There's no-one in town, who I know.
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
Thought I might get one more chance.
I stare out of he classroom window. I have to watch everyone else have fun, while I'm stuck in here. It's not that I've been bad or anything. I just, don't have any friends to hang out with. I've been at this school for a week now, and everyone keeps telling me that I'll make friends soon. But the thing is, everyone already had friendship groups. I'm just here. Alone.
I hear the bell go for lesson, and make my way to my seat. It's 10 minutes before the voice speaks. 'Hey, kid. You're in my seat. Move' I look up and see a tall boy, with short blonde hair, and green eyes, glaring at me.
'Sorry, I didn't know it was your seat. I was sat here last time.'
'Well, I wasn't here last time. So move. Before you piss me off.' I looked around the room. Everyone was staring at us.
'Oh. I'm sorry.' I got up and began to walk away, when he stuck his foot out and tripped me over. The classroom erupted with laughter. I wasn't going to cry. Not here. I got up and ran to the bathrooms, and locked myself in one of the stalls. I sat on the cold tiled floor and started crying silently.
A few minutes later, I heard the door open. Just what I needed, for someone to hear me being pathetic. 'Umm. Are you OK?' The voice called out. I stayed silent in return.
'You can talk to me, you know? I'm not going to make fun of you.' He sounded soft. Caring.
'How do I know that?'
'Because you're not the first person to sit in here crying, over something Jason has done'
'So, the dickhead has a name?' I replied, smiling slightly to myself.
'Yeah. My name's Dan by the way' He said, laughing. I like that I made him laugh.
'Phil.'
'I know. You're new here right? I've seen you around. Sorry I haven't spoken to you before.'
'It's fine. Everyone ignores me.' I pushed myself up, and leaned against the door.
'Look. I am sorry, but can you come out? Maybe, if you want, we could ditch the rest of the day. Go hang out or something?' He sounded serious. Should I do that though? My second week and I'm already skipping class.
'Are you still there, or have you fallen down the toilet?' I laughed too hard at his joke. 'Hey, I got you to laugh. That must mean you don't completely hate me?'
I opened the door slowly, and walked out. 'Not completely. Yet' I smiled at the boy in front of me. I hadn't seen him around before. He had dark brown hair, with brown eyes. He was quite tall for a 15 year old. He smiled at me in return, and I realised I'd been staring at him.
'So, shall we go then, or what?' He said holding the door open for me.
'Sure. But, what are going to do? I've never actually skipped before.'
'It's fine. Just stick with me. I won't get you into trouble.' He replied, winking at me in the process.
. . . . . . . .
'Slow down would you?' I was struggling to keep up with a running Dan. He'd taken me to what looked like a park. There was a small pond in the middle. I saw only a few people having picnics on the grass, or walking along holding hands. We were currently racing through the grass.
'Haha. I win. You're so slow. Honestly, haven't you ever done sports?' He said, panting.
'To be fair, I wasn't exactly prepared for exercise.' I leaned against the nearest tree, trying to catch my breath.
'Oh, excuses, excuses.' He sat on the grass, near my feet.
'Shut up. Where are we anyway?' I asked, sitting down next to him.
'Oh yeah. I forgot you were a newbie here. Well, this is kind of my favourite place to be.' He was looking at me now. I suddenly felt weird and like I wanted to listen those cheesy, shitty love songs.
'Can I ask why? Or is it a secret?' I looked away from him, and my gaze fell on a couple lying on a blanket. They looked so happy, so in love.
'You'd think it was stupid, if I told you.' He scrunched his face up, like he was embarrassed. He looked so adorable. Oh God, shut up Phil. I'm annoying myself.
'Try me.' I crossed my legs, and sat facing him.
'Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you.' He looked around once last time, as if preparing himself for a speech. 'I like to watch the different people come and go. You get to see everything. I've witnessed people falling in love, friendships being formed, adults acting like children again, and I think it's amazing. I get to see people living.' He looked at me, and I'd never seen someone look so happy. 'You're looking at me strange. I knew it. I'm sorry.' He put his face in his hands.
'No, I think it's beautiful.' I reached out, and went to take his hands away, so I could see his face. But, I hesitated and moved them back.
'Really?' He asked, looking up at me again.
'Yeah. I mean, it was just unexpected. Especially coming from a 15 year old boy.' I saw his expression turn to worry. 'But, it was a good unexpected. I loved it.' He smiled at me, and I felt my insides turn into a jumble of butterflies.
'Thanks. You're really awesome. I hope you know that. I'm glad you decided to sit in Jason's seat today.'
'Me too. I'm really not but thank you anyway.'
'You don't think you're awesome?' He sounded surprised.
'Well, I'm not. I mean, how many friends do I have?' I looked down at my hands and could feel myself wanting to cry again.
'Well, I would have been your friend. Maybe things would have turned out' He hesitated for a moment. 'differently.'
That last bit confused me, but I decided not to say anything. 'Well, now what do we do? Should we go back?'
'Nah. Lets just lay here for a while.' He lay on his back, and closed his eyes. I followed his lead, and lay down. It was a bit damp, due to the rain from yesterday, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I looked over to where Dan was lying, and noticed that he was already looking at me. He shuffled awkwardly, and cleared his throat. 'No matter what happens, will you promise that you'll never forget this day?'
I looked at him, confused, but nodded anyway.
'Good. Just making sure. By the way, you have amazing eyes.' He had a small smile on his lips.
