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It was freezing, and it was snowing pretty heavily. I felt the thick snow crunch under the weight of my boots with each step. I had nowhere to go. I had no money. I had no car, no friend to talk with, no parents or relatives. I had no one. They were either too far away or just didn't care about me anymore. How could I blame them? I was a screwed up mess. A lost cause. By now, the smoke had already started to eat away at me.
My breath smelled of smoke and my wrists were blood red. I was standing on a street corner in New York city. It wasn't very lively at that time of night, other than the men that were rushing home to their wives from their busy jobs. The moon was full and as beautiful as always. I was standing where the street light was, not intending to cross. But to sit there until morning came.
Where else was I supposed to go? I had nothing left. I was starving and terribly thin. I needed meat but there was none in sight. There was no help left for me. There was no more hope to grab onto. There were no more 'maybes' or 'possibilities'. There was just me and my fate. I was destined to die this way.
My short, brown hair reached to my jawline. It was a terrible mess. I'd been running my fingers through it effortlessly for the passed hours now. I couldn't stop asking myself what to do. I had nothing to do anymore.
I heard a loud voice conversing with someone. I didn't pay attention. I just stared down at my black boots, hoping I'd just disappear. But I knew that wouldn't just happen. I was wearing a black shirt that had sleeves that reached my elbows. And I wore short shorts that reach down to about half my bottom. I was left with these clothes and only these clothes. I was often mistaken for a slut in them.
The loud voice grew even louder as it made its way towards me. I felt someone bump into me. I looked up quickly, my hair bouncing with the freezing wind. It was two men who looked to be around my age. One of them wore a brown jacket and jeans and glasses with his light, brown hair pulled into a flip in the front. But the other seemed to look a lot like him. He had a hoodie with the Canadian flag on it and instead of a flip, he had a curl that stuck out of his light, brown hair. He was wearing plaid, red pants with boots.
"Oh!" I said and backed away quickly. The one with the flip had obviously gotten a smell of my breath. He winced and coughed a little. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to get in your way, misters." I said before backing away some more.
I pulled out a box from my pocket. It contained my cigarettes. I was about to pull out a lighter when one of the men had spoken up. "Hey, miss? Do you smoke? You know that's totally unhealthy right?" It was the man with the flip up front. He had his arms crossed irritably. Was he worried about me?
"Yeah, I know..." I sighed and began to light it while it was sticking out of my mouth. I hadn't had one since that morning. I felt like I deserved it from all the freezing cold I had endured. It was snowing, and I was in short shorts so you understand.
"Well, then maybe you should stop smoking cigarettes so you don't die of lung cancer." He said once again. He seemed more upset with me than worried for me. Everyone was upset with me during that time, so it wasn't that big of a deal for me. It was just another person growing hatred for me. I felt a tear roll down my cheek at that moment.
"I..." I trailed off and leaned against the pole, puffing the smoke out of my mouth. "I know..." I said, feeling the tears threatening to spill. They were so overwhelming; I had no idea how I was keeping them from overflowing and streaming down my red cheeks. I forced a smile and inhaled the cigarette once again.
The Canadian looked at me. His eyes rolled down to wrists which were stained in my own blood. I always carried a knife with me for cutting. It helped ease all my other pains. It was what I turned to when there was no body to keep me from drowning deep.
He grabbed my hand, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His eyes were a beautiful shade of indigo. They looked like they could bring world peace. When I looked at them, I immediately dropped my cigarette. "Please, stop." He rubbed the healing wounds on my wrist. "I can't take it when beautiful people hurt themselves for no good reason. You're ruining this perfect skin of yours."
I felt the tears threatening me again. At those words, they spilled. They were overwhelming; I couldn't even breath anymore. I felt myself pulling into him, and before I knew it, I was in his embrace. I bawled into his chest, yelping from the pain I was feeling inside. He rubbed my back as the man with the flip watched.
The Canadian turned his head to look at him. I couldn't tell if he was saying anything to him, I was too busy bawling to hear anything. We got strange looks, but I couldn't care less about it. I wanted someone to tell me things that like all the time. But no one could. That was the first time in my life that I had been called beautiful.
That moment seemed to be gone in a flash. I couldn't remember at all what had happened. I lifted up my head from a soft cushion and saw I was in someone's house. But whose? I saw that there was a clock right above the bed and it read that it was nine in the morning.
