Choices
It had happened in a day like any other. Well, by her standards at least. Most people's average days revolved around going to work, maybe grocery shopping. Hers, not so much. Such was the life of the dying. Despite her family she knew she was dying, she just wished her family didn't have to suffer. Her pain would eventually stop but theirs would go on. She knew that, she had lost her parents after all. Now was her turn to go.
Her little boy.
She remembered the overwhelming grief she felt when her parents had passed away, she had been twenty six. The day had started much like this one, like any other. Now her baby boy was about to go through the same thing at such a young age. There were no words for the guilt she felt of causing them this much pain. The shame of not being able to protect her family, John and Stiles. It tore her inside and forced the air out of her weak lungs, her eyes stung. This was so much worse than dying. Her pain would end, theirs was not.
She wished she could take their pain, that maybe if she had never met John- no, Stiles was precious, more precious than anything. He was clever and funny and so dreadfully clumsy. A pained smile forced itself on her face. She couldn't think of him and not smile, even knowing she was causing him so much pain, that it would be so much worse once she was gone. Stiles was precious, he was to be cherished and protected. He wasn't meant to experience this, he wasn't meant to know loss.
"You're being rather dramatic about the whole ordeal" She forced her eyes to open, startled. Her son wasn't due to arrive from school for a while yet. John should still be at work, she knew that. "I have it on good authority that they do get over the whole" the teenager motioned to her dying bed. "Eventually. They all do." He seemed resigned. Maybe he had lost someone as well. "I'm sorry" Escaped her lips instead of the questions she had planned to ask, that she should ask. Who was he? What was he doing here, in her room? How had he gotten in? He tensed, for a brief moment she saw his face contort into something that that carried so much anguish before he reverted back to careless nonchalance. She wondered if it had been imagined, maybe she was projecting her emotions on him. Maybe- She hadn't spoken out loud. Other than the strangled apology that seemed to burst from her moments earlier. How did he know what she had been thinking? It had been all in her head, she was certain, it took too much effort to talk and she saved it for when Stiles and John were visiting. The boy smiled but refused to meet her eyes. Instead he walked around the room examining the little trinkets Stiles brought her during her stay at the hospital. Drawings, pictures, his plush star. He had insisted that the later would keep her safe while daddy and he were away. "Yes" He spoke before she could force the words out. He was reading her mind. "You should save your strength, I'm certainly not worth the effort" The plushy was returned to the foot of my bed.
What are you? People couldn't read minds. It just wasn't done. "I am something of which you've never came across, until now" He seemed pleased with his not-answer, it was as if she could taste his smugness in the air. But there was something else about him. He was unnerving, it wasn't just because of the mind reading ability, and there was an aura of wrongness about him. Something he could feel but made an effort to ignore. It was as if acknowledging it would only do harm, as if he could keep it at bay if he could just pretend hard enough. It was hard to understand and if he heard, he made no effort to reply.
She could taste it, loneliness, pain, fear, confusion. The closer he moved to her the clear it became. She could sense his emotions, not just in the air. It was as if each emotion was a wave of energy that seemed to emanate from him. He could probably feel her emotions as well. "You're not afraid" He spoke softly to her right. If she could just- there, her hand touched his and he jumped away like a startled animal. Fear and surprise followed by confusion seemed to overpower any other emotion. She lifted her hand and waited for him to take it, thankfully he seemed to recompose himself rather quickly; she wouldn't be able to keep her arm lifted like that for long. The suffocating atmosphere seemed to recede, he was pulling his emotions into himself and shutting them in. Probably for her benefit, her heart rate began to normalize as the sudden bout of fear was sucked out of the room.
He had plenty of chances to hurt her and she was already dying, what reason did she have to fear him? "You shouldn't have to die" His eyes never left their intertwined hands. With a pang of sadness she realized, he'd probably never held someone's hand before, probably never been touched by anyone before. That would explain his reaction and why he seemed confused by her. "Everyone has to die at some point" Her words echoed in the room but instead of serving as consolation, his face seemed to close off. "Not everyone, only the good ones" He took a deep breath and moved away cutting of any contact.
