Title: Kicking Sawdust

Author: Sorepaws (Soricha & Gauzepaws)

Pairing: Callie/Arizona

Rating: NC-17

Summary: AU - Sorepaws Production Presents in Technicolour "Kicking Sawdust", written by Gauzepaws and Soricha. It has Lions, Tigers and Bears (Okay, just the Lion) It is filled with thrills from up high and spills from, eh, up high. Starring Calliope Torres and Arizona Robbins, coming to screens near you right now!

Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual

Chapter 1

Arizona swung back and forth cutting through the still air of the big top, usually this sensation would be accompanied by adrenaline pumping through her system, every sinew and nerve in her body alert as her muscles twisted and pulled her in familiar routines. However now…now it felt like everything in Arizona's life, as though she was experiencing in through a filter. The sights and colours around the show - sights that those not involved with the circus would often regard as garish - used to make her stomach flip with excitement, however that was before. She repositioned her feet on the fly bar, smiling broadly as she waved to the crowd below; she could hear the sound of voices beneath her. When did that start? she thought, when did the audience become more interested to hooking themselves popcorn or a corn dog instead of watching her. There was a time when she could have heard a pin drop as she moved back and forth. She gripped the side ropes and lifted her body up, pointing her toes to maintain her line. Gripping the ropes she rotated until she held herself upside down, her body making automatic adjustments to hold her in place, she looked down catching sight of her safetyman holding the rope attached to the trapeze she would swing to. She dropped her legs down and brought her body back to a sitting position in mid air, her abdominal muscles working hard to keep her legs straight out in front of her. She was about to perform a few more tricks on the static bar when she heard the loud booming voice of the ringmaster Mark Sloan below her "Would John Robinson please come to the rear entrance". Arizona was thankful that although at a lower height than she previously would have flown at, she was still sufficiently high enough that the audience could not see the irritation in her face at the standard code used in the circus to curtail an act. She clenched her jaw in anger and spun herself back upside down, immediately falling into the pattern that would signal her final trick. The drum roll sounded from the band and Arizona was aware of the spotlight performing a ballyhoo across the audience, the figure of eight motion illuminating the faces of the spectator's for a split second before they were plunged back into the darkness. She widened her legs and twisted the ropes around her them to secure her in position, she released her grip on the ropes and flexed her leg muscles to allow her body to drop down, the ropes chaffed against the silk fleshings on her legs, at least that sensation reminded her that she was here and alive. There was no gasps of relief from the crowd when she fell into her final position, her ankles hooked around the ropes as her body hung limply beneath, she half heartedly waved her fingertips towards the darkened seated area. She moved her arms building up momentum with her body, increasing the swings movement to and fro until she reached the peak and momentarily felt the liberation of weightlessness. She released her ankles from their hold and allowed her body to fly through the air, her sight and hearing blurring as her body spun in rotation towards the second trapeze, as always the split second before she reached her destination her senses kicked back in. She saw the bar in front of her almost in slow motion and reached out for it, her hands thumped against the metal, small puffs of chalk came from her hands. She lifted her legs up and brought her knees over the bar, using the momentum of the swing to help her curl up and pull back into a sitting position. She perched on the bar, her toes pointing almost painfully and waved enthusiastically to the crowd, their lack luster applause for her display pounded mockingly in her ears. "Ladies and Gentleman…please show your appreciation for the amazing Soaring Arizona Robbins" the applause increased slightly at Mark's urging however she was relieved when the shanty switched the spot light onto one of the side rings where one of the clowns was performing during the small break between the main acts. She finally allowed the smile to drop from her face and crossed her hands in front of her chest and pushed off of the trapeze to fall to the waiting net below. She landed on her backside on the net and bounced up to a standing position, still grateful that one of the clowns now captured the audience's attention so that they did not have to witness her bounding across the net to make her dismount. Arizona knelt down and gripped the edge of the netting, she fell forward, and tumbled out of the net, she felt strong arms around her waist helping her to the ground. She gave a small smile, thanked the member of the crew for their assistance, and almost broke into a run to get out of the ring. She exited the tent and a chill went through her as the night air hit the sweat beading on her body, her chest heaved with the effort of breathing.

"You okay?" A concerned voice asked as Arizona leaned over to catch her breath.

