A/N - As usual the characters are Shonda's, I just play with them from time to time. I know I'm terrible at updating All The Reasons In The World and I shouldn't just keep writing new stories but I just can't help it! I was thinking about April's boards and this idea just came to me. I wanted it to be mostly Japril friendship in the way The One Person was. This time its April's POV. Thanks so much to Anna and Lindsay for helping me through this one and reading both versions. I hope you all enjoy! Reviews are the best!
April walked out of the San Francisco hotel where she had just completed her boards, again. The only thing she could think to do is sit down on the curb. This time she didn't have her friends to commiserate with. This time she only had herself and the deafening silence of being alone.
She could only bear it for a few moments before she stood and pull her suitcase behind as she wave down a cab to the airport. If she was going to have to wait somewhere, she wanted to be lost in a sea of people.
She was basically on autopilot during the cab ride, through security, and all the way to the gate. She plopped down in the middle of a row of empty seats. The last thing she wanted was to be sandwiched between a smell of an old man and a toddler's tantrum.
She wanted badly to sleep but she was quite afraid of her bags walking away once she did, so she fought the urge furiously. To top it off, her flight, which wasn't scheduled to leave for an hour and a half, was now going to be delayed for at least two hours.
She stared at the screen of her phone, futzing with the apps, trying to kill the time. After a few dozen rounds of Angry Birds she was already going out of her mind.
She let her mind wander to the elephant in the room, her boards. She thought they went better than last time, but having failed once she could only think of what would happen if she failed, again.
What if she failed? She couldn't stop the worst case scenario from overtaking her thoughts. What would she do then? Chief Hunt couldn't possibly keep her on after twice failing at becoming a board certified.
Surely no other program would hire her either. Her offers from Case Western Reserve and other from other great programs would be withdrawn one by one just like the last time. Her entire career would be disintegrating in front of her all over again.
She'd probably have to go back to Moline, again. She'd probably be working on the farm, again. She'd be mortified if she had to go home and face everyone who had prayed for her to pass, twice. Everyone she had let down, twice.
She didn't want to leave because she would be leaving all of her friends behind. They had become like a second family to her. She didn't feel she was good at making new friends so it made her sad to think about leaving these ones behind.
What if she passed? She could put all of this behind her and finally be a board certified surgeon. She'd have a lot of options. She could take any one of the amazing offers sent her way.
She could go back to Ohio and work at Case Western Reserve, one of the best programs in the country. She could also go to a new place with new people and start over. She could leave the chaos that has been her life over the last year and start fresh.
She and Matthew ended things because that was the only option after everything that happened that night of the storm. Nothing was holding her back now. If ever there was a good time for her to leave, it was now.
She could stay in Seattle at Grey Sloan and be a Trauma fellow under Hunt and continue to learn from him. She felt she still had so much to learn and he had so much teach her. Staying could be a great thing. She loved working with these people that had become her friends. She wasn't ready to leave that behind.
There was one overwhelming factor pulling her in both directions. One thing that both made here feel an overwhelming urge to go as fast as she could and made her absolutely hate the idea of leaving.
Jackson
Jackson hadn't given her a reason when she asked him for one. It hurt her so bad, but she hated the idea of leaving him behind. For the first time, she felt that her opportunity with Jackson was gone. Even though they hadn't been together for a year and they both had been with other people, a part of her felt there was still something there for both of them.
Then she stood in that room begging—pleading—for him to give her a reason not to marry the other man. She never considered herself to be that type of girl, the kind who would beg someone to be with her. But the moment she though he had been blown up in the bus, every feeling she had been avoiding since they broke up came flooding back.
He hadn't exactly said no, but the fact that he said nothing hurt worse. She didn't know what she expected from him. They never used to have a problem communicating but ever since they got together, they were never able be completely honest with each other.
Now even being friends felt impossible. Losing her one best friend felt like she was losing a part of herself. She so badly wanted that friendship back the way it used to be. She missed him. They worked in the same place and she saw him every day, and, yet, she missed him.
Time felt like it was standing still as she racked her brain, until her phone buzzed that is. She looked at her phone to seeing some text messages from various people that she was in no hurry to answer. It was then she noticed the time.
12:02
She frantically pushed the buttons on her phone trying to bring up her results. She waited as the pages loaded and she was able to log in. Finally the page her results were on was loading. Then she saw it.
Passed
She did it. She was finally a board certified surgeon. She was so happy to have this behind her that a smile took over her face, which she quickly covered with her hand. Almost instinctually she looked around for someone to celebrate with before being swiftly reminded she was alone. That is until she heard a familiar voice calling her name.
She whipped her head around looking for the source. She searched until her eyes locked on a familiar pair of blues and warm smile. While she waited she had wished some of her friends were there with her, but deep down he was the only one she wanted there. As though her body was out of her control, she stood up and walked toward him. When she reached him she held out her phone.
"I passed," she said timidly, showing him the screen. Before she knew it, he swept her up in his arms in a big hug and spun her around.
"April! That amazing!" he exclaimed before setting her down and softly continuing, "Congratulations."
"Thanks Jackson," she replied appreciatively, before sighing, "I can't believe I actually passed."
"What are you talking about? If anyone was more than qualified to pass these tests, it's you," he responded quickly.
"So what are you doing here?" she asked, still puzzled to see him.
"I knew you'd be going out of your mind waiting for your results and you'd be all alone. I just wanted to be here for you. I made it all the way to baggage claim before I realized there was no way you'd be able to wait all alone in your hotel room. I got the last seat on your flight," he answered.
"I missed you, Jackson," April replied tentatively with familiar words, "I don't just mean today. I missed the way we used to be, before I-I kissed you and everything changed. I want to say that I'm not sorry about what happened between us, but I hate that everything has changed."
"I didn't go anywhere, April," he pointed out before continuing, "I'll admit I haven't been very good at being completely honest with you, but I don't think you were completely honest with me either."
April nodded. "We could probably do better at that. I just want to try and go back to how we used to be," she said after a few moments.
"We can definitely try. We can't change the past and I don't want too, but I do think we can fix our mistakes," he replied.
"I'd like that," she agreed.
"So, how about we get a drink and celebrate Seattle's newest board certified surgeon?" Jackson asked as he grabbed the handle on her suitcase and offered her his free arm.
"I think that sounds great," she answered taking his arm and leaning on his shoulder like she used to. They both smiled as they walked to the airport lounge until their flight.
They wouldn't be able to go back in time but they had a chance to fix their problems and restore their friendship to its former glory. From there, who knows, but for now just being friends was enough for April. They could figure the rest out later.