Woo hoo! Another story! Hope you like, the story is inspired by the song Louder than Thunder by The Devil wears Prada. Check it out sometime! Hope you enjoy! - AJ
When my eyes opened I was blinded with a flurry of bright colors. I held my right hand before my eyes, trying to shield the light from burning my sensitive retinas. I waited for a moment before lowering my hand viewing my surroundings. I was shocked to see I was in forest filled with odd colors; yellows, pinks, a whole rainbow of different hues. It didn't look like the forest that resided by my home- which was only boring, dull shades of green, browns, and blacks. Here it was magical, almost like coming out of the story books my mother and father used to read to me.
I listened to the ruffling of the wind in the trees with my advanced hearing, listening to them flutter against the rough blow of air filtering through the wooded area.
I glanced around again, trying to identify where I was, and how I got here. I took a hesitant step forward; the sound of crinkling leaves being step on beneath the soles of my thick fur boots. When I felt comfortable and like there wasn't any signs of danger I continued, walking through the dense scenery of bushes. I used my hand to move any stray branches that hung low in my vision.
I don't know how long I walked for before the breeze brushed a familiar scent under my nose. The smell of smoky bonfires wavered into my nostrils instantly relaxing me. It was the smell I associated with home, it made me feel safe and secured- like nothing could hurt me.
"Jacob?" I called out softly, looking around trying to locate him. I couldn't see him no matter what way I turned. I even glanced up at the canopy of rainbow leaves to see if he was in a tree hiding. When I couldn't find him I frowned, confused. Where could he be?
Sniffing the air carefully I tried to grasp his lingering scent, when I caught it I quickly began following it, running in a light jog through the thick plant-life.
The scent brought me to the edge of woods, into some sort of clearing. There were thousands of different flowers, each one unique in color and size. Right away I walked through a small field of purple wild flowers, trying to follow the scent with the overwhelming smell of floral plants surrounding me. The smell of flowers was making it difficult to locate who I was searching for.
I walked further out into the meadow of flowers, my eyes falling onto a large figure laying in a bed of yellow Black-eyed Susans. When I approached the figure closer I recognized the man instantly. His sharp cut jawline, his flat and wide nose, even with his closed eyes I knew they were slanted and almond shaped. His full lips were slightly parted, breathing softly. His strong and muscular arms were crossed behind his skull as a make-shift pillow, keeping it raised off the ground.
I glanced at the length of his body, my eyes wandering up to his bare chest that was rising and falling with each inhale and exhale of air. His abdomen was lean and muscular, clear of any ounce of fat. My eyes lingered on the faint trail of hair under his belly button that led into the elastics of his pants before I flash my eyes quickly back up at his face to make sure he didn't catch me staring.
The pit of my stomach felt hot like I just drank a whole cup of hot chocolate that came straight off the pot on the stove, it burned almost painfully.
Standing I leaned over him, my long hair tumbling over my shoulders and hovering over him. I yearned to touch him, but I didn't want to awaken him from his peaceful slumber. I rarely ever saw him sleeping and at ease, he was usually all over the place. Joking and playing around with me. It was nice seeing him relaxed for once.
I wanted to run my hands through his thick, messy hair that hasn't been cut for a while. I preferred his hair to be longer, but he said it was easier for him to keep it cleanly cut to his head. I loved Jacob no matter what he looked like though. If he were to come over to my house in a pair of holey pants and some old and stained shirt I couldn't have cared less. I was just glad he would come and see me. All what mattered to me was being able to see Jacob. He is my best friend. Well, honestly, he was probably my only friend outside of my family and besides the wolves in his pack.
Suddenly a big gush of wind blew behind me, my hair blowing into tangles in front of my face. I pulled the hair away from in front of my eyes and tucked a large strand behind the shell of my ear. When I looked back down at his face I was surprised to see his eyes opened, warm dark chocolate orbs staring up at me; his lips upturned at the corners in a small smile.
My heart fluttered erratically beneath my left breast, hammering against my ribcage. Automatically a large smile formed on my lips; something that always seemed to happen when my eyes meet his. He began to sit up slowly, so I stepped back to give him space. He glanced up at me, his eyes following mine intensively.
"What are you doing here Renesmee?" he asked curiously, leaning back on the palms of his hands.
