Not everyone can be a hero - or a heroine for that matter. Some of us are just supposed to be the support characters, not always noticed but ever present, hiding in the shadows of the true stars. Without us, they would never have become what they are. We are indispensable, vitally important and completely invisible. That is the way the world works. We can't all live our lives in the limelight.
That is the story of my life. From start to finish. I have always played a supporting role, never the lead. It simply wasn't my path in life. Thinking back, I realise now that it didn't make me any less important than anyone else. Just less noticed. I wish I had seen that at the time. Hindsight is a terrible and wonderful thing.
Probably nobody is in the least bit interested about what I have to say. Who am I, after all? But something I have realised is that you can't live your life only ever thinking about other people. In the end it doesn't make anyone happy. So I am writing this to tell you the story of an unimportant, minor character who played a small part in some great events – the story of my life.
It may not be an exiting tale full of heroic battles and daring adventures, but does that mean it is not worth telling? I will let you read what I have to write and at the end of it you can answer that question for yourself.
It would probably be best to start at the beginning. The beginning of my story, as far as I'm concerned is a warm room smelling of cinnamon and beeswax, bathed in a flickering orange light. Now I no longer remember where that room is or why I was there. It doesn't really matter. The room isn't important, I have just included it for the sake of completeness. For me it was really the beginning. It was the first time I opened my eyes.
I don't remember any more what happened at that time, only that I was very happy and felt safe and at home. My time as a kitten is lost to me. Too many years have passed and my memory is no longer what it once was. Even the faces of my parents have faded over time. My mother had beautiful green eyes and the sweetest voice, when she sang lullabies in the evenings. My father was barely there, I have forgotten him altogether.
The first event I remember with clarity was when my new owner came to collect me. I was a few months old and didn't really understand what was happening. One minute I was playing by the fire with a ball of string, the next I was being lifted into a cardboard box with holes in the top and the lid was closed above me. I could hear voices but I didn't know what they were saying.
It must have been terrible for my new owners, not that I cared at the time. All the way from my old home to their house I cried and scratched at the walls of my cardboard prison, trying desperately to escape. All I wanted was to be back in my nice, warm, cosy room - safe and sound with my mother singing me to sleep. The box was cold and I was frightened, you can't really blame me for wanting things to go back to the way they were. But of course they didn't, which I am very glad of now. Not at the time, however.
When we eventually reached what was to be my new home, the humans opened the box and let me out. The moment I tumbled out of the box, I realised it was nothing like my old room. Where everything had been homely and comfortable, now it was rich and luxurious. There was a thick carpet on the floor and large paintings on the walls. There was no fire in the grate but the room was still warm. Dark red curtains hung from the huge window which overlooked a beautiful, green park. They had carefully closed all the windows to prevent me escaping, not that I would have had the courage even if all the windows had been wide open.
There were four of them - two female, two male. Two of them seemed to be human kittens, the other two must, I assumed, be their parents. The older male frightened me. He was very tall and wore a black waistcoat with a bottle-green tie. His hair was very black and he had huge black whiskers and wore a terrifying scowl. Instinctively I cowered away from him. The female was small. She had mouse-brown hair pulled back into a bun at the back of her neck, she wore a dress of black silk trimmed with white lace. Her face was sweet and kind but careworn and lined at the same time, as if there was a hidden sadness behind her friendly smile. The little queen-kit was all bows and frills and golden hair. She was beautiful and very alive. Her blue eyes glittered with energy and her rosy cheeks almost glowed with delight. The other kitten was so little he didn't seem to able to walk unless clutching his mother's skirts. His hair was dark like his father's but he had his sister's bright smile and rosy cheeks.
The girl was the first to approach me, that much I remember. I was timid and cowered away from her, running to hide beneath a chair, but she wouldn't give up. She sat by the side of the chair for hours talking to me and offering me scraps of food. When I was eventually driven out by the gnawing pangs of hunger in my stomach she stroked my fur carefully while I ate and sang to me. Most of the songs were new to me, but one of them was an old folk song my mother always sang. To this day I can still hear her singing it if I really concentrate. It was probably this in combination with my age that gained her my trust. At that age you make friends easily and trust and love come naturally.
