This story contents many triggering issues such as self harm, eating disorders, drug abuse...
If you could get triggered by it, please don't keep on reading.
I don't own Gossip Girl.
Any coments, either positive or negative, are really apreciated.
Chapter 1 – Happy Birthday?
She couldn't believe that their twins were already fifteen years old, she smiled, setting a nice cake in the middle of the breakfast table and turning around to see if Dorota had already waken them up.
Blair still remembered how scared she was the day they were born, Chuck wasn't there, he had gotten stuck in an airport due to a storm across the world, and she couldn't do it without him, she had refused to do it without him. Then Dorota had slapped her, gotten her out of bed and held her hand for the ten hours of labour she had had to endure.
- Good morning beautiful – Chuck wrapped her tiny frame with his arms and kissed her forehead, then he turned to the table – This looks great, Lottie is going to be super jealous.
- No! – The little brunette shouted, running down the stairs, already dressed with her light blue uniform – Momma promised we will hold a great fest for my birthday.
Chuck lifted her with a smile forming on his lips that made Blair melt, knowing how much love he had for every one of the members of this family – And what if I make momma change her mind?
- Then I'll have to convince you – The eight year old smirked with a mischievous look that was an exact copy of her mum's. Or was it from her dad? The kid pecked her father cheek and then sat on her place. Telling her mum she had had a great night sleep.
Philippa and Dorota were the next to appear, Blair couldn't stop herself from hugging them tightly – Happy birthday, Phi!
- Mum, I can't breathe – The girl joked, but as soon as her mother released them, her father cupped her face and placed a kiss on her hair.
- My little girl – He whispered – You can't be turning into a woman, I'm not ready! – He protested, making the girl laugh.
- Boys! It's time for breakfast! – Dorota shouted sitting next to Charlotte, trying without any success to arrange the mess of tangled curls that was her hair.
Harry and Jasper went down quickly, knowing better than to make their maid angry, the first one had red eyes and still smelled like pot, the other looked still asleep but as soon as he saw the red velvet cake he smiled.
First he kissed her sister – Happy birthday, Phi – It was kind of weird because he was only two hours older than her but he had been so protective of her for their whole life.
- Happy birthday, Jazz.
He kissed her mother and father before sitting across of her, each one facing the candles. They liked it like that, blowing the candles each one from a direction, and with that, the morning started.
XXXXX
There were almost no remains of the cake when they got up, ready to face the day. Blair, dominated by her control freakiness, needed to make sure everyone knew what they had to do today.
- I'll take Lottie to ballet class after school you take…
Chuck shut her up with a kiss – Henry to hospital, and both these to lacrosse training, I kwon.
- Have a nice day at work.
As she worked from home she always walked with Charlotte to school, she loved her so much, she was funny and really smart, but her lack of self-confidence scared Blair to the extreme. So that way they had some time to work her tiny problems.
- You're doing it wrong! – She heard the child protesting.
- I used to do your mom's hair, I'm doing it right.
She walked to the bathroom and pick the comb from the woman's hand – Let me do it, Dorota. I'm going to try something new. The maid smiled and went to pick their coats, November was cold in New York.
Blair started braiding the curls, then she formed a rose with the braid and pined it in place – Do you like it?
- It's beautiful momma – The girl let a tear scape her eyes, but she quickly wiped it.
- Just like you little girl - The kid still had watery eyes so she kneeled in front of her - Can I tell you a secret?
She nodded violently making Blair smile – You're such a beautiful, talented, smart girl that I'm making a children line inspired on you.
- Really?!
- Of course - She grabbed the kid hand and walked to Dorota – Let's go school.
XXXXX
Chuck let out a sigh when the two kids left the limo, but he grabbed Henry before he could step out – Is it working? The pot? Do you have less nausea?
The kid faked a smile, her father knew it was false because it didn't make its way to his eyes, and Henry had always being an eye smiler – Yep, I didn't vomited breakfast yet so it's fine.
Irony, the kid had inherited Blair's sharp tongue, even though he wasn't a kid anymore. The nineteen year old was still at high school because of the inoperable tumour that had taken over his life four years before, and his dark brown hair was long ago gone, with his brows, eyelashes, and corporal hair.
- Your mother has been bugging me, she thinks you should see a therapist.
He had often dismissed Blair on that, the kid was fine, he was strong, but seeing how depressed he was turning lately he had started agreeing with her.
- Dad…
- Let me finish, please.
The kid reclined in the black leather seat and let out a frustrated sigh. Chuck felt his heart skipping a beat realising how easily could he lose all that Blair and him had managed to build – Your mum is seeing one for herself, she's been engaging in bulimia again since your prognostic worsened, you should do it or you'll engage in some of our harmful behaviours.
When Henry was born they had made themselves the promise that they'll tell the kids the mistakes they've made so they'll be more comfortable asking for help.
- I'm not going to drown my pain in scotch, it interferes with the chemo, and don't worry, I don't really find any comfort in purging my guts out so, I'll be fine. Now, I have to go, I have literature with a punctuality dickhead.