"I could smell you, so I followed your scent here to find you. I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I asked nervously, paying with the strand of hair I previously placed behind my ear.
He smiled gently, "When I caught a glimpse of your scent I woke up, but you don't have to feel bad. I like how you smell. It's calming to me."
I could feel my face flush with pleasant warmth, my smile widening. I shyly stared down at him, watching his gaze as he continued to look up at me. "I like your scent too. It makes me feel safe, protected."
He chuckled, lifting his hand and holding it out to me. I grabbed it, helping pull him up so he could stand on his feet. Now he towered above me, I had to lift my face upwards to look him in the eyes. He didn't let go of my hand, which was so small compared to his large ones. His whole hand wrapped completely around my own, his abnormal body heat warming my hand to the point where it felt like I was sticking it in a hot oven. He squeezed my hand softly, his silent way of asking me to use my gift.
I removed my limb from his grip, leaning up on my tip-toes to place my tiny hand against his warm cheek, cupping it gently. I watched him close his eyes, leaning his face into the palm of my hand. Waiting.
I let my guard down, allowing glimpses of thoughts to slip out the palm of my hand, transferring them to him. I showed him flashes of himself smiling at me, I show him how I felt when he stared at me; the way my heart raced against the wall of my chest, how much joy I felt when I was in his presence. I watch his smile widen a fraction when I accidently let slip the feelings of adoration and love I felt when he held me in his strong arms.
I quickly pulled my hand away, my face burning in shame. I looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes.
He grabbed both of my hands, pulling them up to his chest. I glanced up, surprised and confused. He wasn't disgusted with me? Didn't he realize what I accidentally showed him?
"Ness, you don't have to be afraid to show me your feelings." He whispered quietly, but I heard him loud and clear with my sensitive hearing.
My mouth gaped open, wanting to say something but was at a loss of words. What was I supposed to do now? What should I say? I wanted to desperately tell him those three words that circled my mind whenever I stared at him, but I just couldn't. It seemed impossible to form the words with my mouth, much less being able to spit them out.
"J-Jacob." It was all what I could say, stuttering pathetically. He was the only one that could make me feel this way- like I was putty in the palm of his large, strong hands. He was the only one that could make me speechless, unsure what to say. I could usually say anything I wanted to around someone else, I could carry on a conversation without the other party even speaking. But he made me into a totally different person. Someone limited at speech, and painfully shy.
His towering form leaned down towards me, his gaze filled with desire- something I rarely saw unless he was speaking passionately about something he wanted or believed in. It made me freeze to my spot, my heart beating painfully fast beneath my breast. My mouth gaped open trying to form words, any words! But nothing was coming out.
"Renesmee. I love you, with everything that I am, and everything I will ever be." He spoke huskily, pulling me closer to him until my chest was pressed against his own.
My eyes widened as he continued to lower his face closer, and closer, until finally his warm lips crashed urgently against my own, my mind going blank.
My eyes immediately snapped open, the sliver of light shining from the closed curtains hitting directly in my light-sensitive eyes. I blinked several times, trying to still my rapid heart that I feared would leap out of my chest. I was still, listening to my surroundings as I tried to wipe the dream away from my mind before my father could listen in on my thoughts.
I laid there quietly, staring up at the ceiling. I was confused on why I dreamt that certain dream. Sure, I've had plenty of dreams with Jacob in it, he was usually somehow included in at least one dream during the night while I slept. Most of them were random, us doing things we usually did together. Running in the woods, playing around with each other. But none where he… None of them were ever about what I just awoken from.
My face warmed instantly when the image of his face lowering down towards my own entered my train of thoughts.
What were these confusing feelings? Yes, I love Jacob. But it was more like a sibling type of love. It's not like I haven't thought about kissing him, but I never seriously dwelled on it. It was just a curious thought. It's only natural that I would think about kissing the only guy I spend time with that wasn't in my family... Isn't it?
I used to kiss him when I was younger, and he used to kiss me too. But it wasn't the way in which I just dreamt of. He would kiss my forehead in greeting or tucking me in at night. Or on the cheek when he said goodbye. I used to kiss his cheek when I was spending time with him, whenever I wanted to. There wasn't any real reason why I would, I just did it. There also wasn't any real reason why we stopped being affectionate in that way either. We simply just stopped, and I never seemed to care. Until now.
