Ok, I'm writing that sequel to "If" now! Similar to how the first one was a sort of "song fic" to If~I wish, this is a sort of "song fic" to... Id (Purpose), of all things. Specifically these three lines here:
Se via vivi asa,
Arx sum iam his ex si est fortis soli sat,
Te memor...
If I am correctly assuming it is Latin (well, if it isn't then it must be one heck of a coincidence), then that means something to the effect of, "Another way to live; I am now in the centre of the all this if [I am] strong enough alone; you remember..." You'll see how this has to do with the story soon.
It's been around six years, and yet all the guilt still weighs down on me. Morgan and Cynthia now have an infant son, who they named Phoenix. Speaking of my son and daughter-in-law, they've both been born in this time as well, though with a few minor differences. The baby we had expected to be this time's Morgan was actually twins, who Henry had the bright idea of naming Morrigan and Mark for simplicity's Mark is a year her junior, he's already established a habit of spending every possible bit of time with this timeline's Cynthia (who's been named Cindy, again for simplicity). I personally think Morrigan's actually been getting a little jealous.
In all this happiness, though, I still feel a bit hollow. That's fitting, I suppose, seeing as in the end I only delivered an equally hollow victory. I was the one person who could save the world and make sure it STAYS saved, but I wasted my chance. There may well never be another one.
Oh, here comes Henry, checking to make sure I haven't entered my stare-out-the-window-and-act-dead mode. He's really sweet, no matter what anyone else says. He playfully waves a hand in front of my face, and I bat it away lightly, smiling. With the same grin as always, he brushes a strand of purple hair out of my face.
"Are you up for doing some hexes? I've been teaching Morrigan." Henry beams. Any normal person would scold him for teaching a three-year-old how to use potent magic, but I wouldn't really consider myself (or the rest of my family, for that matter) normal.
"No thanks, go on ahead." I reply. Henry puts on a (very obviously faked) pout.
"Aw, but why not?" He asks, pretending to whine.
"Well, Tharja and Libra are visiting today, so I thought I'd go collect a few flowers." I say. Henry nods, even though I can see in his almost-closed eyes that he knows I'm lying. While it's true that my close friend and her husband are coming to visit later today, I just don't really feel in the mood to curse stuff. I don't want to ruin their fun, though; Morrigan, in spite of looking pretty much exactly like a miniature version of me, really does take after her father in more ways than one. She loves crows and ravens, just like Henry. She's also shown nothing less than prodigious talent for hexing and for the dark arts in general, seeing as she cast a basic nightmare hex at the age of two and cast Flux for the first time just the other day.
While it'd be natural to be proud of Morrigan (and believe me, I AM very proud of her), I've also been feeling some dread since the ability surfaced. What we call the "dark arts" here in Ylisse were originally techniques performed and perfected by the first Fellblood— they were said to be Grima's teachings, and the people who displayed a particular gift with them were said to be blessed by the Fell Dragon himself/herself/itself (forgive me not asking Grima about gender or lack thereof, but I was a bit busy trying to win the battle). It does not really help that I heard all those rumours about Henry from Tharja, specifically the ones about the source of Henry's devastating dark magic. There were rumours of him being descended from a tertiary line of Fellbloods. Of course, there's no way to be sure, but if that IS true, then Morrigan's gift may be a sign that she has concentrated enough fell blood to... Well, I'd rather not think about it right now.
If my theory is true, though... What then? Chrom and I and everyone else assumed that "putting Grima to sleep" implicitly meant for another millennium, but Validar mentioned it only took a millennium this time because that was how long it had taken to get a sufficiently pureblooded Fellblood. Naga never mentioned a specific length of time either. If Morrigan, and for that matter Mark, actually do have two parents of Fellblood descent, then will either of them possibly meet the criteria to become an avatar of Grima? If that's so, our victory was even more empty. If only...
If only what? If only you could change the past?
Huh? Who said that?!
