Disclaimer – You'd think that ppl would get the idea that if I owned Spirited Away…I really wouldn't be writing fanfics on it… o_O Anyhow…if this is gunna turn into a fic…which my writings seem to have a tendency for doing nowadays…then please refer all future disclaimers here…not like you would need any reminding, seeing how you're on FANfiction.net!! ^^*
Note – As in my other Spirited Away fic (^^), the characters' thoughts are done in BOLD…hopefully, you'll enjoy this newest pop of idea in my head~!
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Across Time and Worlds / Dearest Unreachable You
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Kohaku,
I'm here writing you another letter…pathetic, aren't I? After all…it's not like these letters will ever reach you, no matter how much I may wish them to. I know they won't…and yet…I can't help it but keep writing them to you—to me, you see…this is sort of like my way of reaching out to you. Deep down inside…I think I'm hoping that if I reach long and hard enough…then maybe someday these letters will find a way of reaching you. *blushes* Don't laugh at me, Haku-kun…when I'm so far apart from you…when I miss you this much…when all I can do is pray and wish…
But…it's too bad my wishes—even if I am to wish with my entire heart—won't find a way to get to you. I don't think even wishing could cross over dimensions and time to reach out to you—to bring you my message that I…
But enough of that. Brooding isn't going to help any now, is it? Today is the fourth anniversary of my return to my world, did you know? Four years…sometimes I find it hard to believe that so much time has already passed by, and yet it still seems to me like it was just yesterday that we parted ways on those little steps beyond that little bridge…that little bridge in your world…where I left a piece of myself—and my heart—behind. And although so much time has passed by, there hasn't been a single word from you or any of the others. Not that I blame you though…how can I, when I myself can't get across the Border of Time, which separates our two worlds, to come find you? Can you imagine my disappointment and loss when I tried to get back into the Majou no Sekai the same way I had first entered it, only to find rubbles and ruins? I go back every now and then…not daring to hope but hoping all the same that maybe that one time, I would be able to come to your world and see everyone again—but always to no avail. No matter how many times I go back there…all I can see are the broken pieces of my memories…the broken pieces which hold you and Rin and everyone else within my heart. I think our worlds want to keep me away from ever crossing the borders of the two worlds again…or perhaps it's destiny that we are meant to be apart forever…
There I go again! I'm sorry to have burdened you with my feelings by writing "you" this…chances are…it's been so long that you don't even remember me. Perhaps that promise you made to me, all those years ago, was just to oblige me so I would get going back to my own world…
Perhaps then…you didn't mean your words at all??
If only you could know how much they had meant to me…how much they still mean to me…
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The hand writing the letter, unfinished and unsigned, dropped the pen it was holding as a sob escaped from its owner. A single teardrop splattered on the paper, making a dot of smudge in the perfect handwriting. Outside, the night air was cool and the skies were clear; a bright moon illuminated the dark of the night, spilling its gentle rays on the letter and making the tear on it sparkle like a diamond.
How sad… The lone fourteen-year-old girl thought to herself, watching more droplets of tears splash onto the plain white letter paper before wiping her eyes roughly, stopping further teardrops. I can't even confess my feelings for him to a piece of paper. True, it's a piece of paper addressed to him…but it's not like he'd ever read it or anything…
It's not like I'll ever see him again…
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The dark-silver haired boy watched as the crystallized surface of water began to ripple, as if droplets of tears had struck its surface. Blinking, he realized that it was his own tears that had caused the distortion on the smooth surface which served as his looking glass—and his only way of seeing the girl currently sleeping on her desk. A cool breeze sneaked in from the crack of window the girl had left open, gently ruffling the girl's light chestnut-colored hair as if trying to comfort the girl with the tear-streaked face.
She had cried herself to sleep.
The boy—who looked to be a seventeen-year-old human child—wore a pained expression on his face as he watched the girl, the words from the letter the girl had been writing still fresh in his memory.
"…chances are…it's been so long that you don't even remember me…"
Chihiro… the young river spirit thought as he felt a familiar painful squeeze in his heart, his mind and eyes still locked on that peacefully sleeping face, as if unable to look away. How he longed to be able to reach out and wipe those tears away! How he longed to be able to be there for her, to comfort her! How it hurt to know that he himself was the source of her emotional pain…just the same way she, unknowingly, was also his…
Chihiro…how can you possibly think that I could forget about you? He thought to her, knowing she could never answer him. How could you think that the promise I had made you didn't mean as much to me as it did to you—as it still does to you? If only you know how hard I'd tried to reach you…if only you could know how much I miss you.