"I'm fine" she replied tersely, glancing up at the red haired woman who had enquired. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard "I'm sorry Addison" she added, her tone softening "I'm okay really"

Addison smiled and nodded "Okay then" Addison watched as Arizona left the pad area where the performers gathered immediately before they entered the ring. The petite trapeze artist was pulling at the pins that held her blonde locks into a neat bun during her act.

"Showtime Addison" a male voice intoned.

"Right…let's do this" Addison smiled and straightening her back strode towards the open flap of the tent.

Arizona walked disconsolately back towards her living quarters, she knew that she should stay to get ready for the finale at the dressing area. But she couldn't breath and needed to get some space away from the stifling atmosphere of the big top. She wrenched the last of the pins out of her hair and rubbed the pads of her fingertips through her curls, a soft moan left her lips at the relief of having her hair loose again. She closed her eyes as she heard collective gasps from the big top; Addison had started her show, the spot that Arizona had once graced. The much coveted last spot on the bill. She fought back the tears as the night was punctuated by loud applause and cheers following the successful execution of a trick.

Stepping up into her wagon, she tossed the pins that had tamed her hair onto the small dressing table and flopped down onto the stool. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, the tiredness, and sadness still visible to her through the layers of makeup she wore to compete with the harsh glare of the spotlights. She glanced up to her right and gave a soft mirthless laugh at the poster attached to the wall, an illustrated version of her face looked back down at her, the drawn version looked younger, lighter…looked happy. Beside her was a man with similar features to her own "He cut me short Tim" Arizona said to the poster "Can you believe that?" She shook her head disbelievingly "He cut me short!" she reached a finger up and traced it across the jaw line of the smiling man "Missed you out there tonight" she said sadly, sighing at the words that were repeated religiously twice a day after every show. "I should get changed for the big send off" she slapped her thighs and stood up, twisting to pull at the zipper of her leotard.

Once redressed she had to sprint across the open grass to get back to the pad in time for the final parade, squeezing into her position on the line up just before they set off waving into the ring. She heard Mark yell her name and she waved at the applause, the crowd seemingly more appreciative now than when she completed her routine. They waved and smiled until Mark announced to the crowd "All over." There was a shared moan of disappointment from the audience. Who for one night had become enthralled with this traveling show, with the feats of the performers, the animals that some may have only seen in photos previously and the taste of the cotton candy and toffee apples. The roustabouts were waiting in the darkness along the periphery of the tent, their broad tanned arms crossed across their chests as they waited for the crowd to disperse so they could start the backbreaking task of bringing the big top down and packing it for their journey to the next town.

Arizona walked in the opposite direction of the other performers, who were hurrying towards the cook tent where dinner would be served; a red flag flew from the top of the cookhouse indicating that it was now open for all circus personnel. She didn't feel hungry or like socialising with them tonight, instead she walked back to her wagon and changed into her civilian clothes. She pulled on calf length soft leather boots over the top of her cream jodhpurs, her white shirt tucked neatly into the waistband. Standing she gave a cursory glance in the mirror before leaving her wagon to watch the crew bring down the tent. In a short time the outfit was dismantled, each piece systematically packed to ease its rebuild the following morning. She heard the sound of the boss canvasman shouting to "let her go" and watched in awe as the great structure that she had been performing in only hours before, floated towards the ground. The canvas ballooned as trapped air rippled though it causing it to billow and roll like the ocean; finally, the canvas fell to the ground with a loud crack. Arizona turned to walk back towards the wagons, having had her fill of the night and needing to be in her wagon before curfew, the last thing she needed was a fine for being out after hours. She stopped as Mark stood in front of her gripping his black top hat, his red jacket upon close inspection looked slightly threadbare in certain areas The small monkey that accompanied him everywhere sat on his shoulder still dressed in her ringmaster costume, the animal absently picked at Mark's hair as he spoke "I'm sorry Arizona"

Arizona held up her hand "It's okay, I know it wasn't you…I'll speak to him in the morning" she replied, referring to Derek Shepherd the owner of the circus and ultimately the one who called the shots She moved to pass Mark and patted his arm "It's no big deal" she lied.

Mark craned his head over his shoulder to watch Arizona as she walked slowly back towards the wagon "I wish we both believed that" he murmured to the monkey before continuing his journey towards his wagon.