Henry got out of the car, anger boiling down the surface. He didn't want his mother hurting herself because of him, in fact the only thing he wanted was to give up, enjoy a few months feeling a little bit well and then, die. But he wasn't sure if his family could recover from that, so he had to fight against an illness that had made her mother cry like he had never seen in his entire life.
He loved both his parents, but he had always had a special bond with Blair. She could almost read his mind as he grow up, and she had always been his cheerleader in everything, from class delegate to his relationship with Corny Humphrey passing though each swimming competition and his decision of studying arts in Chicago University instead of taking over Bass industries.
He walked inside the bathroom, his friends were starting their first year at university and there he was, trapped with stupid high schoolers. He went into one of the stalls and took a razor from his blazer pocket.
He took of his pants and searched for an empty space in his thighs, difficult task, giving he was covered in pink looking scars for almost their whole extension. He was shaking, anger, frustration and sadness seemed to leave his body with each cut. The burn almost numbed him, the blood flooding released the worries trapped inside of his mind.
He bandaged them and got dressed again, he had to make it in time for class.
XXXXX
Cornelia had stayed the whole night up, for the third day in a row, so she wasn't surprised when her mum offered that she could stay at home.
- Don't spoil the girl, Serena – Her father had said – It's her last year, she needs good marks.
She had agreed with her father, not because of academic reasons, she needed to see Henry. She was starting to get scared, they haven't made love in more than four months, he hadn't allowed her to be in his medical appointments any more, and he was avoiding her for lunch time. She knew the last time they've received horrible news and he had been pushing her out of his life since then. She understood the logic behind that, he did not wanted her to get hurt when he died, but her body felt cold without his tender touches.
She got back to class, history, she wasn't a big fan of it but it was way better than maths. She had inherited the looks of her mother and the interests of her father. She wanted to write and, given how sensitive she was, she didn't really need to make an effort.
Her friend Caroline, named after her mother, punched her in her arm, the teacher was staring at her - Miss Humphrey? Were you even listening to me?
- Sorry Madam, I spaced out. It won't happen again – She was a shy girl, not as her friend, who was loud and the kind of party girl that drove all boys crazy.
A smile crossed the teacher's face, as she knew what was keeping the girl worried. She taught the Bass girl also and she was conscious that the situation was getting worse by the minute.
As soon as the bell rang she exited the class, looking for Philippa, her bright red hair was soon found and she hugged her – Happy birthday!
- Thanks Corny. The kid was grabbing a way to heavy medical encyclopaedia along with her biology material.
She answered to the question written over her face without the need of her asking out loud – I've decided to study medicine.
- That's so sweet of you.
- Can you grab this?
She passed the material to her "cousin" and pulled out a flask from her locker.
- What the hell?!
- I need it! Don't say a word.
She could feel the bubble she had been living popping, the knighted family they made was breaking of the seams. She banged her head against the locker – Fuck cancer!
XXXXX
She was buying clothing when the call came in, she picked, with a knot forming on her throat – You have to come.
She answered that she'll be right there and walked to the kitchen, she knew she should fight it, but the tone in Chuck's voice was all she needed to know what was about to happen.
She opened the fridge and got a bowl of cold spaghetti, leftovers from Wednesday if she remembered correctly. She didn't even bothered in heating them, she picked up a fork and swallowed the full bowl quickly, tears streaming down her face. After the bowl she ate the cake leftovers and two boxes of liquor filled chocolates, she still felt empty.
She finished a whole package of chocolate chips, with every bite the reality hurt more, she was losing a son, Henry was dying, and they couldn't do a single thing for him.
She kneeled in front of the toilet bowl and pressed two fingers against her throat, it was easy, her worries leaving her body that way.
She cleaned herself before ordering a car, they needed her there – Dorota! Maybe we'll have to cancel the party, I'll call you.
The women nodded and gave her a hug – Be strong miss Blair.
She arrived at the hospital in less than ten minutes and run across the halls pretending not to hear the nurses.
She entered the room quietly and placed a hand in Henry's back, feeling Chuck do the same with hers.
The doctor smiled at her and started talking – Now that we are all here, I've got some news to discuss. The radiotherapy hasn't work on his spinal tumour as we wished, also the chemo is not enough to stop it's grow. We can try a more aggressive approach.
- This was already the most aggressive approach – Henry sighed.
- What can we do? – Chuck asked.
- I want to die – Henry whispered.
- There has to be something we can do - Chuck continued, ignoring his son's words - Maybe in Europe…
Blair shushed him – Would you mind letting us alone?
The doctor left the room quietly, he had done everything he had thought off, but the kid didn't respond, Blair took a seat next to his son in the bed.
- We can just give up! – Chuck protested.
- Chuck, he wants to stop – Every word hurt, her body shook, but now it was her time to make things right – We've tried everything. And besides, he's off age, the decision is his to make.
- No! – He shouted, anger exploding – I'll go to the court, I'll get him the treatment even if he refuses!
Henry exchanged a glace with his mother, he could see the pain in her eyes, but also comfort, she'll take care of everything now.
She got up and pushed his father against a wall, with a strength Henry didn't even know she had – You won't do that. How do you want to expend what's left of our kid's life? Fighting against him or embracing the short life he's had and comforting him?