What if I were to say you had the opportunity to go back? What if I said you could at least influence another timeline to a different conclusion?
A... Different conclusion? You mean, change what happened? Save lives that were lost in this world?
That, avatar, is exactly what I mean. Go on, we both know you want to.
Well... I do want to. I really, really do. And it couldn't do any harm... What's the catch?
You don't trust me? I'm hurt. But you're a clever little human, I'll give you that. The "catch", as you so eloquently called it, is that it isn't "you" who gets the happy ending. As a result of saving some people, others will die and you won't be able to do anything about them. And you can only interact with the other you, so I guess we could say you're a ghost in that world. Are you ready?
Even if it isn't me, or my world, I want to see what would have happened if I had saved at least some of them. I'm ready.
Good answer. How about I abridge this though, merely to major changes and places where you can prevent deaths?
That would be appreciated.
Alrighty then. Let's get going!
Yes, let's.
Where am I? It's cold... I can hear the sounds of battle, and... Oh, that must be the other me. I look different, though. I have the same cloak and the same face, but my hair is different and I'm a tad shorter. Or she's a tad shorter? Intercontinuity travel is confusing.
Wait, I recognize this. It's the battle at the Longfort where Stahl was killed! He's already taken a few hits. The archer is getting into range...
"Hey! Block that arrow before it hits Stahl, if you can!" I yell at the supposed "me" of this world.
"Huh? Shouldn't warning him be enough? He is a knight, after all." She mutters back.
"Just trust me! If you don't, he'll die!" At this point I'm shouting at the top of my lungs and almost crying. She nods and runs towards the green-armoured cavalier.
"Watch out!" The wispy little tactician (whose name I don't know) jumps, and... Did she just tackle Stahl? Yes, she did. Dismounted him, too. Seeing as he's now laying in the snow facedown with a fellow Shepherd on top of him, the arrow missed. Actually, that's an understatement. To put it in perspective, I just spotted it sailing over the gate's crenellations and narrowly missing a Feroxi spearman on the wall.
One death averted, just however many more to go. Probably a lot, actually. But still, I think I'm off to a good start.
And with a cliche flash and whistling sound, I'm off to the next scene. Presumably, this is Vaike's death. Or rather, would be Vaike's death. I'm at the turning point, I guess... Wow, this is an early turning point. This world's Robin is running from one group to another in the halls, which I remember as being part of my preparation to defend against the assassins.
"Wait a moment, please." I step right in front of Robyn (with a "y" to differentiate between us), who skids to a halt.
"Oh, hello again. I appreciate your help last time, but I don't really have a moment to spare." She sighs.
"Sorry, but I think you will appreciate this advice too. You should make sure that Vaike and Lissa stick by each other, since Vaike will take a lot of damage and, in addition to being able to heal, Lissa seems to help boost other people's magical resistance." I say. I kind of wonder why I didn't think of that the first time around. Robyn nods and continues running back and forth between the two groups, shouting orders. Lissa dashes past me towards Vaike's group, along with Stahl and, just as the time for preparation is giving way to the time for battle, Robyn.
The battle this time takes all of about three minutes. Stahl and Robyn are a veritable tornado of sword and magic, ripping through the nearest assassins and quickly managing to approach Validar. Everyone seems to be holding their own better in this timeline, too; I guess without the morale drop from losing Stahl, they were able to spend more time training and hunting down Risen.
Another death averted. But the next one certainly won't be so easy... Emmeryn...
"Augh!" Oh no! No, no, no no no... This can't be happening! Sully... I turn around and look. Unfortunately, my ears weren't mistaken. The red-haired cavalier's eyes are rolling up into her head, and her body is giving off black smoke. I think she got hit by one too many shots of Flux... Oh, that's right. Without Lissa here to heal her, Sully must have taken a lot of small hits and not been able to recover enough to sustain the damage from that tome.
Even though I've changed things from what happened in my timeline, I haven't managed to save everyone...
