

ϡ

She thought correctly. A guard of about twenty years led me down to his cell. 'Your wand,' he said, and I stared.

'What about it?' I asked.

'You are not allowed to enter with your wand,' he said.

'I know that as Determiner I have to face an assumed murderer on my own, but no one ever told me I was supposed to do that unarmed,' I told him. He looked as though he wanted to protest. 'Listen, laddie, you open this door now and let me in, and then you wait right here for me to tell you to open. And if you try and leave I will see it and take care that you pay dearly.' He nodded and opened, and I was delighted that I was still as impressive as I used to be. Snape was sitting in his cubicle on a pallet.

'You again,' he said.

'Yes, me,' I said as the door closed behind me. 'Better watch out, I am the Determiner in your trial, so I think it would be a good idea for you not to make me angry.'

'You have decided on me anyway,' said Snape dismissively.

'Let's get this over with. Did you kill Albus Dumbledore?'

'Yes,' he said coldly. 'And so would you.' For a moment I wondered whether I had misheard him.

'Have you lost it?' I roared when I decided I hadn't.

'No, I have not,' said he. 'I was hardly ever as sober as I am since that day. I did only my duty. You know that I couldn't have killed him otherwise.' This was an undeniable fact: He had made the Unbreakable Vow. On the other hand I trusted him even to find means to sneak out of this kind of magic.

'So why did you have to?' I asked, dropping onto a chair.

'I am not talking to an Article,' said Snape. For a moment I thought he really was out of his mind.

'The word's Determiner,' I said then, realizing what he'd meant. 'The Determiner will finally decide whether you're guilty or not. And you'd better answer me before I lose my temper.' Snape was staring at his hands.

'I was so sure when I did it,' he said softly. 'Now I have doubts. What if I was wrong? Then I am a murderer.' I decided that it was best to let him continue for the while. 'Dumbledore was pale and looked like a dying man. His breath was uneven. He was breaking down but not losing strength and consciousness. The cold supported him. His face was pale and his eyes were darkening. That is what I saw. What would you have done?' The room seemed to be spinning like a top all around me. I knew the symptoms he described. I rose and looked down on him.

'I will check that,' I said. I wasn't going to believe this easily. I needed to tell Minerva. Needed to hear what she thought.

Only when I arrived at home I found that I wouldn't be able to get what I needed: I was not allowed to see her before the trial. It was as reasonable as it was cruel. I received a thousand owls from people telling me they knew what had really happened, all of them absolutely foolish. 31 July I went to number four Privet Drive to fetch Potter. I had wanted to talk to him earlier, but I would take him to Headquarters for that and this wouldn't have suited Albus at all. Therefore it was out of the question before he turned of age. I considered asking some of the others to come with me, but then I thought I'd better go alone. I Apparated in a quiet corner near my destination and walked. It was ten o'clock in the evening, but I saw light in a few rooms so that I knew I wouldn't wake anyone. I knocked, and Mrs Dursley opened. For a moment she looked as if she would slam the door in my face. 'Don't even think of it,' I said and pushed her out of the way. 'Where's Harry?' She paced away from me and gestured upstairs. I shot red sparks at the door, and only a second later it burst open, revealing Harry pointing his wand at me. 'Come here,' I said, but he didn't move.

'How do I know you are Moody?' he asked.

'Two years ago I showed you a photograph of the old Order of the Phoenix,' said I. 'Fine with that? Come here then, we're going to Headquarters. You can Apparate I reckon?' He nodded, and we went. At Headquarters I led him into my room on the second floor. 'I'm something like a judge at Snape's trial,' I began and saw Harry's eyes being shadowed with hatred. I couldn't blame him. 'I assume you received a note telling you that you will be called in evidence?' He nodded. 'Tell me what happened.'

I heard a truly horrible version of the story, because it was more complete than Minerva's. I made mental notes now and then; somehow it all fitted. Why should Snape not simply have killed Flitwick if he intended to side with Voldemort? Why would Albus be pleading with him? He would never have pleaded for life, and he had tried to talk me into reason so often that I knew that this didn't cause him to plead either. When Harry had finished I took a deep breath. 'Have you been with Albus before this happened?' I asked after a few seconds.

'Yes, but he asked me not to tell anyone what we were doing,' replied Harry. This was good enough for me and it would have to be good enough for the others as well.

'Did he drink anything?' I asked tentatively. I couldn't push the matter. This was Minerva's task. If she didn't ask the right questions, I could do so at the end of the trial.

'Are you suggesting that Snape killed Dumbledore because he was drunken?' Harry shouted at me, and I shook my head violently.

'Nah, I mean something like a potion,' I said. Harry nodded.

'Yes, but I didn't recognise it. It was glowing green and I couldn't touch it.' I nodded slowly.

