Hi, this is my first Death Note fanfic so please go easy on me! Thanks. Just to say, this will be updated weekly and no sooner as I am currently very busy. However, before you start to read a few things:

1) This is a LxLight fanfic but as it is rated T it will not be explicit. If you don't like, then please don't read. Also as a side note, I have used the original name for Light (Raito) in this story.

2) I know that (spoiler) L's real name is L Lawliet but I tweaked it slightly in this story for a reason. It will be explained but before the hard-core fans start to rip this to shreds, I wanted to make that clear. And yes, due to this change, and others, L may also be slightly OOC- I can appreciate if this bothers you and I have tried to make him as accurate as possible otherwise it would bother me as well.

3) There is an OC in this. If you despise OC's, please don't criticise as I warned you.

4) Yes, I have taken creative licence with both L's background and B's (for later). I haven't read Death Note:Another Note but I do plan to, although it probably won't happen before I have finished writing this so apologise if he too is OOC (although I do enjoy writing psychopaths :) )

Other than that, please enjoy the story. I hope I haven't annoyed anybody too much with this by making it a little AU-ish.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note as I don't think I am clever enough to keep up with L or Light.

It was dark and cold wherever he was, but L couldn't bring himself to care. He had been falling and there was the face of a single person, the most important person towards him at the time, smirking down at him, features twisted in a way that L had thought that no human face could twist into. It was not a pleasant smirk, nor an arrogant one, proclaiming 'I've won and there's nothing that you can do about it'. L couldn't stand that for many reasons: it meant he had failed in solving the case in time to save any more innocent lives being lost, that he had failed in proving that he had been right all along and that he had failed in the duty of being a friend and talking him out of being Kira. Of acting god over the people of the world like they were too stupid to realise that they were being manipulated, just like Hitler or Stalin.

It was all a lie, this promise of something better. And L hadn't been able to save them, to save the world from Kira's wrath that would only get worse over time. Kira wasn't human. Kira was a bloodthirsty being that could only be fed with the deaths of thousands of people, and the more that died the more Kira's hunger would grow. He had seen it before in murderers, terrorists… in B. But L didn't want to think about B, about the twisted corpses he had left behind, about the bleeding body of A in the bathtub…

I don't want to think anymore, L thought, or at least he thought he was thinking. Was this death? Was this what everyone was subconsciously afraid of, this floating cold darkness where he would hang for all eternity? Or was this just an interim before moving on to wherever it was that spirits went to? L didn't believe in heaven or hell because he had been a man of science rather than mystery. That had been Mitsu's place, to delve into the world of the occult. But after the revelation of the existence of Shinigami to him, that such creatures could live in another world and care so little about human life that they would make a game as sick as allowing humans to play about with their Death Notes like they were some kind of gods to them… It made him sick.

And it hurt. By God did it hurt that after everything that had happened, everyone he had suspected, it hurt that he was right. He wondered whether Soichiro would work it out, or whether he would die believing that his son was innocent of any crime. He wondered how much it would hurt the man, who so desperately wanted to believe that his son could do no wrong he was prepared to kill both Raito and himself if he had turned out to be Kira. He wondered if he would keep that promise on his honour.

I hate being right. Why did I have to be right? Couldn't he have been wrong just this once, suspecting the wrong people despite the circumstantial evidence against them that could simply be coincidence? That the Task Force had been right instead and that Kira was still out there? And yes, there was a small part that cried at the loss of his friend, trapped behind the façade that was Kira, the thing that was consuming him. He wanted it all to go away.

I wish I had never met Raito Yagami. I wish I had never heard of Kira.

If L could cry he would have. It hurt so much, he just wanted the pain to end. He wanted to replace that last view of the world that horrible smirk and the crushing realisation that not only had he been right, but that Raito was gone, lost with his own death. He wanted to think about Wammy's and Mello and Near and B before everything went wrong. About A when he was alive and happy, not sinking slowly in that bloodstained bath. About Mitsu, laughing in a tree daring him to follow her, about their parents smiling down at them at Christmas-time… He tried to bury the memories of the past few months, wishing them away but Raito's face, that transition that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about, just wouldn't go away.