I walk over to Sully's body, tears in my eyes. I try to hug her, to say that Lissa might be able to find the ancient Aum staff and make everything alright, but I slip right through her. I know I would be lying to say any of what I wanted to, but I desperately want to be able to do something.
It's odd not to be perceived by anyone except the person who is and isn't "me". I wonder if this is, to an extent, the way Kellam feels? Perhaps.
I'm not sure this was such a good idea anymore. I'm back in the centre of the conflict, and once again I may not be a good enough tactician to keep everyone safe. This just now proves that not even both of us (both of us meaning both the other Robyn and me) can predict how ensuring one outcome will change another.
Again with a cliche flash of light, the world starts spinning.P
What? The next death was Emmeryn's, right? So... Why I am I standing in a wedding? This timeline's Libra is standing with a book open, asking two people who I can't quite make out from behind to say their vows and the like. I walk closer, and see... It's Robyn and Stahl? Well, that voice did say I'd see "major changes"... I think this does qualify. But why wasn't I there to try an prevent the death of Emmeryn in this time?
Hm... Now that I think of it, I couldn't have stopped Aversa from summoning those archers, or Gangrel from demanding the emblem, or Exalt Emmeryn deciding to sacrifice her life. I suppose... There really isn't anything I could have done abut it.
I feel a little bit more tranquil all of a sudden. It almost feels like... like maybe the wind is breathing a bit more vitality into me. I've been noticing this a tiny bit after every death I help prevent here. But I haven't prevented anything just now, only come to terms with Emmeryn's decision. Ah... I guess that, in a way, coming to terms with what happened (I still don't think it's fair, but who said anything is?) has "prevented" something. Just like how knowing Stahl and Vaike survive in another timeline gives me a bit of mental serenity, understanding that Emmeryn's decision was hers alone seems to be helping clear my head. I think I'm finally starting to see what would've happened if things had happened differently in that case. Forcing Emmeryn to make her choice before Chrom coud make his was just about as good as Gangrel digging himself into a very deep grave. He forgot that everyone in his army below the rank of general was merely serving him out of the desire for justice against the supposedly "evil, tyrant witch queen" of Ylisse. Looks like I wasn't the only one to make regrettable decisions.
Wow. The air here must be happiness-inducing or something, since I actually made a joke about Gangrel. And laughed at it. Hmm... Yep, happiness inducing air. Chrom is notably not depressed, and Robyn is joyfully dancing with Stahl while Maribelle plays violin.
That warm light is back, and this time I'm not even going to complain about it being cliche. Before I leave to wherever it is I'm going next, though, I can see this timeline's Robyn smiling at me. She looks like an angel, twirling around with flowers in her hair. I'd like to think that I helped a little with my interventions.
So far, it seems to be going quite smoothly during the second campaign. I managed to pull the most ridiculous save ever for Nowi and Olivia; who knew that all those rock-throwing games with my manakete friend could come in handy during a battle? I got the other Robyn to throw a rock at a bow knight who had been aiming for Olivia, and while he was turning around he tripped over his own bow. He fell onto the sage who had been about to finish off Nowi, too... I guess I really do have incredible luck. For some reason, I got to watch the rest of that battle as well, and when it ended I got to see Robyn flop onto the grass, laughing in joy. I hadn't really realized how beautiful a meadow that battle took place in before.
Initially I had been confused as to why I never had to save Anna, but during that battle I saw her healing Sumia, so I guess that with Stahl and Vaike still around she didn't have to do the job of protecting Lucina (just as well, seeing as she isn't all too suited to doing that anyway).
Gaius, because he never entered the distracted and quasi-depressed state he had been in during his final battle, doesn't seem to have needed extra intervention either. Right now I can see him, Olivia, and their time-travelling son Inigo taking down Risen left and right. Inigo's shield has a spearhead sticking out of it, which looks suspiciously like the tip of a certain forged Silver Lance. I had thought he could've blocked it with his shield; turns out, I was right and he must've just been too depressed in my timeline to block it.
