Disclaimer: The Peanuts characters, and the Three Stooges are copyrighted of their respective owners, etc.
A/N: You know, it wasn't until after I finished writing this that the thought occurred to me that adults really don't belong in the Peanuts world. Oh well. I hope you all like this story just the same.
It's the Three Stooges, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown and his baseball team eagerly made their way across the neighborhood. It was a warm summer day, and they were going to be the visiting team, playing Peppermint Patty's baseball team.
"Are we almost there, Charlie Brown?" Linus asked.
"Just a few more blocks," said Charlie Brown. "Boy, I can't wait to play the game today. We're gonna win! I just know it!"
"Us! Win!" interrupted Lucy, "Come on, Charlie Brown. We're playing Peppermint Patty's team. She has one of the best teams in the league! And besides that, we NEVER win. And it's all because you're a terrible manager, and you can't pitch!"
"Good grief!" said Charlie Brown. Normally, Lucy's comments would upset Charlie Brown. Today was different. He wasn't sure why. It was just different, and he really thought his team had a chance.
A few minutes later Charlie Brown and his team arrived at Peppermint Patty's field. Upon arriving, they had expected to see Peppermint Patty and her team on the field warming up and getting ready for the baseball game. Instead, they found the team congregated in one corner of the field, staring disgustedly at a large van parked in the middle of the infield.
"Hi Peppermint Patty," Charlie Brown, "What's going on?"
"You'll never guess, Chuck. We get here early so we can practice before the game, and the baseball field isn't ready! These three guys promised us an hour ago that they'd be finished by now." Peppermint Patty complained. She was obviously upset.
"I think they should take their time, Sir. After all, we want the field to be in top shape for our game today, don't we?" Marcie said.
"Don't you want to get this game on the road, Marcie?" Peppermint Patty asked impatiently.
"I hate baseball, Sir. I tell you that every game, but you never listen!" Marcie answered.
"Stop calling me 'Sir'!" Peppermint Patty demanded, totally disregarding Marcie's comment about not liking baseball.
"So what are we going to do?" Asked Charlie Brown.
"There's nothing we can do, Chuck. We have to wait until these guys are finished." She answered.
Meanwhile, in the middle of the baseball field, three arguing men stood around a large van with the words 'Ace Grounds Keeping Services' painted on the side .
"This is all your fault! You are the one who shut the door when it was locked!" Larry yelled at Curley.
"My fault? Well Moe was the one who was driving! He shouldn't have left the keys in the ignition!" Curly defended himself.
Upon over hearing this, Moe responded annoyed, "Who's fault is it?"
"You're fault!" Curley answered, without thinking of the consequences.
"Why you….SMACK" Moe said as he slapped Curley.
"Now come on," Moe commanded. "We gotta get this field in order. These kids got a game to play!"
"How are we going to clean up the field when we can't get to our tools, because Curley locked them in the van?" asked Larry.
"I did not!" Curley said, still defending himself.
"Quiet you two!" Moe demanded, as he motioned as if he were going to knock both of their heads together, but he did not. Instead he dragged Curley by the collar of his shirt and rammed his head into the window of the van, breaking the window after doing so. Then, throwing Curley aside, he reached in to open the door and grabbed the keys out of the ignition.
"Why did you do that for?" Larry complained. "Now the boss is going to be sore at us because we busted a window on his van!"
"Window? What about my head?" Curley cried as he rubbed his head, which was still hurting from the widow breakage.
"Never mind the window. We'll just tell the boss that one of the kids broke it with a fly ball," said Moe. "Now go open up the back and get the tools out!"
"What tools?" asked Larry.
"The same tools we've been using every day for the past ten years!" Moe angrily responded.
Moe took the lawnmower to cut the grass, Larry took the rake to level out the dirt in the infield, and Curley grabbed the broom and mop so he could clean the dugout as the Peppermint Patty and her team impatiently looked on.
"I wish they'd hurry up so my team could go ahead and clobber your team, Chuck!" Peppermint Patty said.
"Good grief," was all Charlie Brown could respond.
"Peppermint Patty," Linus began, "Why did they have to come and clean before our game? Couldn't they have waited until after we were finished with our baseball game?"
"I don't know Linus," Peppermint Patty said crossly. "All I know is that when we got here those three guys were in the middle of the outfield taking turns slapping each other. Can you imagine? Now, I can't remember the last time I actually saw any adults around here, but I really don't think that this is how adults are supposed to act."
While the kids stood around complaining about the delay of their baseball game, the three stooges were hard at work. Or maybe they were just trying hard to work.
