**MATRIX REVOLUTIONS- IF IT ALL WENT SO VERY VERY WRONG….**

Disclaimer: Matrix and all related matrix stuff Belongs to the W bro's

Rating: Pg-13 for swearing and oddness

Notes: Set after Reloaded, well obviously!

Now this has absolutely nothing to do with Revolutions, its just a weird AU set after Reloaded, I don't know why, I just felt like being random! I haven't written a parody before so you will have to bear with me on this one!!

I would like to warn you, this fic is going to be a little...odd. Well, odd probably won't cover it! So read at your own peril! And no suing me for psychiatric bills please! Thank you, and enjoy the story!

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Chapter 1- Coma-Neo doesn't always make a good Buckaroo The Neb

(No I don't know how to spell the full name ok!! Well actually I can't be bothered to type it out. Whatever.)

Morpheus, Trinity and Link are all standing around comatose Neo

TRINITY: *wailing* Oh Neo!! Why oh why did you have to try and save us from that stupid squiddie!!

MORPHEUS: It was a very noble thing to do.

TRINITY: No it wasn't!

What use is a Stop-the-squiddes-from-attaking-you power if it puts you in a coma?? And 12 hours before Zion is going to be destroyed!

AND he's the one!! It was a pretty stupid thing to do if you ask me!

MORPHEUS: Oh yes.    Bugger.

LINK: So, uh what are we going to do now?

MORPHEUS: Well, we should probably say a few words of remembrance about Neo.

TRINITY: *Sniffle* You go first Link.

LINK: Me? Um, well. Remember……uh……the time…... um……when he………..

Actually I haven't been here all that long, and I don't really know anything you guys so…

TRINITY: Fine. Do you remember the time when he drank to much Zion-made vodka and thought Morpheus' bed was the toilet?

LINK: Oh yeah! Ha ha, that was great!!

TRINITY: *laughing* Yeah.

MORPHEUS: Neo thought my bed was what?! Why didn't I know about that?

TRINITY and LINK look at each other

LINK: Uhhh…That may have been the time when we told you we had a burst pipe.

MORPHEUS: WHAT??

TRINITY: *nervous*  Heh heh, well um that's not the point. We are here today to mourn for Neo.

LINK: You guys know he's not dead right?

MORPHEUS: Let us now have an hour of silence, for Neo.

LINK: *looks disturbed*

2 minutes later…

TRINITY and MORPHEUS are playing strip poker listening to "get the party started" by Pink, and using COMA-NEO as a table.

 LINK has fallen asleep on a swivel chair by the computer and is drooling on the keyboard

Meanwhile, In his coma, NEO has been dreaming…

NEO is zooming down the streets of New York on a green and black micro scooter. He is for some reason singing the theme to A-team.

NEO: De Dum! De De Dum, De De De Duuum, De De De De DUM!!

Suddenly THE KID Jumps out in front of him

THE KID: NEEEEEOOOOO!!!!!

NEO: *Surprised* What the? *Swerves and crashes into a wall* Ow!

THE KID: Are you ok Neo?

NEO is lying in a crumpled heap on the floor surrounded by what is left of his scooter.

NEO: Urrrg…*Angry* Why the hell did you jump out on me like that? What are you, some sort of a FREAK?

THE KID: Yes.

NEO: *Confused* Ok then.

A glittery neon-green wheel rolls past NEO from his scooter

NEO: GAH! You killed my scooter!

THE KID: Neo It doesn't matter Neo, it was just some stupid scooter Neo.

NEO: *Shocked* Just some scooter?!? This wasn't just some scooter! This was my State of the art, customised, glittery, glow in the dark, PowerAde endorsed, green and black, matrix themed, "The One" scooter!!!

THE KID: Yeah Neo, just some dumb scooter Neo.

NEO: *Seeth* Wait a second, why do you keep saying my name all the time?

THE KID: Neo, I don't always say your name Neo………Neo.

NEO: Uh, you just said it three times in a sentence kid.

THE KID: Neo I do not continually say your name Neo. Neo I think you are imagining things Neo.

NEO: Stop it!

THE KID: Neo? Stop what Neo?

NEO: Saying! My! Name! I am the only person here!! Who else would you be talking to?

THE KID: *Unsure* Urmm….Neo well it sure isn't going to be your scooter Neo is it Neo? *laughs*

NEO: ARRG!! I'm going to kill you!!