And a true friend she was. From that day on we were inseparable. I was still not allowed out of the house and so I followed her everywhere, from her lessons in the nursery to her meals in the pantry. Every meal she made sure I was given the tastiest of the scraps, every night I was allowed to sleep with her in her bed. She used to spend whole afternoons just playing with me, waving balls of string or dressing me in her dolls' clothes and chattering to me all the while. I think she was the first person I truly loved and I really did adore her. I still do, although she's grown up by now and has kittens of her own.
The other humans liked me well enough, I think, and I liked them but we were never as close. I gradually lost my original fear of the tall man and my initial impression of the small, mousy woman proved to be true. She was indeed a kind, sweet, if somewhat timid person. After my girl I think I liked her best. The little boy never took much interest in me, he preferred his toy trains.
It took several months but eventually I was allowed to go outside. My girl had started school and was no longer at home all day, so when she was out her mother used to let me out into the tiny back garden. And I loved it. The sunshine, the smells, the noises, the breeze on my face, all the things there were to do outside. I spent endless hours chasing bugs and beetles, lying in the sun and frolicking amongst the brightly coloured flowers. It was heaven.
As my confidence increased, so too did the amount of time I spent out of doors and the distance I ventured from the house. I still remember the first time I put a paw out of the garden. The exhilaration, the terror, the excitement. I began to wander further and further, crossing the road to the park I had seen the first day I arrived. It was greener and more beautiful than I remembered from the window and I spent as long as I possibly could wandering the shady paths and playing by the sea-green duck pond.
And so I grew from a kitten into a queen. Splitting my time between exploring outdoors and playing with the human I loved so much. I honestly don't think there can have been a cat with a better kittenhood anywhere in the world. If such a thing as perfection exists, that was it. I was happier than I would have ever believed possible.
That was when I met them. I was barely out of kittenhood really, still a rather young, naïve queen. One day I was playing in my usual spot by a coppice of beech trees when I saw her. A small queen, not much older than myself. Her coat was wonderfully patterned with stripes and spots and she had friendly yellow eyes. I don't know why - usually I was very shy, I never approached other cats - but I went over to where she was sat staring at a hole in the grassy embankment. She didn't even look at me, not even when I spoke to her. I was intimidated so I backed off a way but stayed watching her.
She must have sat by the mouse hole for hours until the little creature came out and when it did she pounced. I must have made a noise, either that or she had somehow seen where I went, because she came over to join me carrying the mouse in her mouth. Without a word she split it in half and handed me one of the halves. It was probably the nicest thing I had ever tasted. Not because of what it was but because however nice humans are and however much I loved my little girl, it's not the same as having friends of your own age and species. We talked after that, for hours on end. I don't remember what about but if possible that was the happiest day of my life. That was the first time I met Jennyanydots.
After that day we met every day in the park. We talked and played and hunted and laughed together. Jennyanydots was so brilliantly funny and entusiastic, she was always managing to get us into trouble. Once she upset an ice cream stand trying to get at the thick, rich cream they put on top of ice creams and got us chased out of the park by an angry ice cream salesman. Another time I remember her throwing pebbles at a large dog from the safety of a tree, only to find the tree wasn't as stable as we thought and the dog was able to push it over. We had to run for our lives and wouldn't have got away if it hadn't been for the dog's owner calling it back. That sort of thing was always happening to her and no matter what happened, she was always ready with a joke or laughter to lighten the mood. She was the best companion I could have wished for.
It wasn't until about six months after I had met her that Jennyanydots mentioned the Jellicles. We were sat staring out over the duck pond licking the remnants of our lunch out of our whiskers when she casually brought up the subject. She told me about the group of cats she lived with in a very special clearing in a rubbish dump and asked me if I wanted to come and meet them. Naturally I agreed. She spoke so fondly of them and with so much love, that I thought anyone my friend cared about that much must be worth knowing.
We set off straight away and were there in about half an hour. I remember clambering over huge piles of rubbish, slipping and scraping my paws but Jennyanydots never slipped. She found the best route through the rubbish, as if she had walked this way a thousand times before, which she probably had.