"I could save you, you know" he focused on the window this time. The parking lot was not that interesting, she was certain. "You could save a lot of people" She felt the need to reply out loud. For some reason she didn't doubt him. "No, just you" Was he an angel? Certainly not, he was far too arrogant for one, that and the snort she heard were enough confirmation. "People would probably build statues in your honor" She teased. "Temples, even" He shook his head. "They have." She was not expecting that. "Why-" Her question was cut off by his movement, he was so fast she was barely able to register, nevermind question his reasons. The reason was clear barely a minute later when Stiles rushed into the room grinning and waving yet another picture he had drawn, John would soon follow, having stopped to talk with one of the nurses, most likely.
"Mama, look" The boy didn't move, in fact he stayed in the farther corner of the room the entire time John and Stiles were there, unmoving and not making a noise. She seemed to be the only one capable to seeing him and the 'Being' seemed rather fascinated by Stiles the entire time. His eyes barely spared John a glance but Stiles, Stiles had his undivided attention. And when Stiles would trip on his untied shoelaces while running about the room he would quickly regain his balance or conveniently find something to hold on to. She would have been lying if she said that she wasn't amused by this turn of events.
When Stiles and John were ushered away by Melissa at the end of visiting hours he seemed almost sad and when he noticed her watching him, he glared. She was quite certain he was embarrassed even without being able to sense his emotions as before. "He does that, there's no need to feel embarrassed" Stiles had the ability to make everyone like him. No, it was more than that, he made people protective of him without noticing. The nurses, the doctors, the entire Sheriff's department, he wormed his way into people's hearts with a mixture of clumsiness and curiosity, his own brand of magic.
"That child is a danger to himself" He was back to avoiding her eyes, maybe he hadn't stop avoiding it. "You are more than welcome to keep saving him" This time he glared at her, she almost felt proud of herself. "I'm not his minder".
"Why did you come here?" She had meant to ask before her family had arrived. "Because you babbling was irritating me" He had reverted back to the same casual detachment of when he had first arrived. "I wasn't talking" She really should be egging him on. "Doesn't mean I couldn't hear it" He turned to her but didn't move any closer. "That's not very polite, listening to other people's thoughts. They are meant to be private." She used the same tone she used when Stiles misbehaved. He narrowed his eyes. "I liked you better when you were about to die" She was left staring at the place he vanished from.
She knew, in some subconscious level, that he was the cause of her feeling better, better than she had felt in months. The nurse had told her, John seemed to have noticed as well, she knew that by the end of their visits she should've been exhausted, but she wasn't. She wasn't and it took him pointing it out for her to actually stop and think about it. Had he healed her? Was that it? She wouldn't have answers until her next batch of exams.
She laughed, hope that she hadn't felt in a long time, maybe she would be able to go home. All thanks to him, and she didn't even know his name. Was he a god? Other than the Judeo-Christian religion, he gods were known to be less than perfect. Greeks and Romans were clear examples, maybe older than that. Maybe once she was out of the hospital, she could find out. Maybe he would come back and she could thank him properly. What if he hadn't really healed her? What if it was just a trick? He didn't seem happy with her situation but it could have been an act.
Something nagged in the back of her mind. He had temples built in his honor, had he not? Why come here? She hadn't prayed to anyone in particular.
She was still sick, as a matter of fact, she was still dying. The doctors couldn't explain her sudden burst of energy or her little need for painkillers. She could. It wasn't pleasant to have her hopes crushed yet again. It had been nearly two months since her visitor had appeared. She'd tried calling for him, mentally and out loud but it was no use. She should've been angry, that much was certain but being angry was exhausting. Maybe this was the best he could do and she should focus on her family. She came up with hundreds of reasons as to why he did what he did, excuses, but something in her refused to believe that he was being hurtful by allowing her to hope knowing she was still slowly dying.
She worried, nearly as much as she worried for Stiles and John. She couldn't help it, superpowers or not, to her he was still a lonely child. Stiles had John and vice versa, did he have someone, anyone? She didn't think he did. Why else would he have reacted like a startled cat when she first touched him. That's what he had reminded her of, a stray cat too afraid to let anyone close, all alone.