'Thank you, sonny' I said. 'You have no idea how important this is. Minerva will ask you a few questions at the trial, I think. Before that you may not talk about anything of this to anyone. You should make sure that Ron and Hermione keep quiet what you say to them for I don't expect you to keep anything from them.'

The day of the trial I kept telling myself that I had done all I could: There was no evidence apart from Harry's word, which counted just enough since he was of age. There were only the facts that Albus was dead and that Snape kept admitting that he had killed him. Now it was my task to find out what had happened before the murder in order to get to the truth.

It shocked me a bit how much the court room's atmosphere comforted me. It was routine, I had spent so many hours here in countless trials, often I had been sitting beside Albus, watching my prey being torn to pieces on the chair in the centre of the room. Two people led Snape in. He wasn't fighting, allowing himself to be thrown into the chair, which chained his arms to itself at once. He looked weak.

The judge was a very young wizard. I didn't know him. He was very tall and obviously quite proud of himself. I supposed he was a young Auror who had received this trial as a practical task. Counsel to the prosecution was – to my delight – Nymphadora Tonks. She was undoubtedly convinced of what she was doing, but I was far more experienced. Minerva, however, was not. She had been listening in trials, but she had neither defended, nor had she been the one in the centre. Both could turn out to be an advantage in my present situation. Minerva didn't know about the potion either. I hoped sincerely that she would ask a question that led to the right direction. Otherwise I would have to speak a lot in front of those people, which was the last thing I wanted. After the official part, Tonks had the word.

'Have you killed Albus Dumbledore?' she asked Snape.

'Yes but …'

'Silence. Did he tell you to do it?'

'No but …' Snape looked on the verge of despair.

'Silence! Were you trying to cure him of a disease and mistook the spell with the Killing Curse?'

'Objection!' said Minerva. I felt a rush of gratitude: She was playing fairly.

'Objection sustained,' said the young wizard. Tonks went on asking questions that would have stripped anyone of their defences. I've seen people in the middle of this room before. None had looked happy. Those who had been guilty had either looked proud or fearful, those who had been innocent had usually looked scared but determined. Snape looked none of it. He sat quietly in the middle of the chair, staring into space as if this wasn't really about him. However, after a few minutes he looked different. His voice was higher than usually and he was looking around nervously. He tried to catch my eye, but there was nothing I could do for him. Not yet.

By the time Tonks was finished with him I wondered whether he was finally breaking over this. He was more jumpy than I in my worst days, he tugged at the chair binding him, he was clenching his fists like mad, turning and twisting his hands as if he would get free by that. There are many things that can give a person strength, I remembered Urania Gallows teaching me ages ago. One is the wish to gain power. One is fear. But when your opponent keeps fighting in a lost battle, clinging madly to whatever hope they may have, you may have to reconsider your decision: Nothing gives more strength than the knowledge that you are accused but innocent. I had never believed it, but now I was having second thoughts. 'Professor Minerva McGonagall, do you have any questions?' asked the judge, who had introduced himself as Mulley.

'No,' she said. She would question Harry, and if she didn't ask about the events before the murder I would not be able to keep my comfortably silent position. Harry Potter was asked to step to the council, to say the truth and nothing but the truth, and Tonks started asking him a few questions that incriminated Snape severely. He didn't even look at me any more. Obviously he thought I didn't believe him.

'Mr Potter, have you been with Professor Dumbledore earlier that night?' asked Minerva.

'Yes,' said Harry. 'But I cannot tell you where we have been.'

'Mr Potter, I hope you are aware …' Mulley began, but I interrupted him.

'I do not consider the place of his and Professor Dumbledore's sojourn an important matter,' I said loudly. He would not answer if Albus had asked him to remain silent about it, and I didn't want anyone to try and force him. The judge shot me a glance that could pierce solid stone, but I didn't care. Minerva frowned slightly. I tried to tell her without words to go on in this direction. I really didn't want to stand in the centre.

It was no use. Her questions had been good, but the answers didn't help Snape. Finally I was asked whether I had questions, and I had to say yes. Well, if I had to do this, I would do it properly, I thought, so I paced down and glanced around at the people. 'I ask the court to allow Professor McGonagall to communicate in silence with the defendant. This will be important. I would also like the defendant to write down the symptoms he recognized when he saw Professor Dumbledore and what he thought had happened to him. I also ask him to inform Nymphadora Tonks about the symptoms and would like to hear her opinion what happened. The people in the court who will, during the conversation we will undoubtedly have later, recognize the symptoms should keep the answer to themselves so as not to influence the witness. If I am not much mistaken, the answer cannot be known to the witness, which makes him very useful.'

'Go ahead,' said Mulley dismissively, and I went and handed Snape a few scrolls of parchment. Actually I never went to a trial without something to write, and now I knew why. I waited patiently for Snape to scribble in his tiny handwriting what he had told me long before. I wanted Tonks to see what had happened. My word was enough, but if she agreed with me that would spare me a lot of talking. In theory she had to know the potion. She was an Auror. She had to know. At last Snape was done with writing and gave one piece of parchment each to Minerva and Tonks. To my delight both went pale.