Eventually, though, we came across a large clearing full of so many cats I couldn't possibly count them all. I had never seen that many in one place before and frankly I was quite terrified. Only Jennyanydots' warm, comforting paw in mine kept me moving forwards and stopped me from running away. In one corner I could see a cluster of kitten playing together. There must have been around five or six of them. Their high pitched laughter carried all the way across the clearing. A large, old tom was sunning himself on a car tire surrounded by several other cats. In a corner a beautiful queen, several years older than myself was cleaning her fur, a haughty expression on her face and an ageing tom was walking up and down muttering to himself. I was completely overwhelmed. I didn't know any of them and as Jennyanydots lead me into the centre of the clearing they all turned to stare at me curiously. I began to wish the floor would open up and swallow me.
We stopped in front of the old tom who opened his eyes and looked at me. His gaze was friendly and welcoming and I felt some of the anxiety lift from my shoulders. To this day I can remember the exact words he said to me: "You are very welcome here, Jellylorum. If you want to join us, we would be honoured."
It never even occurred to me to say no. Something about the old tom was so captivating, so welcoming and so loving that I said yes immediately. The cats around him all smiled at me and Jennyanydots hugged me. Then one by one she introduced me to my new family.
The old tom was their leader, Old Deuteronomy. No one knew exactly how old he was, but he had been around for as long as any of them could remember, I was told. They all loved and admired and looked up to him and he was truly a great leader.
The kittens were Munkustrap, Demeter, Bombalurina, Alonzo and a young Maine Coon who called himself the Rum Tum Tugger. They were a lively, friendly bunch who capered and jumped around me the moment the adult's had finished talking to me, quizzing me about my life and all sorts of impossible things. Alonzo was energetic and charming, Munkustrap serious and grown up, Demeter shy but sweet, Bombalurina was the loudest and most inquisitive of them all and the Rum Tum Tugger just watched me as if I was an interesting sideshow but didn't stoop so low as to talk to me. All in all they were rather endearing and I quickly found myself becoming very attached to them all, even the snooty little Maine Coon.
If I am perfectly honest, I have to admit that I forgot the names of most of the adult Jellicles. The few I remembered were Grizabella, the beautiful queen, Bustopher Jones – although I couldn't match a face to the name and Gus, the theatre cat. I had been to the theatre in secret with my girl several times and I remembered seeing him in a wonderful play about a cat who worked as a spy for the British government. He was amazing and I was eager to meet him, but by the time I managed to free myself from the kittens he had already gone to bed which disappointed me greatly.
As the weeks passed I began to spend more time in the Jellicle Junkyard than anywhere else. The cats became like a family to me. Don't get me wrong, I still loved my human family and made sure I spent plenty of time with them but it was nice to have other cats to talk to. My best friends were still Jennyanydots, of course, and two toms I had met, Asparagus and Skimbleshanks. Jennyanydots and Skimbleshanks were engaged to become mates so you rarely saw one without the other and Asparagus had been Skimbleshanks' friend since they were kittens. It was a very happy, cheerful group and I enjoyed their company immensely.
It wasn't all just fun and game, though. We all had our jobs. Jennyanydots was always very busy managing her humans' household for them, Skimbleshanks worked on the railway trains that ran between London and Glasgow, Asparagus was one of the toms in charge of security in the Junkyard and I had managed to get a job as the personal assistant of Gus, the theatre cat and Asparagus' father.
I should probably explain how this came about. One day, a few weeks after my arrival at the Junkyard, I was sat talking to Demeter and Bombalurina when a shadow fell across us and looking up I saw a striking, handsome-looking cat, who was already heading towards old age. Instantly, I recognized Gus, I had, after all, been longing to meet him since the day I arrived. He sat down next to me and proceeded to talk to me as if we had known each other for ages. I was confused but tried my best to sound intelligent and to answer his questions properly. After around half and hour he stood up and said to me: "You'll do." With that he just walked away. It wasn't until that evening when Asparagus apologetically explained to me that his father was looking for a personal assistant and that was his way of offering me the job, that I fully understood what had happened and when I did I was delighted and accepted readily.
