Demons in Secret Places
Spencer's Point of View
The mind is a terrible thing to waste; or at least that's what they say. But what if the person mind is already wasted, already ruined? What then? And such is the case with my mother…Diana Reid. She is a bright woman, when lucid. You see she suffers from paranoid schizophrenia and that alone makes her unstable. All my life I've cared for her even under the strain of being a 'genius' or more commonly known, a freak. The fact that I have an eidetic memory and an I.Q. of 187 hasn't helped me much with my social life. And up until a point in my life, as far as my co-workers at the BAU knew, my being a genius was the least of my problems. Then The Fisher King unsub happened and my biggest secret and fear was revealed to the team: my mother's hereditary disease.
The looks of disbelief and hurt on Hotch and Morgan's faces when I told the unsub my mother was a paranoid schizophrenic nearly did me in. And so now here I stand in the conference room in the BAU headquarters, the whole team standing around me. Never had I been so scared, even when lecturing in front of hundreds of students. My hands were the first to start shaking, followed by my legs. Gulping in a lungful of air I opened my mouth…and said nothing. A soft yet stinging question floated in the air. "Why didn't you tell us?" Running a hand through my brown locks I started to rock on the balls of my feet.
"Because, as I told Garcia earlier, paranoid schizophrenia is a hereditary mental illness. The secret is mine and my mother's to keep. That's my biggest fear, you know; that I'll become like her…losing myself daily in whispered voices and the fragmented stream of time." I shook my head slowly. "It keeps me awake some nights…like when Bennington's calls and says she's had a bad episode. Once she was in the throes of a particularly bad one when I was in high school. That day when I was in the library when Harper Hillman came up to me and told me Alexa Lisbon wanted to meet me at the field house. I was so excited. Alexa was the most popular, prettiest girl in school and she wanted me!" I smiled a bit and chuckled.
"So what happen, did she kiss you?" Morgan asked. I frowned at this being the only thing he wanted to know but then I remembered he is the resident ladies man. "Um nowhere close. It turns out not only was she there but the entire football team…and me being a freshman and a freak, well that just set me up for bullying. Anyway there they all were, laughing and taunting me. Everything was fine until a few of the bigger guys approached me with rope. The y stripped me naked, tied me to the flagpole, and jeered at me while I screamed for help. No one did a damn thing. Around midnight I worked the ropes loose and went home. When I got there my mom was in the middle of a bad episode and didn't even notice the state I was in."
I jerk my gaze up from the floor for a second to gage the reactions of my friends. Morgan looks pissed that I was bullied in the first place, JJ and Emily both look sympathetic and Hotch seems to be pondering something. Gideon has that look in his eyes my father lacked: the need to protect and I smile a little his way before glancing down again. Hotch's ever-ready questioning starts. "Why tell us this, other than to make a point about your mother? Who else knows about this? Have you ever told your mother?" These are the type of questions I'd set out to avoid by not telling anyone. "First off, no my mother doesn't know and she never will. Understood?" The nods of affirmatives from the team let me continue. "Secondly, no one except you all and of course those responsible for the incident, know that this even happened. And lastly…I told you this for one reason and one reason only: I decided you deserve to know."
To say this to the team lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Since I'm often viewed as a freak I have major trust issues so making friends is difficult. As I sit down, a faint whisper floats across the open air. My brow furrows and I listen even closer. No one on the team has spoken yet which terrifies me. I open my mouth to say something or rather ask something and the whisper cuts me off. This time I twist my head to the right, and hearing nothing, go the other direction. Still I don't hear anything that sounds remotely like a whisper. "Um…guys tell me you heard that. Right?" I ask, need lacing my voice like a drug. The others looks amongst themselves give me my answer. Dropping my tired head on the table I groan in frustration.
No way in hell was I hearing what I thought I'm hearing. No way. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening. I don't hear a whisper, I don't!" I hiss to myself, frantic to reassure myself of something I'm 99% positive I can't control. "Spencer, what's not happening?" Gideon asks, coming over to where I sit slumped in a chair. My voice is muffled by the wood as I answer, "I'm not going crazy." I can't see his reaction but the rough hand on my arm does little to reassure me. His next words, however, do a great deal of something.
"Spencer you haven't had a break before and who's to say you ever will? You also only have one parent with mental illness and in its self limit your chances of becoming 'ill' too. The whisper is just a figment of an overactive imagination. Don't worry about it and if you still are afraid then go get a psych evaluation." The words 'psych evaluation' work like a shot of adrenaline. "I've been evaluated before I started here. Everything checked out fine. I do NOT need another doctor telling me something I already know so well myself." I growl out, pulling my head up. 'May I remind you I have a degree in Psychology? I could diagnose myself if I thought I needed it."
Instead of getting angry, Gideon seems pleased with my obvious anger and nods. "I know, we all know. How many times have you brought down an unsub simply by psychoanalyzing them, and at your own personal risk? Quite a few times and almost every time you've managed to calmly subdue the person without harming yourself or them. Now I don't think that's the mark of a paranoid schizophrenic, do you?"
My face flushing with a mix of gratitude and embarrassment, I nod in answer to his question. Morgan spoke up then. "Gideon's right Reid. If he thought you had even a hint of mental illness he wouldn't have hired you." Emily chimed in, "And we would have never met you and gotten to know what a wonderful person you are." I had to blink back tears at this point. So far the team just acted like I was 'the genius' and nothing more. To know I was considered not only a valued member of the team but a friend finally banished the last of my fears.
Smiling I turned to look at each person in the room before speaking. "I just want to say thank you for just being there whenever I need you and for being such great…friends." The answering smiles on each of their faces made me realize something. That no matter what you go through, whether it is a long hard something or short and pain-filled, your friends are there through thick and thin, through the sun and rain. No matter what.
AN: First off this is dedicated to a few of my friends, Saphira0Eargon and Blackberryhunttress being two that are on this site; not that the others aren't as important, they most certainly are. So I give this fan fic as a little present to those who stood, and continue to do so, with me whenever I need it. Thanks guys. Secondly, thanks to the Criminal Minds wiki, especially the Spencer Reid page where I got the necessary details to make this one-shot as timeline-esque as possible. I will say one thing though, for the sake of my plotline I moved up the story about the football team and flagpole incident to after The Fisher King part 2 because it fit with where I was going with the plot. For those who don't know, that story appears in a later episode called 'Elephant's Memory'. Okay so this is officially the longest author's note I've ever written, but I've seen longer (blackberryhunttress, lol). Well that's it and I hope u've enjoyed 'Demons in Secret Places'. Please Reid and review. Haha. C-ya-GreeneyedAlice91