I'm almost done... Just one more death I'm going to prevent, if I can remember correctly. Aversa. Ah, there she is now.
"Robyn, watch out! Don't let Aversa go off on her own, or bad things will happen!" I call.
"You mean worse things? Well, you haven't lied yet... Tharja, Libra, go with Aversa!" Robyn orders. The aforementioned sorcerer and war monk run off after the dark flier.
Wait, already? I didn't even get to see if this worked yet. Well, I guess I can assume it did... Hopefully.
This is the next turning point, it seems... I think it's the last. I'm standing on Grima's back again... But this is a bit early. I can see the Shepherds of this time fighting their way through the hordes of Grimleal, and... No no no no! No! This can't be happening... Please tell me I'm seeing things... Both of them? I rub my eyes. Yes, both. Henry and Morgan are both laying dead on Grima's scales, both impaled with swords. Ah, gods no...
I want to be back in my time... I think I miss it. I miss my family.
But no. Not before I change one more thing for this time. That one last regrettable mistake of not trusting my friends enough... Now is the time to set it right. Now is the time to ensure that Robyn doesn't stare off Origin Peak, wondering about the distance to the ground and wondering about a thousand what-ifs.
"Hey... What should I do?" To my surprise, it's Robyn who talks to me before I can go and say anything to her.
"I know what needs to be done, but I'm a bit scared. I promised Chrom I wouldn't die back down on Origin Peak..." Robyn trails off, trembling a little. I put a hand on her shoulder.
"I know you'll regret it if you don't face this decision. Do what you think is right; anyway, Naga said that if your bonds with this world are strong enough, you won't die." I reply, sounding much more serene than I feel.
"But... So many of my friends with whom I share those bonds have died." Robyn points to the various corpses on the battlefield. In addition to Henry and Morgan, Sumia, Severa, Lon'qu, Gregor, and even Panne lay dead on the dragon's back. I want to scream.
Hey... It occurs to me that Naga may have presented me with a riddle before, one that I didn't manage to solve at the time. My bonds in this world... Maybe, just maybe, I'm at peace enough to recognize what that really means. People aren't the only living spirits of this world, and certainly aren't the only ones I have some bonds with. The plants, the animals, even the wind... I could feel them breathing renewal into me. To bring peace and an everlasting respite from the Fell Dragon, I had to be at peace with myself and who I am, I guess. In my time I was anything but that, however, in this timeline Robyn may be able to attain such a state... If only her ego and super-ego (I think that's what Miriel called them?) would stop drowning out her instincts. Maybe, then, I should become an "Id" for her. For this timeline.
"Take a deep breath. Can you feel the wind?" I instruct. Robyn closes her eyes, inhales, and nods.
"The world itself is just as valid as any person. If you can remember feeling the wind beside you, feeling the grass under your feet, feeling the trees that give you shade on a hot day, and all the other things in this world, those are also precious bonds. Now," I gesture to the time-travelling human form of Grima, "I think you have a world to save. You can do it, just make peace with yourself." Robyn nods and takes a few steps forward. She raises her hand, and starts to charge a spell I recognize as "Grima's Truth". She doesn't have the tome, though... Oh, I see. It must be an innate power of Grima. She turns to me before firing it.
"Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you've done." Robyn turns back to her target and hurls the spell. The "other" other Robyn is vaporized almost instantly, and Robyn starts giving off black smoke.
"Robyn! No!" Chrom, who is nearest, shouts. Robyn smiles— a slightly melancholy, slightly relieved smile.
"I'm sorry for breaking my promise, Chrom. May we meet again... In a better life, if not in this one." Robyn fades.
It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Robyn was supposed to be back. She WILL be back there, right? I hope so...pp
I moan a little as I open my eyes. I can hear a door open.