"Why won't you start?" Moe said annoyed at the lawnmower as he pulled on the starter for the fiftieth time. "I know! I'll bet you're all out of motor oil!" he said as he bent down to check the fuel level. He was just about to check when he was sent flying backwards from being sprayed with a face full of motor oil from the lawnmower. It was if the piece of grounds keeping equipment had a mind of its own. "Why you!" he growled as he raised a fist to the lawnmower. The motor then randomly began to rev itself, as if it were laughing at him. Seeing an opportunity, Moe quickly got behind it so he could start cutting the grass, but the motor stopped the instant he did so. "Stubborn eh?" he said. "Well I'll fix you!" He then pulled a hammer out of his work belt and raised it as if he were going to hit the lawnmower. Instantly, the lawnmower revved its motor again as if it were a trained animal. Moe quickly got behind it and started to push. This time, the lawnmower behaved itself, and Moe set happily to work.
Around that same time, Curley stood in the dugout getting ready to mop. He was sorting through a gigantic box of miscellaneous cleaning supplies. "Shoe polish? No…Windex? No…Car wax? No…hey! What's this?" he said as he found a bottle of Mr. Clean. "Hey! What do you know! A look alike! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!" he said proudly as he compared his baldness to that of Mr. Clean. He opened the bottle of Mr. Clean and poured it in to a bucket. He managed to work for a few minutes without incident, which was an accomplishment in itself for any one of the three stooges. "Lada deeee! Lada daaaa!" He sang as he happily worked.
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEEEEK
Curly quickly turned around to see what was making all the noise. "A mouse? Well…you're just going to have to leave! You can't stay here! This is for baseball!"
SQUEEKSQUEEK!
"Oh! Stubborn, eh? Well I'll fix you!" Curley said as he took the mop and began to swat at the mouse that had made its home in the dugout.
About that same time, Moe was finishing up with the lawnmower. He decided to take it back to the utility van. He was dragging it through the infield, and really wasn't paying much attention when KLUNK! BANG! BANG! BASH! Moe suddenly found himself in the middle of a dirt hole.
"Hey! Why don't you watch where you're going?" Larry complained.
"Watch where I'm going? What in the world are you doing here!" Moe shouted as he realized that he was standing with Larry in the middle of a hole.
"You told me to make holes in the infield, so I am!" Larry said defensively.
"I told you to FIX the holes, not MAKE more of them, you lunk head! Now look at the field! It's more of a mess than when we first got here! Are you trying to get us fired AGAIN!" Moe lectured.
Just then, Curley was still trying to get rid of the mouse in the dugout. "Now I have you!" He said as he took the mop and swung it as if it were a baseball bat. At the last second the mouse scurried out of the way, and instead of hitting the mouse, Curley ended up hitting the gigantic box of cleaning supplies. The box, which also contained an assortment of colored paints, was sent flying through the air. Everyone on both Peppermint Patty's and Charlie Brown's teams stopped talking as they noticed what was going on. They all watched in pure dumbfoundedness as the box soared though the air, above home plate, above the pitcher's mound, finally landing in the middle of center field. CRASH! As it landed, paint of every color of the rainbow was sent flying in all directions. The infield was now a mess, covered with a flood of paint.
"What was that?" Larry asked, interrupting Moe's lecture. The two stooges climbed out of the hole and looked around.
"What happened here!" Was all Moe could say before Curley came running over. The three stood arguing over the wrecked condition of the field.
"Well Chuck," Peppermint Patty began, "I guess we are going to have to forfeit the game today. There's no way in the world we are going to be able to play on a field like this!"
"Forfeit?" Charlie Brown said bewildered.
"That's right, Charles" Marcie said. "We have to forfeit. We can't play on this field. That means that you're team wins by default!"
"Win…WIN!" Charlie Brown said. He was becoming more dumbfounded by the second.
"We win!" Lucy shouted. "What do you mean 'we win'! We can't win! We're on Charlie Brown's team, and Charlie Brown's team can't win!"
"You know what Lucille? You're right," Peppermint Patty stated. "And you know what else? My team would have won today's game if these guys wouldn't have ruined our field!"
Lucy and Peppermint Patty looked at each other, nodded, and said to each other "Let's get 'em!" The two girls instantly grabbed their baseball bats and charged after Moe, Larry, and Curley.
"They – they're after us!" Moe said nervously.
"Let's get out of here!" Larry said as they began to retreat.
The two girls chased the three stooges into the sunset as the rest of the to baseball teams watched on. All that could be heard was Curley yelling "Woo-woo-woo-wooooo" over and over. But this was soon covered up by an invisible orchestra playing a swing version of "Three Blind Mice".
THE END!