Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and all Harry Potter characters belong to J. K. Rowling and strictly to J. K. Rowling.

Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, round 7, for the Chudley Cannons.

Potion: Wolfsbane

Prompts Used:

Permeate (word)

Raindrops (word)

(6) Envelope (word)

A Taste Of Happiness

It was pain, pain that seemed to permeate throughout his body. That was all Remus Lupin registered before he was gone.

When Remus Lupin finally became himself after the full moon he was aware of the pain in his body. He suspected he had fresh bite wounds and several long gashes across his chest. He lied there for what felt like hours before he finally got the nerve to get up. The pain only worsened as he sat up. He looked across his body, checking his wounds. The same feeling he got after every full moon hit him like a train. Remus held onto his ribs as the darkness threatened to take over.

It was pain, pain that no one he knew seemed to understand. It was revulsion, revulsion at himself for what he was. It was sadness, sadness that he couldn't control, not now. It was always the same. He hated himself for what he was and what he became every full moon. He hated himself for everything that he has missed out on because of his condition. He very nearly hated everything if it weren't for the fact that he, despite his condition, always found a way to be optimistic. Yes, that was him. Always finding the good in everything he encountered because he couldn't bear the thought of giving up on life.

Remus stood slowly and groaned at the pain. He took one look outside the window and sighed. It was raining. Raindrops were hitting against his window almost violently and all he wanted was to go out there and wash the grime off his body. And so he did. Remus walked out into the rain and shivered at the cold air but felt almost alright with his blood washing off his body. If only he could control himself during the full moon. Being a werewolf wasn't easy and there were ways of gaining control during the full moon but to brew the Wolfsbane potion took skill and expensive ingredients that Remus just didn't have.

Remus was just about to walk back inside to where he usually hid out during the full moon when he saw an owl flying in the rain. Remus watched, confused, as it flew towards him with an envelope in its beak. Remus waited as it kept flying lower and lower and then finally landed nearby. The owl hooted once and Remus took the envelope.

Remus looked at the letter and saw the seal of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Remus walked back inside with the letter before it could get drenched and sat down on a battered old sofa. Remus opened the letter and read what it said. When Remus was finished, he sat on the sofa for what felt like several hours before he realized that he was in shock. Dumbledore was offering him a job as a teacher. Not only that, but to accommodate his affliction Dumbledore said that Wolfsbane could be provided for him. Remus stared at the letter for ages. Was this real? Was someone playing a cruel prank on him? Had he finally gone mad?

It wasn't till the sun was coming up that Remus wrote a reply. The owl that brought the letter hooted happily as Remus offered her a bowl of water.

"Think you can deliver this for me?" he asked the owl. The owl hooted once, took the letter, and flew off. Remus watched her leave and then sat back down on the sofa. For once in his life he felt like he could belong. The one person who gave him a chance as a child was giving him another opportunity to be himself.

. . .

Remus couldn't help the smile that graced his lips seeing everyone at the welcoming feast. It was like he was a kid again, going to Hogwarts for the first time. More importantly, he was now able to see his best friend's son and teach him as well. Remus felt that odd feeling of happiness throughout his body as if suddenly all the scars weren't there.

. . .

When the full moon came nearer Remus was grateful that Severus Snape was able and willing to brew the Wolfsbane potion for him. It had a horrible taste and it smoked blue but the effects were heaven. On the night of the full moon Remus was able to be himself even in his wolf form. The relief and happiness he felt was overwhelming. He wouldn't wake up with any bites, bruises, or cuts. He would be himself, whole and exhausted. The Wolfsbane potion gave him faith and hope. On his own he never quite had enough money or comfort. This was the first time in a long time that he felt truly happy. The wolf couldn't control him when he took the Wolfsbane, he couldn't hurt anyone, and he was safe.

Remus allowed himself, that night, to think of the past. He thought of his lost friends and the days he was happy at Hogwarts as a student himself. The thought of James and Lily Potter made him whine slightly as he waited out the full moon. The thought of Sirius Black brought an overwhelming feeling of disappointment and confusion. Remus allowed himself, this one time, to remember the friends he used to have. A pain that was quite familiar tugged at his chest. He wouldn't allow himself to cry, not there. So Remus curled up and fell asleep.

. . .

Nymphadora Tonks stared at Remus as he sat reading a book in Grimmauld Place. Remus sighed and turned the page in the book. The full moon was getting nearer and he was on edge. The Wolfsbane potion that Sirius was secretly buying for him was helping but being a werewolf wasn't what had him on edge. It was her. The way she looked at him and the way she lingered wherever he went made him want to run. It wasn't that he didn't like her. He did like her but he was afraid, afraid of what that meant. Voldemort was back and he was doing whatever he could for Dumbledore, he didn't have time or the mind for romance. He didn't trust himself and he never would.

Remus put down his book and looked at Nymphadora head on. She blushed and smiled widely at him.

"This is never going to work," he blurted out. Nymphadora's smile faltered. She shook her head and groaned.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care that you're a werewolf? I care about you and the wolf doesn't define you. As long as you take the Wolfsbane potion, you won't have to let it control you," she came over to sit by him. Remus scooted away and cringed at her proximity.

"The fact that I'm a werewolf is only the beginning of why this can't work. You don't understand," Remus stood up and exited the room.

. . .

Remus slept curled up in a room Sirius let him stay in during the full moon. But no matter how much Remus wanted to sleep through his transformation, he couldn't. She was on his mind. The way she walked, talked, the way she looked at him. It was all very addicting. The Wolfsbane potion was a taste of happiness that he felt because he could be himself but it was only a taste. She was the whole damn bottle merely because when she looked at him he felt like she was seeing him and not the wolf. Remus whined and adjusted his limbs. But there were so many things holding him back. Maybe, just maybe they could make it work, as long as he continued to take the Wolfsbane potion.

. . .

A/N: So this took me forever to write. Mainly because I couldn't figure out what to write but I'm happy with how this turned out. - MsHologramRibs