I leaned out of bed, wobbly from having been up all night. I walked to the door and looked down to see someone had dressed me. I honestly didn't care. I was just concerned about whose house I was in. I remember crying into some man's arms. But that's about it. I had no pockets so I had no cigarettes. Whoever was there must have taken them from me so I wouldn't light any.
I saw a staircase and quickly traversed down it. I smelled a heavenly scent in the air. That place smelled of pancakes. It'd been a long time since I ate a pancake. My mother used to make delicious pancakes every morning for me, but when she found out that I was smoking and cutting, she quickly kicked me out of her house and told me I was never welcome again.
She was a very religious person, by the way. I peered into the kitchen to see a young man's back. He had light, brown hair, a curl that stood out, and had a red apron wrapped around his lower half. He was humming as he prepared pancakes on the oven.
"Good morning, dude." I heard a voice from behind me. It made me jump, but when I turned around, it was just one of the guys from last night. He laughed then sighed. "Aw man, we wanted to serve you breakfast in bed."
The Canadian must have heard us, because he immediately turned to the sound of this man's voice. He smiled gently. "Breakfast will be ready in a minute, okay?" He assured us and turned back to his cooking. I smiled. These men were being kind to me. They provided me good hospitality. Before I knew it, I was munching into some tasty pancakes made by the man who had introduced himself to me as Matthew and the other was his American brother, Alfred.
These two were nothing alike. Matthew was quiet and normally shy, while Alfred was loud and outgoing for just about anything. It was pretty sweet to see two siblings put up with each other like this. I wish I had a sibling who cared.
Matthew had made me sit in the living room with him. Nothing was happening except that he was rubbing my cut wrist. He looked heartbroken. His beautiful, indigo eyes looked concerned. He didn't speak. I didn't speak. We sat in complete silence. It stayed like that for a good ten minutes.
"Why?" He asked me quietly. He looked up into my brown eyes and asked me once again. "Why would you do this to yourself? Why were you on that street corner alone? Why? Just why?" I sighed and felt tears beginning to threaten me again. How could I have any left after last night?
"It's a long story..." I began to tell him my story, and I could see his eyes were being threatened as well. After a few seconds, tears spilled over his eyes, causing mine to spill at the same time. He hugged me with his warm embrace, and I buried my face into his chest. "You're the first one who's actually cared about me!" I said loudly crying.
He sobbed into my shoulder as well, loudly may I add. I heard footsteps, but I didn't look up. "Um, are you dudes okay?" Alfred asked from the archway. We just cried even louder. I apologized several times, to which Matthew kept telling me there was no need to. I'd never seen a grown man cry. But this man was all human.
After a while of sobbing, we both pulled away. His face was red stained and had dried tears on his cheeks. Mine looked just about the same. We talked over why we had been crying with Alfred who seemed dumbfounded. I just sighed and forgot about it.
I felt a hand grab my fingers and intertwined them and saw Matthew close to me. "Please, tell me if there's ever anything wrong." He pleaded with me. I cracked a fake smile and nodded. "Thank you." He sighed in relief and pulled me into another one of his award-winning hugs.
After that, he let me stay for as long as I wanted to. I became increasingly closer to Matthew and his brother. I even started calling him Mattie instead of Matthew because we soon became just like best friends. He talked to me when I felt like cutting or smoking. I would still sneak a cigarette every once in a while, but Mattie always found out. He would either smell it in my breath or catch me in the act.
He understood though. Old habits die hard as they say. I'd been living there with Mattie and Alfred for about a month. I think it's appropriate to say that this was my home now. I lived there with Mattie and his extremely loud brother. One day, I was feeling low because I hadn't seen my brother in a long time.
His name was Caleb. He hated me though. He was just as religious as my mother, but before I got into smoking and cutting, he was my closest friend. He was the one who loved me the most. He took me for hiking trips through the forest behind our neighborhood. And he would climb trees with me. He was even there for me when I fell.
But the second he found out about my addiction, he turned on me. His gut was filled with hatred for me. I was ready to take that knife and dig it deep into the skin. I didn't want to inform Mattie on this one. I hadn't done it in so long, I couldn't take it anymore. Just one slice. Just one!
In that second, a knock was on the bathroom door sounded. "Hey, Melody? Are you there?" Mattie asked me with his normally quiet voice. I answered him with a yes. "I need to talk to you. Hey, you've been in there for a while. Is there something wrong? Maybe something's bother you, eh?"
