+Reuploaded due to random ass scrambling of my story.
-Replaced due to typos- damn im tired.
Disclaimer: If I owned saints row…nothing would change its THAT insane.
Day three of Rebuke's one shot's remember each of these will potentially become a full story so please make sure you review the next LIAG depends on you!
Chapter 0: So we're Saints now?
~White Room~
"So what seems to be the problem with your simulator?" Rebuke question as he sipped his coffee and looked at his third in command with a raised eyebrow. Rebuke was a man with white hair and silver eyes and tanned skin. He was currently wearing a black suit that was in complete contrast to his hair.
"Well you know how I intended for this to create a world where members of our group would become powerless in order for them to train not rely so much on their abilities?" Rebuff asked her boss making him nod.
Rebuff stood slightly over six feet tall, making her a head taller than their boss and her body had all of the right curves. She had caramel colored skin and white hair. Her hair was a slightly long, messy pixie cut and two of her bangs framing her face had been braided and dyed black. Her eyes were grey and she was wearing white lipstick. She was wearing part of a black suit. That is to say, the pants are there, and so is the top half of the black shirt, though the bottom of that has been cut-off just above her navel and neatly hemmed in place. The suit jacket was replaced with an equally sophisticated vest, though it was always left unbuttoned, and her white tie was usually quite slack. The dress shoes were also traded in for a comfortable pair of combat boots.
"While it does take away the powers it didn't exactly create a virtual world." Rebuff said while biting her lip. "Instead it transports you to a world that is very similar to real earth in various ways." Rebuke frowned at that.
"Don't worry you'll figure it out eventually I have faith in you." Rebuke grinned making the woman smile "Am smile, here's my chance! Swag Mode: Activate!" Rebuke snapped his fingers as he walked towards the woman.
BGM: Marvin Gaye: Let's get it on
"You know we've have been working together for a while and I have begun to feel this connection-"
"Nope." Rebuff deadpanned at her boss.
BGM: END
"Damn it!" Rebuke shouted throwing his hands up in the air. He and Rebuff could only watch horrified in slow motion as the brown liquid landed on her Not-so-simulator.
*BZZT*
"Oh that's not good." They spoke in unison before being engulfed by a bright light.
*BOOOOM*
~Two Days later: ?~
Rebuke groaned as he came to in an alleyway. Shakily standing up he quickly noticed another body in the alley. Recognizing the clothes, Rebuke walked towards Rebuff, but when he got there he gasped in surprise. She had Jet black hair and her body seemed to have shrunk approximately seven inches. Shaking her slightly, the game master was caught by surprise as he found himself victim to a vicious right to the face.
"Glad to see her reflexes work properly." Rebuke thought as he held his face in agony.
"Oops sorry boss-who the hell are you?" Rebuff questioned as she narrowed her eyes.
"What do you mean who am I? It's me Rebuke!" Rebuke told her making her snort.
"Rebuke has white hair and silver eyes, not brown and Hazel. Plus he's a shorty yet you are taller than me."
"I'm not that short damn it! You are just freakishly tall!" Rebuke shouted annoyed. Rebuff gave him a nervous grin and cleared her throat.
"Okay, you are him but that doesn't explain the growth spurt."
"I didn't get taller. You got shorter." Rebuke revealed as he crossed his arms.
As if trying to prove him right her dress pants slowly began to slide down. Grabbing them quickly the woman growled.
"Shit I just got this dry cleaned." Looking at her now petite body she released a long sigh. "Judging by my…weight loss in all of the wrong places… I can assume that not only have we become mortal we have de-aged to approximately fifteen years of age."
"Fuck. I just got my horniness under control." Rebuke groaned making the woman snort.
"Bull shit." Rebuff stated simply. "Now we have to figure out where we are and what to do now." Rebuke frowned at her while crossing his arms.
"Why don't we just call Jorn and have him pick us up so we can reverse this?" Rebuke narrowed his eyes as she began to whistle innocently while sweating. "The fuck did you do?"
