Something about freedom made Fenris quake a little inside himself, despite the fact it had been nearly 6 years since he had been rid of the threat of Denarius. Even though now he had his own life and friends he still worried that Tevinter slavers would ambush him and take him back to Tevinter. He had nightmares about it sometimes, well more than sometimes. It was becoming an almost nightly experience now, and something he was determined to experience alone. Despite the fact that Arianna Hawke was willing to share everything with him, he could not put her through that. She had been through enough these past years without having to worry more about him too, the death of her mother and the loss of her sister to the Circle of Magi being just some of the hurts the girl had to suffer. And besides, Fenris was used to dealing with things on his own.
But now, as things were gearing up towards the final battle, Fenris felt as if he needed to share something with her. She who had the beautiful High Town mansion, who had so much coin it was spilling out of her pockets and who was Champion of Kirkwall; she who despite her name and titles insisted that he was a free man, and that she loved him for being who he was. To her, he was just Fenris. He was not an ex-slave; he was not an Elf who had been branded with Lyrium. To her, he was her lover and she cared for him.
So why then did he insist on still hiding things from her?
He remembered that night, just a few nights previously when he had apologised for his distance and had finally admitted how he felt for her. She had understood, she had taken him in her arms and told him that it mattered not. All she had done was kiss him, listen to him as he had spoken. And then they had spent the night again in each other's arms. He remembered her touch, remembered her sigh as they moved their bodies in one. And he knew he was the luckiest man in the world, still amazed that despite his dark and haunted past she stuck by his side and loved him still.
Of course, they both had to endure the taunts of their companions as they went about their daily business. And despite his aversion to mages of all kinds, he fondly remembered something that the Elf Merrill had said as they were making their way up Sundermount.
"You're in love" she had said wistfully
"I am not in love!" he had snapped back; keen to get his mind on the job at hand.
"But you are! I see the way you look at Hawke whenever she turns away, with those puppy dog eyes of yours!"
He had faltered at that, noticing how Hawke had stopped, how a blush had crept over her cheeks and he growled, "I do not have puppy dog eyes!"
The blood mage had giggled then, "Oh Fenris, even you deserve to be happy! And to smile sometimes, but be careful if you smile because your face might crack if you do"
In that moment, as he moved over to his open window and looked out across the darkened skies of Kirkwall he couldn't help but smile slightly to himself. The girl was right; he did deserve to be happy, even if he hated admitting it to himself. After so long of being denied happiness it was something he was still getting used to. Before he had escaped, he had not known any form of happiness, all he had known was solitude and slavery. Happiness was something he could only dream of.
And now he had it, he wasn't entirely sure what to do with it.
Friendship, now that was something he was truly beginning to treasure. Despite their differences, Fenris was starting to like and appreciate each one of his comrades for themselves. Anders, that abominable and hypocritical mage had become a man whom Fenris enjoyed throwing banter back and forth with; Isabela, that beautiful pirate was a lady who had become like a sister to him, always trying to embarrass him with her off the cuff remarks; Aveline was the mother figure of the group; Merrill the inexperienced younger sister; Varric the annoying drunk one who always made an idiot of himself and Bethany, well…Bethany did not talk much but she was certainly a lovely young woman and someone who Fenris was happy to think of as his sister.
In essence, despite their differences they were like one big happy family. And all fighting for what was right in Kirkwall.
Of course, things were heating up now and decisions had to be made. Decisions had to be made by Hawke, and Fenris was not sure he would like what she would choose. Things had come to a head between Mage and Templar since she had defeated the Arishok in single combat and a battle was brewing. The Champion of Kirkwall had to make her choice, fight for the freedom of the Mages or fight for the Templars to quell the threat of magic once and for all. In himself, thanks to his awful experiences with both Mage and Magister, Fenris knew who he would choose. But Hawke would choose the Mages, and Fenris knew why.
And since getting to know Hawke, since becoming both her lover and her partner, Fenris would happily take her side despite his own personal beliefs. For what she believed held at least some form of sense. Not all mages were bad, not all turned to blood magic to make things difficult for the few. And they should not all be punished for the misdemeanours of the few. And because she had family in the circle and Apostate friends, as did he now also, Fenris could not abandon her.
And nor would he. For he loved this woman, this Champion of Kirkwall with all of his heart. No matter how loathe he was to admit it, he loved her.
"Promise me you won't die…I can't bear the thought of living without you"
Word's he had spoken just to her, just last night. That final fight was coming, and if he lost her to the Templars, to Meredith, he would never forgive himself. She had helped him come through so much. She had gone with him to confront Hadrianna, had been with him when his sister had betrayed him to Denarius and had always stood by him. Now, he would stand by her to the end. Now, he would watch with a smile as she ran Meredith through. Despite the fact he had originally believed the Templars to be the ones in the right; she had completely turned him around through her unending love and support.
"Promise me you won't die…"
"I won't die Fenris, I promise you"
Her words echoed in his mind as he stared up at the bright moon and he briefly ran his fingers over the red ribbon tied around his wrist, a sign of her love and devotion.
"I can't bear the thought of living without you"
Behind him then, the door to his study opened and he turned. She was stood in the doorway, looking pale and tired, leaning against the door frame. He stood up then, moved to her and took her in his arms, breathed in the scent of her beautiful raven black hair. After a moment, he held her at arm's length and studied her.
"What are you doing Fenris?"
He smiled then, at that moment forgetting the pain that his Lyrium markings gave him, "Nothing, just admiring your beauty"
He held her close then, felt her breath against his neck, felt her breathing against his chest and he revelled in it. This was the woman he wanted to spend his life with, the Champion of Kirkwall.
And he would protect her with his life.
"Promise me you won't die…"
"I won't die Fenris, I promise you".
And he knew that she was telling the truth. For that Champion of Kirkwall was the strongest person he knew.