Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Inuyasha. You surprised? I also don't own the movie some like it hot.
Warning: This story is loosely based on the classic movie "Some Like it Hot" Starring Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemon, and Tony Curtis. This movie is amazing and if you haven't seen it you need to go out and rent it (after reading chapter one of course). This story will have cross dressing. It's impossible to do this story with out it. If that offends you, you may not want to read this. However if you want to see Inuyasha and Miroku get into some of the most hilarious situations that these poor characters have ever been put through…you're my kind of person. Read on friend, read on.
"Goddamnit Miroku!" Inuyasha screamed, his sensitive dog ears twitching at the sound of his own voice. "You could have told me that you couldn't read a map, then I would have navigated" Inuyasha's best friend, Miroku, cringed. Inuyasha knew no matter what your level of spiritual training, that an angry demon was still a scary damn sight.
"How many times do I have to say sorry," Miroku said "But you're the one who had to see this band at this venue, so in essence this is not my fault."
"Like hell it is," Inuyasha grumbled under his breath. Yes, Inuyasha's favorite indie band was scheduled to play in a club in a less than savory part of town. Neither of them had ever been there before, but since Miroku couldn't read a map, they were hopelessly lost. They had not only missed the show, but had been driving around aimlessly for about an hour with no signs of getting out soon. They drove past what looked like an Auto mechanics shop, that looked like it still had all its lights on.
"Hey," Miroku shouted excitedly, making Inuyasha's ears flatten on his head. "Pull in there." Miroku pointed at the shop. "I'll get directions."
"No," Inuyasha said firmly "Human chicks ask for directions, not demons or men."
"Ok then," Miroku said. "So then call your brother, I'm sure he can get someone to come into the ghetto and lead us out." As distasteful as asking for directions was, calling his brother for help was even worse. Inuyasha turned the steering wheel and pulled gently into the shops driveway. Inuyasha killed the engine, and the pair got out of the car. They approached the building but everything seemed locked. "Maybe no one is here?" Miroku asked.
"No," Inuyasha said his ears swiveling. "I hear people inside, but I can't make up what they're saying." He focused on the voices and was dully aware that Miroku was walking around the building. He heard a door open and then Miroku whistled. Inuyasha hated it when he did that. He brought his attention back to the present and looked around for Miroku. He found him standing in an open doorway that looked like it was the office for the shop.
"I fucking hate it when you whistle for me," he grumbled. "It's like I'm your fucking dog or something."
"Well, you kinda are," Miroku laughed barely dodging the swipe of Inuyasha's claws. The walked in to the office and found a door leading to the shop. The opened it, and it didn't make a sound. Inuyasha and Miroku walked along a row of boxes that had been piled up to create a sort of hallway, just before they reached the end of that line. Inuyasha's instincts screamed at him to stop moving.
He stopped, Miroku not noticing the change bumped into him. He spun around and placed one finger over his lips to make sure Miroku stayed silent. And he listened.
"Tokajin," One man said in a smooth voice that made the fur on the back of Inuyasha's ears stand up. "My patience grows thin with you." The other man Tokajin, Inuyasha guessed as he could only smell two men inside the building, stammered. "Spit it out you fool." The first man snapped. Inuyasha met Miroku's gaze and pointed up to the top of the row of boxes. Miroku nodded and they both stood up, just barely peaking over the tops of the boxes to see the scene that was evolving before them.
The man that he assumed was Tokajin, was a large hulking beast-clearly a demon of some sort-sat tied to a chair, struggling to get out. The other man was tall and built, but not nearly big enough to be truly scary to a huge guy like Tokajin. But none the less Inuyasha could smell the panic coming off of the guy in waves.
"Naraku, sir" Tokajin said shakily "I just need a little more time. The economy is rough and my poker games aren't bringing in as many people as they used to." Miroku turned to Inuyasha with a quizzical look. Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders. He knew gambling was illegal in the state, but he had always heard of a demon run underground gambling ring run by the mafia, from his brother the federal agent. I wonder if this is one of them, he thought.