Why did we stop? My chest ached in longing. I missed being that close with Jacob, where we were comfortable sharing affection with each other. We barely even hugged anymore also. I frowned, slowly sitting up in my bed.
Was I developing different feelings for him? Why else would I have that sort of dream? I didn't realize when I started feeling different around him. I noticed somethings. Like how my heart rate would increase when I was around him, but I assumed it was because I was excited to see him. I also noticed how easily it was to smile when I looked in his dark eyes.
I clutched my head, slightly rocking back and forth.
This was bad. Jacob is my best friend. It was forbidden to feel… these odd and confusing feelings… I can't think this way about him! I felt my lips hesitantly with my fingertips, remembering the feeling of them from my dream. Oh Lord. What is wrong with me?
Maybe this is just me over thinking it? Maybe I don't have feelings for my friend, maybe I just had this strange dream and I began misinterpreting everything because the dream was surprising to me! I couldn't possibly have these strange feelings for Jacob! He practically help raise me for God's sake! It would be like having feelings for my father or mother, or anybody in my family for example!
I cringed at that thought. That's just gross! I don't have feelings for Jacob. This dream just messed with my head! Even if I did have feelings for my friend, I wouldn't be able to act on them. Jacob absolutely does not feel an ounce of those type of feelings for me! He loves me like I'm his younger sister!
My chest constricted almost painfully.
Jacob couldn't possible love me in that sort of way. It was just impossible.
Sliding out of bed I stumbled tiredly to my closet, slamming the door open to reveal a whole arrangement of expensive clothes. I sighed bitterly to myself. It was troubling having an aunt that dictates what I can and cannot wear. Maybe I liked to wear regular clothes? Like just plain jeans and a t-shirt? I grabbed the least flashy items I could see holding them up to my line of vision. A lengthy green knit sweater and a pair of soft black leggings.
I quickly ripped off my pajamas, tossing them in the hamper hiding in the corner of the walk-in closet. I than pulled on the clean set. The sweater fell to my mid-thighs, past my butt; the leggings clung to my legs like a second skin. I grabbed a pair of leather boots that pulled up to the middle of my calves, zipping them up.
Once I considered myself decent I opened the door of my bedroom, looking around the hallways. It was strange that for once nobody was outside my room. Usually one of my family members would be standing in the hallway, waiting. Living with a house-full of vampires, they would know when I woke up. I didn't have a lot of privacy because of the fact that everyone could hear every movement I made, and they could never sleep. They would be active and awake while I slept in my room upstairs, waiting for the moment I would wake up so they could spend time with me.
Since I was special I only needed a maximum of five hours of sleep a night to be well-rested. I didn't need to sleep as long as a regular person needed because well, I'm only half human. Which means I only needed half the amount some full human needs. My family was fascinated with how different I was, and they loved to watch me sleep, eat, and do whatever a human does. Which was very embarrassing and annoying most of the time. Like I said, I don't have much privacy. But I don't blame them, I am completely different from what they've ever experienced. They only been full human, and full vampire; not half and half. So, most likely if I was in their shoes I would be interested in someone like myself also. Fascinated even.
Confused I walked down the stair case, gripping the metal railing on the glass steps. I could hear shuffling downstairs, and voices talking lowly. Once I step foot on the bottom of the landing everyone stopped talking, looking up at me.
I felt a rush of air beside me, my mother coming to stand by me in a blur too fast that I didn't at first notice her. I jumped when I looked over at her, my heart lurching in my chest in surprise. My mother still wasn't used to her vampiric speed even after being changed almost seven years ago. My other family members could control being able to walk up to me in a pace that wouldn't startled me, but mom still had trouble with that.
"Good morning Sweetheart, how did you sleep?", she asked with a small smile on her face. I glanced her up and down. She wore a black dress that most people would commonly wear out to a fancy dinner, but it was typical for them all to dress like that since aunt Alice shopped for everyone. I was the only one that really put up a fight to wear more common type of clothing that humans would wear. Mom told me she used to be the same way, until she was changed.
My family were all extremely beautiful and good-looking, they looked more like celebrities than the celebrities themselves do. Next to them, I would be what vampires call sub-par. I had similar beauty to vampires, but I also had a human side that made me not as attractive as an average vampire. I admit, I get jealous of the women in my family with how beautiful they look, I'm not going to lie. When I stand next to my mother I feel hollow and self-conscious. I wanted to be beautiful like her. I wanted to be beautiful like my aunts and my grandmother. But I was plain, and there wasn't a whole lot I could do to change that.
