Fix You
The room suddenly felt very small, and very warm.
She knew that it was silly; she was aware that the man was a drunken idiot.
But it still stung.
After all, here she was, at her brother's second wedding, and she was just…nowhere near being married.
Old insecurities flared; inside, the fat girl she once was (and would always be?) was crying out.
She felt a wave of nausea course through her. She closed her eyes and sighed.
She was being silly.
She felt a warm hand on her shoulder, and had to fight down the urge to shove it away. She was being silly, and she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her.
Did she?
"Mon, The guy was hammered, okay? There's no way, you look like Ross' mother."
She sighed. She knew that. But there was just…why was she so alone?
"Then why would he say it?"
"Because he's crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic."
She smiled slightly, then covered the smile with a sigh. She wasn't ready to feel better. Damn him for trying to make her laugh.
"Oh, my mother's right. I'm never going to get married."
"That is... Who wouldn't want you?"
She looked up at him then, waiting for the punch line. But his mouth was turned down, and his eyes revealed nothing but sincere concern. She suddenly felt slightly guilty for making him feel that way.
"Oh, Please! I'm a single mom, with a thirty-year-old son!"
He smiled, but his eyes remained bright and sad. She looked away, unsure why her stomach was suddenly so tight.
"Come on," he said lightly, "let's go get drunk."
&&&&
She was laughing; that was good, right?
He turned to order another drink, hoping to cover the flush that overtook his cheeks when she placed her hand on his knee.
They were sitting at the hotel bar, scrunched into a dark corner, on the off chance that a member of the wedding party happened in. Neither wanted to have to explain why they had cut out of the rehearsal dinner so early.
"I…think we're gointo…regretthis…in…the morning," she struggled to spit out her sentence, and he laughed.
"You will, that's for sure," he grinned.
"You look good when you smile," she whispered, her hand sliding slightly up his leg.
He froze; unsure how to react. He really wasn't drunk enough to throw this much caution to the wind. She was his best friend, and she would be devastated in the morning.
There was no way she felt anything more than friendly feelings toward him—he knew that.
This…behavior would ruin everything.
Her hand was sliding dangerously close to places a friend shouldn't be.
He slid back, but he was already up against the wall, and she was moving in for the kill.
"Mon," he whispered, and looked down at her.
Her eyes were unfocused; and he couldn't help but notice that she looked remarkably sad.
She reminded him of a china doll; perfect and porcelain, and fragile.
Easy to break; nearly impossible to fix.
She was standing now, leaning into him, sliding one hand around his neck, while the other…
Oh God.
He grasped her hand, and hopped off of the stool.
"Come on," he whispered, tossing what he hoped was 20 quid onto the bar, before leading her toward the elevator bank.
She swayed when the elevator started moving—more evidence that she had no business being anywhere but in her room sleeping off her binge.
The elevator stopped on their floor, and the door slid open with a slow creak. He took her hand and led her down toward her room silently. He was sad and slightly embarrassed for her—he hoped she wouldn't remember what had happened in the bar.
He knew he would remember it (relish it) for a very long time.
And that thought made him sad too.
&&&&
He turned to look at her, and she found that she was having trouble focusing on anything but his eyes. He looked sad, and it made her wonder what she had said to upset him. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and asked her if she was going to be okay. She found herself nodding, not because she was okay, but because she wanted him to feel better. He took her bag, and it took her a moment to realize that he was looking through her purse.
"Hey," she said, though only a whisper escaped her lips.
"I'm just…where's your key card? Never mind," he said, pulling the white card from her purse. He slid the card into the lock and opened the door.
"Drink some water, and get some sleep," he whispered, and kissed her cheek tenderly.
She looked up at him, noting that he seemed sadder than before. She wondered again what she had done wrong.
"'kay," she said softly, and slid into her room without another word.
She heard him hesitate, then sigh, before closing the door.
She walked into the bathroom, and looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Tears she hadn't felt coming were sliding down her face.
&&&&
His head hurt.
(Or was it his heart?)
He keyed into his room, and pulled off his suit angrily.
Old feelings were pushing through, reminding him of last summer.
He hadn't known then, how to deal with his newfound feelings for her, so he'd pushed them away, and when someone new had walked into his life last fall, he'd told himself he was in love. He'd told himself that Kathy was the love of his life.
But it wasn't to be.
And now he was alone.
He pulled on his pajamas, with the intent of crawling into bed and pulling the covers over his head, with the hope that everything would be better tomorrow.
He would not think about her, or about the incident in the bar.
He felt his cheeks flush again, and his body began betraying his mind.
He shook his head, and sighed.
There was a knock at the door, small and meek.
Cursing, he stood and answered.
&&&&
She couldn't stand the thought of waking up alone again.
She couldn't be in that empty hotel room anymore.
Sadness was overwhelming her.
She knew that it was wrong, but she also knew that of all of her friends, Joey would be the one most likely to proceed with no strings.
He could make her feel alive again.
He could fix her broken heart.
(Could he? Really?)
The door swung open, and her heart dropped.
"Is Joey here?"
He said no, as he let her in. She crossed the room, and sighed. She was having flashes of some things she'd done in the bar, but tried to convince herself that it was just in her head.
She needed to get out of there.
She didn't want him to make any jokes.
She didn't want him to make her feel better.
She was miserable.
She looked up at him, and was taken aback.
His eyes weren't dancing the way they nearly always were. They were flat, sad, and soft.
She wanted to make him feel better.
She couldn't stand to see him like this.
She could fix this.
He said something about her being beautiful.
She looked at him, her eyes soft. A tear escaped.
He caught it on his finger.
She took his hand, and pulled him toward her.
&&&&
He didn't resist this time.
He saw it in her eyes.
She was focused, and sure.
She kissed him, and he melted.
He pulled her close, and she melded into him.
Their lives would never be the same.
end.
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below when you're too in love to
let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
(Coldplay)