"I had to test it somehow. Jorn got warped to the Call of duty series so we'll have to wait for him to reach and beat the Black ops 2 game before he can help us. And that's if there isn't another game or DLC coming out before he can."
"Damn! Shit well hopefully he's okay."
"Come on boss its Jorn." Reminded her boss as they began to walk out the ally.
-With Jorn-
"Shit Ghost stay frosty!" The black haired man shouted as his silver and green eyes narrowed. He tackled Gen. Shepherd to the ground.
Oh the Irony (1)
While Ghost shot the downed man in the head.
"When I get my hands on Rebuff she's dead!" Jorn growled as he limped to the helicopter. While explosions and dramatic music occurred behind him
-Rebuke & Rebuff-
"Well I'm sure you're right, first let's see where we ended-OH you have got to be fucking kidding me!" Rebuke shouted as they left the ally. Rebuff turned to where he was staring and began twitching.
"Fuck your life." Rebuff groaned as she stared at a sign that said "Welcome to Stilwater."
"…Rebuff…"
"Yes…"
"You are so fired."
"It's your fault!"
"Who the fuck accidently makes a portal to Saint Row!" Seriously When the hell did that ever happen, don't worry I'll wait." Rebuke punctuated this by leaning on a nearby wall.
"It gets worse boss." Rebuff grimaced as she looked at her fuming possible ex-boss
"How?"
"The simulator only goes to world with no definite "Main Character" so that means…" She trailed off as Rebuke widened his eyes.
"Hell no."
"The Saints need a boss!"
"No. I refuse."
"Thug life!" Rebuff shouted at him. Rebuke swore if he had de-aged one more year he would have been crying right now.
"I am a fifteen year old boy now, whose combat experience relied on summoning which I can no longer do." Rebuff shrugged and fixed him with a stare. A stare that screamed: "You may be stronger but I can still kill you while you sleep."
"Fine."
"Great now excuse me while I go get some clothes." And with that statement Rebuff proceeded to perform a flying tackle on a nearby pedestrian and began ripping off the poor woman's clothes.
-Later-
Rebuke and Rebuff, who was now wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a black tank top, stood against a wall while the gangs continued to fight each other. They grimaced when a red car pulled up, because they knew what was coming next.
"Hector says Buenos noches!" The Hispanic man said before unloading his clip.
*Bang* *Bang* *bang* Bang*
"Ah!" Rebuke and Rebuff dived out of the way as the car spiraled out of control and crashed in to the nearby wall.
*BOOOM*
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you-"Was Rebuke's mantra as Rebuff rolled from on top of him. Lying on her back next to him she turned her head weakly.
"*Cough* Funny how this mess started because you tried to get in my pants." Despite the seriousness of the situation Rebuke couldn't hold back his grin.
"I regret nothing." Rebuff chuckled but stopped when a shadow casted over them.
"Wrong time, wrong place, dawgs." The African American said while aiming his gun at the teens.
*Bang*
"Y'all okay playas?" Came the deep voice of Julius as he helped the two up. "I can't believe they would go as far as killing children." Julius led them to a wall while an explosion occurred behind them.
"Thanks bro." Rebuke said while resting his hands on his knees.
"That's Troy you can thank him later."
"Julius, let's go." Troy said while Julius continued to stare at the two with a thoughtful expression. "You can't be thinking of recruiting them their just kids man!"
"The Saints need all the help they can get." Julius interrupted. "Come to the church when you're ready to be part of the solution." And with that the two Saints left, leaving the teens alone.
"Shit, where are we going to sleep?" Rebuff asked annoyed. Giving her current state she couldn't really seduce anyone and then rob them blind like she hoped. Rebuke sighed and grabbed her hand. "Let's get back to the ally we can deal with this in the morning.
~3rd Street: Rallying Cry~
Rebuke and Rebuff stood in the crowd and Rebuke couldn't keep the grin off his face.