"I slept okay, just had a confusing dream." I replied honestly, my face heating up considerably. I tried extremely hard to keep my mind blank, but a flash of Jacob leaning down towards me flashed behind my eyes for the umpteenth time that morning. I blinked a few times in shock, my heart beginning to race.
I could feel the tension fill the room, everybody deathly silent.
"Would you like to show me?" my mother asked with interest lacing in her voice, gripping my shoulder gently.
My mouth gaped open, blood rushing to my head fast; I became dizzy with heat, unsure what to say.
"N-No!" I spit out in a stutter, flinching away from her touch to prevent myself from accidentally using my gift. I would be horrified if she saw it. I would die of embarrassment!
"Renesmee, can I talk to you?" I heard my father's voice come from the other side of me, his cold hand gripping my shoulder. I whipped my head to face him, my cheeks bleeding red with heat.
Oh, dear god, please tell me he didn't see my dream! This can't be happening! He's going to kill me!
"Renesmee, it's okay." He reassured, gripping my shoulder. "You're not in trouble."
I ripped myself away from him embarrassed. "Can't you stay out of my head?! I don't want you reading my every little thought!"
"Honey, you know it's not that easy for me. It's like telling me not to hear. It's not that simple." He replied softly.
I felt my eyes sting with hot tears, "You didn't go telling everyone did you?! Why is everyone giving me strange looks?"
"No, I didn't tell anyone Renesmee, you don't need to get upset. Everyone can just feel how scared and confused you are." He reassured.
I glanced around the room staring at all my family. Their faces were masked mainly with some form of concern. My uncle Jasper was staring intensively at me, a frown on his face. I instantly felt bad. Jasper's gift made him sensitive to everyone's emotions, he could sense them and give out emotional vibes. If someone was feeling sad, he could give them a wave of a more positive and comforting emotion. His gift came in handy sometimes. But currently my distress was making him uncomfortable, and I felt guilty for doing so. Aunt Alice was standing beside him, grasping his hand trying to sooth him. Uncle Emmett had a concerned look on his face that was equally scrunched with an awkward grimace. He wasn't one that did well when I was upset. He usually stood off to the side, offering rare words of encouragement. His wife, aunt Rosalie, was usually like a hovering mother bear. But oddly enough today she stood off to the side; her lips forming a straight line that she usually shows when she is frustrated.
"I'm sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me, and I sorry I'm taking it out on all of you." I muttered, wiping my eyes aggressively with the back of my hands. I felt horrible. My family cared so much about me, and I was insensitive to their feelings. I honestly didn't deserve their love and care, but I was still grateful for them. I wish I could be more like them. I took my negative feelings out on the ones I love, and that was selfish of me.
Everyone started murmuring all at once, accepting my apology.
I felt arms wrap around my side, pulling me into a cold, hard embrace. Turning, I buried my face into the crook of my mother's neck. Wrapping my own arms around her shoulders. She held me like I was a fragile piece of glass that could easily break into a thousand of tiny pieces. She still wasn't quite aware of her strength, and was always extra careful around me. Sometimes it made me feel sad, because the only person I felt that could really give me a warm and snug hug was Jacob, and as much as I love Jacob I sometimes just wanted to feel that from either my mother or my father. But that was impossible, no matter how much I wished for it.
"Honey, we love you. All what we want is for you to be healthy and happy." My mother whispered into my ear softly. "You don't have to do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. We won't judge you."
I slid my hand up to her cheek, cupping the cold, stone-hard like skin. I closed my eyes and released my troublesome thoughts from my hands to slowly soak into her. I showed her glimpses of my dream, how happy I felt to be around Jacob, how I felt a rush of warmth before his lips touched my own; my thoughts after I awoke from my dream. The confusion and guilt from those strange feelings I had about him, but mainly the confusion of how I really felt for him. How disgusted I was with myself. How alone I felt, the fear of losing Jacob, the fear of disappointing everyone around me. Everything came tumbling out; everything slipped from my mind through the hand that was touching her. When I hesitantly opened my eyes to look at her, her face was scrunched up like she was going to cry- but that was impossible. She couldn't because she wasn't human.