Not everyone. He'd told her when she told him everyone dies. Was that why he looked so lonely? Surely there were others like him. Maybe she was overreacting and he was having fun with his family and friends right this moment. But what if they didn't like him. What if he didn't have anyone to talk to, to hug him? God knows there was no better feeling than hugging a loved one. John always did give the best hugs. Are you lonely, wherever you are?
"Mostly bored, really" He really should not scare her. The nursed my panic when her heart rate goes up like that. "I could always turn that off" She wanted to wipe that smugness off his face but settled for glaring. "Let's hear it then, where have you been?" He raised a single eyebrow and she contemplated throwing a pillow at him. What were the chances he'd give it back?
One look at his face told her that she would not be getting it back. "Where were you?" She asked again when it became clear that he wasn't about to volunteer information without some nagging. She could do nagging, she was very good at it. "Around" He examined the new items since his last visit. "Around… where?" Should she ask about his home? "I don't have one" He replied as if commenting on the weather. It hurt her to hear that. "Where have you been, then? Visiting family, a temple maybe?" She was fishing for information, it was obvious. She wasn't very good with subtle. He was surprised. "How?"
Really? "We've had this conversation before. Statues, temples in your honor?" She worried that he might not remember their conversation. "A bit pompous for my taste but what do I know, mere mortal here" He smiled, a first real smile with dimples and wrinkling skin at the corner of his blue eyes. "I'm glad you're aware of your own insignificance" He replied taking a seat next to the bed. Oh, I see how it is. "Although having you here might not be a good idea" She bit her lit to keep from laughing as he looked at her curiously. "Well, with such an honor as having someone as illustrious as yourself, I couldn't be blamed for thinking that I might be special." He blinked once, twice. "Well, let me relieve you from any doubt." He looked very serious as he stared into her eyes. "You're not" She laughed then. Mischievous little shit. "I'm glad that's been cleared up. We couldn't have me thinking above my station" At times like this she wished she had taken acting lessons or at least be able to keep a straight face. "Precisely" They settled for a comfortable silence between them for a while. "You could just stay around here" Her suggestion surprised both of them but she found that she couldn't regret it. "I'm not a cat" He grumbled. She couldn't help but think he looked so young. "No, cats usually let me pet them" That comment earned her an outraged look that she wished she could take a picture of it. "Don't be like that, cats are adorable" She was enjoying herself immensely. "You would dare mock me" He stood up glaring down at her. "Meow- Wait don't go!" She held onto him as if it would keep him from vanishing. "I'm sorry, I won't tease you" He continued to glare but didn't pull his hand out of her grip. "I expect a proper apology" She gaped at him. "Go on then" He was honestly making her apologies. "Fine. I'm dreadfully sorry that you felt insulted in anyway by anything I've said." He stared for a while before sitting back down still not happy but decided to let it go.
"You never told me your name" She decided to change the topic. "I could just call you Thuomas" She continued when he made no effort to join the conversation. "Yes, I think the name fits you" He scrunched up his face in disapproval. "Stop being a baby. If you're not going to tell me your name than I have to come up with something to call you. Besides, Tuomas is a nice proper name." It took her a while to realize that she was scolding a being, possible god. "Still don't like it" She was about to tell him to choose something else but decided that if he hated the name than he could always tell her his real name. Tuomas it is.
After that, Tuomas would show up every other day at different times. Sometimes John and Stiles would be there, once when the doctors had come in with results from more exams, sometimes it was just the two of them. She noticed that she was beginning to weaken once more but it seemed to be a topic to be avoided at all costs. She didn't want him to hear the results from the exams, how were they going to pretend everything was fine when there are doctors telling her that she is deteriorating faster than she had been before? No, Tuomas shouldn't know about it. She didn't know why she was protecting him. He could heal, he has said so himself. She should be angry that he hadn't healed her, that he was leaving her to die but she couldn't. She was fairly certain she was all he had, well, her and immortality. He was alone before they met and he would be alone once she died.
