Xenosaga Stand-up Comedy Nite presents *Matthews* in:
Caution! I Am Boozer!
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This fic is for Margaret Cho.
"Okay, this one time Chaos came back from Murchinia Station with these things that looked exactly like cigarettes, but weren't. I found that out as soon as I put one in my mouth. They kind of tasted the way I always thought potpourri would taste, sort' ve like perfume and wet cedar, but Chaos insisted I have one anyway. Didn't occur to me to worry about what was in them until after we were already fucking, when I remembered that he hadn't had any himself. Whatever that stuff was, it made me into some kind of a goddamned superman. I mean, I was going on top of him for what seemed like hours. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I was just ten times better than it had ever been, and I didn't want it to stop."
"I didn't even realize what time it was until Chaos sort of slithered out from under me, and then tripped over Tony on his way to the can. I looked up at the clock and saw it was almost four in the morning! And then I fell asleep thinking I was dreaming this whole thing, but I woke up the next morning and my dick felt like a truck had run over it, and I didn't see Chaos for days. He was hiding out in the bathroom, or down in the cargo bay, making himself scarce. I think it must have hurt him a helluva lot more than it hurt me, because I never saw those potpourri ciggies again. A few days later and everything was still good between us, but now he won't talk about that night at all. Just sorta smiles at me in that 'what, me worry?' way he does, while Tony and Hammer laugh themselves stupid like the idiots they are."