Title: The Torment of Timothy
Rating: T for Teen, mostly just for deep drama and suicide.
Summary: What if Timothy got to see Jude one last time? Does she forgive him?
Disclaimer: I do not own American Horror Story Asylum, or any of the other series. I'm not affiliated with American Horror Story in anway, I'd sure love to write one of the seasons for them though!
Author Note: This is my first American Horror Story fiction, and I haven't seen season 3 yet, only 1 and 2. I think 3 will be good but I doubt they'll top 2, for me it was perfect.
He didn't want to be naked when he died, that one thought echoed through his head as he prepared his last bath, so he kept his black boxers on as he prepared for his death. He spent a good fifteen minutes kneeling beside his bed praying for redemption that he knew in his heart he was beyond.
Suicide was a sin after all, but compared to the things he'd done he supposed it was a minor offense. Jude. Her face haunted him daily until he could barely walk down the street and not see her, see the look of sheer pain in her eyes the last time they had spoke, or the look of betrayl she had cast him at every meeting.
"You will not prevail Timothy, My God would never allow it."
Even now her threat sent chills down his spine, it wasn't what she had said but the way she had said it. The conviction in her voice so sure, and so undoubting. Even in her weakest hour when she had been stripped of everything her faith was strong enough to shake his, a man of God.
He had wanted her, he could admit that to himself now in the solitude. He had ached with the built up tension that came from daily resisting the urges building within. She was his sister in the Lord, and it was a sin to even think about her the way he did at night alone in his bed. Sister Jude had thought she was the only one in their relationship capable of impure thoughts, she had been very wrong.
He had joined the church at a young age and taken his vows as soon as he was able. At the time he wanted nothing more than to help others, his life led him Sister Jude and Briar cliff. His attraction he was at first drawn by her passion to help others and serve the chuch so devoutly. She guided his steps with a steady but firm hand, and she caught him in her arms when he slipped and fell. Her faith in the church was only rivaled by her faith in him, and she molded him into the man he was. He owed her his life and in turn he had taken hers.
He poured himself a whiskey but didn't take a single sip. He really wasn't a big drinker except for the occasional glass of whine. He turned slowly and stepped into the tub easing his way down into the hot water. It burned his skin, but he allowed it to without complaint. He shut off the now running water and sat his glass on the floor next to the tub. If he needed the liquid courage to do this task he wanted it nearby.
He slid deeper into the tub allowing his head to go under as well. A sort of last baptism and the last attempt at cleansing his soul. He stayed under as long as his lung would allow and when he surfaced he lay his head back against the tub. She this would be the end of him, alone in a bathtub.
He heard the subtle clicking of a womans heels behind him, but didn't turn around. He could smell the faint scent of cigarette smoke, and somewhere deep inside he knew what was coming.
"God, why must you torment me so?" He asked.
"God isn't tormenting you Timothy, your own choices are." Her voice came from his right.
He turned his head slowly to look at her, half afraid she'd disappear. She was standing a few feet away, a cigaretter in her right hand. Her hair was down in loose gold colored curls, her lipstick was red. Her dress ended a little below her knee matched her lips and her shoes. She was a vision to his tired eyes, and shattered sould.
"Jude..."Her name rolled off his tongue like a sinners prayer.
"Hello Timothy." She said with a smile, she took another drag on the cigarette.
"You can't be here, you're dead." He said.
"You were so anxoius to bury me at briar cliff like some kind of dirty secret, how can you be sure I stayed there?" She asked.
"You can't be real." He said.
"Oh I assure you I am." She said.
Even now, years after everything that transpired between them and her imprisonment at briar cliff she held herself with the air of an entitled woman. She didn't look any less powerful than she had when they were friends. That was part of the problem wasn't it? They were supposed to be friends but the way she looked at him made him want things he'd given up for the church. The way she held herself and ran briar cliff with an iron fist made him yearn to break her down a level or two, but never all the way. A small part of him thought if just once he overpowered her in anyway her looks of lust would stop, and once they had he realized how much he needed them.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I'm here to watch your undoing Timothy, I'm here to see your final fall from grace and oh how I'm going to enjoy it." She said, taking another drag on her cigarette.
"Surely you're not that cruel, you can not honestly say you want to watch me suffer." He said.
She bent over and picked up his glass of whiskey and he noticed her blood red nails. She took a small sip of the drink taking her time before she replied.
"Cruel, suffer?You use those words so freely I almost believe you know what it means to truly experience cruelty, and suffering." She said.
"Jude I beg of you, have a little mercy in your heart." He begged.
"Mercy? Now you want mercy? Where was your mercy Timothy? They called you a man of God and I've never known even the devil to be so cruel." She said.
"Jude, I am sorry for the things that were done to you. I am sorry I was not the man you wished me to be, but I know you loved me once, surely there's some part of you that still does." He said.
