Disclaimer: The character of Harry Potter and Harry Potter the franchise does not belong to me. I hold no rights with respect to anything in this story except for the plot. I am not profiting from the online publication of this story.
Author's Notes: This is a parody and is not meant to be taken seriously. At the same time, it is meant to be an enjoyable romance.
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A Cure for Love
by Jen Ann Bradley
Prologue: The Ancient Prophecy™
One evening many hundreds of years ago in a castle enveloped in a gloomy and atmospheric fog, Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor were playing cards. Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff were watching from the sidelines, for they had folded several hands ago. Both players and spectators had drunk a large quantity of extremely rich French wine, and were almost completely naked because that is what happens when people get drunk.
At one point Salazar Slytherin was bluffing, but had run out of money, clothes and property interests. As backing out of the hand would have been contrary to his honor, Slytherin's only remaining option was to bet his future offspring.
"Dost thou yield?" asked Gryffindor, attempting not to smirk.
"Yield?" bellowed Slytherin. "Never! I see thy forty thousand ducats and raise you everything of value left to me."
"But what value hast thou left to offer me?"
"Why, the life of my firstborn child."
Gryffindor considered this for a moment. He was very drunk to have done even this much. "And what shall I do with this firstborn child?" he asked.
Slytherin offered several unsavory suggestions, but the two finally resolved that the firstborn child would be Gryffindor's to marry, should it be a girl. And it would be Gryffindor's to beat should it be a boy. However, several weeks later Slytherin and Gryffindor had a falling out over who would get the last piece of wedding cake and this drove a wedge in the agreement.
Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were dismayed to say the least, because they liked weddings and love stories, but mostly because each woman had wanted to catch the bouquet. In order to punish their friends' male pride, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff banded together and concocted the most dastardly and evil curse that was in their power to make without the aid of dark magic: MARRIAGE.
Yes, someday in the future offspring of Gryffindor and offspring of Slytherin would be forced to marry, and if they didn't then something terrible and disastrous would happen. When the two men discovered the curse, they were furious. But it was too late. The Curse had been uttered, both in English and ungrammatical Latin. Even worse, the witches had made it rhyme in verse, which doubled the curse's power. All that Gryffindor and Slytherin could do was delay the curse's power for a while. And so, the Ancient Prophecy™ of Slytherin and Gryffindor was created, and our story begins…