'Tonks you are aware what this means? And you, Minerva?' I asked.

'This need not mean anything,' said Tonks, but she didn't sound very convinced.

'Please pass the parchment to the jury,' I said, and she brought it to Mulley. 'Harry, did Professor Dumbledore drink anything that was unknown to you?'

'I already told you that,' he replied unwillingly. 'He drank a greenish potion.'

'Properties,' I said.

'It was glowing and I could not touch it,' said Harry.

'Was it hot?' I asked, and Harry shook his head.

'I just couldn't get nearer than a few inches,' he replied.

'Why did you not empty the vessel that held it by magical means?' I asked.

'Professor Dumbledore tried, but it didn't work.' said Harry. 'He told me he couldn't Vanish, siphon, Transfigure or Charm it.'

'I think we can safely assume that if he failed to do any such thing it was impossible,' said I. 'He could only get to the liquid with a goblet?' I asked, and Harry nodded. 'Tonks, please write onto the parchment what you think the draught was. I ask for permission to perform an otherwise illegal spell,' I said. I wanted to be sure. I had to. Tonks scribbled two words onto the parchment and gave it to Mulley again.

'Granted,' he whispered, and I conjured a glass of water.

'Devivo,' I thought (it was illegal and the listeners that didn't know the spell wouldn't learn it from me), and the water started to swirl madly and to glow in a greenish light. 'Like that?' I asked. Harry stared. I went over to him. 'Touch it,' I said. He moved his fingers to the surface, but didn't get very far. He nodded.

'That's it,' he said, and I held the glass up.

'Who knows what this is?' I asked calmly. I had already won. This was one of these tests where I knew I had done well. 'You know, don't you?' I asked Tonks, and she nodded. She had her hands pressed against her mouth as if she was going to be sick.

'Did you have to revive Albus?' I asked in the gentlest voice I could muster in the present situation, and Harry nodded. Something inside me went cold.

'Anyone tell me what this is,' I said.

'Draught of Immortality,' said Minerva bravely into the quiet. 'It kills almost immediately if you just drink enough. Make the mistake to revive the victim and you have created an Inferius.' I glanced at Harry. He stared at me and my glass in disbelief. This wasn't even a potion, it was cursed water. It had rarely been used. There were endless ways to create an Inferius, this was only one. It was very simple, but leaving it behind could simply kill without having the effect that was desired. I failed to comprehend why Albus should have drunk this, he would have known it, so he must have done it on purpose; but somehow I knew that it was no use asking Harry. I slammed the glass onto the table before the judge. 'Only the one who cursed the water can undo the spell. Restituo.' The water swirled again and returned to its orginal colour – or lack thereof. I drained the glass and a few people gasped again. Minerva looked pained. She seemed on the verge of tears again, but I had to finish this. 'There is only one way to help someone who drank this and was revived,' I said quietly. 'Stabbing them wouldn't harm them more than throwing a towel at them. The only way to save that which is left of them is the Killing Curse, which must be cast before their transformation is complete, before they forget who they are. After, the only thing that helps is fire.' I stared the young wizard before me in the face, and he looked as if he wanted to run away from me. 'We're waiting for your decision.' He rose and looked down at Snape. 'Give the form to me and I'll sign it if I agree.'

'Cleared,' he said loudly and with a clatter Snape was released from his chair. A piece of parchment appeared before him with a popping sound, and I signed it quickly before Mulley could change his mind. I thrust it back to him triumphantly and walked down to Harry.

'Wait a minute, I'll bring you back to the Dursleys,' I told him. Snape stood behind me and I turned to face him.

'Thank you, sir,' he said. He looked honestly grateful and a term of politeness wasn't a very usual thing from him either. He must have been really frightened.

'Don't you think I'll do it again just because you were innocent now,' I warned him. 'I knew you couldn't be guilty this time, but this also means that your Vow has no effect on you any more. I'll keep a close eye on you.' He nodded.

'Today is the first time I am relieved that you forced me to make the Vow,' he said.

'So'm I,' I said truthfully. I wouldn't have doubted for a second that Snape was a traitor if I hadn't been too convinced of myself to believe that I worded the Vow so badly that he could have found a loophole.

After I brought Harry safely to his aunt and uncle, I went home. I felt as tired as if I had been without sleep for about a week. I took a nice hot shower and went to bed. Actually Minerva was supposed to be at Hogwarts now, she was Albus's successor both as headmistress and as head of the Order, and she had decided to make Hogwarts castle Headquarters next year. The school would not open officially, but it would work as a shelter for children whose parents thought them safer behind its walls. Therefore, she had to organise a number of things, but tonight she was here with me. The next day we would go to Hogwarts together. I was agitated about the day's events but tired enough to fall asleep at once. I could start worrying about the future another time.