The Gracie Files
What If
What if Joe hadn't have died?
What if Griggs wasn't the DO?
What if me and Joe were married?
What if we had kids, what would
they be like?
What if I never find anyone else
like him?…
He would have been transferred. He'd already put in for it before he proposed. He would have that diamond ring I wanted. He would probably moan when he found out it was going to cost him the best part of 500 quid! I don't think he realised how much diamond rings actually were!
I don't know how the wedding would have gone (after all, I've never had one). Perhaps I should ask someone who does know. Not that dreaming of being married to Joe would get me anywhere (it might just give me a warm feeling for a while).
Alex (she's standing in for George) was busy scribbling something on a piece of paper as we sat around the mess table, waiting for lunch to be served. She did that a lot, reckoned it was art. Looks like a load of scribble to me.
"What's that?" Adam didn't understand her art form either.
"It's a tag."
"What, like a luggage tag?!"
She wasn't impressed with his attempt at a joke.
"I've seen that before," Hi-Ho noted.
"Oh yeah?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, wasn't it on the wall of Cedar House?!"
"I shouldn't think so!" Alex replied, rather unconvincingly.
The conversation had taken me away from my daydream and thinking about all the what ifs as the Watch tried to delve into Alex's past. She refused to give them any information about her graffiti activates. Personally I don't blame her!
"It was," Hi-Ho was adamant.
I don't think he could see how much trouble he was going to cause for Alex, who had stopped scribbling on the scrap of paper now.
The others were listening intently, but pretending to be doing other stuff like reading the paper.
"I remember it was a great big thing, painted in bright yellow, it took them ages to get rid of it!"
"Are you trying to say that was me?" Alex accused.
"No, I was just saying it was there," Hi-Ho argued back.
Alex screwed up her piece of paper. "So I had a tag! Don't tell me you didn't!"
"Well… no."
"Well, no, I suppose you wouldn't even know what a spray can looks like!"
"I just said I remember seeing something like that…"
"There was loads of tags!" Alex pointed out. "Why should you remember any particular ones?"
I could tell the others had no idea as to what the conversation, or rather argument, was actually about, apart from someone spray painting council estates in Stepney!
"Because I live there!" Hi-Ho reminded her.
"Aww in't that cute, you still live with mummy and daddy!"
"All right," Hyper decided it was time to put a stop to the discussion. "That's enough, I want to eat my lunch in peace thanks!"
"Aww, but they were just getting to the best part!" Adam complained.
Hyper glared at him. "Don't encourage them Adam!"
Alex and Hi-Ho both went off into a sulk. Hi-Ho started tapping absent minded on the table, which seemed to antagonise Alex further.
"Do you have to do that?"
"What?" he wasn't aware he was doing anything.
"Tap, or was it ballet?" she seemed to be having another dig as Hi-Ho knew exactly what she meant.
Which was more than anyone else did!
"What is going on with you two?" Recall demanded to know.
"Ballet?" Adam questioned.
"Shut up, Adam," Hi-Ho warned. "It was kung fu, actually," he told Alex.
"Really? Oh, were you just trying to look up the girls tutu's then?!"
Hi-Ho sprung up from his chair and looked like he was about to thump Alex for the remark, Adam managed to stop him. Alex, however, didn't look at all fazed. In fact I think she enjoyed her success at winding him up.
"That's enough," Hyper glared at her, then at Hi-Ho. "Sit down, Hi-Ho."
Hi-Ho sat, but continued to glare at Alex.
"What's all this about?" Hyper asked.
"Ask her," Hi-Ho wasn't about to supply an answer.
Alex didn't look like she wanted to explain either.
Please tell me you are as confused as I am now! As far as I know they grew up on the same estate, obviously something happened then. It must have been something pretty big as well, I've never seen Hi-Ho get so wound up. Well he did once, after a particularly nasty shout, he takes a lot of things to heart. But this time he looked proper pissed off with Alex.
Actually I think I was as well, she had interrupted my thoughts about Joe. I know I should stop thinking about him and what might be happening now if things hadn't have gone the way they did, but I can't help it.
Maybe I'll wake up one day and find out that everything was just a bad dream. That he's still here, next to me, with Mr Socks (his daft teddy) somewhere in the middle!
Hyper had successfully managed to referee the fight that had been about to break out. Probably physically as well as verbally! Neither Alex or Hi-Ho said a word throughout lunch, they didn't even look at each other as they sat on opposite sides of the table.
Alex then seemed to get bored of "being good" and flicked the pencil she had been using to draw her "tag" with towards Hi-Ho. It landed neatly in his mashed potato. He looked up slowly. It was a comical moment, but Hi-Ho failed to see the funny side. He removed the pencil from his lunch, threw it on the floor and stood up before storming out of the mess.
"Hi-Ho!" Alex tried calling after him, but he ignored her.
"Wasn't that a bit childish?" Hyper glared at her.
Alex just rolled her eyes.
"Is there something we should know about?" Recall was still eager to hear the story behind whatever it was that was going on between Alex and Hi-Ho.