If only you could know how much our feelings for one another are alike…Chihiro…
Closing his eyes momentarily in pain as the image on his looking glass faded away, the water spirit walked towards the balcony of the large and luxuriously furnished room, turning away from the other occupants of the room so they wouldn't be able to see the longing and the hurt in his eyes.
Zeniiba looked up from her sister's paper work as the silver dragon turned to walk away, and signaled to the others to give the boy some room to get himself together. While someone else might have missed the defeated and dejected lines in Haku's movements, the old witch who had been the first to openly forgive the former witch apprentice for his misguided past knew him better. The others in the room exchanged worried glances but kept silent, knowing that asking the boy in question about it—or even attempting to talk to him—wouldn't help him any. They had all been there for him when he first found out that somehow, the Border which separated the two worlds had been closed off and magically secured without their knowledge; had been there when the ones who wielded magic had combined their power in attempt to break the seal placed on it; had been there when all attempts failed and the young silver dragon had been emotionally broken—until they had found a way, after many sleepless nights, to look into the world once joined to the world of the spirits.
However, when you're separated from a loved one—just as those gathered in that large and comfortable room were separated from a human girl named Chihiro, whom they all care for deeply on many different levels—and looking and watching is all you can do…there will indefinitely come a time when you realize that just sitting there you whole life as you watch them live out theirs is…not enough.
Because looking and seeing isn't the same as touching…feeling. There are emotions that no spoken words can describe, let alone words which cannot even be spoken to the person you care for.
Seeing Haku turning back to stalk into the room, the only indifferent-looking occupant of the room decided to break the silence.
"You know…there is more than one way to leave the Majou no Sekai, bounded to our lands as we are. Perhaps we just haven't been trying the right ways." The old witch said to her former apprentice, looking at his sorrowful face out of the corner of her eye and trying not to look too concerned.
Miserable moss green eyes met her guarded gaze—for the first time since they realize the seal on the Border of Time could not be broken, Haku didn't even try to conceal his wounded feelings from them.
"We've tried…everything…" the silver dragon whispered, emotionally wore out. His eyes were still a little red and puffy-looking, Kamajii noted. Suddenly, the frustration bottled up inside of him seemed to explode, and Haku didn't even notice himself screaming his next words. "Nothing…absolutely nothing seems to work at all! I mean, what 'great undiscovered ways' haven't we tried?! Even you said that you had no more spells that could possibly work on a barrier which would only absorb our magics! I just…I don't know what to do anymore…"
With that, Haku turned his head from them again so they couldn't see his face, but one knew him as well as they all did could not mistake the tensing of the youth's shoulders as anything but his attempts at trying to control himself—and his tears.
"Maybe…maybe it would've worked for you to at least be able to talk to her, if someone on the other side was able to open a speech-window for you." Zeniiba said to him kindly, trying to think aloud while being careful not to touch an open wound. "However…since there is no one there to make this happen…we just have to keep trying, Kohaku." Then, seeing the silver dragon shake his head and looking so lost, she opened her mouth to speak again, only to be cut off from their last companion, who had been quiet the whole time, contradicting to her nature and personality.
"So you're ready to give up then?" Rin demanded of the river spirit. Seeing him suffer like this day and night—it was hard for her too, who hated to see someone she cared a smidge for to be in agony that cannot be healed by any physical means. Fiercely protective of the people she concerned herself about, it was clear at first that the young woman who lived among the Yuna as employees of the Aburaya did not like Yu-Baaba's former secret servant at all. However, after meeting with Sen she had come to see him as an important friend—very important, in fact…because he was so important to the young girl who had shown them all unconditional kindness. Right now, however, Rin was pale with fury, angry at the silver dragon who looked like he was going to buckle under the weight of his internal pain.
"You're just going to give in like that, without putting up a better fight? Are you so ready to forget about her that you're willing to just…forget about the whole thing? About ever meeting her…or ever promising her that you'll see her again? Is she so insignificant to you that you can just forget her and move on with your life, and be happy about it? Well?" Rin glared at the dragon, who had whirled around to meet her eyes. Seeing the anger intermixed with the hurt within them, the young woman's own eyes softened.