THE KID: EEE!!

NEO starts to throttle THE KID.

NEO: Stop saying my name!!!

THE KID: Neo! Neo I don't know what you're taking about Neo! Neo? NEO!!

NEO: That is so it! *Shoots THE KID*

THE KID: Neo…urgg..Neo..dying…

NEO: Oh for the love of Zion, just die already!

THE KID: URG! NEO!! *Dies*

NEO: About bloody time!!

NEO  dances around happily.

NEO: *Singing* No more annoying kid! Yeah yeah yeah!! Goooo me!

VOICE: NEO!!

NEO: Arrr!! He's come back to life!!! Nooooo!!!

ORACLE: No, Neo, it is I, the mighty ORACLE!!!!

NEO: *relived* Oh, hi.

ORACLE: What were you doing Neo?

NEO: *Looks shifty* I can't tell you what I wasn't doing, and that was shooting The Kid. That's what I wasn't doing. Heh heh.

ORACLE: Neo, I am the Oracle, all knowing? Remember?

NEO: Damn.

ORACLE: Luckily for you that wasn't the real Kid.

NEO: *annoyed* It wasn't? That sucks! Stupid no-good non-dying freak….

ORACLE: NEO!! You are supposed to love all of humanity!

NEO: What? Even the Agents?

ORACLE: Honey, the Agents aren't human...

NEO: *shocked* They aren't? Wow.

ORACLE: I'm a little worried that you didn't know that...

NEO: Persephone is human though right? *grins* Yeah she can get some Neo-loving.

ORACLE: Neo!! She is also program!

NEO: Aw Damnit!

ORACLE: Anyway Neo, we keep avoiding the point, I am here to help you back to the real world. You must wake up…

NEO: *chuckles* Lady, I'm pretty sure I'm awake.

ORACLE: *sighs* No Neo, you are in a coma, this is not the Matrix, this is your dream...

NEO: Really? Then how are you here?

ORACLE: Ah… Well I am your mind, telling you to wake up, I suppose that the Oracle is the person you feel most comfortable to guide you.

NEO: What? You? You always confuse me and tell me to sit down! You suck!

ORACLE: Hey!! That's not nice! Well who would you feel most comfortable with? It's your mind; I can be whomever you want kiddo.

NEO: *grins* Excellent!

MR T: *shouting* Hey Neo! Is this better?

NEO: *squeals and hugs him* YEE!! MR T!! You're my Hero!!

MR T: I pity the fool who gets hugged by The One.

Meanwhile, back on The Neb….

The crew have now long given up on the hour's silence, LINK is still asleep, and TRINITY and MORPH are still playing poker. TRIN is fully dressed; MORPHEUS is down to his boxers and a florescent pink visor. MORPH: *looking at cards* How come you keep winning? You're cheating aren't you? TRIN: *yelling* I am NOT CHEATING!!

MORPH: *scared* Ok, I believe you! You're just doing very well…*looks at her suspiciously*

TRIN: Morpheus, believe me, I am the last person who wants to see you in just your boxers, I mean…yuck.

MORPH: *Hurt* I thought they were nice! *Puts down his cards* HA! Beat that!

TRIN: YES!!! I have WON!! You are the LOSER!! I win I win I win!!

MORPH: Ok then. *Sighs and starts to take off his boxers*

TRIN: ARRG!! Keep them ON!! Take off the Visor! I don't want to see your..your..!

MORPH: I'm very well endowed you-know!!

TRIN: I did NOT want to know that!! *shudders* Lets play something else ok?

MORPH: As long as I can keep the visor on, I'm yours baby!

TRIN: Eww... Can we play something else now?

MORPH: Sure, but what? Hmmmm…

TRIN: Oh! I know! Lets play Buckaroo!!

MORPH: Oh the thing where you put the stuff on the toy-horse before it bucks?

TRIN: *excited* Yeah!

MORPH: But we don't have a buckaroo horse Trinity, how can we play?

TRINITY grins evilly and looks at NEO

MORPH: *shakes head* Oh-no that is sick and wrong.

TRIN: You can go first.

MORPH: Ok then!

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Notes: I'm sorry if this is crappy, please tell me what you think, if you want more, or if you want to burn me on a stake, either's good! Reviews are always appreciated, so please push the little blue button!!

P.S. Please check out my other hopefully non-disturbing story, Reflections