I removed my hand, pulling it protectively against my chest. I nervously watched her, waiting for her to raise her voice at me, to lash out, anything- but all she did was stare at me sadly with her face scrunched up waiting for tears that will never come.
"Mama- "
She wrapped her arms around me again, slightly tighter than before, clutching the back of my head to her chest. "Oh Renesmee… It's alright…"
I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, dripping down my heated cheeks onto the front of her black silk dress. "No, it's not! I'm terrible for having these thoughts about my friend! I'm disgusting and- "
"Renesmee, it's okay. You're not horrible for having those feelings, they're normal, especially since your mind is quickly maturing. It's normal for a girl at your… maturity… to develop thoughts and feelings like that to someone who is important and close to you." She murmured reassuringly, running her icy fingers through my thick auburn hair.
Pulling away, I sniffed pathetically, "Really? I'm not a bad friend?"
My father chuckled to himself, "Of course not, Dear. You can't control how you feel for others. You're too passionate as an individual to do that. You care about everyone around you, a little too much most times. But that simply makes you, you. Unique and beautiful."
My face heated considerably my lips turning up at the corners, not yet quite a smile. I turned in my mother's arms so that I was facing him.
Are you angry with me? I silently asked, staring timidly at him through my lashes. I felt bad, like I somehow disappointed him. I tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear nervously.
"No, I just wish you weren't growing up so fast. It was barely even a few years ago that I was still rocking you to sleep as a baby. It's hard for both your mother and I to watch you develop into a young woman so quickly, experiencing new found feelings that people usually don't feel until their older than just six years old. But it's something I am going have to learn to accept." He replied solemnly, staring down at me, wrapping his arm behind me to grab my mom's shoulder, "It's something we're both going to have to accept, right Dear?"
My mother smiled sadly, stepping away from me and leaning into my father arms. "Yes."
I watched them, interested in the way they held one another. They truly love each other with everything they had, and I found myself yearning that. I wanted someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, whether I lived eternally or die sometime within the next few hundred years. It was uncertain how long I could live; the other vampire-human hybrid, Nahuel, was a little over a hundred and fifty years old and still doing very well. I may be able to live forever with my family, but always in the back of my mind I've reminded myself there was a possibility that I may not have that chance. But I still hope I could find someone I could spend my unforetold life with.
I looked downwards at the hard-oak floors, pretending to find interest with the toe of my boots. I quickly wiped my mind clean before my father could catch a glimpse of the thoughts I wanted to keep private, throwing it to the back of my mind like I was locking it in a safe.
XXxXxXx
I sat on the exam table in a blue hospital gown, watching my grandfather check my vitals. My grandfather, Carlisle, office has been transformed into a make-shift doctor office shortly before I was born for my mother's pregnancy. They never removed the equipment though because they wanted to monitor my rapid growth at home, without having outsiders getting involved and finding out about my special condition.
"Your blood pressure is doing excellent, as well as your pulse. You've grown another one and a half inches in the last two months, which means it's starting to slow down compared to times before that. I am guessing that you are getting close to being full-grown. Your body has been rapidly maturing as well, you've started getting your menstrual cycle regularly within the last year, though it is different than an average human, with you getting it every month for only a few days, sometimes just even just a couple of hours." He explained to me in his patient-doctor tone, grabbing a wooden tongue depressor.
"Can you open your mouth as wide as you can, saying ahh?" He asked, standing directly in front of me.
I followed his directions, slightly sticking my tongue out of my mouth as he inspected my mouth carefully. I gagged slightly when the wooden stick poked my uvula hanging in the back of my throat. He moved on to gently touching my sharp canines, feeling the tips of them before pulling away, tossing the tongue depressor in the metal waste basket in the corner of the room.
"Does everything look okay Carlisle?" My mother suddenly asked with interest from the entry way of his office, gripping the door frame.
He nodded, a small smile gracing his thin lips, "Yes, she is doing perfectly well. All vital signs are within normal range. Her blood pressure is slightly lower than some humans would be, but for her they're healthy."
My mother smiled, relief washing over her beautiful and flawless face. "That's wonderful. I'm glad."
I hopped off the exam table, standing up looking at Carlisle, "Thank you Grandpa, I'll let you know if anything changes."
