These characters belong to Kim Harrison. I seek no profit or gain for this story, and rather the act of writing it, is a testament to how much her characters came to life for me. After finishing "A Perfect Blood" a few days ago I realized that I probably would not see Ivy and Rachel happily ever after. I had to get this out of my system - and perhaps I felt like I needed to do it for Ivy's sake.
At times, I'm an idiot. That's really all there is to it. The church was silent - empty. Jenks and the kids were outside, basking in the unseasonably warm air. Ivy was out, probably with Nina, doing whatever living vampires did with each other. It was this thought that created the most discomfort, and I shifted in Ivy's chair, pulling my legs up under me. I could smell her around me, vampire incense wrapping me up, holding me tight, and I closed my eyes. Ivy. God, I was such an idiot, and the silence around me confirmed it, my thoughts with nothing to do but echo in it.
Throat tight, I remembered her kiss in the hotel room in San Francisco, and brought my fingers to my lips. With the barest of touch, she'd pulled so much emotion from me I shook. I wondered about this sensation, and fought to squelch it down. If I opted not to act on it, it didn't matter how I felt. But did I still opt not to act on it? Did I still opt not to take that chance? I thought back to Jenks, earlier in the week, after Ivy left, telling me, "Tinks testicles, Rache. She's falling for Nina." The thought had plagued me since, and it worried me.
I'd had no such issues with Glenn. No feelings of discomfort - but Nina... This felt different and I really didn't like it. Maybe it was that I felt so awkward in her presence. Despite fighting a bloodlust bender because of an undead vampire's use of her body, she was... What was she? Beautiful. Tall. Athletic. Composed. And she had all that damned vampire grace and agility that I simply could not compete with. Wait - did I feel like I needed to compete? The thought chilled me and I shook, trying to hold still. I felt threatened. Really threatened. I stood then, abruptly, leaving Ivy's chair and wandered into the kitchen. I'd bake. That's what I would do.
I pulled pans from cupboards, splashed flour about, dropped eggs on the floor, and on chocolate chip cookie dozen four, I heard Ivy's bike in the drive, and jumped, wiping flour across my forehead. I didn't expect her home so early. I took a deep breath, still uncertain of my feelings, and heard the door open. I scrambled to clean up some of the mess, but made it worse, splashing a gallon of milk, which puddled across the floor. I grabbed the dishtowel, and down on my hands and knees, wiped furiously on the floor. As I stood, I bumped the bag of flour with my shoulder, and it spilled, falling everywhere. Cursing, I stood, tears welling in my eyes, from an unknown origin, and let my hands hang to my sides. I felt Ivy's hand on my shoulder, and I can't imagine how the kitchen looked to her intensely organized, obsessive compulsive eyes.
"Rachel?" she said, with a question, her voice soft behind me. She could read my emotions, I knew, through her vampire super senses, and it left me feeling vulnerable and useless, because I, too often, am utterly clueless. Not on purpose, and not because I don't care, but because my brain runs so hard, so fast, so often it's hard for me to slow down and allow the smaller moments to add up to something bigger. By the time I'd done that with Ivy, it was too late and she was moving on.
I turned to face her and said, "I'm so tired, Ivy. I'm just so tired." I felt bone weariness exhaustion threaten to fold me in two. I felt the weight of struggling so hard, so long, and I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my head on her shoulder. I pulled her to me, and she stood, arms at her waist, as I clung to her. She was leaving me, and I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't stand it. In her arms, my weariness released, and I sighed even as I trembled.
Trent had rescued me twice recently, and it should have been Ivy. It was always Ivy. It was Ivy I thought on to return home after a trip through the ley lines. It was Ivy who scooped me up and took me to the ambulance because she knew what was best, and ignored my protestations. It was Ivy I thought of while locked in the cage, and it was Ivy I longed to return to then, too. That I had missed this for so long left me feeling a bigger fool than I felt when my fuzzy ass and legs were video taped and broadcast on the news.
