A Broken Heart, a Broken Memory
A/N: WOLFSTAR. Alright, this is my first Wolfstar. The italics are lines straight form the book, Prisoner of Azkaban. All the other writing is my own, but the italics, characters and everything is owned by the queen, J.K Rowling.
"Professor Lupin?" he said. "If you knew my dad, you must have known Sirius Black as well."
These simple words, spoken by none other than Harry Potter, caught him off guard.
Lupin turned very quickly.
"What gives you that idea?" he said sharply. Of course he knew who Sirius Black was. His Sirius Black…
"Nothing – I mean, I just knew they were friends at Hogwarts too…"
Lupin's face relaxed. So the boy didn't know. He had thought for a moment…but, no. Even James hadn't known, so how could he?
"Yes I knew him," he said shortly. "Or I thought I did. You'd better get off, Harry, it's getting late."
Lupin watched as Harry left the room. He found what he said had been entirely true. He had known Sirius; young, carefree and handsome Sirius. The sullen faced and empty-looking Sirius Black in the newspapers and wanted signs all around town was not the Sirius he had known.
Lupin gathered the Boggart inside the traveling case and left for his office. The entire time, he couldn't stop thinking of Harry's words. "You must have known Sirius Black as well." How could he not? How could Lupin not know Sirius Black?
As Lupin sat down on his desk, he unlocked and then rummaged through the first drawer. Finding what he was looking for, he pulled out a small, wooden box. Inside the box were two things. A letter and a picture. Taking the letter between his hands, he began to read.
Moony,
It's Valentine's day and I'm gunna be cheesy. No one knows about us, but us. But I still see fit that you should get a Valentines card from me. I am your lover after all. *winks*
I love you Moony. I love the Lupin of you and the Remus of you. I love the werewolf in you and the civilized human being in you. To state it quite plainly, I love you. And you love me. Don't deny it.
So, now that that is over with, I'm expecting some chocolate or something. Here's some for you.
Love, love, love,
Padfoot. Or Sirius. Whichever you prefer. *winks again*
Lupin traced his finger over the slanted writing of Sirius'. He sighed as he remembered that Valentine's day. Sirius had always used the word love carelessly even when Lupin thought it best to save it for special occasions, or else it could lose its meaning. He didn't know where Sirius was now and maybe Sirius felt differently about Lupin now, but Lupin still felt the same. He was in love, like he had always been with the handsome Gryffindor.
Reluctantly pushing the letter aside, he now looked at the photo. They had taken it in the Shrieking Shack a night when there was no full moon; no threat of Lupin transforming. Sirius had his shirt unbuttoned and Lupin's tie could be seen on the floor in the corner of the picture. Lupin was cocking his head with a pleased but surprised look on his face as Sirius kissed his neck. Lupin felt a warm and salty tear drip down his face. The Sirius and Lupin in the pictures were laughing and Sirius kept coming back to kiss his neck as the surprised look kept reappearing on Lupin's face. Both boys looked so happy. So unlike they looked now-a-days.
Lupin could recall Sirius' kisses so perfectly. He loved the way that Sirius would just kiss him and never only just on the lips. Lupin loved how the dog-part of Sirius would always show when they were kissing; how Sirius would automatically shove his tongue down Lupin's throat, and lick Lupin's cheek or neck. And Sirius always had his shirt off. One way or another, he was half naked almost every time he and Lupin were together. And Lupin loved it. He missed the awkward and pleasurable feeling of Sirius licking him, the amazing sensation of their kisses and the warmth of their bodies when up against each other. Lupin missed it and Lupin longed for it. But he knew he could never have it back.
Lupin quickly packed the photo and letter away in the box and locked the drawer in which they belonged in. He shouldn't be looking at the past, he told himself. Sirius Black was not his Sirius. He couldn't be. His Sirius would never betray Lily and James. But he had. He had betrayed them. And even though Lupin regretted thinking it, and even though he knew he was being selfish, he couldn't help but think the worst thing Sirius had done was turn Lily and James in to the Dark Lord. Not because it had gotten his friends killed, but because after he had done so, Sirius was locked away in Azkaban. Away from Lupin. And it broke Lupin's heart.