I coughed, and could feel myself blushing furiously. 'Um. Thank you. You too.'
He laughed in response and closed his eyes. I continued looking at him, and noted everything about him. The little dimples that appear when he smiles to himself. The way his chest softly rises and falls. The fact that his shirt raises just a bit above the waist of his jeans. I smiled to myself once more, and closed my eyes.
I felt his fingertips on mine suddenly, as he took my hand in his. The last thing I remember before falling asleep, were his lips grazing over mine.
. . . . . . . .
I was awoken by a dog sniffing my face. I managed to etch open my eyes. The burning sun making it difficult. I turned me head to the side to see Dan, and immediately sat bolt up. There was no-one there. Where did he go? Did he just leave me? I stood up and looked around, but couldn't see anything. I started to slowly walk around the park. I walked around for about 15 minutes before realising that he had ditched me. I knew someone like him, couldn't like me.
I made my way to the gates, I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I felt humiliated. I passed the couple I saw lying down earlier. They were now sitting on a bench, eating ice-cream. I hesitated for a moment before walking over to them. 'Excuse me, but did you happen to see a boy around my age walk through here. He would've been wearing my uniform.' I said pointing to my jumper.
'No, sorry. No-ones walked through here since we sat down.' the women replied.
'Are you sure. I was sitting with him earlier, and I can't find him.'
'Oh, you're that kid from by the tree, aren't you?' She smiled at me, and took a sip of water from a bottle.
'Yeah, but have you seen he boy that was with me?' I asked, getting a bit frustrated now.
'Um, you weren't with another boy. You were over there alone.' They both had a look of confusion on their faces.
'No. I wasn't. Look, it doesn't matter. I'll find him myself.' I started walking away. I got through the gates, before I panicked. What if something was wrong with him? What if someone had taken him? I ran up the street, trying to find my way back to the school.
It took me 20 minutes to find it. I slowed down and walked through the door, and towards the main office. 'Hello Phil. How are you getting on so far?' asked the receptionist, whose name I didn't know.
'Uh, yeah. Great thanks. Look can I have your help with something?' I asked, trying to speed her along.
'Of course, what can I do for you?'
'Have you seen Dan walk through here today?'
'Which Dan? There's three in this school.' Great. I didn't know his last name.
'Oh. I don't know his last name, but he's in my year, and has brown hair. Sound familiar?' She stood, staring at me for a second or two.
'Who told you to say that?' I looked at her in confusion.
'What? No-one told me to say that. I was with him earlier and he kinda disappeared.'
'Look, that's not funny. Can you please just tell me Phil. No-one is going to get into trouble.'
'I am telling the truth. Why what's wrong? I.. I don't understand.'
'Phil. The Dan you're talking about died, about three months before you came to this school.'
I stood there in shock for what felt ages before speaking. 'But that's not possible. I was... he was there... I' It hit me then.
'Because you're not the first person, to sit in here crying, over something Jason has done'
'Well, I would have been your friend. Maybe things would have turned out' He hesitated for a moment. 'differently.'
'Um, you weren't with another boy. You were over there alone.'
I looked the receptionist in the eyes. 'How did he die?' Although, I had a feeling I knew the answer.
'He killed himself. Poor boy. Was bullied so bad. I just wish he could have had a friend, might have saved him.'
I turned around, unsure of what to do with myself. He can't have. It's impossible. He is here. This is all just some horrible joke.
'You know. We have a memorial for him in the local park. All the school helped to raise money for it.' I turned around to face her.
'Which park?'
. . . . . . . .
'Daniel James Howell
11th June 1991 - 23rd April 2006'
I was stood in front of a small stone, surrounded by flowers sprouting from the ground. People had left little cards, saying how much they missed him, and loved him. Why couldn't they have told him that when he was still here then? It's too late now. Well, not for me apparently. I sat on the grass and started reading some of the longer cards. One caught my eye in particular.
'Hi Dan. I don't know what to say. It's easy to say stuff to you in person, but when you're gone? A lot harder. I'm sorry ok? I shouldn't have said those things. Maybe you'd still be with us if I had kept my mouth shut. I hope one day you can come back as an angel and make sure I don't do this to anyone else. That would be nice. I'm sorry again. I hope you find a friend up there, or down here. I'm not too sure how the whole death thing works. Anyway, bye
~ Jason'
I put my head in my hands, to find that I'd been crying. I wiped my tears away, and got up. I walked for a minute or so, before I found the right tree. I walked over to it, and placed my palm on the bark. I cried, and I couldn't stop myself. People must have thought I was insane. Crying over a tree. I slowly sunk onto my knees. Why was I even crying? I knew him for what, 4 hours? I guess it would have been nice to have a friend. Maybe something more. I lay on the grass, in the same spot as before, and I closed my eyes and just listened. And I slowly fell asleep. Only this time, there was no-one to kiss me goodnight.
. . . . . . . .
30 years later
I sat down in my familiar spot, under the tree. I looked up and saw my husband and daughter playing with a football, and smiled to myself. I was lucky to have this life. I then averted my eyes to my surroundings, and I just watched. I watched people falling in love, I watched friendships being formed, I watched adults acting like children again. And it's still beautiful.
I lay on back, feeling the damp grass once again, and looked up to the sky. 'Thanks for everything Dan. I miss you everyday.' 30 years ago I made a promise to a beautiful angel, and to this day, I still haven't broken it.
. . . . . . . .