PICK ME

by fickleminded

Wind blowing

Leaves falling

Hearts soaring

I feel alive

"... to Nyx," a male voice said,waving thier hand in front of her face. She shook her head to clear it.

"Huh? What?" she asked, lookig at her childhood friend. Chris sighed in defeat and shook his head.

"You've been spacing out in the past couple of minutes," he said, pocketing his hands in his back pocket. "You haven't heard anything I've just said, have you?" he added, looking at her.

Nyx smiled. "Of course I have," she denied. Chris stopped walking and crossed his arms in front of him. Nyx stopped and looked at him, eyebrows rose in challenge towards her. "Okay, so I wasn't paying attention," she said, throwing her arms in the air as she turned and walked on. Chris smiled and caught up to her.

"Off into your Wyatt world again, weren't you?" he asked, slinging his arm over her shoulder and pulling her close. She smiled and sighed.

"I can't help it, she started. "Everytime I see him, its as if my mind shuts down and starts back up with him as the operating system," she explained.

Chris chuckled. "Computer references this time? What next?" he asked, looking down at her. Nyx pushed him off of her and playfully punched him on the arm. Chris continued laughing at her.

"It's not funny, Christopher! This is serious!" she exclaimed, getting irritated with how Chris treated her situation. She walked ahead. Chris caught up with her as his laughter died down.

He once again slung his arm over her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," he apologized. Nyx stopped walking, dragging Chris along with her. Chris's smile faded as he looked down at her. "What's the matter? You okay?" he asked.

Nyx shook her head in negative reply. "No, I'm not! This is NOT normal, Chris! I shouldn't be chasing some guy, still thinking that he's the love of my life! I should've gotten over him a long time ago! It's been 7 feaking years!" she exclaimed, tears brimming over her eyes. Chris panicked.

"Hey, hey. Stop that. Don't cry. It's not the end of the world. You just need to—," he stopped, thinking of a good enough reason to make her stop crying. She looked up at him, tears flowing from her eyes.

"Need to what?" she asked expectantly, wiping her cheeks of the tear stains.

Chris was stomped. He couldn't think straight. Here she was, the love of his life, crying over his brother. He didn't know what to say. He can't tell her to move on and find somebody else... someone like him. He can't tell her to hold on; she'd just continue to hurt. He just didn't know what to say.

"You know what?" she suddenly asked, rubbing her eyes roughly. He stared at her. "Forget about it. I'll figure thins thing out by myself," she said, walking faster towards her home. This time, Chris didn't follow. He just didn't want her to see the hurt look on his face. He just let her walk briskly on while he walked slowly, brooding over his feelings for the girl.

She burst into her room, throwing her bag unto her bed and lying faced down on it. She screamed into a pillow until her throat hurt. She sat up and opened the first compartment of her bedside drawer. She pulled out a red box with a lock on it. She reached into her bag for the key and a pen. She opened the box's lock and took out a purple and pink notebook that had 'DIARY' written elegantly on the front. She opened to the last entry and flipped another page. She started writing.

April 22

Saw HIM with another girl again today. Why is it that everytime I see him, I go into this trance-like state and all i could see is him? HIM and ME. US. Is that a sign that he's my soulmate? My other half? This is ridiculuous! I have been thinking about this for the past 7 years! What is wrong with me?

And Chris! Argh! Instead of helping me understand this, he teases me! Some best friend he is! Sometimes I think of what the hell he's thinking inside that senseless head of his.

Anyway, I promised myself that I wouldn't think about him anymore. Or maybe I should just give up on him. NO—I should just give up on love all together at least that way, I wouldn't get hurt.

That's it! I'm going to give up on love.

She closed her diary and placed it back inside the box. She locked it and placed it back inside the bedside drawer. "Nyx! Come one down! Dinner's ready," a female voice called from the bottom steps of the stairs.

"I'll be right down," she called back. She closed the drawer with a contented sigh. Tomorrow is another day and Nyx Sanders is not the same old lovesick-for-a-playboy kind of girl, she thought, smiling to herself as she went down for dinner.

Chris raised his hand to knock when Nyx opened the door from the inside. "Hey!" she chirped as she stepped out and closed the door behind her. "Ready to go?" she asked cheerfully and turned around to face him. He didn't know how to react. Yesterday, she was all but depressed and now she's as chipper as the birds. "Are you alright?" she asked, showing sincere concern when Chris didn't react to her first question.

Chris snapped out of his thoughts and focused himself on her question. "I should be asking you the same question," he said under his breath.

Nyx frowned in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked as the two of them started to walk to school.

"I mean, you weren't like this yesterday," he answered, making sure not to say anything that might remind her of what happened yesterday. She looked at him and smiled.

"What? I can't change moods like I could change clothes? The past is in the past, Chris," she said, waving her hand off in dismissal. "Besides," she started again. "I've realized that I can't pine for him forever. I have beeter things to do than that," she said casually.

What's going on? He thought. "You mean, you're alright with not having Wyatt's attention?" he asked, feeling that it was a safe subject.

"Uh-hmm," she answered haughtily. Chris smiled. I might get my chance this time, he thought. "That's not all," she suddenly said. Chris looked at her.

"There's more?"

She nodded. "I've not only decided to give up on him, but I've also decided to give up on love all together," she stated simply. Chris stopped in his tracks and stared at Nyx.

"What?!" he exclaimed, his ideas of having romantic evenings and movie and dinner dates with her dissipating at what she had said. Say it isn't so, he pleaded in thought. Nyx stopped and turned to her best friend.

"I'm going to give up on love. All it does for me is disappoint," she explained to him.

"But you can't give up on love," he said, trying his hardest not to show too much of how he felt.

Nyx frowned again. "Why not?" she asked, placing her hands on her propped up hips.

Chris searched his mind for a reasonable answer. When he couldn't, "You just can't!"

Nyx raised her right eyebrow and crossed her arms before her. "I can't?" she asked in confirmation. Chris nodded, hoping she would change her mind. She smiled briefly before glaring at him. "Watch me," she challenged as she walked away leaving a disgruntled Chris behind.