"Rachel?" she asked again, still stiff as a board as I held her tight. I longed for her to wrap her arms around me, but she wouldn't. She'd moved on. Nina, I thought bitterly. Nina. Suddenly, Nick, Kisten, Marshall, and Pierce flashed before my eyes, and I gasped, thinking how she must have felt to see me with them.
"I'm sorry," I shuddered, still clinging to her. "Oh my God, Ivy. I'm so sorry." I reached my hands further up her back, pulling her closer at the middle of her shoulder blades. I'd come to terms with being a demon before coming to terms with how I felt about her. I was awful. I'd screwed it up. Pushed it away. I liked sex, there was no doubt, and was quite good at it, regardless of my partner, but I was terrified of real emotion. If Ivy struggled mixing sex with blood, I struggled mixing love with sex. God, we were both so fucked up.
She placed her hands on my arms finally, and pushed me away from her a bit so she could look in my eyes. Her eyes were solidly brown, and she studied me. "It's just milk and flour," she smiled, wiping a tear from my cheek. I grimaced and dropped my head.
"It's not that and you know it," I mumbled, longing to return closer to her, but she wouldn't let me.
I felt her fingers on my chin, tilting my gaze up to her. She bit her lip, and closed her eyes briefly before leaning forward to rest her head against my forehead. "You have terrible timing, you know?" I nodded, moving my hands to grasp the collar of her shirt, pulling her to me.
"I'm so sorry," I said again, pulling her.
"It's just so you," she softly laughed, her voice sad but amused. I shrugged.
I couldn't believe I wanted Ivy to kiss me, but there you have it. I couldn't really articulate the need rushing through my body, or the emotion spilling from the depth of me, but I know it now to be love. And even as it scared the shit out of me, I finally was too tired to resist it any longer. "Ivy..." I said, opening my eyes to meet hers, now rimmed with brown, the black of her pupils dilating. I reached my hands from her collar to cup her face, and ran my thumbs across her cheeks. My hands shook, and adrenaline spiked in me, anticipating movement. She sighed, and shuddered, and my heart pounded. "Ivy...?" I asked, pulling her face closer. She stopped me with her hands on mine, pulling them off her face. But she intwined our fingers as she took a step back. I shook, emotion rising inside me, and clenched her hands tightly with my own. She stood silent, not meeting my eyes, fixing her gaze on something over my shoulder.
Moments passed, and my pulse sped up, fear, I think, that she'd reject me. God, I was arrogant. Ivy'd been in love with me for years, and I'd used her while avoiding myself. I'd flaunted my relationships with men in front of her, albeit inadvertently, and I now I wanted her to just want me because I'd finally figured it out. Unconscious people hurt people, and that was me. Once again, I said, "I'm sorry, Ivy. I'm an idiot." She laughed, and looked at me, and I managed a small smile. She reached up and touched my hair.
"You even have flour in your hair." I gasped, touching my hair with my hand. She smiled, and pulled my hair through her fingers, attempting to shake it out. She shook her head. "This requires a shower." Her hands trembled though, and she was working hard to control her bloodlust. I could see the strain in her eyes, and on her face, and I didn't want her to. In a swift movement, I wrapped my arms around her neck, cupped her neck in my hand, and pulled myself up to her lips. My lips met hers, crashing into her from the speed of my movement, but once there, I softened, kissing her. I urged my tongue forward, across her incredibly soft lips, and closed my eyes. She stood, not moving, or meeting me, until I moaned, pulling myself further up into her arms, pressing the length of my body against hers. With that, she responded, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me possessively against her. She demanded entrance to my mouth with her tongue and I complied, opening for her. She lifted me to sit on the counter, claiming me with her mouth, and I wrapped my legs around her hips.