"Tsk, Tsk," Naraku said in a slightly pouting voice. "That wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't know that you were selling smack on the side to compensate your personal losses." Inuyasha's eyes widened. Not just illegal gambling but drug traffic too. His brother would kill to be the one hearing this conversation. "I just want my cut," Naraku hissed at the man who was still bound to the chair.
"Sir," Tokajin said panic now seeping into his every word. "I don't have the money."
"Now what do we do about that," Naraku said coldly. "I can't let you go, as that would make me seem weak." Tokajin was crying silently now, Inuyasha could smell the tears. "But killing you bound to a chair is no sport at all," Naraku said as if he was pondering whether he should get vanilla or chocolate ice cream.
Naraku waved his hand and the bonds from Tokajin were suddenly removed. Tokajin just sat there in shock. "I'll give you a fighting chance," Naraku purred with excitement. Tokajin just stared with an expression that clearly read that he didn't like his chances. "If you can get out of this building before I count to three," Naraku smiled coldly. "I'll let you live,"
Almost before Naraku had finished this sentence, Tokajin was already up and sprinting for the door on the far side of the shop. The movement was so quick that even Inuyasha's demon eyes had a hard time keeping up with the speed of movement. Suddenly root like tentacles shot from Naraku's body and few towards Tokajin's moving body. Inuyasha and Miroku stared in horror as the tentacles pierced through Tokajin's body spraying blood and gore all over the shop. Inuyasha knew a killing blow when he saw it, and there was no hope that Tokajin had survived a blow like that.
An unmanly shriek echoed through the shop, and Inuyasha looked at Miroku who was wiping a chuck of brains off his face. Suddenly remembering where they were they looked back to where the murderer Naraku stood. He saw them and redirected this tentacles to the pair. Without thinking Inuyasha grabbed Miroku with inhuman speed and slung him on his back and leapt over the tentacles speeding towards their locations.
The tentacles redirected in mid air and sped at Inuyasha and Miroku. With a swipe of his claws Inuyasha destroyed the tentacles speeding at him, and they crumbled to the ground. Inuyasha smirked, but the smirk was wiped off his face when he saw more tentacles shooting from Naraku's body, heading in their direction. Knowing he couldn't fight with a monk freaking out on his back, Inuyasha used the only other thing he could think of. He leapt into the air, soaring to the roof. With one swipe of his claws the roof crumbled before him and he flew into the cold night air.
He touched down to the ground right next to his car, Miroku yelling in his ear to just keep running.
"We can't idiot," Inuyasha barked at his friend "Our id's are in the car." He spun around, hearing a crashing noise behind him, to see more of Naraku's tentacles shooting through the wall of the shop and flying straight for them.
"No, time," Miroku said pulling a sutra out of his coat and throwing it at the tentacles. "That seemed to slow them down, but I have no idea for how long." Miroku said concentrating on his spell
"But our id's," Inuyasha said. He did not want this freak knowing who they were.
"We're screwed either way," Miroku grunted with the strain. "I can't hold it any longer, Inuyasha." Against his better judgment, Inuyasha started running, running so fast that the tentacles were left in his dust. He leapt in to the air flying east, knowing that the center of the city was in that direction. They flew though the cold air in silence. After about ten minutes, Miroku broke the silence.
"We're fucked," he stated gloomily. Inuyasha grunted in response. Not only had Naraku gotten a really good look at them, but their wallets and id's had been in the car. He knew where they both lived and their names. He could easily, with that information, find where they went to college, where they worked and who their loved one were. In summation, they were really fucked. Another silence settled of the friends. As they continued to fly over the city, Inuyasha wondered what would happen to them. They couldn't go home, they couldn't go to school. Inuyasha's thoughts were interrupted by Miroku speaking to him.
"Sorry man," Inuyasha said. "I wasn't listening"
"I said," Miroku repeated. "I think now is the time to call your brother."