Think about Mitsu, L thought desperately, shoving the image away. He imagined gathering up the memories since the Kira case started, even the ones of just sitting staring at a screen in a darkened room as the NPA rushed around trying to work out this case right back at the start of summer last year, and throwing them into a vault of his own design, behind locks and bars that would keep even B out… And then buried himself in that memory of Mitsu and the tree, building a swing on one of the lower branches, of sneaking Mello chocolate, of playing with a five-year old Near, of learning tennis with B and carrying on playing despite the fact that his friend ran away after A's death, of his mother tucking them into bed at night when they were only three and had no idea that in less than a year they would be orphans on the street…

"Mitsu…" he whispered, clutching all memory of her to his heart. "Mitsu, I'm sorry I can't protect you anymore." He could imagine her heartbroken, standing in front of a tombstone trying not to cry, tears sliding silently down her face. She would try to be brave, to put on the mask that they were all taught and pretend that he didn't exist because legally he didn't, for security reasons. Someone would have sent her the box too, the one with all these memories in that he took everywhere, despite the fact that Watari disapproved. He had warned L that it was risky, that if they forgot it or lost anything out of it, he would have lost potentially dangerous secrets that could get her hurt. There was only one other person he might have trusted with that box but he couldn't… not when he was dead and he had to forget any thoughts about that…

They are locked away. Don't think about it at all. Raito is lost, the Task Force is lost, gobbled up by Kira. The next time we meet we will be dead and I must not weep for them… I must not remember…

The hospital was just as bright and bland as the last time that Soichiro Yagami had walked down to room 102. It was pleasant enough for a hospital he supposed, although the fees were expensive and the NPA refused to pay for the funds themselves- probably because Soichiro had been warned by three different doctors that the possibility of anything coming of this was low. If he survived… well, he had been told in no uncertain terms exactly how low the chances of him pulling through unscathed were. For someone to have been without oxygen for so long, to have been resuscitated but not having regained physical consciousness usually pointed to one thing. They had told him to prepare for the worst and to take the decision to just give in, but he couldn't, not after everything that he had been through, after everything the man had put him and his family through.

Not after that desperate plea for Watari… Most of the others hadn't heard it, but Soichiro was a father to his own genius and Raito had done that as a child sometimes when he was scared. He knew that his son had a lot of pride, even back then, and admitting that he was afraid had been out of the question and so he had never admitted outright to being scared but every so often, especially if he thought that he might lose him, that same undercurrent, that same plea was there. Don't leave me it said. I'm not ready for you to go yet.

He sighed and opened the door, revealing the room beyond. It was as nice a private room as Soichiro could afford, so it was small but had a window overlooking the green outside and the patient was well looked after. He had placed him on his own family's private healthcare plan, despite the fact that they were of no relation to each other and the other man would probably never appreciate it. He paused before crossing the threshold, taking a moment to take it all in once again as he did every week.

The body of L lay hooked up to a variety of machines. An oxygen mask was strapped over his face and a heart monitor gently beeped, cutting through the silence that permeated the room. The man- boy he had to remind himself, the doctors having confirmed that Ryuzaki was not, as he had thought, it his mid-twenties as Watari would have you believe, but just shy of twenty in the first place- was so much thinner now than he had been back in the Task Force headquarters if that were possible, having been in a coma for the past three months. His cheeks were hollow and the only thing sustaining him was the IV attached to his arm, supplying him with the necessary nutrients and vitamins needed to survive and a tube attached to his stomach in the hopes of providing anything else.

Perhaps they were right he thought as he made his way over to his normal chair. Perhaps he will never wake up and this is nothing but wishful thinking on my part. He had lied to the rest of the Task Force, stating that L had died in the hospital. What for, he wasn't sure, but something had told him that announcing that they had managed to re-start his heart but were unable to get him to regain consciousness would not be a good idea. There was something that just seemed off about the whole situation, and if he were honest, the timing caught him as well. Maybe Ryuzaki was on to something. If the thirteen day rule really is fake, then Raito would still be under suspicion because it wouldn't matter, as would Misa… But I thought that we had agreed that Raito wasn't Kira? Soichiro shook his head, frowning. They had only cleared Raito's name because the thirteen day rule stated that if Raito was Kira then he would have died in that holding cell, but if it were fake, then the likelihood that Raito was Kira would increase dramatically. It was just too coincidental that L had been killed off right when he had announced that he would be testing out that theory using a criminal in another country.

But he hadn't come here to mope about what could have been. Soichiro didn't want to believe that his son was Kira, but he had learnt as a police officer to expect anything. He had been shocked at first, much like Matsuda, to find out what some people were really like behind their everyday facades, but now he had learnt not to judge people at first sight. If he had done that, he would probably be in the same distrustful boat as Aizawa, never sure where he stood with L.