Holy cow, I was kissing Ivy. And I liked it. Tears spilled from my closed eyes, and I sobbed into her mouth, my hands wrapping in her hair. I pulled her mouth to mine with ferocity, even as a part of me wanted to push her away. I just couldn't stop. I almost lost her. She pulled away from me abruptly, pushing my hands from her hair, and took four large steps back. I gasped, reaching for her, my legs suddenly empty, my hands flailing in the air. "Ivy..." I gasped, jumping from the counter. I stopped, seeing her pressed hard against the stove, hands clenching the metal tightly.
"What are you doing?" she gasped, barely containing her bloodlust. Her eyes were scared and pitch black, and she shook, sweat trickling down between her breasts. I held perfectly still, and put my hands down. I'd stood with them in the air, wanting to reach her.
"Ivy," I said, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I..." I paused. What do you say? I'm sorry I've strung you along for years, and now that you're finally moving on, with someone who can meet all your needs, I want you? "My God, Ivy. All this time you thought you were the monster. And it was me." My head dropped in shame, the weight of my own denial and shame rolling off me. Why did she stay for so long? I didn't deserve her. Ivy didn't deserve this. "I'm sorry. I know you're falling in love with Nina, and I know you've let go of me. This is so unfair of me, and I'm sorry. It's just... the idea of you leaving, the idea of you not being here..." I paused, collecting my thoughts, watching her movements, looking at the veins straining in her hands, gripping the stove. "I felt it in San Francisco, and it hurt...but we came home and nothing really changed. Glenn didn't matter, not really, and I knew it. Daryll either. I just didn't care. But Nina..." I paused again, taking a breath. "It feels like that can be real, and feeling that, was like being bitch slapped by the banshee. I was in your chair tonight while you were out, and I realized..." My voice trailed off, and Ivy's eyes met mine, piercing, furious, and full of promised ecstasy. My breath grew ragged at the pheromones she was sending my direction, and I felt a spike of arousal run from my neck to my groin, and I stepped back, steadying myself on the counter. Ivy sensed it, and stepped forward one step.
"Realized what?" she demanded, her body tight, her jaw clenched. She took another step toward me, and I shivered, not in fear, but in anticipation.
I gulped, passion spilling over me, fed by her vampire pheromones, and my overwhelming emotion for her. I whispered, my eyes not leaving hers, "That I love you. That you're home to me." With that her movements stopped. She stopped, breathing deeply, her hands hanging at her sides, and dropped her head.
"Rachel..." I heard her whisper and I took a tentative step forward. Sensing my movement, her head jerked up and she looked to run. Her eyes no longer studied me like a predator, but silently plead with me in her own naked fear. I reached out to her, waiting for her to engage me, and she choked back a sob, tears falling from her eyes. "Rachel..." she whispered again and I completed my journey, coming to rest with my arms around her neck, my lips pressed against hers. She kissed me back, with more tenderness than I thought her capable, and as I floated in sublime arousal, my body warming to her touch, she scooped me into her arms, and started down the hallway with me, kicking the door to her bedroom open so she need not stop kissing me. With infinite gentleness, she laid me on her bed, before settling next to me. She looked at me, with the same fear in her eyes, and said, "Are you sure about this? Because if you're not, and we do this, I couldn't..." she stopped, her eyes looking down. I tipped her chin up to meet her eyes again, and she said, "take it. I couldn't take it." I nodded and kissed her reassuringly and held her close.