It was an agreement that if something seemed off I would go straight to my grandfather, immediately telling him. There hasn't been much incidents where I had to do that, besides the time I got sick for the first time two years ago, and when I started getting my period last August. Other than those times I've just simply did my day to day things without a single worry in the world.
"It's a pleasure Renesmee, I don't mind it at all." He smiled kindly, affectionately grasping my shoulder before turning and closing the curtains at the large window that covered the whole wall; leaving the room with my mother close behind him so I could have privacy to change back into my regular clothes.
I quickly changed, putting on my clothes I had on earlier and exiting the small office without a second thought. Navigating my way through the large house I entered the main living area where the living room and kitchen resided.
My grandmother Esme was standing at the stove, finishing up cooking a panful of eggs and bacon. She glanced over her shoulder with a gentle smile. She wiped the invisible wrinkles on her shirt turning towards me. "Good morning Sweetie. I'm almost done with your breakfast. Would you like orange juice or milk with it?"
I walked up to the island in the middle of the large kitchen, sitting down on the bar stool and leaning on the counter. "OJ would be fine. Thank you, Grandma."
She quickly slid the eggs and meat onto a clear glass plate, placing it on the island in front of me before grabbing a glass from the cupboard above the sink filling it close to the rim with freshly squeezed orange juice.
I heard the glass door open and slam close, and I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. My heart started hammering against my ribcage erratically as a whiff of smoky bonfires wafted into my nostrils before I felt a warm hand place itself on my suddenly tense shoulder blade, his large body leaning over to look at me.
"Hey Ness! How are you doing this morning?" he asked, quickly stealing a piece of bacon off my plate and stuffing greedily it into his mouth.
My body felt too hot for what was regularly comfortable, but it felt addictively good to me. I tried to brush that thought away from my mind. "Oh, hey Jacob. I'm alright, how are you doing?"
He stepped away from me, pulling back the chair beside me and sitting down. "I'm doing pretty good, been busy with pack stuff and work." He explained tiredly, "Hey Esme, can I get a plate too?"
"Of course, Jacob. It'll be ready in a few minutes." My grandmother replied sweetly, tossing almost half a package of the breakfast meat into a large frying pan.
Jacob has had a job at the auto mechanics shop on the La Push Indian Reservation for almost two years now, working a few hours a week to earn enough money to save up to getting his own place. He still lived with his dad in their small house on the reservation, and he wanted to be more independent. He got the job even though he didn't have a degree in anything doing with auto, but he still had a lot of knowledge about cars learning from self-experience and experimenting around with them. He also had connections with the owner so he was more accepting on hiring him, especially since he already knew quite a lot about cars.
Grandma Esme slid a plate heaping with bacon and half a dozen eggs in front of him, with a large glass of orange juice.
He literally started stuffing his face, many would be concerned that he would end up choking; after knowing Jacob all these years I knew I didn't have to worry about that. "Thanks Esme, you're awesome." He said with appreciation, his mouth full of food. If I didn't have advanced hearing, I doubt I would be able to understand a single word he said to her.
"Do you really have to eat like the mutt you are?" I heard my aunt Rosalie sneer from the other side of the living room, shooting him a glare, "It's disgusting."
"What do you call a basement full of blondes?" He quickly replied with a smirk.
"Shut up with the stupid blonde jokes!" She snapped irritably. This was a common occurrence when Jacob and aunt Rosalie fought. She would snap at him about everything really; how he ate, how he smelt, basically anything. He would always have a blonde joke to shoot right back, which never failed to anger her. Some of them were plain stupid, but others where sometimes hilarious. I always wondered where he got them. Did he seriously waste his time looking them up on the internet just so he could have a smart comeback to insult her?
"A whine cellar."
I immediately busted out laughing, slapping my hand over my mouth before I snorted. Beside me Jacob laughed heartedly, nudging my ribs with an elbow. "Good one, right?"
I shook my head, looking him in the eyes. "You're lucky that she doesn't rip you a new one, Jacob."
"You're fortunate that Renesmee cares so much about you, otherwise you've would've been dead years ago." Rosalie barked with annoyance. "Stupid mutt."