"It's now been three months and a week since you died on us Ryuzaki. I still haven't told anyone about your whereabouts so you should still be safe." He paused in the beginning of his speech, wondering if Ryuzaki could hear any of this. He had spent the past three months keeping him up to speed with the Kira case, never revealing anything that hadn't been made aware already to the doctors. He was careful with how he phrased the sensitive information too, aware of the security cameras and passers-by. While the staff believed that L was some nephew of his, any spy working against L would know who he was, or what they were now up to, to a report back to Kira. "Raito's managed to move everything into his new apartment and insists that he pays everything for himself still. The Director's agreed to pay him a detective's wages despite his age so long as he helps out on other cases too. It's all been pretty quiet recently though, nothing new to add other than new names and faces to the numbers of dead criminals." There, nothing more than a proud father talking about his son moving away and getting a new job. "Sachiko's heartbroken of course, with her baby boy moving out so suddenly and I'll admit it's strange going home knowing that he's not coming back again, but it's a good kind of strange I think. Sayu's just upset that we won't let her have Raito's old room or come and visit his new apartment. I still think that he should be living alone rather than with Misa though." But Raito had flat out refused to have his girlfriend live elsewhere.

"We're in love dad," he had said, "Can't you just be happy for us?" Strange how only a few weeks before everything had gone downhill he couldn't stand the girl- Soichiro had quietly understood why and couldn't fathom where this strange attraction had come from, if it could even be called that. I know Raito's not too into lots of physical contact, but he never touches her in our presence. If they hug, it's always initiated by Misa and usually borne with the barest minimum of tolerance. Soichiro had never pointed out these flaws to the others though, who thought it was sweet that Raito was supposedly so smitten with his new girlfriend, and one as lovely and famous as Misa Amane.

"We haven't recovered any of the digital files but I did find some boxes up in the records room the other day." He paused, again thinking about his strange reasoning behind not mentioning that to the rest of the team. He had stated that he was returning to the old building with the intent of finding if anything had been backed up on paper, but when he had physically found the boxes, something had held him back from mentioning that to the team as well. There was this strange atmosphere now that Raito was running the task force, like he had to be careful as to what he said in his son's presence. If he were being honest with himself, lately he was more comfortable talking to the inanimate body of L than his own son. It was a bizarre turn of events he simply couldn't explain. "There was something funny about one of the boxes though. It looked more battered than the rest. I didn't want to open it in case there was something more personal in it, but I don't know if it's yours or Watari's." It felt strange to think of the man as Quillish Wammy, the entrepreneur who had opened an orphanage for young parentless geniuses. L had probably loved it there he found himself thinking. The box was probably some personal belongings to the old man, most likely to do with the other children, but Soichiro didn't want to pry. If L had wanted them to know, had trusted them enough to tell them about the box, he would have done so. But he was a private person, and if the box really was L's, he could imagine that he would be none too impressed with Soichiro's intrusion into something he clearly hadn't wanted any of them going through. After all, why else keep it locked up within the back-up room with all the hard copies of the Kira case notes? He sighed before continuing.

"I suppose that's everything that's happened since last week. Matsuda's making progress in some of the lower cases, which is good. He's got the aptitude to be a good detective when he puts that mind of his to good use." He smiled softly at that, thinking of all the good that he knew Matsuda was capable of. He, unlike some of his colleagues, was able to sympathise with both sides of a case, especially one in which the cause was grey rather than flat-out black and white, a skill he dearly hoped that Raito would develop. As passionate as he was, he seemed to believe that everything could be categorised as 'good' and 'evil' not realising that in some cases, Kira had been killing innocent people who had been wrongfully convicted or committed crimes for reasons other than because they could. Only the other day, Kira had murdered a man who was on death row in America, despite the protests that he was not only innocent of the crime he was accused of, but that he was being set up by either underground mafia groups or the government itself. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I'll try and bring some fresh flowers too, those look like they're dying." In truth, the flowers on the windowsill were dead, the stalks brittle and brown, all petals long since fallen. It was a wonder it had yet to be cleaned away by one of the nurses.

He had just gotten up and turned towards the door when a faint whisper made him stop in his tracks.

"Bring blood red roses. Those were Mitsu's favourite." He froze, hardly daring to believe that this could be real, after all this time. Only a little while ago he had been contemplating having L put to sleep permanently, almost in agreement that he was beyond help but could he really…? Hardly daring to believe his own ears, he turned to catch slits of grey staring woozily at him through lashes too long to be fully Japanese.

Carefully, slowly, like he was approaching a frightened animal, he crept closer to the barely conscious boy, hoping that this was not a false alarm, that this wasn't a product of his imagination and that it was truly happening.

"What did you say?" he whispered, close enough to observe every muscle of his face move, if it ever would. Slowly, as if they were moving through molasses, those familiar so-dark-they-were-practically-black grey eyes moved to settle on his own. Nothing seemed to register within them other than an age-old tiredness.

"Red roses were Mitsu's favourite…" And with that they slid shut once more, taking Soichiro's fears with them.

He returned the next day with the roses, blood red as promised, and a lie to his wife about going out to meet with a few old friends for a meal rolling off his tongue surprisingly easily. The doctor who had handled this whole affair was beaming at him, clearly as happy as Soichiro at this turn of events.