Inuyasha and Miroku were sitting in his brother's office. Across the desk from them sat his half brother Sesshomaru. He was seething with anger,
"So you're telling me," Sesshomaru said. "That two bumbling idiots," Inuyasha growled at this. "Stumbled upon the infamous mob boss Naraku, killing a subordinate, while confessing to running an illegal poker ring, and drug trafficking." Inuyasha and Miroku simply nodded. Sesshomaru slammed his fist on his desk, causing all activity outside the office to cease as the whole office, both demon and human, listened into the conversation.
"This had better not be one of your fucking jokes brother," Sesshomaru snarled.
"Do you really think," Inuyasha growled back. "That I'd fucking kid about something like this?" He and Sesshomaru had never had a "good" relationship. They'd really never had a "civil" relationship. But somewhere deep down, Inuyasha knew his brother would believe him. As much as he postured, he really was a decent guy.
Sesshomaru sat back in his chair slowly, "This is unbelievable." He muttered. "My source told me a hit on Tokajin was going down tonight, but she never said that Naraku himself would be doing it."
"Cause that's what's important, ya dick," Inuyasha spat at his brother "The reliability of your Intel." Sesshomaru simply started at Inuyasha with a placid expression. "Someone is going to fucking kill me," Inuyasha yelled. "Your only fucking brother!" Sesshomaru's expression never changed. "Fine," Inuyasha said, calling his brother's bluff. "I'll just call mom." Inuyasha reached for the phone on Sesshomaru's desk and tried to lift the receiver.
Quick as a flash, Sesshomaru's hand covered Inuyasha's blocking him from lifting the phone. Inuyasha smirked. Sesshomaru's own mother, a full blooded dog demon, had left shortly after he was born. The only mother he had ever know, was Inuyasha's mother, and he feared her as if she had given birth to him herself. Sesshomaru gave his brother a cold smile and said "No need to call in the big guns. We'll just follow procedure."
"And that would be what?" Miroku asked, speaking up for the first time since they got there.
"Depose you and then witness protection," Sesshomaru said simply. "We'll pull you out when we take Naraku to trial, and then you'll testify. As long as we get enough on him and his goons, we be able to put them away and then perhaps you'll be able to return to normal life."
"Perhaps?" Miroku asked, clearly not happy at Sesshomaru's choice of words.
"Sometimes it's not that easy," Sesshomaru said plainly. "Sometimes the witness protection identities, become permanent."
"So what are our new identities?" Inuyasha sneered at his brother. "They'd better be something good."
"Oh," Sesshomaru said with a rather sly smile on his face that made Inuyasha uncomfortable. "They're really good." Sesshomaru tossed Inuyasha a folder and said "Hand this to Jakotsu in the office. He'll fill you in on your new identities and teach you how to properly fit in."
Inuyasha took the folder and nodded to his brother as he and Miroku stood up to leave. "Oh and little bother," Sesshomaru said just before Inuyasha closed the door. Inuyasha handed the folder to Miroku and poked his head back into his brother's office, tilting an ear in his direction to show that he was listening.
"So you remember," Sesshomaru said standing up and walking to the door where his brother stood. "the time that you two drugged me, dragged me out into the forest, covered me in honey and tied me to a tree leaving me to nearly be mauled to death by bears?" Inuyasha laughed out loud.
"Best prank ever," Inuyasha laughed. "Why?"
"Consider us even." Sesshomaru said as he forcefully shoved Inuyasha out of his office, slamming the door. Inuyasha could hear his brother laughing hard behind the closed door, and it gave Inuyasha a feeling of foreboding.
"Holy shit," Inuyasha heard Miroku's voice curse over the din of the office that had resumed after Sesshomaru had shoved him out of his office. "Inuyasha," Miroku called anger tinting his voice. "You're never going to guess what our new identities are." Inuyasha suddenly thought that maybe being killed by Naraku might be better .