Her bloodlust was checked, for the time, and I wondered at it. She'd come so far. Healed so much. And I could destroy it all if I wasn't certain. But I was. And I wanted to show her. With both hands on her face, I pressed my lips to hers and said, "I give you this. You can have all of me." Ivy's eyes grew big, and tears brimmed, and I met her lips with mine, pulling her to top of me. I wrapped her in my legs, and pulled her close, as her hands ran up my body, grasping my hips to urge me closer. Her face in my neck, I tipped my head as far back as I could and urged her mouth down to my scar. Her breath on my neck sent shudders through my body, and I ground my hips up. She shook her head, and pulled back from me, running her hands down my body, her eyes alight in wonder. "I can touch you?" she asked, hesitant, and I nodded. Her long pianist fingers pulled my flannel pants down, and my t-shirt over my head. I was braless and found myself blushing under her gaze. My nipples were rock hard, and the scent of my arousal washed over us. She ran her hand across my chest and my stomach, then trailed the same path with her fingertips. Goose bumps rose on my skin, and I shook. I reached up to her pull her down to me. It was too much - watching her touch me with worship I didn't deserve. I sobbed into her mouth and worked to free her from her tight black t-shirt so I could feel her skin. She helped, ripping it off her head, and unclasped her bra for me while unbuttoned her jeans. Holy crap, Ivy didn't wear underwear. I wanted her as close as I could get her, and I couldn't stand the interruption of her clothes. With a deft movement I barely registered, Ivy removed my underwear, and I grimaced with the realization I'd not shaved in a week.
Ivy smiled at my face, and I swatted at her, my hands still shaking, my eyes still damp. "I've been distracted..." Ivy covered my mouth with her lips, settling on to me, nestling a thigh between my legs and gasped, pressing my sex up against her. The sensation of her smooth leg against me was shocking, and I opened my eyes in wonder, my head thrown back in pleasure as I wondered why this had scared me so much. Why had I so insistently clung to my heterosexuality? That aspect of my identity had seem so fixed, so immutable, and like everything else that had me Rachel Morgan, I'd just tossed it out the window tonight. The realization made me giggle, and I smiled, and pulled Ivy's mouth to mine, swallowing her with a kiss. She pulled away and trailed kisses down my neck, and collarbone, moving to my breast, pulling it between her lips. I leaned back, running my fingers through her hair, holding her in place, as I rocked against her thigh. The emotion and desire rushing through me not a product of pheromones, as I recognized them, but a product of my love for her. In the moment I realized this, Ivy did too, and she sobbed against me, moving further down my body.
She rested her face against my stomach, rubbing her cheeks there, before planting small kisses around my belly button, dipping her tongue there as I squirmed under her, my hands still tangled in her hair. She was worshiping my body, and it was an entirely new experience for me. I watched her face, serious and intent. My Ivy - always so serious. I closed my eyes, enjoying the pressure of her body between my thighs now, and strained against her, my hips rocking, my center aching. In another swift movement, she was gone, now settled fully between my legs, her shoulders under my thighs, and I gasped, meeting her eyes. In the next moment, her lips met my center, and I gasped, arching from the bed, fingers digging into her hair, as her tongue swirled around my engorged sex. She made love to my core like she was kissing my mouth, and I'd never felt anything like it. Not even a power pull... Her lips were extraordinary, and I nearly crawled out of my skin when three long fingers slipped inside of me. The twin sensations left me shaking more than I had been and I was too aroused to care how exposed I was when she lifted my legs to gain more access. She made low guttural sounds, and it was obvious she was enjoying herself. I sat up on my elbows, after disentangling my fingers from her hair, and reached to grasp her arm and press her fingers farther into me. She met my eyes, seeing my intent, and with a smile in her eyes, slipped another finger into me. My elbows caved and I pressed hard into her, my arousal readying to peak. My hands tingled. My sex throbbed. A rising tide of emotion grew inside of me and spread outward, taking all of my pent up desire with it. I shook from head to toe, gasping, looking to meet her eyes again. "Ivy..." I said, loudly, "Oh my god, Ivy!" My body jerked upward as I peaked, the orgasm rolling over and through me. I rode it out, and she stayed with me, and from me she drew my essence into her mouth, as I flooded into her. Finally, I laid flat, my legs stretching, and I felt her fingers slip from me.