The following morning Arizona woke up yawning and stretching out her tired limbs, her joints popping in protest. She looked out of the window of her wagon across their new abode. Each morning was always a new town, a new ground as the circus traveled overnight to its new location. Regardless of the town or season, Arizona expected to see the same sights from her window such was the organisation of the small traveling town. The layout of the wagons and tents followed a strict routine that only varied dependent on the size of location it was housed in. She could see clearly the bright painted wagon of Addison. An image on the side of the wagon portrayed the striking red haired woman balancing on a tight rope. The smell of breakfast was wafting through the wagons from the cookhouse and Arizona quickly dressed eager to take her place with the other couple of hundred people involved in keeping Shepherd's Circus on the road.

She entered the cook tent and wound her way in line to grab some nourishment, her eyes wandered around the large tent known to all as the camp. Long tables stretched out in military like lines, the planks of wood that made up the tables and benches rested on carved horses each with different features. Arizona gathered her breakfast and walked towards the tables set aside for the performers, each table contained the different rank and file of the circus - from the swarthy workmen, to the musicians, to the side show attractions - all sat within their social group chatting animatedly. The sound of the Beatles the band from England that the US had gone mad about, could be heard singing about a long and winding road over the small radio placed on the musician's table. She spotted Derek deep in conversation with Richard Webber the man responsible for the day-to-day running of the circus known to all as simply 'The Chief'. She passed by Alex Karev, the main circus clown, who was talking to the twenty four hour man and caught the odd word of the conversation as she brushed passed.

"Looks like the rain will stay off" Arizona remarked taking her seat beside the Grey sisters. The two acrobats looked up from their food and nodded an acknowledgement.

"Makes doing flip flaps during the march less dangerous" Meredith, the elder of the two sisters remarked sipping her coffee.

"Do we know where we are?" Arizona asked, poking a fork into one of the thick sausages on her plate.

"No idea" the younger Grey sister, Lexie replied still chewing on her bacon "Some Mid West town" she said speculatively.

Arizona nodded and focused on her breakfast "So it's official" she looked up as Alex sat down and inwardly grimaced. The dour man was the antipathy of the fun jovial character he portrayed during the show, his proclamations of doom more often than not came to nothing; however, that didn't stop him speculating.

"What's official?" Meredith asked, her eyes flashing an apology to the others for taking the bait, experience telling her we would have continued regardless of any input from anyone else.

"The seats were half empty last night, and I was just speaking to Stark and sales aren't much better here either," Alex said breathlessly. Arizona looked over towards Phil Stark; the small man had now joined Derek and the Chief at their table. She watched as the men frowned and rubbed their faces as Stark set out the ticket sales he had generated. The twenty-four hour man as he was known to the circus traveled ahead of them promoting the show and arranging the feed and supplies for the animals and circus personnel. He could usually be spotted around camp until after breakfast when he would set off to their next stop. Arizona realized she had stopped listening to Karev; she blinked slowly and tried to pick up the pieces of the conversation.

"So what you think will happen?" Lexie asked her tone full of trepidation.

"Only one thing they can do" Alex surmised, biting a chunk of bacon in much the same manner that Arizona had seen one of Bailey's lions devour a rib steak "Bring in new acts….fresh blood" he leaned in closer taking with his mouth full "None of us are safe"

"Oh God…you are so full of it"

Arizona turned sharply towards the derisive voice, she hadn't even heard Cristina Yang sit down beside them "This will be the same as it always is with you funny man…the biggest pile of elephant dung"

Alex shrugged "Just you wait, and then we'll see who is right"

"Riiiiight" Cristina smirked "Just like the time that you told everyone they were going to put a water tank in one of the rings for a mobile Sea World." Meredith let out an audible snort at the jibe and Alex scowled at her. "You know it's a good job you paint that smile of yours on, cause I've yet to see a real one crack your face" the petite Asian woman added raising her eyebrows.

"Fire breathing bitch" Alex muttered under his breath. There was a moment of silence a the table until Alex piped back up "I also heard they're bringing the freaks back"

"No they're not" Meredith stated emphatically as the table let out a collective gasp at Alex's words "They're not bringing them back" she shook her head and frowned, ignoring her sisters inquisitive look.