"I dunno," Alex replied, still refusing to explain. "Is there?"
"I wish you would give it a rest," Hyper had finally had enough of the quarrelling. "And go and apologise to him."
"No," Alex refused.
The Watch then started to give her
evil glares until she finally gave in.
"Oh all right then!" she made it sound as if she was going right out of her way to make things up with Hi-Ho.
She left the mess.
I dunno what she said, but Hi-Ho
soon returned to finish his lunch. He refused to talk to anyone though,
but at least they were both silent now!
"Is she there?"
"Of course she's here! But you're not allowed in!"
"Aww but, please…"
"No! It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."
"Bollocks!"
"Do you want to risk finding out?"
He didn't say anything to that.
"You should go and get yourself ready Joe."
"Yeah, yeah," he replied casually. "I just wanted to make sure she has everything!"
"Yeah, don't worry, I'll make sure she gets to the church on time as well!"
"Oh, ok then," Joe decided to leave. "I'll leave it to the bridesmaid. I'd give anything to see you in a dress, Hyper!"
"Get out of it!" Hyper shooed him away from the flat, taking the joke lightly.
Joe left grinning.
A bell started to ring.
"Sal?" Hyper called. "Sal? Are you coming?!"
I blinked. Coming where?
"What?"
"It's a shout!" Hyper was yelling as I stared at him blankly. "Are you ok?"
I suddenly realised where I was. "Um yeah, I'm fine."
I don't think he was convinced as
we hurried down to the appliances.
Hyper seemed to be keeping a close eye on me. I didn't think he needed to. Ok, so I got lost in a daydream, who hasn't?
I hadn't heard the address of the fire as Hyper kept glancing sideways at me as we sat in the back of the pump ladder, travelling to the shout.
"What?" I asked as he started to annoy me.
"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked again.
"Yes, I'm fine!"
I think I must have bitten his head off because he stopped asking after that. I didn't think there was anything wrong, although it did feel that the slightest things were annoying me…
It didn't register with me where we were going until we were actually there. I stepped out of the cab, unable to believe it.
"What…" I couldn't find the words.
Geoff Pearce started yelling things, I didn't hear them. The scene was a rush of activity as everyone darted about carrying out a range of tasks.
"Sal? Where are you going?" Hyper was calling. "Sal?! Sally!"
A wall of orange flames towered in front of me. I looked up at them. That's where I saw it. I squinted into the fire, trying to make sure.
"Joe?"
A silvery image flickered behind the wall of flame, it suddenly started to get smaller and smaller as if it was being sucked right into the heart of the fire.
"JOE! NO…"
"Sally!"
"NO…" I tried to reach out towards the spot where the silvery image had been, but I felt as if I was being dragged backwards, away from it.
"Sally, come on!"
I felt someone shaking me softly. I was no longer being dragged away from the fire, which had now become a distant smoky blob.
"Sal?"
"NO!" I was still crying as the silvery image completely vanished. "JOE… Wait…"
"Sally! Wake up!"
I jolted. "Wha…"
Hyper was stood over me. I blinked as his face came into focus.
"Rob?" I tried to get up.
"Stay there," he was urging, placing a hand on my shoulder to hold me down, he looked up as if there was someone else there. "We've got to get her out of here."
"Yeah, we've got it," came a muffled voice. "Hi-Ho, get your arse over here! Get yourself out, Rob, we'll take her."
As Hyper left, I found myself being dragged backwards again.
I looked up to see a pair of eyes, which seemed to start speaking in the muffled voice that had just spoken to Hyper.
"Come on, Sal, time to leave."
I didn't know what was going on. Was this some kind of weird space journey, complete with silver aliens and fiery spaceships? Had they taken Rob too?
I was moving again. This time, I don't know where to or which way.
"Where's Joe? Rob, I need to see them…"
I tried to pull away, but the grip of whatever it was holding me was too strong. I tried to fight, but they just pulled me along. Where was I going? Why was Joe in the fire?
"What's going on?"
I looked up to see someone I really didn't want to see right now. In fact someone I really didn't want to see at all.
"Oh it's you, get away from me."
The guy frowned. "Is she ok?"
"She'll be fine, sir," one of the muffled-eye people replied.
"He killed Joe…"
"Take her away will you!" Griggs wasn't happy that I seemed to be shouting strange things at him.
I was only stating the truth! I had seen Joe in the fire because Griggs put him there. If he hadn't have given that order in the first place, Joe would still be here.
"Sally?"
"What?" I asked, looking around too see that I wasn't in a space ship but the back of an ambulance.
Hyper and Adam were in front of me
as Alex and Hi-Ho stripped off their BA kits.
Hyper was looking as white as a
sheet.
"Are you ok?" Adam was asking.
"What happened?"
Adam glanced at Hyper, wondering what to say.
"What's going on?" I asked again, demanding an answer.
Neither of them knew how to explain
things.
London's Burning – The Gracie Files: What If? © Karen Moody 02/06/02
