Time Passed As Time Passes, a harry potter fanfic

time passed as time passes
fandom: harry potter
rating: r
pairing: lucius/severus
disclaimer: Characters are created by Rowling and owned by her and a bunch of publishers so really this is all free advertisement.
word count: 836
notes: Written for immora for the birthday ficlets. Prompt words were: winter, control, love, dark ('oo' separates sections since FFnet doesn't allow stars.)

Being a spy for the Order becomes a little more difficult for Severus Snape when Lucius Malfoy touches the small of his back and presses a palm against it with strength and care, the kind only a Death Eater could have.

They only do it in dark hallways and hidden rooms, silence filled with noises of intimacy and movements; touching. Lucius is closer than one should allow an enemy to be but Severus finds it necessary, thinks he finds it necessary, even though there shouldn't be doubt in what he's doing. Lucius' words slither their way into Severus' ear and he struggles to pull back the hatred he sometimes feels for Malfoy but more for himself because his job is to betray and nothing else.

Severus is a fine actor, delivering each line with the type of perfection that doesn't make it unbelievable or treacherous. Lucius is a better actor when it comes to credibility and being convincing and often Severus feels like it's him who's on the wrong side. He's fighting temptation that's coming from behind every corner in sideway glances and alluring words. It's a struggle he's created for himself and he hates that fact, too.

He doesn't get Lucius get the upper hand as such a thing would be dangerous and he manages to make it clear that he is an equal and should be treated as such. It feels foolish and dim to say that to a man so very used to control but he does so anyway and is surprised when Lucius grants it to him.

Love is a tainted word, something that promises everything and delivers nothing, so he doesn't use it.

"Received an employment offer," he says hoarsely one winter afternoon when there is only little snow and the ground is hard and dead. They meet outside the Manor and he knows Narcissa is out because the flag is up.

"Did you now?" Lucius asks, expecting no answer and thus continues, "We'll have to discuss it later."

Severus knows what later means, what comes before later and what after. There's a certain cycle of how things go with him, with Lucius, and later is the time for questions and veiled answers.

Sometimes it's difficult to meet Dumbledore's silent, pensive gaze because he has nothing new to tell, no answers, no important information.

"If this is too difficult, Severus, I'd be happy to appoint you another task –" the old man starts but Severus shakes his head almost violently.

It's ridiculous because he knows there is no one else who could infiltrate the closest circle of Death Eaters. It has to be him and he has to do it. Dumbledore offers kind words, a cup of tea and support even when they both know it doesn't help, none of it does and Severus has to get by on his own.

"I'll see you later, then," Dumbledore says and they will.

He wishes looks were deceiving but Lucius looks like power and feels like power and when Lucius kisses him, he can almost taste power. It feels dangerous and more exciting than it should. Severus isn't entirely sure on what Lucius is capable of, it could be less than he imagines or more and he's not to keen on finding out about any of it.

At least not right now when it's only about skin against skin, their forms licked by the dark and Lucius slides down, his mouth closing around Severus.

This is what happens in the moments before and after later and it's these moments that do not benefit the Order. He tells himself they help him get closer, and he'll know whatever he has to, soon.

With time, much much later, he doesn't know more but he has names, he has addresses, he has bank account details.

Dumbledore appreciates but not enough to give him what he truly desires.

His time with Lucius, because he tries to convince himself it was only time that passed as time passes, ends when Draco is born and begins again when Draco enters Hogwarts. It's letters and visits and he still reports most of his actions to Dumbledore but there isn't much to tell.

"Things are different now," Dumbledore says and Severus nods – it's always about Harry.

Things are different. Severus thinks he can see Lucius smell deception when he enters the room. He hasn't made a mistake and underestimated the Malfoy but perhaps Lucius has realized he has underestimated Severus.

Then suddenly Severus finds himself pushed on the top of the other man on a large wooden desk and things aren't different, he thinks when Lucius tongue touches his lips. He has control and he hates it but touches because he needs to – has wanted to.

There's no moral struggle anymore because he knows there is Voldemort now, he knows it in Lucius' looks and smiles and he feels it, too. They all do. It's behind the mark, the hunger to feel their Master gaining power. It makes Severus sick in the gut and he realizes he doesn't want Potter dead.

He's not that kind of a person.

Then he knows he's on the right side. And that it's just about Lucius now. Because you can break certain connections. And some you can't.

The inner struggle shakes him along with the waves of a continuous orgasm, crashing guilt against the pleasure he's feeling.

When it's over, he leaves without saying a word. He thinks maybe it's time that he stops returning.

Maybe.