"I can't believe we're fucking women," Inuyasha grumbled on the train. He had always admired girls in their school uniforms but he had no idea that they were this uncomfortable.
"And not in the good way," Miroku said simply sitting next to him on the train, trying to pull down his skirt which was far too short. "Sesshomaru really got us good."
"No shit," Inuyasha said, tugging at the tie around his neck. Sesshomaru had really gotten his revenge. He had placed them in Midoriko school for gifted young women. It was a school that specialized in women with spiritual powers, demonic powers and gifted demon slayers. Inuyasha had become Inuotome, and Miroku had become Mimi.
Jakotsu, the only cross dressing federal agent in Sesshomaru's office, had taken a week to show the two males, how to become females. He taught them makeup, dressing, padding, and how to change their voices so that they were more convincing. Jakotsu had gone on and on about how great it was to finally be able to teach these skills to someone else. He'd kept calling himself their drag-mother, much to Inuyasha's chagrin.
Now, Inuotome and Mimi were on their way to register at Midoriko's. When they arrived, the two guys were so self conscience that they spent the entire walk to the deans office trying to pull down their skirts, desperately trying to make them longer. "Who the hell ever heard of a college that requires a uniform?" Inuyasha grumbled. His ears twitched as he heard a throat clear from behind him.
"We require it, to instill a sense of commonality in all our girls." The two spun to find a tall pale woman standing in front of them. She smiled warmly. "I'm Kikyo Hitome, the dean and headmistress here at Midoriko's, you may address me as Ms. Hitome. I take it you're our new students, Inuotome and Mimi?" Ms. Hitome asked. Inuyasha stuck his hand out and putting on his best girly voice said "I prefer Inu, Ms. Hitome."
"And I prefer Miro," Miroku butted in. Ms. Hitome gave him a quizzical look.
"I've never heard of Miro, as a nickname for Mimi," She said.
"It's not common," Inuyasha covered jabbing Miroku in the ribs with his elbow. "It's a family name."
"Oh," Ms. Hitome smiled gently. "Well, follow me and we'll work up you're class schedule." The two men fussed with their skirts a little more as Ms. Hitome lead them into her office. "So," she said sitting behind a large cherry wood desk, "You will each have to take general courses like Math and English. But then we offer additional courses specializing in different aspects of using powers. We also offer additional training for young women who wish to become demon slayers." Ms. Hitome paused here waiting for the guys to say which track they wished to be in.
"Demon powers," Inuyasha said pointing at his ears "Obviously." Ms Hitome nodded. And then she glanced at Miroku. Who unfortunately sat there slouching with his legs spread apart. Inuyasha who had had the good sense to at least keep his ankles crossed so that his knees weren't wide open-a little trick Jakotsu had showed-him kicked Miroku sharply in the shins. Miroku seemed to remember that he was supposed to be Mimi and crossed his legs.
"Uh," Miroku stammered. "I have spiritual powers, ya know, like, sutras and stuff." Inuyasha rolled his eyes and then turned his attention back to Ms. Hitome. She nodded, not seeming to notice the guy's strange behavior. She typed away on her computer for a few moments and then Inuyasha heard the printer whirr. Ms. Hitome retrieved the papers from the printer and handed them directly to Inuyasha and Miroku.
"Here are your schedules," she said. "Your dorm room number is on the bottom, and your things will be brought up shortly." Inuyasha an Miroku stood up taking that as their sign for dismissal. "Oh one more thing ladies," Ms Hitome said before they reached the door. "I understand that you requested to be roommates in a private dorm. However, since you are transferring in rather late in the year, all of the private dorms are occupied. You will be rooming with two of our best students. Kagome Higurashi and Sango Masurao.
Authors Note: Just finished my first fic yesterday and already I'm back on the horse. No break for me. Really I enjoy writing and am just so happy that I am actually finishing stories, for the first time in years. Hope you all enjoy it. Hopefully a new chapter will be up tomorrow.
~ChaCha