And so I started working for the most famous cat in the West End. Surprisingly, it wasn't anywhere near as glamorous as I had expected. Mainly my work involved making sure he was in the right place at the right time, for rehearsals and so forth, and fetching his food for him. It was tedious and boring but the worst thing was how the other cats and the humans around the theatre treated me. Any who noticed me looked down their noses and laughed or scoffed at me, but the majority just brushed past me as if I didn't even exist. They took no more notice of me than they would of a passing cloud. To begin with I found it hurtful and spent many a night crying into Jennyanydots' fur, vowing I would quit my job the very next day. I never did and over time I was less and less upset by their treatment of me. It still hurt but I gradually learned to ignore it.
The one thing that made that degrading, boring, upsetting job bearable was Gus himself. Not only was he a brilliant actor, but also one of the kindest cats and highly intelligent. We spent as much time as possible talking and laughing together and I came to love him as much as I loved my human girl and my friends in the Junkyard. On his part, I believe he came to regard me as more of a daughter than a personal assistant.
A good thing, because since the moment I met him I had been in love with Gus' son, Asparagus. He was sweet and kind and charming with a smile that would melt the hardest of hearts. To this day I fail to see why any queen would not have fallen instantly in love with him. He is not only handsome but also the best tom the world has ever known and I adore him with all my heart.
He was shy around me at first, unsure what to say but as we became friends he lost all his initial timidity and we talked about everything and anything. Whenever I spoke, I always got the feeling he was giving me his full attention and in return I hung on his every word. It was a wonderful friendship and although I wanted more, I was never brave enough to say, just in case I spoilt what we had.
And so the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months. And we were all blissfully happy. Jennyanydots and Skimbleshanks finally became mates and had a little queen-kit, Rumpleteazer. The kittens grew up, Grizabella left the Junkyard to make her fortune and my Gus retired from the stage after a long and successful career. More young kittens joined the Jellicle tribe - Tumblebrutus, Plato, Mistoffelees, Mungojerrie and tiny little Victoria who was just new born, brought to the Junkyard by her older brother, Mistoffelees. My family grew and as it did I became happier.
The only thing that made me sad was the lack of a family of my own. I longed for a mate and for kittens of my own. However much time I spent in the nursery with the little ones it was never the same. Additionally, I began to worry that Asparagus was going to meet someone and fall in love and I would lose him forever, not only as a best friend but also as the tom I loved, for I would have to stop loving him if he found a mate. It was childish, I know, but I couldn't help myself.
I think Jennyanydots must have seen I was unhappy because she made sure to bring Rumpleteazer round to play with me as often as possible, always with the scruffy stray Mungojerrie in tow, to try and cheer me up. The little calico queen-kit was her angel, her darling. I was the only one who saw what a little monster she really was. Always getting up to mischief and becoming more and more like troublesome little Mungojerrie every day. I never mentioned anything to my friend, of course. It would have hurt her feelings.
And still I wished for kittens of my own. Jennyanydots' kind attempts to make me happy just made me sadder and I watched everyday as they played together wishing I had the special bond myself.
Asparagus was also becoming more distant. We hardly talked any more and he spent a large portion of his time talking to Cassandra, a stunning but unapproachable Abyssinian who had come to the Junkyard a short time after I did. Every time I saw them tears pricked my eyes and I felt jealousy burning in my heart.
This carried on for several months until I was really not in a good place. I became melancholy and withdrawn, hardly eating and barely talking. Everyone noticed something was the matter, even my humans, but I confided in no one. I don't think I could have done, even if I had wanted to. Something inside me seemed to have built up barriers against everyone, even my closest friends. Gus worried constantly about me and for his sake at least I made an effort to appear normal but I don't think anyone was fooled, least of all the person I wanted to fool most.
Eventually, Asparagus came to my humans' house to talk to me. I have no idea how he found it, I had never taken any of the Jellicles there, but he did. My family was out so I let him in through the kitchen window and we sat down with a pile of cold chicken by the fire.
It took him a while until he came to the point of his visit, but eventually he explained that he was worried about me, they all were and that he couldn't bear to see me unhappy. He hated to think I was sad for whatever reason and promised me to do everything in his power to make things right again.
I was shocked by his speech and didn't quite know what to say. I had assumed he was too preoccupied with Cassandra to even notice me and now it turned out he was worried about me. My initial feeling after the confusion and shock was guilt. I hadn't even thought about how my behaviour would affect the people who cared about me. How selfish I had been. I remember tears welling up in my eyes and Asparagus putting his arms around me and asking me what was wrong.