"Hey-o! Nice to see you're awake! Enjoy your nap?" Henry asks. Eh? What? I was... Sleeping?! Does that mean everything that happened in that other timeline was fake? Or was I really there, but only in a dream, getting the chance to give myself peace of mind? Is that why I was a ghost there?
"What... What just happened?" I reply.
"Well, when Morrigan and I got back inside 'cause it started raining, we saw you had fallen asleep, so I carried you here. Stay up late again?" Henry explains. So that's what happened. I still want to believe that what I felt and saw and did in that other timeline was real, because if it was I finally have some peace of mind. No, wait, scratch that. I still have peace of mind, even if it really was just a fantasy. I did get some things cleared up, and I got to think a lot, so I think my peace of mind is valid still. But there is something I have to check before Libra and Tharja get here...
"Maybe a little." I reply. "Are Morrigan and Mark back?" Henry nods.
"Cindy's been trying to get Morrigan to play dress-up over in the twins' room, and Mark just left to go pick some flowers." Henry and I both know what's wrong with the latter statement. The last time Mark wanted to pick some flowers in a hurry... Well, let's just say his aesthetic sense is very unique, but more importantly needs to start excluding poison ivy bouquets.
"Could you go and check on him... Y'know, so we don't have a repeat of last time?" I ask. Henry nods— it's kind of unfortunate that Mark has almost complete immunity to poison ivy...
"Seeya!" Henry smiles and walks mostly out the door before adding, "Hopefully we won't have to stop by the stream to wash the ivy oil out this time..." I chuckle a bit. I almost forgot that both Henry and Morrigan experience more-severe-than-normal reactions to poison ivy.
When I entered the kids' room, Morrigan was tied to a chair with Cindy, Serena (the younger Severa), Noa (the younger Noire) and— oddly enough— Lucy (the younger Lucina, who is still "Lucina" but goes by a nickname) standing around her. Cindy is holding a hairbrush and some ribbons.
"Um, g-g-guys, a-are you s-s-sure it's okay to be doing this?" Noa asks, sounding very nervous. Lucy frowns.
"I doubt it. But my sister couldn't be stopped, and Serena was curious. So I thought I'd come along, and hopefully sis won't be as out of hand." Lucy replies, her expression changing back to a fond smile that looks just like the older Lucina's. They all seem so happy, and I think it's nice that they're trying to get Morrigan to spend some time with someone who isn't Tharja, Henry, or me, but I do wonder whether they really needed to tie her to a chair. All five are giggling a bit as they talk, so Morrigan obviously doesn't dislike it as much as she would probably assert, but I think it's time to stop spying and make my prescence known.
"Was it really necessary to tie my daughter to a chair?" I laugh a little on the inside at how absolutely terrified they all look as they notice me.
"Uh... Uh... Milady Robin! H-how long have you been there?" Lucy chuckles nervously. I walk over and put a hand on her shoulder.
"I agree that Morrigan needs to spend more time with people her own age and start acting like a kid, but it can wait for a time that isn't... Wait, shouldn't most of you be in the castle? I know Cindy uses the baby Pegasi to sneak out almost daily, but the rest of you..." I trail off. Lucy shoots Cindy a quick look of shock before turning back to me.
"Wait... Don't tell me you actually forgot the anniversary of the war with Plegia's end?" Serena asks. Oh, that's what today was! I was wondering why Henry shook me awake this morning and checked for signs of "blanking" (the shorter way of saying "going into stare-out-the-window-and-act-dead mode") about three times an hour. It's that day, huh... I can't believe I forgot.
"Eh... Maybe?" I reply, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly before composing myself. "Could I have a couple minutes alone with Morrigan? There's something I need to discuss with her." The other girls nod and leave the room.
Once I've checked to see that they ("they" mostly meaning Cindy) aren't eavesdropping or anything, I untie Morrigan and sit down on the bed next to her chair. My gaze wanders to the lilac silk ribbon I have wrapped around my right hand. It's a gift from Henry, since he noticed that I used to wrap old bandages around my hand and he didn't think it was a good idea to always look like I had been hurt there. It's really just there for the reason that I didn't want any reminder of my mistake, and has been for the past five-or-so years... Come to think of it, I don't think I've even let Morrigan or Mark see it. I take a deep breath and gently remove the ribbon from around my hand.