He can be angry with me…as long as he doesn't give up…as long as he's still willing to fight for his chance of seeing her again, then nothing matters. Rin thought as she made out the genuine care and hurt in Haku's eyes. As long as he's willing to fight…then there's still hope. Once he gives up that hope—the only thing we can cling onto—then all will truly be lost. He mustn't lose that…not when seeing Sen again is as important to him—and to her—as I know it is.
Her tone softening to meet the look in her eyes, Rin continued, her voice barely a whisper. "Sen…Sen would have never given up. She would've never given up on trying to find a way to get to you, if she knew what was going on. Even when she knows she couldn't get to our world—even though everytime she goes there she knows she'll just end up hurting herself again by giving herself false hope—she still goes back to the Border, wanting to try her hardest to get to us. We have to try…just as hard…to get to her. We…" Tears began to cloud up the girl's vision and she stopped mid-sentence, not trusting her voice to go on.
Someone placed a hand on her shaking shoulders. Looking up, she was startled to find Haku smiling at her. The river spirit nodded, just once, and finished her sentence for her, speaking just loud enough for all of them to hear.
"We mustn't give up…and we won't." The silver dragon said with new resolve in his voice. "I'll never give up on her…not until the day I die. And when I do…my spirit will be able to find its way to her, and we'll be together again. But for now…we have to keep trying. Is that right, Rin-san?"
"Then let's start again, from the very beginning." Zeniiba had come over to join the standing duo, smiling.
"We'll pool our sources together and think of every single way that our two worlds connect." The new voice was Yu-Baaba's, who, for all she tried to act aloof from the whole matter, was just trying to hide her own concern and anxiety for the young lovers. "We'll get you across to that little girl…we just have to keep trying."
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Somewhere in the space of non-existence between the two worlds, a staff blazed forth with light, illuminating that unnamed place shrouded in darkness. The owner of the magical staff—and the sole occupant of that lonely land—wore a long black cape, keeping his face hidden within the shadows of his confines. The motionless clock-arm-like structure adorned on his great staff began ever so slowly to tick backwards within the light of the bright, white-hot magic; its slow and agonized ticking sound echoing in the surreal place.
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Man…when will my one-shots turn out to be…ONE-shots?! o_O Hehehe…*nervous laughter* Argh!…when I started to write this, I had wanted it to be a one-shot…and had full intension of making it that way. But…*mumbles* you can all see that that's not gunna happen here…so I guess this is gunna be my second Spirited Away ficcy then~!! =^^= It's all good…as long as ya'll keep reading it! ^^* But here's one thing I ought to learn…NOT to write boring first chapters… ^^;; The next chappie will be more entertaining, I promise~!! Just bear with me thru it all?? XD
The "Border of Time" that I mentioned doesn't really exist…^^;; I just needed to call it something…and didn't feel like calling it a doorway between the two worlds…or whatever I had called it in my other fic, cuz I kinda forgot XD
If you've read my other ficcy (The Day the Dream Ended =^^=) you'll see that the Yu-Baaba I have in this ficcy is…more her character. Or at least…I tried…I really did! Since I altered her so much in that other fic (c'mon people! She does have the potential to be nice!! ), I actually made an effort to keep her in character (as she was at the end of the movie…which I really haven't seen in a very very VERY long while…so gomen nasai, if my details are a tad muddled!! n.n) as much as I could in this fic, to make up for that. Nothing important, really…but nice to know, ne?? :D
Anyways…please stay tuned (as soon as I could, I promise~!!) for the second chappie of this supposed-one-shot-turned-fic~! (wow that was a long name~! ^^;;) As offered with my other fic, I'll be starting a "updates mailing list" for this ficcy also, so if you'd like me to give you a shout-out when I update (no, I do NOT stalk and no, I will NOT share your email with anyone…just in case anyone's worried ^^*), then by all means, pls leave me your emails either by emailing me (my email's on my "home" page) or leaving it when you review (PLEASE DO~!!) this time, and I'll be more than happy to tell you whenever I update…which will hopefully be soon~!!
As usual, criticisms, comments and the such are all very much welcomed…fire away! Oh…and…I hope you guys are having as good a summer as I am~!
~Aqua Sunshine ^^*