Alex leaned forward resting his elbows on the table "How do you explain them talking about the worlds tallest and shortest men then?" he said with a smug look on his face.

"Maybe they've got a clown act that doesn't consist of just falling down on their ass" Cristina deadpanned, trying not to smirk at the look of horror on Karev's face.

Tired of the gossip Arizona drained her coffee "Well as interesting as this installment of the Toby News is, I'm going to rehearse" she picked up her plate and cup and climbed out of the bench to escape. She stacked her dirty dishes with the rest and grabbed a couple of apples from a large bowl, slipping them into the pockets of her loose fitting cardigan. She was out of earshot so didn't hear Meredith lean forward and add in a hushed tone "They are bringing in a horse act though" the tables occupants watched the blonde smile at late arrivals to breakfast as she waited until they passed before she exited.

"Does she know?" Cristina asked as Arizona slipped out into the warm morning sun.

Meredith shook her head quickly, scared that she had already shared too much.

Walking across the dusty ground towards the tent Arizona managed to snag her ground man to tell them they were going to rehearse, then took a detour towards her morning indulgence "Hey Belle" she smiled, her eyes full of warmth as she waited on the usual response. She didn't have to wait long before a long grey trunk snaked around her waist; she leaned into the embrace and looked up into the soulful eyes of the circus elephant. She could feel the snout start to burrow inquisitively into the pockets of her cardigan "If I didn't know better, I'd think you only want me for one thing" she laughed digging out the fruit from her pocket and tossing it into the elephants waiting mouth. She patted the thick skin of Belle's trunk one last time before turning towards the big top "See you tomorrow" she called over her shoulder, waving towards April the trainer as she approached with a bucket and sweeping brush for Belle's morning bath.

"Miss Robbins" Her grounds man greeted her as slipped her feet out of the wooden clogs used by the performers to protect their performance footwear from the dust and mud of the show ground. She pulled off her cardigan to reveal her black practice leotard.

"Morning Fred" she smiled covering her hands and feet in chalk "Not a long one today, just want to iron out some kinks from last night" Fred nodded and fixed the practice harness around her waist.

"What ever you need Miss Robbins" he grinned and stepped back to allow Arizona to scale the rope up to her platform. Fred gripped the rope which allowed him to counter balance Arizona's weight should she fall and nodded to her. Arizona looked down from the platform and waved down before unhooking the trapeze, she threw herself off the platform using her body to increase the swing before releasing the bar and spinning around quickly to catch the bar for its return swing. She went through her well-worn practice routine, which included twists and turns that she had been performing since childhood with one very apparent missing ingredient in Arizona's mind. She no longer heard her actions being mirrored on the opposite trapeze by Timothy. She had been up for around twenty minutes and was about to swing from one trapeze to the other, when the back door of the tent -where acts appeared from - burst open. The sound of thunderous hooves filled the arena startling Arizona and causing her to lose her grip; she felt her body fall through the air before Fred took the slack, leaving her dangling in mid air. "What the hell!" she yelled at the stable hand that had entered the side ring with the horses. The young man paid her no heed as he continued to yell and crack a whip at the three black stallions now cantering around the rink. Arizona's arms and legs waved in fury "Fred let me down" she roared. Fred hesitated, worrying about the young boy's safety; however, as he spotted Arizona's anger turn towards him he slowly lowered her to the ground.

She stood impatiently waiting in the centre of the main ring until Fred unhooked her, then stomped over towards the smaller side ring. Arizona stood on the curb surrounding the ring waiting for a safe gap to appear between the now galloping horses to allow her to jump into the ring. Finally, a space appeared and she leapt into the ring and grabbed the collar of the startled stable hand "What the hell do you think you are doing…and who the hell are you?" she demanded.

"PARADA!"

The noise from the horses hooves abated as they immediately came to a standstill at the command, their breath blowing heavily through their nostrils, sweat starting to glisten on their necks "I'd appreciate if you'd let my assistant go" Arizona turned to the commanding voice that had just halted the horses. A tall dark haired woman dressed in shiny black riding boots and dark jodhpurs contrasting sharply with her crisp white collared T-shirt, hopped gracefully off the curb and into the ring, a small cloud of dust puffing up at her feet, marring the shine of her boots. Arizona released her grip of the bewildered boy and looked at the woman now walking confidently towards her, her shoulder length black hair fell in waves around her head and matched the manes of the three stallions now stamping impatiently at the sawdust.

