A/N: Originally requested on Tumblr by inbetweeness.

In many ways, Erik has been an infuriating man throughout the whole length of their acquaintance. (Such is the present situation, Mohammed is reluctant to consider him a friend. If he were a friend, he would hardly cause such stress. Mohammed could swear his hair has greyed in the last three weeks alone.) Of course, considering the oft-contentious nature of their acquaintance, that is hardly a surprise. Even if one were to discount the years in Persia, the time they have known in Paris has often been fraught with frustration.

But teaching the man how to…how to court a lady is far from how Mohammed envisaged he might ever spend his days.

For a man of fifty, Erik's knowledge of women is surely lacking.

For example, when Mohammed explained to him that women appreciate bouquets of beautiful flowers, he did not imagine that Erik would interpret that as permission to fill every inch of his house with flowers. And when Erik came to him, a little sheepish, telling him about how the flowers made Mademoiselle Daaé sneeze, Mohammed did not know whether to laugh or cry.

Similarly, he told Erik that it is always wise to complement a woman on her dress, and how it enhances her appearance. How Erik managed to deduce that as meaning to design a variety of new dresses for the object of his affections, Mohammed will never understand.

Complement her. Hold her hand. Tell her sweet stories. Sing for her! When he told Erik those things, he did not think he would need to add, Do NOT entrance her with your voice and do NOT secret her away to your house.

And how did walking through a park arm-in-arm with the lady in question become a multitude of awkward hours spent discussing the backdrops of a new production?

To say that Mohammed is at his wits end is an understatement. Sometimes he thinks Erik will drive him to drinking spirits!

It is all so complicated! So needlessly damned complicated! Little gifts, yes, he can understand. Telling her stories, singing for her. All good, fair stuff. But with all of that, how is she ever going to overcome his face? Clearly the old Daroga has forgotten what a travesty Erik's face is, and does not understand that if Erik is ever going to win Christine's affections, he is going to have to do everything a hundredfold. Magnify it, enhance it, so she can forget his face is even an issue.

Though how someone could simply forget his face is really quite beyond his grasp. He can never forget his face, and he does not have to look at it!

It is months later, months after she has married Erik, when she finally asks dear Mohammed about those early days of courtship. It was as if one minute Erik was as he always had been, and the next he had been transformed into an awkward, fumbling, overgrown teenage boy! Well there absolutely had to be something going on, and as it transpired there was. She was a little amused, she must confess. It was much stranger seeing Erik as fumbling and awkward than dear Raoul, and in an odd way entertaining. But she did not expect that Mohammed had a hand in it until she confronted Erik about his unusual behaviour, and informed him that she would much prefer if he could gather himself and resume their lessons as they had been.

He, of course, being Erik, took it to mean that she was not at all interested in him, and such difficulty she had convincing the man that she was! That she did appreciate him, and have some sort of tender feelings for him, but that she needed none of his grand romantic gestures and (for the sake of her sinuses) if he could keep the flowers to a minimum that would be much appreciated.

Well, he fumbled, and he twisted his hands, and confessed he had been taking advice from Mohammed, but it was only when she rolled her eyes and leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek that he believed that she was being sincere about her feelings.

So it is months later when she confronts Mohammed. But when she does, Mohammed has the good grace to look abashed, before he cracks and laughs. And she cannot help laughing with him, though she feels a little guilty.

Whether or not it was what Erik had in mind when he approached the good Daroga for lessons, Christine does very much appreciate the hours of laughter they brought her. And she is certain that someday, when they have been married a long time, she will remind Erik of that time and laugh too.

As it is, he simply scowls.

(But she loves that about him.)

A/N: Thank you for reading and please review!