From what little information he had felt like sharing, the temple he liked to visit wasn't a temple at all. It was a ruin, rubble and dust in the middle of nowhere, destroyed sometime during the spread of Christianity. Why he visited such a place, she didn't know. It was bound to bring up bad memories. The place had been ransacked and left to the elements but it was the closest thing to home Tuomas seemed to have. And it made her so unbearably sad to think of him walking around the rubble.
He wasn't evil, she knew that. A bit cold and detached but when you've been alone for so long, she could hardly blame him. Were there others like him? She had asked him once. He didn't know. Surely he had searched for others. She had wanted to introduce him to John and Stiles but they could not see or hear him. She figured it had to do with the fact that she was on her death bed. It also explained the fact that he didn't change in the months they had known each other. His dark hair didn't grow, his face still didn't look any older that a fourteen, maybe sixteen years old. His clothes were the same rich burgundy color that didn't fade.
She noticed that sometimes he'd forget things. Nothing recent pertaining to them but when she asked things about the old days, the people he'd come across. He couldn't seem to remember. He'd told her a couple stories, some had her laughing so hard that her stomach hurt for a whole day. He told her of the monster that seemed to prey on people and how important was to have sacred grounds in every village in case of an attack. How the elderly and the children were thought to go there at the first sign of trouble. She had been on the receiving end of a particular long rant when she didn't know where to go, Beacon Hills didn't have a place like that. Stiles and John didn't have a place to hide. She tried to explain that most cities didn't have places like that, that in case of trouble you called the police. That John was part of the police. He didn't understand. Well, he understood John's job, he was a warrior tasked with keeping his village safe. It was amusing to think of John, her level headed John as a warrior, especially after hearing his stories but Tuomas was accurate. John was a modern day warrior. The hard part was the safe ground. Tuomas insisted that there had to be something and that our village leader should be replaced if he was this incompetent. She agreed with him but for different reasons. He'd then asked for a priest, a sorcerer of sorts, he would know where to lead the people but the best she could do was mentioning a few churches.
That was a bad move of her part, one she was not going to repeat. He was angry when he left that night, especially hearing that she had been one 'them' but not once he was mean or cruel to her because of it. She shouldn't have been surprised by it, Tuomas was her friend but Christianity had been what brought on the destruction of his temple and probably a lot more so she had been afraid he'd be angry, maybe he'd abandon her.
But he did come back, much to her relief. She was too weak to talk by then so they kept the conversation to her mind. He told her that he'd found a druid, and how odd it was that the man preferred to heal animals instead of people. That the druid should know where the sacred grounds were but he couldn't ask him himself. The fact that the druid couldn't see him crushed any hopes she had of finding Tuomas a friend for when she was gone. She suggested that Tuomas created a new sacred ground himself, he wasn't strong enough.
Just like he wasn't strong enough to heal her. It had come as a shock when he admitted the reason she was still in this hospital was because he was weak. Of all the reasons, it had never crossed her mind that maybe he just couldn't do it. That thought took the back burner once she noticed how miserable he looked. This whole time, he'd been trying to help her. "It's not your fault" And it wasn't, it was no one's fault really. He simply had been kind enough to try. He'd given time with her family, with him and if that wasn't enough to be thankful for than she didn't know what could. She told him then that she was proud of him. It didn't matter that he was an ancient deity. To her, he was so much more, much more precious. And she was proud because after everything he'd been through, he wasn't bitter or cruel and he had every reason to be. After losing so much he'd still bother to try and help others, her. If her Stiles turned out to be half as good as him, she'd be the proudest mother in the world.
She didn't know deities cried, but she'd become used to seeing him as a person, a friend such a long time ago that it was a normal reaction to run her fingers through his hair as he sobbed by her bedside. His whole body shook with the force of his sobs and she wished she was strong enough to cradle him in her arms just as she'd done with Stiles but she could barely move as it was. "I don't want you to go" He whispered between sobs. More vulnerable than he'd ever been. "Please don't leave me" He was just a child, forced to wander a place where no one could see him, all alone. "I don't want to be alone anymore" It hurt, more than hearing from the doctors she was still sick. More than watching John breakdown as she was no longer able to respond to his voice of touch. It hurt because John and Stiles still had each other and despite how much she wanted Tuomas and Stiles to be friends, to look out for one another, Tuomas would be alone in a world that couldn't see him.