I felt my cheeks heat up at her statement, I quickly looked away from him down at the island; pushing my food nervously on the plate with my fork. I didn't really feel hungry anymore. That statement wouldn't have bothered me so much if I didn't have that strange dream last night, but right now it made me stiff with embarrassment. I know my aunt didn't know about the dream, only my parents did. So, I couldn't be reasonably upset with her.
"What are you talking about, Blondie? Everybody here adores me!" He joked finishing up his plate and sliding it away from him.
"Yeah, whatever makes you feel better Jacob." My father replied, stepping into the kitchen with his arms folded over his chest. I felt his eyes on me, but I kept my head lowered to stare at my barely eaten plate.
"Here, you can have the rest, Jacob." I mumbled, sliding my plate over to him.
I felt his gaze on me before he replied, "You eat like a bird, Ness. Are you sure you've had enough?"
I nodded, sneaking a glance up at him. My stomach wasn't cooperating with all the butterflies swarming in my lower belly, it felt like they were going to burst out any second. I didn't understand why I had these feelings. Did they really all show up because of my dream the previous night, or was I slowly overtime developing these feelings and I just randomly noticed them today? I didn't know what to think, my mind was fuzzy and incoherent. I didn't want to be feeling these emotions for Jacob, he was my best friend and it was just going to make it awkward and difficult to be around him.
Glancing up at my father, I watch his gaze linger on me before looking over at the man beside me.
"She's okay Jacob, she just isn't feeling like herself today." My father replied to Jacob's unvoiced thoughts.
I looked between them confused, trying to figure out what they were communicating with each other- I was unable to do so.
"Did you have your monthly check-up with Carlisle this morning, Nessie?" Jacob asked me with concern, grasping my forearm.
I flinched at the warmth that shot up into my body, yanking my arm way from his light grip. When I looked over at him his face fell like he was hurt by my reaction. I felt terrible for making him feel that way, but I didn't want to accidently project my dream to him to see. He absolutely cannot see them!
"Y-Yes." I stuttered nervously, feeling everybody in the room eyes on me. "He said I am healthy, and is thinking that I'm almost full-grown."
"You've have grown a lot these past few months, you can definitely see that you been aging and maturing." Jacob replied, "I wouldn't be surprised if you're already done growing."
I felt my cheeks warm in embarrassment. Has he noticed how much my body been changing? Was it that noticeable? I knew I recently had to get a lot of new clothes after my breast fully developed and my hips widened after the latest big growth spurt. The only thing that has still been changing was my height. My feet haven't been getting bigger, and I been staying the same size for clothes for the past couple of months now.
"Are you really okay Nessie?" He asked nervously, grasping my tiny hand and squeezing it. He wanted me to show him what was wrong but I purposefully kept my mind blank to prevent myself from projecting anything he wasn't meant to see.
I bit my lip in concentration, willing myself to keep my mind quiet. "I'm fine Jacob, honestly." I felt some strange pang in my chest at my dishonesty. I never lied to Jacob before, much less to anyone in my family. It was a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach to lie. But it felt especially difficult to lie to Jacob for some reason.
From the corner of my eyes I saw his face fall into a deep frown, his eyes determined to find out what was bothering me. I looked up at my father, silently asking for some form of help.
"Renesmee, do you need some space?" My father asked, trying to hint it towards Jacob.
"Y-Yes." I mumbled weakly, pulling my hand away from Jacob's, a chill running up the base of my spine.
I didn't need to look in Jacob's direction to know his face was masked in confusion. I could already tell he didn't understand and what he was currently thinking. We always touched each other, what did he do that made it so I didn't want to have any physical contact? Was I mad at him?
"Ness- "
"It's okay Jacob, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't need to worry." My father interrupted to reassure him. "She is just having a difficult time right now."
"What do I need to do to make you feel better Renesmee?" He asked frustrated and concerned, ignoring my father's statement.
My breath hitched at the way he said my name. He never used my full name unless it was something serious and he especially used it when he wanted my undivided attention. I shyly glanced over at him through my lashes, biting the inside of my cheek to keep quiet.