"Morrigan... Could you take a look at what's on the back of my hand and tell me," I pause as she looks at the strange and quite frankly creepy sigil, "do you recognize it?" She nods happily and takes off her left sock.
"I have one, right here on my ankle since last month. Is it magical?" Morrigan asks innocently. She has an instinct for magic, I knew that already, but I had no idea how strong it is; apparently, strong enough that she can sense the faint traces of it on the symbol. Even Morgan, with his pretty much unrivalled magic power, had to be actively trying to tell that there actually was some power in Grima's Mark. I remember that day: right after the battle with Grima, Morgan had wanted to try and prove to me that it was just like an ordinary tattoo now, so he tried to sense any traces of extra magic on it. Even though his plan backfired, I appreciate the thought.
"Yes, you could say that. There's a rather... complicated story behind it." I reply.
"Cool! I really like this little symbol." Morrigan proclaims. Her wide smile almost prevents me from worrying about that statement— almost.
"Why?" I ask shakily. Morrigan's grin grows even wider, which I had no idea was possible until now.
"Well... Because it proves I'm your daughter." Morrigan explains. Oh, is that what this is about? Well, I suppose her looks aren't all that similar to Henry's or mine... Morrigan has brilliant flame red hair and luminescent lavender eyes, which aren't exactly all that much like my teal hair and brown eyes or Henry's silver hair and black eyes. But she, as I've mentioned before, has certainly inherited other things from her parents. Well, okay, mostly from Henry. Hm... Yeah, now that I think of it, this is the only very notable thing she's inherited from me. I'm sure there are other things, but I suppose this is a bit of a reassurance to her.
"Mommy... Could you tell me and Mark that story later? The one about what this weird tree sigil is?" Morrigan asks, breaking the silence that we've been sitting in.
"Well... We'd have to ask your daddy first, there are a few things I can't remember." I say. "Now come on, you should go and play with your friends while Aunty Tharja and I talk." Morrigan pouts.
"But I don't wanna play with the other girls! I wanna hex things!" Morrigan whines cutely. I pick her up (I sometimes forget that she's only four) and carry her to the garden where Mark and Cindy are chasing Lucy and Serena around. Noa is hiding behind a tree and peeking out at them, but none of the others seem to notice as they laugh and shriek and play like kids are supposed to.
"Would one more be a problem?" I set Morrigan down in the middle of the garden, and before any of them can react I run into the house and lock the door. Despite the fact that Morrigan will always protest loudly when asked, she seems to actually enjoy playing with the other kids. They'll probably wear themselves out completely before all the adults have gotten here...
I smile as I tuck Mark and Morrigan into bed. Turns out I was right about them wearing themselves out: it was only the beginning of sunset when I found them sleeping under a tree outside. Now, as dusk is starting to fall, all the remaining Shepherds have finally arrived. I'm not sure why Chrom didn't just invite us all to the castle, as there's a lot more room there than here, but it's nice to see everyone again. Lucy, as the only kid who's still awake (well, she is the oldest, at six years), is pestering her older self to te her more about her adventures as "Marth".
I look out the window, but this time not in grief— I'm tired of living that way. I've found a new purpose. Instead of regretting the past, I will safeguard the future to the best of my abilities. When I can't, I trust Morrigan will.
For a moment, Robyn's in the dusk, thanking me as she heads back home.
So, what'd you think of this story? I personally prefer "If", but please let me know in a review. I know Morrigan breaks canon, but I needed something or someone to be haunting Robin about her perceived failure and Morrigan was the best way to do so I could think of. Speaking of, if anyone can tell me where Morrigan's name comes from, that person gets an imaginary Naga's Tear!