I reached down and pulled her up to me, hands on her face, kissing her, wrapping her in my arms, holding her between my legs. "Ivy," I whispered between kisses. Her eyes were black, and she slipped her long arms under me, one under my hips, one under my shoulders, pulling me to her possessively. I wanted her to. I slipped my arm around her neck, holding her hair back, and trailed the other down the soft skin of her naked back, resting on her lower back, pressing her into me. I couldn't get her close enough, and still longed for me. She read the change in my thoughts, and I broke away from our kiss when her lips stilled, pulling her face to my neck. Her breath on my neck sent a new shiver of desire through me, and I pressed her closer. "Please," I whispered. "It's okay. You won't hurt me. I know you won't. You won't bind me. You won't hurt me. I give this to you."
I knew how desperately she craved my blood, and how she hated herself for the desires she could not totally control. I wanted her to take all of me, and I wanted to soothe her fears. I could give this to her. I wanted to give this to her. Her lips worried the skin around my scar and I pressed her harder between my hips, my body still quivering after orgasm, but I still needed more. I could feel her hesitation, and she tried to pull away, but I held tight, my legs turning to vice grips. She struggled but I held her in place, pressing her face closer. She shuddered and sighed and finally, oh my God, finally, I felt the slip of her teeth in my neck, as she sliced into my skin. I gasped, fingers knotting in her hair, and I ground my sex against her. I felt her aura wrap around me, and mine around hers before they united, becoming one.
Sipping from my neck, Ivy rocked between my thighs, lighting me anew and I met her thrusts, the pleasure from the vampire bite spreading through my body, confusing itself with the sensation of Ivy's sex against mine. The sensation of meeting her wetness with my own, while her teeth drew blood from me, our auras merged into one left me writhing under her, arching into her, grasping, clawing at her back. She drew away from my neck, licking my wounds and I cried out. Struggling to find my voice, I pressed her face back down, while I arched my hips up into her. "Ivy, don't stop. Please..." With encouragement she entered me again, and I rode the waves of ecstasy flooding my body. I ran my hand up and down her back, and stopped on her hips when I felt her body tensing. Timing my release with her, I followed her over the edge. Her teeth slipped from me as she arched, her head thrown back, and I clasped her cheeks, covering her mouth with my own as I shuddered into her, tasting my essence and blood on her tongue. She untangled her arms from beneath me and resting her entire weight on top of me, reached to cup my face in her hands. I placed my hands on her hands and we lay like that for nearly half an hour, suspended, embraced in the same aura, enthralled in kisses, until finally, Ivy rolled from me, and gathering me into her arms, pulled my back against her front, wrapping me entirely in her body, her long arms around me, my hands tangled in hers as I drifted to sleep, utterly contented, a demon with her vampire.
I stood in the kitchen, waiting for coffee to brew. I'd disentangled myself from Ivy about five minutes before to use the bathroom and brush my teeth, and now stood, my hands on the counter, the afternoon sun stinging my eyes. My robe hung open and I started absently out the window, watching the wind blow leaves through the garden. I was ignoring the mess I'd have to clean up at some point. Once brewed, I filled two cups of coffee and moved slowly down the hallway. I pushed open Ivy's bedroom door, and shut it tightly behind me. I didn't want Jenks or Jenks' kids coming in here today. Sitting the cups on the nightstand, I settled down on the bed, propping myself up on the headboard. Ivy slept, still, and I reached to push the hair back from her eyes, as I picked up my cup of coffee. Ivy. My Ivy. I whispered, "I don't think you're really still to sleep. You just wanted coffee in bed." Ivy grinned, slyly, and opened an eye. "I knew it!" She sat, slowly, and untangled her legs to the other side of the bed. I watched her stand, her bare back beautiful. She smiled over her shoulder, and walked to her bathroom, lightly closing the door. I waited patiently, smiling into my coffee, when she emerged a few minutes later wearing her robe. She crawled up the bed to sit beside me. I handed her the cup of coffee and we sat in silence.
I sensed her question before she asked it. "Are you sure?" she'd asked me last night, with such vulnerability and tenderness. I answered it last night, but I'd answer it as many times as she needed me to. I reached for her hand, encircling her fingers with my own. I looked at our merged hands, and then met her frightened eyes, smiling. "I'm sure, Ivy. Finally."