The whole story came pouring out then. Everything I had been thinking and feeling and worrying about and all the while I sobbed like my heart was breaking.
He just sat and listened. Even after I had finished talking he didn't say anything. I was terrified that I had ruined our friendship and spoilt everything. I started to apologize frantically, more tears streaming down my face. I have no idea what I said. Most of it was probably incoherent nonsense, I'm pretty sure I was babbling like a tiny kitten. And still he didn't speak.
All of a sudden he leant forwards and kissed me. I think it was the shock that stopped me from crying. I just sat and gaped at him as he told me how he had loved me since the very first time he saw me but hadn't been brave enough to say anything.
I can't describe what I was feeling at that moment and I won't even try. I wouldn't be able to do my feelings justice so maybe it would be better to skip a small amount of time and just sum it up briefly. We were blissfully happy together and became mates within a month of that night. All my dreams were coming true. Gus walked me down the aisle and however cliché it sounds, it was the best day of my life.
Soon after that I discovered that my dreams were indeed coming true. I was expecting kittens. Asparagus was delighted and I was over the moon, although I did worry slightly, I think every expecting mother does.
Jennyanydots looked after me the whole time I was expecting. She claimed it was because she had already been through it herself and knew what to expect but I suspected that it was more to do with not wanting to be alone. Skimbleshanks was having to work longer and longer hours and Rumpleteazer was never at home any more. She and Mungojerrie were inseparable and the pair spent very little time in the Junkyard, the Everlasting Cat only knows what they were up to.
It wasn't just Jennyanydots who visited me. Gus was very old by that point but still he came to see me every day, come rain or shine. I think we grew even closer than we had been before. I couldn't remember my actual father so he became a kind of father to me as well as a friend. I spent long lazy days talking to him, cuddled up against Asparagus, who had been given time off from his duties, with Jennyanydots fussing over the lot of us. Forgotten were those dark months of depression. It was as if it had never even happened.
There is no need to go into the gory details of the birth here so I will leave them out. I had three kittens, two queens and a tom. They were perfect in every way. The tom we called Pouncival. I'm not sure where the name came from, it just popped into my head and Asparagus said it suited him perfectly, which it did. The older of the two queens we called Electra. She was as sweet and quiet as her brother and sister were noisy and hyperactive. The littlest kitten we decided to call Etcetera.
Being a parent was all I had hoped it would be. I played with my kittens, looked after them, comforted them if they hurt themselves and generally adored them. I have to admit that despite my love for my human girl I made sure not to take my kittens anywhere near my human family. I remembered only too well what had happened when I was a kitten and I had no intention of letting anyone take my babies from me.
Asparagus turned out to be the best father you could have hoped for. The kittens loved him and when he began to work again they spent every evening sitting by the window waiting for him until he came into view. Then they would rush out to meet him, jumping in delighted circles around him. It was adorable and made me love my family so much more.
That included Gus. He was practically always in our den playing with the kittens or bringing them presents. He even taught them some of the tricks of the trade that he had learned in his many years as an actor. I don't mean to sound jealous, but I get the sneaking suspicion that the little ones liked their grandfather best of all. It isn't really surprising. Gus was an amazing cat.
The loss to our family when he was chosen to go to the Heaviside Layer was unbearable. Of course we all understood he was going to be reborn and come back to a new life, but it was a new life that possibly didn't include us and if it did we wouldn't even recognize him. The kittens cried for days, especially little Etcetera. She had always been particularly close to her grandfather.
But time is a great healer and Gus wouldn't have wanted us to be sad forever. So life had to go on. And go on it did, peacefully and quietly and uneventfully. My kittens grew into adults, found mates and by now have kittens of their own. Asparagus has retired now and we have all the time in the world to spend with each other and our friends, children and grandchildren.
And that is where my story must stop. I have reached the present time and I do not know what the future holds for us. We must wait and find out in due time.
At this point I must thank you for your patience in reading this tale. I hope that now maybe you can understand me better and that I have helped to show you that even the seemingly unimportant stories and characters are worth listening to and don't deserve to be simply forgotten.