I didn't know what he could do to make me feel better. I wanted to be honest and tell him about my stupid dream, so we can laugh about how silly it was for me to dream something like that. But I didn't want to see his reaction. I didn't want my strange and wavering feelings to interfere with our current relationship. I didn't want to show him my dream because a small part of me really liked that dream; how good I felt being with him in my dreamscape, how strong my feelings were for him there just felt right to me, and I knew it was wrong. I knew deep down in my heart that feeling these emotions for my best friend was bad. He trusted me, and I would be breaking his trust if I were to suddenly show him all these feelings that he didn't reciprocated. I didn't even know if they were true and honest emotions, or my mind playing games with me. I didn't want to ruin our friendship based on feelings I don't even know if are real.
I could feel my eyes burn with the stinging of unshed tears of frustration. I love Jacob, he is my best friend and I trusted him with my life, yet I couldn't find it in myself to trust his reaction.
"There's nothing you can do. I need to figure it out on my own." I replied softly, standing up off the bar stool by the island and taking a step back. His hand reaches out for mine desperately, but I pulled away before he could grasp it.
"Renesmee, you're my imprint, I am supposed to help you!" He raised his voice in annoyance, "How am I supposed to do that if you are pushing me away?"
Mama told me when I was younger about Jacob's special bond with me. She told me how frustrated she was with him when she found out after being awakened as a vampire. The reason Jacob was so attached with my mother while she was pregnant with me was because he could feel a pull to her since I was there. Imprinting is a shape-shifter thing, where they feel the gravitational pull that kept them to earth shifted to a single person. They feel the need to protect them, and watch over them. That was how my mother explained it to me. I've never met the wolves' in Jacob's pack imprints, I been very sheltered growing up because of how different I was. They didn't know how I would be able to handle myself around humans, and they didn't want to risk it until they were sure that I had enough restraints to keep myself from attacking someone when I smelt blood. Jacob has brought me on the reservation a couple of times, especially when I was littler to see his father, Billy. Billy was a very nice man, and I enjoyed spending time with him, but my parents still weren't too comfortable with me meeting others when they weren't around. I met the wolves' in Jacob's pack plenty of time. They all hung around the house time to time, spending time with me. But I still wanted to meet the wolves' imprintees, I wanted to see how the wolves' acted with them and how the imprintees felt being imprinted on.
I liked my connection with Jacob, but sometimes like now, it made it difficult for me. It was extremely difficult not telling him my thoughts and feelings. It came as second nature to reach for his hand and show him into my mind, it became normal for us. As normal as taking a breath. But right now, I was having to hold myself back and it was extremely hard seeing him get so concerned about me and I was unable to tell him how he could help.
"I'm fine Jacob. Please just trust me." I asked my voice quivering uncontrollably. "I need to do this on my own for once."
Before he could have a chance to reply I darted from the kitchen out the back-glass door, using my vampiric speed to race away from the house. I could hear everyone rushing to the door calling out for me.
I can't handle this!
I don't want things to change between us!
I ran as fast as I could, pushing myself to my limit; urging myself to continue to get farther away from the house. A loud howl broke the air, echoing around the trees. I felt myself cringed at how pained it sounded. Jacob was upset and it was my fault. It was my fault that I couldn't control these emotions, that I was letting it interfere with me and my best friend's relationship.
I ran until my tears started blurring my vision, slowing down until I stood still in the dark canopy of the forest. I covered my hands over my eyes, my legs trembling barely able to keep up my weight. Instead I just collapsed to the forest floor in a heap, a loud cried coming from my mouth that I couldn't even recognize as my own. It sounded too pathetic and painfilled to be my scream.
Why? Why now? I didn't feel these emotions for him yesterday! I was so blissfully unaware of these thoughts mere hours ago!
I shook violently, wrapping my arms around myself to prevent myself from falling apart any more than I already have. I was bursting at the seams, my head spinning.
Do I love Jacob like that? Do actually have romantic feelings for my best friend? How can I be attracted to the same man that practically raise me? He changed my diapers, he bathed me, and bottle fed me. He couldn't possibly have any feelings remotely close to romantic love for me! It would just be wrong, and disgusting!
I pulled my hair at the roots, tears streaming down my wind burned cheeks. I was a disgusting monster.
I love Jacob. I love him. I am in love with my best friend, Jacob Black. And that is wrong, taboo. Forbidden. I squeezed my eyes shut, biting my lip until I could taste the metallic taste of my own blood soak onto my tongue.
"Ness, you don't have to be afraid to show me your feelings."
Yes, I do Jacob. Because I can't risk losing you.
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