"He's been slipping in and out of consciousness, but that's only to be expected in a coma patient that has been out this long. But he's been able to stay awake for nearly ten whole minutes by now, and more often too, so he should wake at some point during your visit." Then the smile shifted from extremely happy, to professional. "Of course, we are not sure whether there has been any neurological damage of any kind. He doesn't seem to have any trouble moving, and he even expressed an interest in food a little while ago which is good, but there may be damage there that we cannot see." A pause and then, "Please be aware Mr Yagami, that it is quite common for people who have recovered from comas to have lost some portion of their memory." Soichiro only returned the polite smile, reassuring himself that that would never happen with L. The man had a photographic memory; he was sure, considering how fast he was able to recall anything, even the idea that he might be suffering from amnesia seemed laughable.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said as he brushed past. The roses were beginning to wilt and he didn't want them to die as fast as the others. Perhaps he should visit every night, make sure they were watered properly. Roses tended to last longer in water than any other plant he knew, so why he had decided to buy lilies last time, he didn't know.

Room 102 seemed closer than ever compared to the night before, where it had seemed so far away. He would definitely be able to surprise the Task Force with this later, once L was stronger and more mobile, but right now he was simply happy that he hadn't given up on the young man, that he would be able to help the reclusive detective. That his son might finally have someone to relate to and befriend once again.

L was just coming around when he entered the room, carefully removing the dead stalks of the lilies and placing the roses in the vase with the intent of leaving to refill the vase with water when a tired voice behind him asked, "Who are you?" He turned to see a bleary set of dark grey eyes watching him, the boy having pushed himself up on shaky arms to lean weakly back against the mound of pillows behind his head. The oxygen mask was gone, replaced by tubes that entered through his nose instead, but the IV, monitors and feeding tube to his stomach remained.

"L, you're awake!"

"I noticed," was the wry reply, despite how tired he sounded and Soichiro was slightly taken aback by that. "But you haven't answered my question. Who. Are. You?" L's hand was hovering by the call button and, too late, Soichiro remembered the doctor's warning about amnesia. But L's a genius he thought, before being reminded that not even genius' were impervious to flaws- after all his son was not the perfect person that he made himself out to be, even if Soichiro would never admit it.

"What's the last thing that you remember?" he asked cautiously as he made his way over to the sink, intending to give the roses a drink if only to distract himself from the shock that L just simply did not know him anymore. L seemed to frown, it being the most human emotion that Soichiro had seen on his face.

"I remember getting on a plane to Japan with Watari… I think I was talking to Mitsu when we landed though, something about a killer murdering criminals and how she should be keeping her little band of miscreants in line for their own protection… She was joking around I think…" That name again he thought, wondering just who this 'Mitsu' was to L and why all of a sudden he just couldn't stop talking about her.

"So you don't remember anything about the Kira case?" he asked, dread settling in the pit of his stomach. If he didn't remember anything at all then their chances of catching Kira were decreasing all the faster. With no new leads, nothing to go on for the new investigation into Kira, there was a strong possibility that the murderer would, and continue to, get away with murder.

"Kira…?" L's eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted, as his face went white- or at least paler than it had been somehow. Soichiro, shocked, quickly put the roses down and pressed the call button for the doctors right away, not sure what was going through the detective's mind. "I… when was this?" He sounded bewildered and lost, not at all like the confident detective that he had been before the heart attack.

"We started the Kira investigation just over nine months ago," Soichiro said as gently as he could. "You've been in a coma for three months. You were… badly injured."

"Nine months ago? I lost nine months… Wait." L was looking around and the heart monitor was picking up on an increased heartrate. Soichiro could hear the running of nurses outside the room as they came to see what the matter with the patient was. "Where's Watari?" L had grabbed onto his arm with surprising strength as one nurse flung the door wide open, the doctor close behind her. "What happened to him?"

"Yagami-san, could I ask you to leave for the moment?" the doctor asked, seeming to take the whole situation in stride. "I need to check that our patient hasn't suffered from any neurological trauma." L just looked frantic as the nurse walked over, comforting smile on her lips and seemingly ready to deal with anything that L sent her way.

"Wait." L was looking right at Soichiro then, eyes beseeching. "Tell me your name." He sounded desperate, emotional and that was something that L just did not do, Soichiro knew. Whatever had happened to L, it wasn't just the memories that had changed about him.

"Soichiro Yagami," he said as he left, leaving the roses that this Mitsu loved so much behind him and wondering where it all went wrong.

Yes, I know that it is unlikely that Soichiro Yagami would suspect Light but I always felt that he rushed Rem into killing off L and Watari, especially after L announced that he would test the thirteen day rule. I know why he did it, but it just seemed to coincedental to me and it didn't seem right that nobody in the show questioned it either. This is showcased later as well.

I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and please leave a nice review. Thank you!