Today was the hardest day of my life. Charlie is gone. I am all alone. Desmond explained it all to me. I really...I can't believe this. He gave his life for me...That was so selfless of him...I really wish he hadn't...I'd rather spend a thousand years on some stupid island then lose him! I don't think I've ever cried this much in my entire life. There was so much left unsaid. Recently, me and Charlie have grown apart...but, over the past week or so we've been growing closer. I feel so horrible. I wasted so much time. Time I could have spent with him.
Three words. Three words I never said but, I wish I had. Ever since the second I met Charlie, I was in love. I never had the chance to tell him...I miss him so much. Just before...Just before he...died... He wrote a letter to me...Of the greatest moments in his life. The final event on his count down was "The night I met you." We could have spent our whole lives together. Both of us share the same number one on our lists of the greatest moments in our lives. We could have done it, together.
Charlie was...he was amazing. Never before in my whole life did I have someone who cared so much for me. Never before, never again. I was going to give Aaron up but, I didn't. It wasn't exactly my choice...but, I'm so glad it happened. Charlie said it was fate. I never really understood what he meant, or why he wrote it on his fingers but, now I do. He was a great father. Aaron isn't even his but, that didn't make a difference. We were relatively strangers but, he was still there, always. I don't know how I'll do it without him.
Maybe it is fate, all of this. I'm starting to believe that maybe everything really does happen for some reason. It's a little hard to believe that after what just happened but, I know it was something Charlie lived by. If I never went on that plane..I would have never met him or, kept Aaron. Fate...maybe it's real.
I am so devastated. The only thought keeping me together is why he was so willing to give his life, for me. I still can't believe it. I really can't decide whether I should be angry at him for leaving me or, thankful for willing to do that... for me...I miss him.