Author's Note: Silly and crack-ish because I got tired of all the angst that surrounds Loki x Jane fic. So there.

It's a truth universally acknowledged that a single, attractive woman of about thirty needs a proper upheaval in her life when she has been out of the dating circuit for far too long.

What else would explain the presence of a tall, green-eyed man who's currently poking about her cramped (but precious) living space?

Her trailer's sacred. S-A-C-R-E-D. She digs personal space and all.

And yet, he's here because he had somehow twisted her words into something resembling an invitation to her personal quarters.

Jane should have known that Loki Laufeyson would not behave the gentleman especially in a space she calls her own. She should have known he wouldn't have settled for anything less, especially after two restless dates that have left her more hot and bothered than Puente Antiguo's sweltering heat ever could.

Then again, she doesn't really know what to expect on a third date anymore these days (the last time she has had a third date was sometime in the early 2000s and times have changed). The thought that he's possibly just as clueless as her underneath that suave exterior (though he doesn't show it) cheers her up considerably.

So that makes them even. Or does it? With Loki however, she'll always be scaling that particular upward curve where logic and good sense play second fiddle to trickery. She'll be kept on her toes, embarrassed needlessly and thrown for many loops she'll never expect.

Acting on impulse has never brought her any place useful, so why had she actually invited him back to her trailer when they could have easily (and innocently) stayed out for yet another cup of coffee on the roof? Unless she'd been unconsciously expecting that the third date was actually when people decided to-

Jane's rudely snapped out of her musings when she hears the slight rustle of paper.

"What's this?"

She looks up to see Loki – with a politely bland expression on his face – holding up a book that's red and white and-

Crap.

Of all the intellectually-stimulating books she has, he just had to find the one that had been stashed carefully away under her mattress.

"Nothing."

Jane lunges for that piece of contraband in a flurry of arms and feet tangling in the sheets but as luck would have it, Loki merely shifts it calmly out of her way, using the length of his entire body to block her move. To her sustained chagrin, he's only just getting started. He folds himself into a corner of her bed (managing to look more comfortable than her despite his size) and studies it the way he'd do a foreign object. She ends up pressed awkwardly against his side as he nonchalantly settles himself against a pillow with the book still in his hand.

"The Beast in Him," Loki reads the title aloud and hums once in mock-contemplation. Finally, he turns to her and grins. "Had I known that you were an avid reader of such…fanciful, desirous literature-"

"It was a gift," Jane screeches, feeling the immediate need to defend her choice of reading material. She tries once again to snatch the book away and fails. "Darcy, uh, gave it to me."

Perhaps it's best not to tell him that it was the book she'd picked out on impulse during an outing to the local bookstore's Romance section at her intern's insistence because the rather explicit drawing on the cover had immediately intrigued her.

That she had also bought the bookstore out of astrophysics books leaving those shelves bare and had run out of books to buy…was the official reason she'd give herself and others if they ever asked.

That the book had been bought after her first date with him (and she'd been more than a little smitten) didn't factor into the picture at all of course.

Loki snaps the book shut to her relief. "The cover is not displeasing."

"Uh, it's not?" Of all the things she's expecting him to say, it certainly isn't this.

"The man bears a certain likeness to me, don't you agree? And the woman, with her brown hair that sweeps over her shoulders…"

"It's a coincidence!" Jane grits out, frantically thinking of ways to stop this special brand of torment. Maybe she could try forcibly ejecting him from her trailer but then, there's little she can do against his physical strength. In short, Loki won't consent to be moved unless he wishes it.

And truth be told, she'd really like to see him again, so that's not exactly an option she's going to entertain too much.

"Is it really, my dear Jane? Why do I see my name scrawled on the back page?"

Scratch that. She's taking back that bit about wanting to see him again. She'll not see him in a hundred years if she can help it.

"Perhaps its contents will enlighten me," Loki says with a wicked smirk, thumbing the book open to somewhere down the middle. He clears his throat once and begins, "'She stared at the length of his muscular torso and licked her lips. Dappled sunlight played across his rippling shoulder muscles and-'"

"Ack!"

Loki moves to clap a hand over her mouth, shushing her gently as he continues. "'His eyes, like burning, gleaming pools of emerald, bore into her as he thrus-'"

Panic galvanises her into action. Thankfully, she moves quickly enough to grab the book from his hands this time.

He raises his brows at her. "I wasn't finished."

"Oh, I'd say you are."

"Now, tell me Jane, is this what you envision when you-"

"Don't finish that sentence."

"-think about me?"

Oh gods.

She'd lie, but he could probably see through it immediately.

Unless…

Unless…

Jane inhales deeply and throws her all into this. She decides that she can be bold too, in the way Loki challenges her to be when it comes to aspects of her life outside academia.

"Actually, yes. It's exactly what I imagine. I imagine-" she flips open the book, chooses her favourite paragraph and whispers the entirety of it into his ear, even managing to change the pronouns used for a more…personal touch.

By the time she finishes, it's difficult to tell who's breathing harder.

- Fin