"N-no, Mattie. I'm f-fine." My voice shivered. I was scared. He'd find me out quickly. It'd be embarrassing. So embarrassing! He began to knock on the door more urgently.
"Melody, open the door right now." He commanded. He sounded more demanding than he normally did. It kind of scared me. I obeyed and slowly cracked the door open. He took this opportunity and swung the door open before rushing in. He saw my knife in hand and my raised wrist. He grabbed the wrist connected to the hand that held the knife. "Drop it." He squeezed me until the knife hit the ground.
He pulled me into a hug and caressed my hair. "I'm so sorry, Mattie." I apologized. I was so scared. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. I wanted him to value me, but I couldn't help but feel inside that I was a burden on him and Alfred. "What did you want to talk to me about?" He sighed and pulled away.
"That can wait for later." He smiled and kissed my forehead. I smiled when he pulled back. "I'll talk to you about it later tonight before bed, okay?" I nodded and he picked up the knife and left the bathroom. Dangit. I was so close to finally ridding myself of the pain. I missed smoking. I missed it even though it made me feel like crap inside.
Later that night, before Mattie could come to find me in my room, I snuck out into the backyard and over the back fence. I shouldn't have been a burden any longer. I walked down the alley behind the houses and ran. I hoped that Mattie wouldn't realize I was gone right away so I could have some time for my leave. I didn't want him to try to persuade me to stay. Neither him nor Alfred liked having another mouth to feed. So I wasn't going to be that extra mouth.
I wandered around until the moon shimmered in the sky beautifully. I walked the streets of New York city calmly. I browsed the windows I saw. I would see shoes stores, dress stores, all kinds of stores. I would see employees rummaging around in the stores, getting ready to close down and rush to thei families. They would leave and turn to lock the doors behind them. They had jobs to do unlike me.
I walked for about two hours when suddenly I felt myself being pulled in from behind. I was about to kick the man until I realized it was Mattie. He was hugging me with his face buried in my shoulder.
"Don't ever scare me like that again, Melody!" He shouted, his shouts muffled. I turned and let him hug me from the front. "I was going to ask you if you'd go on a date with me this Saturday." He said in between sniffles. I was surprised. Me, a girl who cut herself, smoked, and was someone he picked up on the street, is the person he wanted to have as a girlfriend? That's idiotic.
The date went very well though. Mattie took me to a fancy, French restaurant in the area and even bought me a new dress to go with it. He ended up proposing to me after about two years of dating. Our wedding was beautiful.
I was dressed in a beautiful white dress that reached my ankles. My white veil dropped over my face that was coated in light makeup. It complimented my skin. And my cuts had disappeared for the most part. I haven't cut in over a year and was going strong. I smiled into the mirror.
I wrapped my arm around Alfred's arm. Since my dad refused to go to the wedding, I couldn't have him escort me down the aisle, so Alfred did. We walked slowly, making me impatient. I saw Mattie at the end, standing there handsomely. He had a wide smile on his face. He seemed like the happiest man in the world in that moment. I liked seeing him that way.
Alfred stopped at the podium where the preacher was standing next to Mattie. He gave my back a reassuring pat before leaving for his seat. The bridesmaids where all friends of Mattie's and so were the groomsmen. I didn't have many friends, but I got to know them all so well. So they were just like my best friends.
We waited patiently for our vows to be over. When we had both said 'I do', Mattie's hands found my waist and pulled me into a kiss after removing my veil from my face. I smiled through the kiss as everyone in the room cheered. Some even whistled, causing us both to blush. Of course, I still felt insecure. Like, why me? Why would he choose someone as run down as me?
I shrugged it off and left to go eat cake with my new husband. I tried to feed it to him, which resulted in cake crumbs all over his face. I'm not very good at it. He tried to feed me as well, but that only resulted in an icing mustache for me. We laughed at the messes on our faces before he pulled me into a hug.
"I love you, Melody." He whispered into my ear. He kissed me passionately, mixing our icing and cake together. It smeared across our lips.
"Aw yeah, man!" A certain America shouted. He was holding up a recorder. "I'm totally recording this to show your kids one day, dudes!" I didn't care. He could record all he wanted. I was just so wrapped up in that beautiful moment that I couldn't break from him.
After all, he's my sweet maple leaf.