"And where did that love get me? I built you up into one of the most respected preists anyone had ever seen. I made you into a great man and in the end you took away everything from me, I wasn't a nun, or a woman or even a person anymore. I went days without food, without sleep and weeks without a bath. I didn't even have a name, only a number." She said bitterly, she took a bigger drink of his whiskey.
"Surely you knew how I felt about you." He said, feeling a lump in his throat.
"You mean your complete lack of interest, your false loyalty or your complete distaste for everything I did?" She asked, she leaned against the sink and took a drag on her cigarette.
"Jude, I cared for you very deeply. More so, than I was willing to admit to even myself." He admitted.
"But you will admit this to me now? Now when it doesn't matter? I've been dead a long time Timothy, I was dead long before they threw me in the ground, but before I was dead I was something much worse." She said, finishing his drink.
"Which was?" He asked.
"Blind. I was blind to the things you were doing to me, and the way you were decieving me. I was blinded by you and your brilliance, even that wasn't real." She said, staring into her empty glass.
"You haven't let me anything to drink." He pointed out.
"You've gone your entire existance without feeling anything, numb to everything that went on. If you're determined to kill yourself, i won't allow you to numb that as well." She said.
He gave a slight nod and she put out her cigarette in the sink. She set the glass on the sink as well and crossed her arms watching him. He picked up the straight razor and looked at the shiny edge in the bathroom light.
"I always thought you so much stronger, but you and I Timothy are a lot alike. I once considered killing myself, but I couldn't do it. I was a coward and so are you."She said.
"I am truly sorry for the pain I caused you." He said.
He heard footsteps, more high heels. Jude looked passed him at someone else and he turned slightly as a woman dressed in black walked in. Jude fell silent and didn't meet the womans gaze. The woman wore an all black dress complete with a black veihl and red lipstick, Timothy didn't know how he knew who she was, but he knew. He knew exactly who she was and why she was there.
"Timothy Howard, you're life has been filled with such turmoil as of late. Turmoil you created. Are you sure you want to end it now?" She asked, her voice was oddly soothing.
"Yes, I am sure." He said.
He took the straight razor and placed it gently on his wrist, taking a deep breath he sliced downward to his elbow. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as he expected and he quickly did the same to the other, almost immediately the water in the tub turned red. He let the razor slide from his hand and turned his eyes to the woman.
"Now Timothy Howard, face your end and judgement." She said.
"Yes, kiss me. I am ready." He said.
She didn't move towarsd him and she didn't bend to kiss him instead she turned to the woman behind her. Jude wouldn't look at either of them but she angrily wiped away a stray tear. The woman hesitated a second before speaking.
"Jude?" She asked softly.
Jude brought her eyes up from the floor and glanced at the other woman, then at Timothy. She bit her lower lip and looked away and barely shook her head.
"No."She said softly, before wiping another tear.
The woman gave her a sad smile before turning to Timothy, it was hard for him to focus on either of them by now.
"Timothy Howard, judgement has been passed and your fate has been decided. You will not be joining us and you will not be crossin over into heaven. May God have mercy on your soul." She said, in a firm voice and she quickly exited the room.
It was then he realized who it was his immortal soul was destined to be judged by. Jude wiped another tear and started for the door, in a desperate plea he reached out and caught her arm.
"Jude, please. Forgive me." He begged.
"I did forgive you Timothy ages ago. I'm sorry." She said.
"Jude, for heavens sake you can not leave me like this." He said, growing more frightened.
"I'm sorry Timothy." She said, she pulled her arm free and he felt himself sink deeper into the tub.
He was so weak, and so tired. His vision becamed blurry and his heart was speeding up to the point in ached in his chest. He gave a soft not resigned to his fate, he glanced at her.
"Jude...kiss me?"He asked.
She turned towards the tub and took a deep breath. Bracing her arms on either side of the tub she leaned down, her lips were a second from his barely an inch. He could feel her breath on his lips and his eyes closed. He was going to die, and rot in hell, but before he went he wanted the kiss of a woman who loved him. The kiss of a woman who wanted him and cared for him. She hovered a second then drew a deep breath.
"No."She said, against his lips.
"JUDE!"He reached for her just as she pulled back.
She backed a few steps from the tub and she snapped her fingers, instantly a cigarette appeared between them lit and ready. She put it against her cherry red lips and took a deep inhale. She looked at him with the same cold eyes she once used on her patients.
"Goodbye Timothy." She said.
She walked out of his line of view and ever so quickly the sound of her footsteps faded too and he was alone. He cried for the first time in years, heavy sobs racked his body as he slowly lost conciousness. The last thing he heard and was concious of was a voice speaking to him, it was years ago in the past but echoed through his body one last time, like a ghost.
"You will not prevail Timothy, My God will never allow it."