"What's got you so happy?" Rebuff asked making her boss turn to her aghast.
"Don't tell me you forgot?'
"What."
"Listen this will be the best speech ever." And as soon as the words left his lips Julius came from the church.
"Every motha fucker here knows what we need to do." Julius began bluntly making Rebuff gape. "And those bitches be walking around thinkin' they own these streets. I don't care what colors they flying; Rollers, Carnales, Vice Kings. No one's makin' this nigga scared to walk the row. We gotta lock this shit down right now…"
"Heh, Alright!"
"Yeahhh!"
"Fuck yeah!" Johnny Gat agreed and Rebuke did his best not to faint after hearing one of the most badass people in existence.
"Chill, you're fanboying out." Rebuff chided softly making her boss regain his composure.
"The fuck are these little shits?" Johnny asked when he finally noticed the two teens.
"Get ready to throw down." Rebuke said as Rebuff stepped in front of making him look at her in confusion.
"Look, you are used to summoning and fighting with a partner, but right now you have no gun and can't summon said partner. Your hand to hand skills are almost non-existent but luckily your brain and tactics far surpass mine, boss." Rebuff whispered before glancing back at him. "You stay back and instruct me, your word is law and I will follow your every instruction. I might not be your original partner but I believe against thugs I won't be so shabby." Rebuff finished with a wink making her boss smirk and nod his head.
In truth, Rebuke was slightly worried about his inability to fight but now he couldn't wait to be canonized.
"Troy and I found them we want to see if they would ride with us."
"Julius, if they want to roll with the saints they gotta be canonized." Johnny said as the gang members began to circle the two.
"Hey he's right Julius everyone had to do it." Troy spoke up.
"Y'all ready for this playas?" Julius asked. Rebuke stepped back, while Rebuff tensed both nodded wondering if they could survive in this world with tag-team tactics. Suddenly an overweight male rushed them.
BGM: Soldier-Eminem
"Palm-thrust 12 o'clock follow up with a sweep kick and hop back!" Rebuke shouted as Rebuff shot forward. She hit the man in the center of his chest making his body jiggle, before going down and tripping him, his weight making the impact of the ground harder. She then hopped back blindly waiting for her boss' next order. She didn't wait long.
"Duck and elbow 6 o'clock." Dropping down she felt the wind of a blow go right over her head before slamming her elbow back in to a woman's stomach.
"Kick your shoe at me then finish this un-sneaky mother fucker off." Rebuke shouted sounding slightly annoyed at the last part. Giving a mental shrug she kicked the shoe at her boss, who tilted his head making the shoe pass him and hit an unlucky Mexican male. Rebuff then ran passed her boss and punched the man in the throat before slipping her shoe on.
"Swing your leg back perfectly then disarm him and hand me his weapon." Swinging her foot back she hit a Caucasian man in the balls.
"Oof." The man whimpered before falling on his knees. Rebuff wasted no time in grabbing the man's gun and tossing it to her boss. They shared a knowing grin as Rebuke felt the familiar weight of a desert eagle, before taking aim.
*BANG* *BANG*
And shooting both an African American and an Asian in the legs. Rebuke grinned as he twirled the gun in his hands.
BGM: End
Rebuke and Rebuff grinned as they stared at the shocked faces of the Third Street Saints
"You earned your colors today." Troy said after a moment and shook both of their hands.
"That's some impressive shit." One of the saints began as he put his arms over their shoulders. "The only other Saint that kicked ass like that was Johnny.
"Shit was around my time." Johnny said with a smirk causing the two new recruits to chuckle. Julius walked up and raised both of his fists.
"Welcome to the third Street Saints." They both pounded a fist and Julius continued talking. "Let's get down to business…"
Bronze Trophy Unlocked: Canonized!
PAUSE
1)Read Jorn's Mass Effect: Life is a game series, co-authored by yours truly.
And there you have it and remember to leave your feedback.
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