The last thing she remembers was the bright, warm light despite her eyes having been closed. She felt the light rest on her skin just hot enough to be uncomfortable. She could no longer hear Stiles calling her name or the doctors that should be here by now. They should be helping her, she couldn't leave them. Stiles wasn't supposed to watch her die, he should've been in school. John should have kept him away, he shouldn't have to see her like this, and she didn't want him to. Tuomas, her Tuomas shouldn't be alone. She couldn't die now, she had to find a way to help Tuomas, a way for people to see him.
"Shh, it's ok" She heard his weak whisper. "I'm sorry" And she was, sorry to leave him. "Don't be." The light seemed to seep through her skin and slowly move deeper inside her. "What is this?" She couldn't feel anything but the light but she could still hear Tuomas and for a moment she was terrified that she was dragging him with her. "I'm saving you, stop fighting it" His voice was strained. "You're hurting, don't" She had to stop it. "I have to, if- if this works" His voice died. "You'll be fine, I think" He pushed through. "Please don't fight it" She should fight it, she should demand he stopped whatever he was doing, that he looked after himself first. How had he survived this long if he was going to hurt himself to help the first person he met? The horror of that thought caught up to her soon after. He survived because no one else could see him, because she was the first person he met and she was killing him. "Tuomas, stop. You have to stop" She begged and hoped it wasn't too late. "It's my choice to make" Came his reply. "I don't think you'll remember-" Panic was welling inside of her. "I might not remember either, but- but if you can" He sounded so weak, so desperate. "If you could remember me, no one else does" It took him a while to get his voice under control. "Tuomas" "It might not work" He continued. "But if it does, I don't want to be alone" She tried to hold onto him but her body no longer responded. "I can't remember my name, I haven't had a name for so long. Maybe I can be Tuomas. I just don't want to be alone anymore"
You won't be. You'll never be alone, Tuomas. She wished she could stop dreaming about that. It only made her sad and her boys worried. But it was a small price to pay. She remembered and that is what mattered. She remembered it when she met John a few weeks after graduating from a degree in history and mythology. She remembered it when she published her first book of many in ancient religions, when she received awards for the discovery of seven deities never previously studied due to the destruction and subsequent pillaging of their temples. One of them, sounding so much like the boy in her dream, but there was so little information left after thousands of years. She remembered the most when she found out she was pregnant with twins as opposed to just Stiles like her dream. She remembered when she named the blue eyed baby Tuomas. She continued to remember every time she looked at him.
"Mom, you're doing it again" Stiles called from the table. "The staring, it's creepy" After hearing that, what was she supposed to do if not to stare at Stiles with the same intensity. "Mooooooom, stop!" He whined before returning to his breakfast. "You two better hurry, you still need to pick Scott up. I'm not getting you out of detention." She ruffled Tuomas' hair, she couldn't help it. "You never do" Both boys spoke in unison. "Well, I'm saving it for emergencies" The snorts she received in reply made her laugh. "Go on, shoo, be gone" She watched as both boys climbed into the blue Jeep and drove off to school.
Her boys were growing up happy, they had friends, well, they had Scott and Boyd, but they were happy with their little group so she didn't push for them to make more friends, at least not much. Now she only needed to convince them to keep their detentions to a minimum. She could do that, she had discovered ancient religions never studied before, what was a group of juniors compared to that?
This is it. What do you think?
I've been toying with the idea of gods showing up into different universes for a while (I blame Loki and the many fanfiction writers that have been enabling my addiction). But I wanted to create an original character for it with it's own personality and issues. Tuomas is based off of a few ancient gods even if I didn't elaborate much on his personality. I didn't want him to be all over the place just to show he had personality because that wasn't really the point of the story and he has more of a quiet temperament.
At first I thought about making a multi-chapter story but given my ability to finish them (or lack of thereof) I didn't want to risk it. I might still write more, maybe a series of oneshots that way you won't be left hanging. Of course, ideas and advice is always welcome.
Thanks for taking the time,
Alivi