"You can't just burst into the tent without checking who else might be rehearsing" Arizona ranted, she curled her toes in her soft practice pumps and pulled herself up to her maximum height, feeling slightly disadvantaged by the height difference between her and the other woman.

"We were told it was empty" the woman replied evenly, never taking her dark brown eyes from the smaller woman "We were misinformed and I apologise" she said smoothly trying to dampen the other woman's visible anger.

Arizona detected a slight trace of a South American accent in the other woman's voice "Your boy there could have caused an accident"

"But he didn't"

Gritting her teeth in fury Arizona seethed "He could have"

"But he didn't" the woman repeated, emphasising each word before holding her hands up in surrender. "We could go like this for days" she smiled briefly before looking serious "I have apologised for interrupting your practice, you should accept the apology and we can forget that we met under such unfortunate circumstances." she jerked her head up towards the stable boy and motioned with her hands, her fingers creating intricate patterns in the air. Arizona watched at a loss as the boy gestured back before moving to round up the horses. "He's deaf" the dark haired woman explained, seeing the confused look on the other woman's face "Which is why he didn't respond while you yelled at him" she added with a hint of annoyance in her tone "So are you willing to accept my apology?" she challenged.

The adrenaline rush caused by the incident was starting to leave Arizona, however, her heart rate inexplicably had not returned to its normal steady rhythm. "Keep your animals and your help under control," she said quietly, brushing past the taller woman to get out of the ring. "And keep them the hell away from me" she added, and then thumped the canvas doors out of her way to exit the tent.

"Well that should be an interesting act, trapeze with a pole rammed up her ass" the dark haired woman mused aloud.

As Arizona strode across the show ground she spotted a bill poster for the circus attached to one of the tall wooden telegraph poles that were scattered around the ground, curiously she walked over to it, as it appeared different from the usual posters. The rage she had felt as the horses had appeared in the ring and their pompous trainer's half-assed excuse for an apology returned. The poster included a drawn likeness of the woman she had just been speaking to, the exotic looking woman stood with her hands aloft and her feet planted on the backs of two black horses. The smile that Arizona had seen fleetingly was captured in the poster although brighter than the one Arizona had witnessed. "Callie Torres bareback rider" she read aloud, at least now she had a name to put to the face. Arizona's eyes raked over the poster's composition; at the forefront was the familiar image of Addison, the wirewalker taking her rightful spot on the advertisement as the headline act. The trapeze artist frowned unable to locate her image on the poster, her eyes widened in disbelief as finally she spotted her name at the top of the list of other performers including the Grey Sisters and Cristina. Horrified that she had been demoted on the bill Arizona tore the poster from the post and stalked off in search of Derek.

She stormed across the lot, not caring that her white trapeze pumps were being coated in dust. She spotted Derek talking to Meredith, when the acrobat saw the determined look on Arizona's face she tapped Derek's forearm and made a hasty retreat, leaving him to face Arizona on his own. "What the hell is this?" Arizona yelled, thumping the crumpled poster against Derek's chest. The dark haired man automatically put his hand onto his chest and held the poster where Arizona had indelicately put it.

"This is me trying to save this circus" Derek replied calmly.

Arizona's eyebrows raised "You couldn't even tell me that you were bringing in a horse act" her voice quiet with anger "After all I've done, you couldn't tell me that….never mind that you're demoting me"

Derek huffed, and rubbed his eyes already weary of the conversation "And what exactly is it that you've done Arizona?" He looked up at the sky as if searching for words "Other than perform an act so tame that a child could do your tricks" he winced slightly as he saw hurt flash across Arizona's face "We're dying Arizona….we need to bring people in to see the show." Deciding he'd had enough of explaining his decisions he thrust the poster back at Arizona "So unless you buck up your act and start being the performer you used to be, Callie and her horses are above you on the bill." The owner turned to leave but hesitated and turned back "If you don't like it Arizona, you can leave, no ones holding a gun to your head to perform here, but good luck trying to get a spot in another circus"

She watched as Derek walked away. Her arms fell listlessly to her sides, the now crumpled poster dangled from her fingers. At that point Arizona felt more alone than she'd ever felt in her life before.