She let go, slowly, sitting back where she had.
- You're letting him give up – He mumbled, before sitting also next to his son – I'm putting a condition.
Henry nodded and Blair breathed in relief.
- You let Corny back in. The girl loves you – He passed his eyes to Blair – And I want you to experiment as much of that before…
He couldn't finish the sentence and no one forced him to.
- What do we do with the party? And with your siblings?
Henry insisted in celebrating the birthday and in not telling the kids anything until Christmas passed.
- I love you, I'm sorry I'm causing you pain – He whispered. Blair hugged him and Chuck hugged them both.
- It's alright kiddo. It's going to be alright – Chuck managed to say, feeling Blair tears soaking his shirt.
XXXXX
Serena entered the house, bringing artisan ice cream for the dessert. Dorota indicated that Blair was in the kitchen, crossing the doors she read the painful answer of her question in her friend's eyes.
- I'm so…
Blair hugged her, with all her strength – Just hug me, please.
And she did, for more than five minutes, they just stood there.
Blair whipped away her tears – C'mon, let's celebrate a wonderful birthday! – She cheered herself up, exiting the kitchen by her arm.
Dan approached them and arm around Cornelia's waist.
- How beautiful you look! – Blair complimented the girl. She noticed Serena nodding "no" slightly to Dan behind her, but thankfully she got the attention of the girl – Could you please help Lottie with her hair, Corny? I have to greet the guests.
- I'll do it auntie.
Dan hugged her for a little longer that he would normally do for greet her before turning to Chuck.
Alice and Erik, the other two kids of the couple run to their friends, and the giggles made the environment a little bit warmer.
Next to arrive were Vanessa and Nate, Caroline and Victor came behind them, laughing and teasing each other.
- The kids are over there – Serena pointed to the siblings, nodding again a no when Nate's eyes asked.
He hugged her – I'll go with Chuck.
- Thanks, Nate.
Jenny's arrival was next, Rufus and Aiden next to hers.
- Where's Mark? – Serena asked?
- I don't know and I don't mind where his cheating ass is right now!
Both kids went to their friends, not saying a word.
- Did he? – Vanessa was shocked – Did he cheat on you?
Jenny sighted – C'mon, I need to grab a drink.
Lily and Rufus came in next, they've worked out their differences somehow, to Serena's pleasure, and they seemed totally in love.
Rufus kissed Blair tenderly and Lily, after hugging her, went to Chuck.
- I'm really sorry – The man admitted – He's such a nice boy.
Blair felt her eyes turning watery so she forced Serena to take him to the table. She needed Cyrus and her mother to show up. Thankfully, they were the next to arrive at the family home.
- Blair? – Her mother didn't even need a look, her whole body talked for itself. She hugged her daughter, as if she weren't a grownup – I'm really sorry.
- I know.
Cyrus hugged her twice, as he had always done, and after that they went to hug their grandsons.
Erik and Richard were the last to arrive, Violet holding hands with them both.
- We are all here so, let's sit.
Chuck observed with a smile how his son sat beside Cornelia, interlocking his fingers with hers, and giving the girl a kiss on the cheek.
They tried really hard to keep a light tone during the whole dinner, but it wasn't until Chuck turned on dance music that they flashed a real smile.
- Do you mind if we go upstairs? – Henry had a protective hand over Corny's shoulder, that implied she was going too.
- Not at all – Dan dismissed them, spinning Serena around.
He locked fingers with her once more and went up the stairs, slowly. He opened his room, and locked the door behind them.
- I have to talk to you, Corny.
She sat on the edge of the bed, her sailor dress looked amazing in her body, she would have looked like a Barbie if her faced wasn't tinged with worry, or she didn't have those horrible black bags under her eyes – Now you want to talk? – She spatted, angrily.
He sat by her side – It wasn't fair to push you out, I didn't want to hurt you.
- What has changed?
- I've worsened. I'll die by January, love. And… I want to give you the chance to choose.
She punched him in the arm, then she pushed him against the mattress and punched his chest – You! Stupid! Asshole! I wanted seven months with you if that's what I was going to get! But thanks to you now we only have three! Stupid! – She tried punching him again but he grabbed her wrists. With her movements restrained, anger leaded to sadness, as she started crying.
He moved to the top of the bed and placed her across his chest, he rubbed her back, whispering to her that he loved her, that it was fine, that they'll both be fine, they stayed like that for what felt like hours, until she calmed down and he could kiss her lips for the first time in over a month.
- I love you, Corny.
She kissed him in response, getting on top of him. The kiss started sweet but deepened, reluctant she untied his bow, he kissed her neck then her shoulders. He had some kind of weird thing for her shoulders.
She took his shirt off, slowly, feeling his teeth driving into her skin. His well-built body was covered in needle marks and scars for surgeries.
He untied her dress and threw it across the room, letting her in nice black lace underwear so he kept on kissing every centimetre of skin she was showing.
She took of his pants and ignored the scars, she knew it, and it didn't matter to her as long as he had found something to stop the pain of dying.
- Take of that underwear, Humphrey – He whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.
- Same, Bass.